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Monday, October 15, 2018

Trick or Treat Splatfest — Splatoon and Halloween

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - My decision may surprise you. Or it might not. How well you do know me?

I do not like Halloween. I have written why I do not like Halloween in an article three years ago. That disliking for Halloween will colour my comments in today's article about Halloween, which is over two weeks away from Halloween.

Anyway, there is another Splatfest in Splatoon 2 this weekend! Yes, not even a month has passed since the previous Splatfest, and we already have another one. That's okay. I want another chance to understand the new Splatfest scoring system as of Version 4 — I was going to write an article about it after the September Splatfest, but it turns out I didn't understand it enough to write something coherent.

The theme? You've been discussing it for years... you just didn't know it. But enough talk. You must finally pick one by this FRIDAY October 19 at 6 PM:


Splatoon 2 Halloween Splatfest Team Trick vs. Treat Pearl Marina 2018 Nintendo Switch
“It's time to decide. Are you Team Trick or Team Treat?”

Trick or Treat? ...Really. That's the Splatfest theme. Well, if it's going to be a question asked millions of times every year, and it's an either-or situation, then sure, I guess Inkopolis needs a Splatfest to legally decide what's better.

As for my opinion? Easy. The treat.

I may be a horrible person who generally wishes misery upon other people, and actively plots such misery. But between tricking people for the sake of it, and eating lots of candy, I pick the candy. I'm actually a candy junkie. My teeth are in the bad shape they are (or... were) because of all the sugar that has rotted them.

The one great thing about Halloween that I identified are the big discounts on candy after it's over. I still have a stash of non-meltable fruit-based candy that I got on sale after Halloween last year. TREATS!

You know what the trick is? Trick is the whole Halloween, where kids managed to trick the whole society into taking a dumb pagan ritual and turn it into a “let's give away candy to the kids.” night. I don't want to give away my candy to some dumb kids. It's for me. Especially those kids that come to my castle door even though there's no lights on. Always a twerp that does that. And I should be able to have lights turned on in my own castle at night without it being treated as an invitation for runts to trespass!

Well, I won't be tricked. I will be treated, however. That's fine.

While treats are good in every situation, there are a number of bad instances of tricks. Tricky characters in Mario Tennis Aces are a big pain with how they can curve the ball away from poor King Bowser who can't keep up with it. Transsexuals try to trick you into thinking they're a different sex than they actually are when they start dating you, unless they first disclose it in their tumblr or Twitter description or verbally. Then they're alright. But you might still get trich (pronounced trick), a sexually transmitted disease. Tricks are what allow FAKE NEWS outlets to influence public opinion, or what allow bad people like politicians and plumbers to convince you that Koopas are evil and those liars good.

Things would be a lot better and easier if we replaced all tricks with treats.

And now for another bad trick:

Splatoon 2 Wii U Nintendo Switch Splatfest Squidoween Splatoween Halloween Marie Pearl Marina
In Fancy Party vs. Costume Party (Ludwig was in Fancy Party, read here), Marie called it Squidoween.
Now for Trick vs. Treat, it's Splatoween. ...And Marina refers to it as Halloween?

I hate to say it, but Squidwig might be right about the preservation of squid culture in the face of Octarian diversity. Not that the Halloween tradition is worth preserving, but look how it went from Squidoween when it was just Inklings, to Splatoween when it's Inklings and Octolings together. They changed the name to be more inclusive, but even that's apparently not enough for Marina the Octoling. Squidwig was also paranoid about the Turf War on Squidmas, and then years later, Marina is advocating for Octivus. Just what is going on with them? Where is their culture turning to?

Is the thinking that diversity is a strength just another trick...?

...Nah, I think it's a treat. I mean, we have SashiMori, a new band that exists specifically because they invited an Octoling DJ (made possible due to Inklings integrating with Octolings, not race-warring with them) to add to the culture with hit songs like Entropical:



Great music, right? Good culture addition only made possible through the treat of diversity!

In conclusion, I think I've made my position pretty clear. Team Trick may try to trick you into believing that Team Treat is the team that supports the going-around-taking-candy-from-houses shenanigans, while Team Trick just sits around and is all cool and adult or whatever. Don't fall for it. Team Trick orchestrated that whole thing. Team Treat would otherwise be eating their own candy. That's just one example of the many falsehoods that Team Trick proponents are trying to get you with.


It won't work with ME!


Ludwig knows what is going on. If you would like to be of the same enlightened status that he is (and you know he's enlightened when there is a whole KoopaTV article category called the Enlightenment Movement), then you should read all of KoopaTV's articles going forward. Reading all of them going back is also an excellent investment of your time, though it would be a lot of time. Speaking of time, note that this Splatfest starts earlier than previous ones, and ends much later on Sunday evening.


Splatoon 2 already had a Halloween-themed Splatfest in Vampires vs. Werewolves, but without mentioning the festivity or alluding to it.
Ludwig writes about the version 4 Clout-based Splatfest scoring system here.
The next Splatfest? Salsa vs. Guacamole.

8 comments :

  1. While I would like to participate, I do not want to buy a one month subscription for the online service just for this Splatfest considering this round will be over in two weeks and I'll hopefully become a member of the KoopaTV family. I will just have to sit this one out and root for Team Treat on the sidelines.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you lose, I'll find that hysterical.

      Does that make me a Team Trick member?

      Delete
    2. I was able to vote a team before I got into a family account so maybe you can still at least get your 2-3 snails by voting depending on if you chose the winning team or not.

      Delete
    3. I thought you needed online for the Off the Hook newscast to happen to announce the Splatfest?

      Delete
    4. It seems it is partially online enabled if one does not have an NSO account. I still got the Off the Hook announcements and even got the Splatfest announcement before I got into a family account.

      Delete
    5. That's... devious of them, actually. Because it definitely wasn't like that before Nintendo Switch Online was a service.

      Now they're just sort of Siren Songing you towards it.

      Delete

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