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Wednesday, October 9, 2019

Pokémon Shield: Meet Galarian Ponyta! The EVIL Ponyta!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Bonus question: What's the deal with Impidimp?

My claws and body are cold because I didn't eat or really move much between last night and this night. I could use some FIRE. (And nourishment. ...Curry excluded.)

Today, The Pokémon Company International formally announced Galarian Ponyta, after it was unclearly seen during a few very brief moments in their 24-hour Glimwood Tangle livestream.


Unfortunately for me, it's not a Fire type like the regular (Kantonian) Fire Horse Ponyta. 

No, Galarian Ponyta is the Unique Horn Pokémon, and is a Psychic type. 


Galarian Ponyta is exclusive to Pokémon Shield, to contrast with Sirfetch'd being exclusive to Pokémon Sword. Despite me being a Shield kind of fellow in terms of personality and walking around with a shell on my back, I'd say Sword wins out on having the better exclusive. Galarian Ponyta is clearly FAKE NEWS.

Pokémon Shield Galarian Ponyta happy double unique horn
What, exactly, is “unique” about the horn?
The Galarian Ponyta on the left has the same horn as the Galarian Ponyta on the right. Not unique.

According to the official site, Galarian Ponyta “can absorb the life energy of the surrounding atmosphere and store it in its mane. It seems that Ponyta’s mane will become more colorful, and even emit a sparkling glow, if there is a lot of energy around.” Pretty colours are great, right? No. Read that first part. ABSORBS LIFE ENERGY OF THE ATMOSPHERE for itself, to glorify its own appearance. That's horrible. You don't want these things around. Absorbing energy from other living creatures is the same power that Yveltal possesses, and that's appropriately known as the “Destruction Pokémon.” Galarian Ponyta should be a Dark type, not a Psychic type.

Galarian Ponyta is FAKE NEWS and is getting a lot of compliments from people that think it's adorable and cute... all at the cost of everything around it. Galarian Ponyta literally exists to be the centre of attention, to the point of absorbing the life energy of anyone in the periphery. The only bone it throws is its ability, Pastel Veil, which prevents and heals the Poison status for it and its allies. (Unknown if allies only count those it's in a Double/Triple Battle with, or if that also counts anyone else sitting in the roster.) But its other ability is Run Away, which is what Galarian Ponyta is going to be doing a lot of when it's getting the torch-and-pitchfork treatment from the communities of anyone unfortunate enough to be around its life-taking abilities. It's going to be run out from place to place, first pretending to be a cuddly pony, but soon its true nature as a monster will be discovered. Then it'll go start over somewhere else.

Nothing but trouble. It's like if the blood libel was actually true about the Jews.

Speaking of trouble, there's a Pokémon named Impidimp that The Pokémon Company International hasn't officially announced yet, but it's been appearing in trailers (since E3 2019) and that Glimwood Tangle livestream. It's that ugly pink thing with the tongue. When is that going to be acknowledged? Why hasn't it been? Is it not what it seems? Maybe TCPI was supposed to formally reveal Impidimp, forgot to, and now is too embarrassed to correct their mistake months later?


Ludwig pre-wrote a whole article that he was going to publish tonight, but he can't pass up on dedicating something to Pokémon news, apparently. What's your theory on Impidimp? Why is Ludwig supposed to be impressed with Galarian Ponyta?

4 comments :

  1. What do you think about us Girafarig then? In an alternative universe we used to be Normal/Dark type and the second head was a full fledged body as well. People question what a chain chomp looking tail has anything to do with Psychic ability. Does the tail having a small brain that has a reactive reflex mean anything Psychic? Am I fake news? Is the Crystal Version description of "When it is in danger, its tail uses some sort of mysterious powers to drive away the enemy" enough to be considered Psychic?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, Girafarig's present design is totally fake news. It's supposed to be a palindrome through-and-through, but no, it's got that weird tail.

      That alternate universe is true news. Girafarig in this one is FAKE NEWS.

      Mysterious powers seems a bit vague.

      Delete
  2. I don't give any more credence to the claim that Galar Ponyta sucks the life out of the atmosphere than I do to any Pokedex entry in any previous gen. Which is to say, none at all. That CLAIM is what the fake news is here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, what's your explanation for why a pony lives in the life-energy-filled forest, and is only in Galar and not Kanto?

      Delete

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