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Friday, October 25, 2019

Mario Kart Tour and Koopalings as Gacha Incentive

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I hate this BECAUSE I love myself.

I would like to open this article with a snarky paragraph about how Mario Kart Tour is a desperate failure, but that wouldn't be accurate with KoopaTV's Truth mantra. In fact, Mario Kart Tour is Nintendo's most successful mobile game launch—by far. There's over 90 million downloads of it. Probably over 100 million by now.

I wish Mario Kart Tour was treated like Fallout 76 by the general population, but I guess not.

To capitalise on this success, Nintendo is doing some kind of Halloween-themed thing that finally brings Luigi (who apparently lost his keys... just like I did) and Waluigi (and Baby Luigi, and King Boo, and King Boo Luigi's Mansion-style, and Rosalina in a Halloween outfit) to Mario Kart Tour.

Meh, who cares.

Well, remember in my one-and-only Mario Kart Tour article a month ago I wrote this bit to describe myself and my as-of-then non-appearance?
“Neither am I [in the game], though I was in the game's beta version. Guess I'll be a future release to try to keep people playing.

Personally, I don't want to be used as a gacha incentive.”  

Well, I'm going to be in as a gacha incentive. I get several seconds to myself in this new trailer:

Mario Kart Tour Ludwig Von Koopa Koopalings dark clown car beach Halloween
Now, obviously I look great, but...

I'm driving some kind of Koopa clown car that got a dark-palette makeover. Purple's a great colour, so I approve. What I don't approve of is that you need that Gold Pass subscription thing that is only marginally better than Fallout 1st in order to obtain this kart. And for a limited-time only.

Koopaling fans are apparently elated that you soon can get me (and other Koopalings) as gacha rewards in Mario Kart Tour. To that, I say they are SUCKERS.

Why would you pay money or painfully grind to have access to me in a subpar gaming experience?

You can literally just go to KoopaTV and get as much of me as you want. For free. Or even negative payment. Yeah, there's a realistic situation where, if you're enough of a fanboy/fangirl (or a troll, or whatever gets you active) of me, I'll actually pay you to be here. It's called the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program.

Though I suppose if you come to KoopaTV because you want to see content from one of the other staffers, then it is a bit like a loot box in terms of the undisclosed, very low drop rates. It's still free, though.

Just because I look great on the smartphone experience (I'm talking Mario Kart Tour, which looks great but has bad content—KoopaTV does not look great on a smartphone but at least the content is great) doesn't mean any Koopaling fans should be cheering that I'm a gacha reward on the same equivalency as Rosalina in a Halloween costume. It's insulting to me.

Don't get exploited. 

Unlike Ludwig in Mario Kart Tour, who you may never even get to play with because it's luck-based, KoopaTV commenters on Ludwig's articles always get replied to. Plus, you can send feedback directly to Ludwig with KoopaTV's Feedback Forms. (Try the Quizzes while you're at it.) And feel free to give your feedback in THIS article.

On Halloween itself, a whole game with Luigi and King Boo releases, but Ludwig doesn't care about Luigi's Mansion 3.


  1. I played very little of Nintendo's previous smartphone games before I grew disinterested and went immediately back to my Switch. I did not even bother downloading this one after hearing that it had locked some characters behind paywalls. Who in their right mind would spend money on this trash?

    1. One individual, who is obviously a mal-adjusted weakling just by his speaking style, told me,

      “x3 But you're a very good character to race with! >~<”

      That said, you asked about who in their “right mind”, and from what I can tell of the quoted individual, they aren't capable of having a right mind. Hm.


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