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Wednesday, March 13, 2019

Dropping Your Keys

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Literal, physical keys. Not Steam keys or anything like that.

Remember that tangential concluding paragraph at the end of my oh-crap-I-still-have-Wii-Points end of the Wii Shop Channel article? Nah, you probably didn't read it or get that far, because who cares about the Wii Shop Channel?

Well, the point there is my bit about my Wii U lanyard and how I'm discontinuing it as the last vestige of my Wii U usage. That was a bad idea. Since then, I went and lost my car key. Since I'm not an evil scumbag, I won't go buy a Nintendo Labo Vehicle Kit and get one of those Toy-Con master keys to hijack any vehicle possible. Let's just say, to satisfy the KoopaTV vehicle philosophy quota of the month, that planes not having keys to lose is still a great advantage of why planes are better than cars.

My car key was just a single key not attached to anything, since I de-attached the Wii U lanyard. No key ring or anything. I don't carry around other keys since I have nothing else that is kept locked. That makes it really easy to lose because it lacks a distinct and noticeable physical presence.

I'm not the only guy who has key-losing problems. Check out this Team Rocket Grunt in Pokémon FireRed and Pokémon LeafGreen who is supposed to be guarding the LIFT KEY that opens the elevator leading to Giovanni's office in Team Rocket's Hideout.

Pokémon FireRed LeafGreen Team Rocket HQ LIFT KEY grunt
Try looking on the floor to your right.
For whatever reason, the key looks like a Poké Ball.

In Pokémon: Let's Go, Eevee! and Pokémon: Let's Go, Pikachu!, the butter-gloves Grunt is slightly less clumsy and just throws the key to a ceiling-level grate. Not that there is any decent reason for him to do that. That's just stupid. At least dropping the key next to you, noticing you dropped the key, and not doing anything about it merely makes you look incompetent.

How would this world change if Klefki were everywhere? Klefki, the Key Ring Pokémon, is well-known for collecting keys and never letting go of them. They even go and break into homes and steal keys. That means that keys wouldn't really go missing, since Klefki are experts at finding lost keys. It just becomes impossible to get it back.

KoopaTV staffer RawkHawk2010 once made this Klefki tribute. He doesn't remember why or what the song for the video even is:

He was also going to contribute more content for this article in the form of a Bowser keychain, but as of writing he “can't find” his keys. And unlike me, he carries around “seven or eight keys.” At least this is a common issue and it's not just me and that Team Rocket Grunt.

Guess I'll retrace my steps tomorrow... Wish me luck.

New Super Mario Bros. Wii Ludwig Von Koopa boss key Koopalings

Ludwig is pretty sure he's going to have to go to the car dealer and get a duplicate key made. Fortunately, he does have a spare key for the car he drives. He's going to attach the Wii U lanyard to that and keep it on his neck. He doesn't actually know how to correctly wear a lanyard. Any advice in the comments section, or sympathetic stories?

Ludwig also lost his 3DS stylus because it's defective product design.


  1. As someone who also keeps his keys on a lanyard, I can confirm that it's so much easier to find my keys with it and it was indeed not a good move to de-attach yours. :P

    1. Here's what I haven't mentioned: The real reason I took my lanyard off isn't to retire the Wii U, but because the lanyard got caught on something and I lost my keys already, back at the end of January.

      So I was told to just possess the key individually with no lanyard so it wouldn't get caught. But then it's, uh, hard to keep to begin with.

    2. Darned if you do, darned if you don't, huh?

    3. Yeah, but at least I noticed something was wrong with the missing lanyard relatively quickly, compared to the end of the day without it!

  2. Replies
    1. I personally like a lot of other articles in 2019 more, but I'm happy that you're happy!

  3. Toddlers are the real world equivalent of Klefki. My daughter would take my keys and try to open random holes she found with them sometimes making it hard for me to locate where the keys are.


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