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Monday, July 30, 2018

The Threat of the Nintendo Labo: Vehicle Kit

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Keep the Labo away from my vehicular treasures!

I might be the only one in Koopa Kingdom to think this, but great taste is often only distributed to a particular set of geniuses: The Super Ludsub is one of the greatest technological marvels of all time, and the best vehicular weapon ever made. Also near the top is the Doomship with my face attached to it, along with the Landship. (Planes are better than cars, and if you were wondering, submarines are the best of all!)

Last week, however, Nintendo announced a global threat to transportation: Nintendo Labo: Vehicle Kit — due for a September 14, 2018 release. Given what we know about Nintendo Labo — it's highly dangerous and can possess cardboard objects and turn them against their owners — this is a unique threat to the Super Ludsub. The Super Ludsub, as the name suggests, is a brilliant submarine that is, get this, made of cardboard.

Do you know what's in the Vehicle Kit? A car, a submarine, and a plane.

...And a pair of keys, the Toy-Con Keys, that reportedly enable the hijacking of any vehicle.

Yeah, you think I'm nuts for what I've written about the Labo? You don't think it's possible for a cardboard-with-sensors product to do everything I've said since it was announced? Well, for all the evidence you'll ever need, read this quote from the press release:

By inserting one of the assembled Keys into any of the vehicles, players can enjoy a variety of fun games and activities. Changing between vehicles while adventuring is a cinch – simply pull the Key out of one and slot it into another to transform from an airplane pilot to a submarine captain!”

To break that down, here's what the key does...
  1. It's a master key, interchangeable with any vehicle
  2. It allows the user to instantly transform into another being
  3. The transformation also grants relevant proficiency for the vehicle

That sounds EXACTLY like what I've been saying about how Cappy and the Labo have teamed up. Cappy and its Bonneter clan are interchangeable on anything (be it a tyrannosaurus rex, a statue, the Prime Minister of Japan, or Michael Jackson), allow for the friend of the Bonneter to transform (via possession) into an object or person, and then they very quickly become experts and can perform the role of that organism or object just as well, if not better, than they or their peers could. The Bonneters have somehow imbued their powers with the Labo, resulting in the horrifying combination you see on display with the Vehicle Kit and prior examples of the Labo's destruction.

I am NOT going to idly sit by and allow this Labo-Cappy combination to dominate all of the vehicles of the world, especially not my Landship, my Super Ludsub, or my Doomship!

KoopaTV has declared war on the Labo, and now you will see the true resources of KoopaTV and our patron Koopa Kingdom in full force against the Labo!

Nintendo Labo Toy-Con 03 Vehicle Kit Ludwig Von Koopa KoopaTV Doomship Landship Super Ludsub submarine plane car
Drive, dive, and fly with Ludwig's marvels of Koopa Kingdom genius!
We shall obliterate every last shred of Labo and Cappy influence!
(From left to right: Landship, Super Ludsub, and the Doomship.)

Despite the three vehicles shown with Ludwig in them, Ludwig can't actually be in three places at the same time. Which do you think has the best chance against the Labo? The Landship? The Super Ludsub? Or the Doomship? Does the Labo-Cappy combination concern you and your family? You're now (if you weren't already) convinced that what KoopaTV has been saying all along is correct, yes?

KoopaTV didn't start the war against the Labo (see here for its first strike), but we'll be happy to finish it.
The Nintendo Labo: Vehicle Kit has now been released, to little fanfare but grave danger.
The nature of how the Labo and Cappy have combined forces is made very clear in the fourth Labo Toy-Con, Virtual Reality.


  1. "Do you know what's in the Vehicle Kit? A car, a submarine, and a car."
    Two cars are greater than one car, but the submarine is still superior to both. The Super Ludsub is even more superior than these carboard creations and would blow them all out of the water. No matter how far Cappy's influence extends, he can never escape his fate.

    1. bad, I kept changing the word order of the vehicles so they'd match the press release's "Drive, dive, and fly" order. (So that includes for the Labo, for my wording of my vehicles, and the order of the pictures.)

      Alright, one vote for the Ludsub!


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