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Friday, April 12, 2019

The Nintendo Labo VR Kit In Comatose Cappy Capturing Cahoots

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Virtual Reality for kids is bad news.

Today, a horrible new evil was let out into Earth, coming to stores near you. I'm writing about the Nintendo Labo VR Kit, also known as Toy-Con 4. That's VR for Virtual Reality, a technology most known in the gaming world for giving people headaches after experiencing it.

But why do you get headaches? Forget whatever science tells you. I'm going to tell you the real reason, and how the Labo amplifies that. Having your kids near any kind of Labo is a bad idea for any mother (or father), but that's especially true for the Virtual Reality kit.

I've been writing from the beginning of my anti-Labo advocacy a year ago about a Labo-Cappy alliance, but I never went into much detail about how those two anti-Koopa forces complement one another. I'm finally going to cover that as well.

Enough teasing. Time to start with what exactly is in a Labo VR Kit. It actually comes in several flavours that are varying combinations of the Nintendo Switch software, and Toy-Cons of VR Goggles, a Blaster, a Camera, an Elephant, a Bird, and a Wind Pedal. That's summarised in picture form below:

Nintendo Labo VR Kit Toy-Con Virtual Reality starter expansion sets Goggles Blaster Camera Elephant Bird Wind Pedal
You can get everything you see for $80, or for $40, $20, and $20 with the Starter Set and two Expansion Sets.
The Toy-Con VR Goggles are the key item here driving the price of the Starter Set, and they're crucial for the rest of the article.

I could make a lot of snarky remarks about what the new Toy-Cons are (does the target audience of the Labo even know what a standalone camera is? Or do they only know the camera on a smartphone?), but as my caption suggests, the Toy-Con VR Goggles is the real evil here. You need it to operate all of the other Toy-Cons, since that's where the Switch actually goes. Inside that.

Coming two weeks from now will be an update to The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild and Super Mario Odyssey. It's the latter I wish to focus on.


Besides the failed hare, what do you notice there? Well, the video depicts you using the Labo's VR Goggles to... watch Mario run around and do his standard Mario activities.

Unlike almost every (or every) VR application, including the minigame activities that come with the Labo VR Kit, the VR Goggles integrated with Super Mario Odyssey portrays a third-person perspective. Instead of a first-person one. Why is that?

Because the VR Goggles is putting you in an ethereal perspective of your spirit that was kicked out of their own body. 

Cappy belongs to the Bonneter race that specialise in capturing/possessing other beings. However, capturing someone's body and then exerting full control over their body are different skill sets. Bonneters excel at the former... but what happens when the victim's spirit can remain in the body? They can fight for control and kick Cappy or other Bonneters out. That's how, after a brief stunned period, captured victims regain their senses once Cappy leaves them. The spirit is close by enough to regain control.

This is where the Nintendo Labo and Virtual Reality kick in. Virtual Reality can transport a restless or uncooperative spirit... to another reality altogether.

Mario Cappy Bonneter Nintendo Labo VR Kit goggles
Mario isn't much of a thinker to begin with, so he can use Virtual Reality just fine.
...Anyway, this is extremely definitive evidence of the Cappy-Labo-Mario alliance that I've been talking about for a year.

That's a very useful combination of powers, isn't it? The Bonneter captures the body, and the Labo sends their spirit away so the Bonneter can fully control it. And that's the essence of their alliance. It's complementary and serves mutual, evil interests.

The Nintendo Labo VR Kit exists to get your mind not only off productive endeavours... but to get it off altogether. Gone.

Nintendo Switch Labo VR Kit goggles rocket blast off to sky heaven
...If you're wondering where your spirit goes while it's in Virtual Reality, it's apparently going to the sky.

That's the truth of the matter. And that's why you get a headache when you use any Virtual Reality device. It's threatening your very spirit from your body. Too much exposure and you'll have a big problem. The issue with the Labo VR Kit is that, unlike other VR devices (well, as far as I know), it's inherently malicious and is actively trying to screw with your mind. As opposed to being a design flaw.

What can you do? Don't buy the VR Kit. Like any other Labo, it can take over cardboard objects and engage in mayhem, or steal your vehicles.

Save your money. Instead of transporting your mind, you can sharpen it by buying Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy on all major platforms for $30. You'll still have more than enough money to save for Phoenix Wright's Challenger Pack in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate!
 

Ludwig can hyperlink you to much more anti-Labo and anti-Cappy literature than what is already contained in this article, since he's been writing about their evils for years on the site and is way ahead of the curve in this regard. This affects much more than just Koopa Kingdom, but your own livelihood as well, assuming you're not a Koopa.

4 comments :

  1. Okay. I was a bit confused when you called yourself "obviously conspiratorial" in that other comment, but yeah I definitely see it now. :P

    As an aside, I wasn't aware of any updates coming for Breath of the Wild (still my favorite recent game with Odyssey a close second) so I'm grateful to you for mentioning that. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The update only [is known to] affects the compatibility with the Virtual Reality Goggles from the Labo.

      So it makes no difference to you because you're obviously not gonna get the VR Labo. Right?!

      Delete
    2. Really? Dangit. And besides that, I have the Wii U version because as a diehard Zelda fan I wasn't going to wait (also I didn't OWN a Switch at the time of release.)

      Delete
    3. I can confirm the Wii U version won't get anything in Virtual Reality. It's... SAFE!

      Delete

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