Some ridiculous municipalities in the United States of America are doing loony things in the name of the environment — banning (Seattle, with San Francisco and New York considering it) and even criminalising plastic straw usage, in the case of the city of Santa Barbara, California.
Santa Barbara just passed an ordinance, taking effect in 2019, that plastic straw distribution by vendors to people will result in a written warning for the first offense, and for the second time, “remedies specified pursuant to Chapters 1.25 and 1.28 of this code.” 1.28 of the code has the punishment for a misdemeanor as $1,000 and/or six months in jail.
By the way, for every individual straw you might provide, it's potentially a misdemeanor.
Two straws? Two misdemeanors.
Grasping at straws? You're better off drowning.
|You may recall this dialogue being used in our Paper Mario: Color Splash review.|
(Try to point out the differences between the two pictures in the comments section.)
You thought the above Paper Mario: Color Splash picture was a commentary on gun control? Nah, the supposedly pro-civil-liberties progressive leftists don't just want to keep firearms out of the hands of bad guys, but they want to keep utensils out of your mouth. Sort of like a parent who wants you to stop using a pacifier because you're supposedly too old to be sucking on one. Except time-out is a jail cell.
By the way, there are many benefits to using disposable straws to consume beverages, and the downsides to the environment are rather negligible. For example, this month, a dentist told me that straws limit the damage to your teeth and tooth enamel from acidic beverages such as soda, by concentrating the acid in a specific spot (and hopefully bypassing your teeth) rather than swishing it around to all of your teeth. (They told me this because my tooth enamel has basically disintegrated and it doesn't come back. Whoops.) Another example is with regards to disabled people that have some kind of mouth problem, but I don't have any first-mouth knowledge on that. I also don't have first-mouth knowledge on plastic straw alternatives — reusable paper straws sound like I'm eating low-grade toilet paper, and my editor keeps telling me that there are stainless steel straws but I have no idea what he's talking about. (He says they're dangerous.)
So, yeah, progressives suck (just... not through straws) and just want to control your life for any excuse possible (“the environment!”).
Ludwig realises the previous sentence isn't exactly a new lesson to KoopaTV readers, but he just wanted to use the Paper Mario: Color Splash picture of the “Oh, who am I kidding? I can't outlaw straws. Because then only outlaws will have straws.” quote in relation to a current event because it's perfect.