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Wednesday, September 11, 2019

Pokémon Sword/Shield: Ghost Tea and Non-Miltank Sausage Rice

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - #NeverForget the Vegetarian option.

During last week's Nintendo Direct, there was a section dedicated to Pokémon Sword and Pokémon Shield, which makes sense, since they promised news on those games for that Direct prior to it happening. Here's the trailer they showed, featuring some upbeat music:


The total news release included many tidbits of information, including “Surprise Trading”, Pokémon camping, Alcremie whipped cream flavours, custom business cards called League Cards, two new Pokémon, and shelling out in-game cash for even more trainer customisation than previous generations, including the ability to see what haircuts will look like before getting them.

I'll write about two of these topics, because they're the two that I can make topical tangents to:

Polteageist; the Black Tea Pokémon


I singled out Cramorant as the Pokémon that got a picture in the live reaction log for the Direct, but Polteageist made me think longer. A Ghost-type Pokémon that is made of black tea that inhabits a cracked teapot? That's pretty much the embodiment (in an ethereal sense) of deceased KoopaTV staff member Vortexica, who ran Tea Storm Studios that produced KoopaTV Adventures Episode 1 and KoopaTV Adventures Special Episode. We'll #NeverForget him. He wouldn't want us to, or else this thing wouldn't exist:

Pokémon Sword Shield Polteageist black tea ghost teapot spill liquid
[Polteageist] will only allow a Trainer it trusts to sample its tea.
However, drinking too much can lead to indigestion or an upset stomach, so be careful!

We still have no idea what happened to the official KoopaTV mug since Vortexica's disappearance, by the way.

Polteageist can take non-sentient leftover restaurant tea and make it into more Polteageist, which is terrifying. I don't drink tea, personally. I prefer Moomoo Milk, which leads to the next section...

Sausage Curry


Up to four players can go on sudden Pokémon Camping activities, and cook Curry on Rice together in many different flavours, including sausage and spicy sausage. Completionists are driven to cook every kind of Curry possible, with the Curry Dex.

Pokémon Sword Shield spicy sausage curry on rice
Are these spicy sausages actually part of the new fake-meat industry from the likes of Impossible Foods Inc. and Beyond Meat? Or...?

Unanswered question: What is the sausage made of? And why are you only rewarded for going a non-vegetarian path? In a world where humans and Pokémon are meant to be side-by-side pals working together, what the hell kind of society endorses sausage culture?

I recommend that everyone go buy out the newly available Miltank plushies from the Johto Sitting Cuties plushie set in the Pokémon Center store run by The Pokémon Company International. Protect the Miltank from being served up as a curry dish! Only $10.99 per 6-inch Miltank plushie.

Miltank plushie sitting cuties Moomoo Milk bottle real life Pokémon Johto
No cruelty was involved in the production of this bottle of Moomoo Milk, which is packed with nutrition.
...And if there was, the photo credit is The Pokémon Company International, not KoopaTV.

Every other Johto Pokémon is also available for purchase (and rescue), by the way. That means even if some Pokémon don't make it to Galar (because they're extinct from being hunted and turned into food, or some other reason), at least there's still merchandise you can indulge in.


Don't you think that bottle of Moomoo Milk looks over nine-thousand times more scrumptious than drinking a Polteageist? Ludwig admits that he wouldn't care if the spicy sausage was made out of a Tepig. Let him know why he's a hypocrite, or discuss any of the Pokémon Sword and Pokémon Shield topics that he totally Eldeglossed over.


If you'd prefer to battle with Pokémon instead of devour them, last month's player-vs-player battle update should be more pleasing to your sensibilities.
Ludwig has a lengthy history of siding with cows, such as against his most hated enemy.
There's a new Pokémon article just a week later with a new Pokémon!

6 comments :

  1. Your Pokémon is tea. You can drink its tea. That might be one of the most bizarre pieces of Pokémon world-building since Diamond/Pearl/Platinum decided humans and Pokémon used to marry each other.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eh, to me it's probably a tie with the Pokemon that is LITERALLY an ice cream cone.

      Delete
    2. I'll be watching tonight's Democrat presidential debate closely to see if any candidates will step forward in favour of marriage equality, so we can oust those nasty Republicans that decided that interspecies marriage isn't okay.

      MARRIAGE SHOULD BE BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN.
      I'm a man, Miltank's a woman (and got introduced in the generation that assigned every Pokémon a sex at birth). What's the problem here?!


      Ice cream was designed after Vanillish, not the other way around.

      Delete
  2. My question--and this is coming from a person with actual British friends who have answered this question before but it STILL doesn't make sense to me--how is curry considered a BRITISH food? To me it's always been Japanese. I mean, I can see something like sausage curry catching on in Japanifornia but Britain?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Curry and rice is a subcontinental dish. Comes from India and friends.

      India was once part of the British Empire. Perhaps it culturally diffused over.

      Delete

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