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Friday, September 6, 2019

Nintendo Teases a Hoop-esque “new experience for Nintendo Switch”

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I guess we'll find out whether it's something to be afraid of in a week.

I might still be obligated to talk about information from that Nintendo Direct earlier this week, but I'd actually like to move on from that for now. (I'm still in a bad mood.)

As a jerk has repeated many, many times, “let it go, and move on.” 

Nintendo already wants to move on... to as far as next week. In what is unprecedented, at least in my memory, they made a teaser video to tease an announcement of a new product anouncement... WITHOUT giving it a name or describing what it is. Nintendo usually is quick to announce what something is, instead of teasing a mystery ahead of time with a whole video. The closest thing that I can think of is them announcing Metroid Prime 4 with only a 4 in artwork, but even there, they announced (and then indefinitely delayed) that it's Metroid Prime 4. That's all Nintendo fans needed to know, and that's way more information than what we got for...this...thing.

Take a watch, if you dare:

I don't know what Nintendo wants me to feel from this announcement besides “cringe,” and that's the wrong direction my feelings are supposed to go in per the “let's move on from the bad-mood Direct” thought. The video made me feel stupid because I didn't realise they were talking in non-English languages for a while, and I thought I just had bad listening comprehension.

The product itself is two sizes of bendy exercise hoops that you insert Joy-Cons into—a wise decision, as opposed to the Nintendo Labo that is invalidated by the Nintendo Switch Lite's smaller size but still requires a Nintendo Switch inserted into it. I figure it's some kind of Joy-Con peripheral. (Note the distinction there: the Nintendo Switch Lite is compatible with Joy-Con, which are the same size regardless of what your Switch model is.)

None of the people in the video were actually playing with one another, indicating a single-player experience. It was one person with the strange hoop, and a bunch of other people in the background babbling their respective languages in weird poses with fake excitement, much akin to this. One guy yelled about doing a backflip, which could range from an exercise game to a 3D The Legend of Zelda game where you hold down on your control stick and press the A button while also pressing the Z-target button.

Nintendo Switch exercise hoop Rome guy on floor Joy-Cons
When in Rome, don't do what the Romans do.
...Or you'll end up on the floor with some kind of torture device fastened on you.

The video spans Paris, Madrid, Rome, San Francisco, Kyoto, and Dallas. I'm not sure what the purpose of that is other than to demonstrate (brag?) that Nintendo is in a lot of places around the world... at least, Europe, the United States, and Japan. Guess that means this thing will be sold worldwide.

Maybe I'm being too polite or indirect here. I haven't denounced the video in outraged terminology. ...I already let all of that out on Wednesday, though. And some of Thursday. I just can't be shocked or disappointed anymore. For now, I have no reason to be.

Not until next week when we figure out what this torture hoop is. I'll be judging it along the lines of, “Will it be as evil as the Nintendo Labo?” How about you? What are you expecting out of this thing?

Ludwig didn't know how to write the title of the article so it'd appear in search engines, because he has no idea what people would search for with a product with no name. Nintendo's video only has the keywords, “nintendo, video game, nintendo switch” which isn't helpful.

The new experience is called Ring Fit Adventure, and the teaser about it did a tremendous disservice to how great the concept is.


  1. At this point, it's like Nintendo is somehow obligated to keep making attempts at silly hardware. I swear, they got ONE such attempt RIGHT (the Wii, not so silly now but it was considered such when announced) and now it's like they just can't stop no matter how many more they get wrong.

    1. Light guns aren't silly! Heck, you STILL see the occasional light gun arcade game around in places. Moreso than joystick ones these days, I reckon.

    2. It was silly at the time, since it was marketed as a children's toy!

  2. Why'd you have to remind me about Nahyuta?

    As for the actual... device... I think it was a good idea to keep it out of the Direct.

  3. What the heck, it's a JRPG?!


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