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Friday, November 3, 2017

New Donk, New Donk: A KoopaTV Adventures Special

By VORTEXICA - Also, Vortexica explains why he's not dead.

Hey! It's me, Vortexica! Long time no see!

No, I am not dead (as seen by the above). There's been much speculation and rumour about my whereabouts over the past year. Now I can finally tell all...

Late last year I received a death threat. Now, when you work at KoopaTV, that's par for the course. But this was different. It was signed courtesy of ISIS. As soon as I saw that, I decided to keep a low profile for a while. After a few months of nothing, I reasoned that either the threat had past or it was fake, so I resumed my life.

Almost immediately though, in March, an ISIS-inspired nutter single-handedly attacked the Palace of Westminster in London. What's telling is that yours truly was enjoying a guided tour of the place at the time. Naturally, after that I started taking this seriously and went into hiding in the most secure, isolated, windowless basement I could find, with only an odd strobing cat for company. I named him Snowdrop.

I also began to withdraw from my KoopaTV colleagues and rarely talked in our soon-to-be-annihilated AIM Blast chat for fear they may be wittingly or unwittingly leaking info on me to my would-be assassins. Yes, paranoia was in full swing. Besides, this sort of thing has happened before, with the result being the deaths of KoopaTV staff. I was not about to let history repeat itself. My Internet connection was dreadful in that place anyway, and I was having to work with a dinosaur of a PC.

By May, I couldn't stand the isolation any longer. Snowdrop displayed no aptitude for intelligent conversation, so I decided to venture out for just one night to attend an Ariana Grande concert at the Manchester Arena. I didn't just indulge my newfound appreciation for live music, though. I also picked up some singing pointers from Ms. Grande herself (which came in handy later).

Of course, just as I was leaving, some doolally Jihadi went and blew the place up! It was the worst terrorist attack in Britain for twelve years, and I'm sorry to say I did not get away unscathed. The damage wasn't life-threatening, but bad enough that I couldn't transform and had to convalesce in a, erm... "special" bed for some time.
This image has cropped up on KoopaTV already because I had Snowdrop pass it on to the staff.

Incidentally, you may also have heard some unsubstantiated gossip (both on KoopaTV, and soon-to-be-annihilated Miiverse) that the Jihadists surgically amputated my helicopter rotors and replaced them with a giant fidget spinner to form a macabre display in contravention of medical ethics and good taste.

This didn't actually happen, but there was a real risk it could. Explosives? Okay. But how could knives and bullets destroy my iron-hard robot bod? I suspect that the sick, sick terrorists' true goal was simply to incapacitate me long enough to whisk me to a secret location and subject me to that loathsome fate there. Perhaps they expected I would subsequently die of humiliation. They're right.

Anyway, less than two weeks later, I finally noticed I'd barricaded myself inside my safe house without adequate supplies. So, in desperation, I was forced outside again to London's Borough Market. With E3 rapidly approaching, I knew I'd need to shop for electronic equipment as my antique of a computer (see above image) was on its last legs. I got enough gubbins to keep it held together in one piece just long enough to get me through E3 as well as a reaction log or two. Again however, somehow, THEY found me. I threw Snowdrop — strobing wildly in confusion and fear — at them and legged it. I never saw him again...

Over the next couple of months I recovered and started gradually taking more short trips outside without incident. Moved by the scenes of mudslides devastating Freetown, and with my transformation ability fixed by now, I boldly flew to Sierra Leone to assist with KoopaTV's star-crossed humanitarian relief effort, airlifting vital soup supplies. I wasn't quite ready to openly reveal myself, however.

In mid-September, another bumbling ISIS pillock set off an explosive device at a London tube (underground train) station. This time, not only had my train already left minutes earlier, but all this bomb did was cause a flash and a loud bang. Thankfully no one was killed, so if anything I saw that as a sign that the Islamist muppets were running out of steam. Amateurs. Oh, and your soon-to-be-annihilated "caliphate" is going to rack and ruin, so *sticks tongue out*

Fast forward to today, and I have plumbed up the courage to openly defy my terrorist persecutors. I feel it's safe for me to start publishing articles again since it appears ISIS' focus has shifted to America now. Specifically New York City, which I presume is some sort of reference to New Donk City in the Metro Kingdom.

Vortex Decepticon Super Mario Odyssey New Donk City jump rope
I'm jumping that rope so fast I'm blurring more than Blurr himself!

OH! Speaking of which, I almost forgot, you probably want to know what the video at the start of the article is all about. I mean, you don't really care that I've been in fear of my life for the past year, do you? I guess I should talk about what you came for.

Well without further ado, allow me to introduce the latest production in KoopaTV's very own budget-starved photo comic video series (and winner of KoopaTV's Best Artistic Corner Contribution 2016 award), KoopaTV Adventures.

Tea Storm Studios (which despite the name has no connection to neo-Nazis... or Tikiz) proudly presents a KoopaTV Adventures special: "New Donk, New Donk".

KoopaTV Adventures Special Ludwig Von Koopa Kamek Vortex Rawk Hawk New Donk
Cast publicity photo, left to right: Kamek, Ludwig, Vortex, Rawk

Inspired by, what else, the recently released Super Mario Odyssey, this KoopaTV Adventures special episode is a tribute to New Donk City, Mayor Pauline, and that catchy number she sings. The rest of you have by now been playing the game for a week. I would've liked to have this done by release day, but unlike many unscrupulous devs these days, I will not release an unfinished product!

Sample comments from the test audience include:
"I can't suppress my smile."
"My favorite part is the dance."
"This was far more than I expected. Wow."

We at KoopaTV love to sing and put on a show, as well as take instrumental versions of songs and provide our own lyrics. This in particular is even something I implied I would do in one of our Super Mario Odyssey reaction logs. I was actually very fortunate that my vocal performance went as well as it did, all thanks to that coaching from Ariana Grande! Almost being blown to smithereens paid off in the end!

Originally this was supposed to be a "short", but I changed it to a special once the length started to rival that of Episode 1. More KoopaTV Adventures specials might happen. That is, episodes that are outside the main story and sort of exist by themselves. We'll see what the future holds.

I know many of you have been awaiting KoopaTV Adventures Episode 2 for over a year now. As early as January it had become something of a joke that Episode 2 was taking so long. And this... still isn't it. But take heart! Episode 2 is on the books, as is the inclusion of Wendy, who was promised to appear at the conclusion of the article announcing KoopaTV Adventures Episode 1. Stay tuned for that!

Got feedback on KoopaTV Adventures in general or this special in particular? Want to critique Vortexica's writing, photography, or even singing? Let him know! Granted, he might be so busy playing Super Mario Odyssey and singing in New Donk City with Pauline to reply, but he'll do his best. Follow Vortexica @Vortexica on Twitter and there's a chance you might see him post pictures and/or video of his Odyssey escapades thanks to the Switch's new video capture feature!

New Donk, New Donk was instrumental in getting Mayor Pauline successfully re-elected, but Crazy Cap sponsoring the creation of this special episode may be a very bad thing.
New Donk, New Donk cruised to winning the Best KoopaTV Artistic Corner Contribution award of 2017!
Radical Islamic terrorists are becoming less and less of an issue in Britain, and now Cappy himself is the biggest threat.
The staff knows from this article that E3 is very important to Vortex, so what happens when he does not show up for E3 2018?


  1. I'm glad that the terrorists did not keep you down, Vortexica. You went through quite a lot of predicaments and it's amazing that you are still able to keep your head on your shoulders, both figuratively and literally. The video editing was fantastic as well as your performance. I have been looking forward to part 2 for quite some time now, so this was a great way to maintain the hype until the next adventure is out.

    1. Thanks for your kind remarks, especially about the production quality. The process of making this particular video taught me editing techniques that I just wasn't aware of when making Episode 1. It also gave me a bit more get-up-and-go to finish Episode 2 that I wish to capitalise on. I'm trying to set aside time each week to work on KTVA, even if it's just script writing. It's not easy with how busy I am (especially now Odyssey's out), but I want to take more time for it than I have been lately.


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