Search KoopaTV!


Thursday, November 23, 2017

This is Roxy, Signing Out of KoopaTV — For The Last Time

By ROXY - Good-bye, and thank you!

After eleven months, I have decided to leave KoopaTV. I enjoyed keeping the content of the site on the straight and narrow by doing real news and investigative journalism. The corporate social responsibility opportunities were also very rewarding!

I really learned a lot working with the staff here, and I have a much greater appreciation for birds, robots, and turtles than I did before joining KoopaTV. The staff have also said they will serve as my endorsements for future endeavors, and I have a lot of material to put on my CV. I also managed to lose quite a lot of weight being on KoopaTV's staff since I have had to sustain off instant noodles with KoopaTV's nonexistent salary.

I have become fascinated with the United Kingdom and have decided to apply as a reporter with the BBC. I don't actually have the job yet, so please wish me luck!

I'm really thankful for Roxy being a part of our wonderful KoopaTV family. She brought unique perspectives to our site's activities, being both a woman and a human. She did her part to try to add some hard-news legitimacy to KoopaTV's antics, like her E3 2017 News Round-Up after, like, over 25 live reaction logs from our zany and biased staff. She took one for the team. ...Erm, I want to specify that KoopaTV will still be a legitimate organisation after Roxy departs, as it was before she joined our staff. Anyway, there's a lot that she influenced behind the scenes at KoopaTV, including doing research on if our sources of information for our articles were true or FAKE NEWS. I just wish she got to participate in at least one live reaction log, but it's alright if that wasn't her thing, since those are all about opinions. She's like former Seminole County Associate Medical Examiner Shiping Bao: No opinions. Just the facts! That's the making of a great journalist!

Roxy is more on my mind than a goat on a hobo. She kept up with my internal polling numbers even when things went pear-shaped. She rose to the task of reporting dangerous political extremism even if she accidentally reported on the wrong event. And most importantly, Roxy abstained from implicating us in areas of sexual harassment (some call it #MeToo) even after KoopaTV subjected her to the horrific sight of John McCain and Lindsey Graham dancing naked. Thank you Roxy.

I'd like to express my appreciation to Roxy for her services to KoopaTV, especially for taking the time to investigate my disappearance. ...Not that she managed to find me. I don't know whether that reflects well on my ability to live inconspicuously or poorly on her investigative talents. Oh well, at least she tried. See ya, Rox.

Don't worry. We've put her to work.... Somewhere.

Who is Roxy?

Roxy has instilled in KoopaTV a renewed sense of truth to its levity, and KoopaTV will continue to do battle against the forces of “fake news” even after her departure. Thank you for your service to KoopaTV, Roxy!

Roxy will always live on as a KoopaTV employee in the critically-acclaimed free PC game, The Wonderful 1237.
For a more traditional Thanksgiving article from the staff, see 2016's. Roxy wasn't on the staff at this time.


  1. This was completely unexpected. Roxy was the fresh new face of the site who brought thought-provoking articles to the forefront. She challenged the fake news without showing any signs of doubt or fear. With her particular style, the site was transformed from a regular blogsite to one of the most high caliber news sites on the Web. Despite only being a guest columnist for such a brief period of time, she contributed so much content that KoopaTV will just not be the same again without her presence. Farewell, Roxy, and good luck in your future endeavors.

    1. I object to the categorisation of her as a "guest columnist." She was a full-fledged staff member like the rest of us!

  2. Well I mean since you have a spot open...

    1. You claimed that you wouldn't be viewing KoopaTV on Thanksgiving...!

      We always have had spots open, though.

    2. I actually read this article as it was quite the read.

  3. ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░

    Good Luck to Roxy!

  4. Ah yes, "FAKE ENWS!" It's so fake, it's an insult calling it news.

    I wish you farewell, Roxy. I enjoyed the reporting found within other worldy content, and wish you luck on your future endeavors!


We embrace your comments.
Expect a reply between 1 minute to 24 hours from your comment. We advise you to receive an e-mail notification for when we do reply.
Also, see our Disclaimers.

Spamming is bad, so don't spam. Spam includes random advertisements and obviously being a robot. Our vendor may subject you to CAPTCHAs.

If you comment on an article that is older than 60 days, you will have to wait for a staffer to approve your comment. It will get approved and replied to, don't worry. Unless you're a spambot.