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Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Super Contest Debate Primaries 2015–2016 Rankings

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Since Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are now their parties’ presumptive nominees...

I meant to do this, but I guess I never did. Okay, so back several months ago, KoopaTV endorsed treating the presidential primaries as a SUPER CONTEST from Pokémon Diamond/Pearl/Platinum. That meant grading each candidate in their debates according to Beauty, Cool, Cute, Smart, and Tough. So, we had some degree of coverage: We had articles on eight Republican debates until we got sick of it, and articles on two Democrat debates before we got sick of it. I think you all in readership land got sick of it, too, since those articles got less (or, zero) comments and views compared to the gaming-related ones.

But hey, I tried to connect it to gaming whenever I could. 

Anyway, today in Indiana, Ted Cruz suspended his presidential campaign. After, Donald Trump referred to Ted Cruz as “smart” and “tough” — Trump must have been reading KoopaTV. Now there are only two Republicans left, but one of them is just there because he doesn't know how to do math despite him claiming he's a genius because he's balanced budgets.

Bernie Sanders won the primary, but he's not going to be the nominee unless his wicked witch of an opponent drops dead or gets indicted by the FBI.

So. Donald Trump vs. Hillary Clinton. (Versus a Libertarian Party candidate, and that's very likely the person I'll personally endorse. Not KoopaTV as an entity, but just me personally.) One of those will be the next president of the United States.

But... how did they actually do in the debates? Well, according to KoopaTV... 

Here are the Republicans, in terms of most awards won:

Super Contest Beauty Cool Cute Smart Tough Republican presidential candidates Rand Paul Donald Trump Ben Carson
Just a note: It's probably not a good thing if your only accomplishment is being Cute.

(Methodology Note: On some of the debate nights, we gave two separate sets of awards for the Undercard/Losers' Debate, and for the Main Debate. On some of the nights, we combined the two.)

While Rand Paul won the most awards overall, pushed by him being the Smartest Republican (with Bobby Jindal in second), he didn't dominate the other categories. Donald Trump was overall the most Tough. Carly Fiorina was the most Beautiful, with Ben Carson a close second. Marco Rubio dominated the Cool ratings (but only that), and Lindsey Graham has the dubious distinction of being the Cutest Republican candidate.

Cute had the widest spread, with 7 different recipients of the 10 times it was awarded. Smart had the tightest spread, with only 4 different recipients. That... should tell you something about the field.

Here are the Democrats, in terms of most awards won. It's fairly one-sided:

Super Contest Beauty Cool Cute Smart Tough Democratic presidential candidates Bernie Sanders Jim Webb

We were totally not biased in having Hillary Clinton win absolutely nothing. Just being honest. If we graded more than just the first two debates, Hillary Clinton still would have never won a thing.

She's just that terrible. No one who identifies as a gamer should vote for her.

Unfortunately, even though Rand Paul won the most awards and our endorsement, he dropped out. And even though Bernie Sanders won the most awards for the Democrats, and our endorsement, he... refuses to drop out, but he's not going to win.

So, there you have it.

We just wanted to make these rankings clear because we may do something very special with them in the future. So, don't forget them. And certainly don't forget how great the Super Contests were in Sinnoh.

Sinnoh is Ludwig's favourite Pokémon region, and he felt that it had the best system of contests. For whatever reason, he isn't mentioning that the five different categories originated from Hoenn, not Sinnoh, and are most recently able to be experienced in Pokémon Omega Ruby and Pokémon Alpha Sapphire. Ludwig wants to ignore that they retconned the SMART category into CLEVER starting in those remakes.

Renaming SMART into CLEVER is part of the political correctness gone amok that's also seen in schools no longer publishing their honour rolls.
Bernie is the best Democrat, and that means he also wrote for KoopaTV.
KoopaTV has finally made that endorsement!
That something very special is KoopaTV's videogame for 2016, The Wonderful 1237!


  1. We should settle this with a Splatfest. Team Trump members will all use weapons with Splash Walls.

    1. What is the meaning of Splash Walls getting nerfed as the game gets updated, but Trump himself has only been getting buffed?

  2. This election will be the first I get to participate in, yet I am disappointed in the selection. I will probably go third party despite the inevitable loss this November.

    1. One of these days, I want a whole election season to go exactly the way I want it to.

      Everyone I like always loses.


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