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Thursday, May 19, 2016

How Team Koopa Escaped Rio — Part 6

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Alternatively: Part Final.

The time has finally come to conclude this epic series. Part 5 ended with a really scared Ludwig (y'know, me) on a Thursday night. The whole Team Koopa that isn't Dry Bones or Dry Bowser are at Rio de Janeiro International Airport, waiting to be extracted from being in a Brazilian hellhole for weeks. That's Ludwig, Roy, Wendy, Larry, King Bowser, and Bowser Jr.

The journey started as Team Koopa went to Rio de Janeiro to practise against Team Sonic and Team Mario, but Ludwig (and possibly the other members) got infected with Zika, thanks to a member of the Deadly Six from Sonic Lost World, Zazz. He's a creep.

It's a total coincidence that there's the Deadly Six, there are six Koopas stranded in Rio de Janeiro, and this ends on Part 6. (Don't try to put all those sixes together, either, or you'll get something... demonic.) With that NOT in mind, let's start this part and ultimately conclude the story:
Ludwig Von Koopa slept in his spot inside Rio de Janeiro International Airport. King Dad didn't say a word to him, but he could tell he wasn't happy. Ludwig isn't the most empathetic guy, but he can tell a frown from a smile.

Ludwig woke up early Friday morning to unintelligible Brazilian screaming. Was the airport under attack from terrorists?! ...Did the Portuguese-prattling peasants think he was a terrorist?

Ludwig rubbed his eyes and saw Zazz at the airport, flinging pink orbs of energy at random Brazilians. Looks like those inept airport security humans couldn't keep the Zeti down. Ludwig wondered what kind of tough guy identified with pink as his colour, but then he saw Roy Koopa at the corner of his eye. Roy was sleeping like a baby beneath a blanket.

Bowser was wide awake, though. And grumpy. “Junior! What the hell is going on here?! This was supposed to be easy! Our day of return!” Bowser screamed at his most-similar progeny. “But there's freaks here instead!”

Ludwig whispered to himself, “Freaks? Zazz and...?” Then he saw another Zeti. A giant, bulky red one with black horns and black pants. And, weirdly enough, a light blue unibrow. This one was smashing expensive-looking equipment with his bare fists.

“K-King Dad, can we get out of here now? This is scary.” Larry asked his dad, quivering.

“Well if Kamek were DEPENDABLE, we'd be out of here days ago!” Bowser shot a swift glare at Ludwig before continuing. “We'll have to smash these bums out until then! SHOWTIME!”

Bowser angrily stomped up to Zazz, picked up the pink Zeti, and threw him like a javelin out of the airport throw a solid wall. “WHO IS NEXT?” Bowser roared, snarling at the red Zeti. “I beat you at boxing before, Zavok!”

Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games 3DS Bowser Zavok boxing match
Bowser and Zavok boxing at some point in time during training in March. Bowser totally won.
(Thanks to this guy on Miiverse, 1996jeep, for capturing it!)

Ludwig was amazed at his father's strength. It took him and Bowser Jr. a lot of effort just to temporarily subdue Zazz, and King Bowser just tossed him out like yesterday's garbage.

Zavok, the red Yeti, gruffly said, “Zazz! That worthless, incompetent scoundrel! Hmph, that was then, turtle, and this is now! Let's see you take me on today!”

“It was totally just two to three weeks ago.” Ludwig muttered.

“What are they even doing here?” Bowser Jr. asked.

“You're nothing but a giant rash! Now go to the trash!” Bowser snarled, charging at Zavok.

“Wait, King Dad, he probably wants you to attack first! Wait!” Ludwig pleaded.

“What would you know?” Larry asked his brother.

Ludwig giggled, creeping Larry out. “I'm an expert on boxing, you know. I programmed Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!!. Haven't you played it, Larry? Everyone should. Great game.”

Before Larry or someone else could tell Ludwig to shut up, Bowser was sent flying backwards into a column, shaking the immediate area of the airport. Fortunately, the Koopa King got right back up. This commotion finally woke up Roy Koopa, who freaked out.

“Yo, what the hell is going on here?” Roy asked.

“Just hide in the corner!” Hissed Wendy O. Koopa, who was huddling behind a potted plant.

“G-Good idea!” Ludwig said back, joining his sister. Bowser Jr., Larry, and Roy all hid as well as they left their dad to contend with a buffed up Zavok.

Bowser growled coarsely at Zavok, keeping his distance. “If that's the case, then screw fists! Burn!” Bowser let out a powerful stream of fire from his mouth towards the red Zeti.

“Interesting, but not GOOD ENOUGH!” Zavok taunted, dashing away to avoid the flames. Zavok then created fireballs by blowing into his palms, and tossed them at the Koopa King.

The fire alarms suddenly went off within the airport, as did auto-sprinkler systems. While these doused Bowser's fire breath, they did nothing to Zavok's fireballs.

“This ain't what I wanna HEAR in the mornin'!” Roy complained, speaking of the fire alarm.

Ludwig decided to be a bit more helpful. He took out Zazz's fortified table tennis paddle he took from the Zeti earlier. “King Dad! T-Take th-this!” Ludwig yelled, throwing the paddle overhand towards his dad. It fell quite short of his original target.

“You need to work out a bit more.” Larry said.

“...Shut up.” Ludwig whimpered. He couldn't get over the fear that his father was giving him.

Bowser was preoccupied trying to dodge the fireballs from Zavok, a difficult task for someone as bulky as the Koopa King. But he was managing by going to an open space, free of columns and airport chairs.

“Hey, brat! Go get that paddle in King Dad's claws! Scat!” Ludwig said, pushing Bowser Jr. forward. Bowser Jr. resisted, and the two began to fight one another. Meanwhile, Roy got out from behind the potted plant, picked up the paddle, and walked towards Bowser.

“W-Wait! Roy! What are you doing?!” Ludwig cried out before being punched in the face by Bowser Jr.

One of Zavok's fireballs approached Roy. Roy smirked, and smashed the fireball back with the paddle. The ball was deflected off the paddle and hit Zavok's stomach, toppling the Zeti over on his backside. Roy gave his dad the paddle, and retreated back behind the plant.

“H-How did you do that?!” Ludwig asked his sunglasses-adorned brother.

“Easy. I swung the racket.” Roy answered smugly.

“Do you know how much training I put into that?!” Ludwig pouted.

Roy smirked. “Table tennis ain't a difficult thing, Lud.”

“You... Take that back!” Ludwig demanded, before being punched in the face again by Bowser Jr.

“Why are you even fighting?!” Wendy asked her two quarreling brothers. 

“Get the hell out of here! 'cause that's what we'll be doing, and it'd suck for you freaks to be the dudes left in Rio after all this.” Bowser snarled at Zavok, still keeping his distance away from the Zeti. The Koopa seemed to expect Zavok would get back up on his feet soon. “Where do you things even come from, anyway? Not that it matters.”

Zavok seemed infuriated, as he jumped back on his feet and clenched his fists. Zavok roared, and seemed to start growing in size. Soon, he was taller than Bowser, and his growth was only stopped by the ceiling.

“Why did we all just sit here and watch grass grow?” Ludwig asked, blinking. He ducked Bowser Jr.'s next punch.

“We probably could've stopped that from happening.” Larry said.

“YOU'RE NO MATCH FOR MY FULL STRENGTH!” Zavok roared at the Koopa King, looking downwards.

“Is he upset just because Daddy beat him in a training match?” Wendy wondered.

“Um, what are we going to do about this problem? He's huge!” Larry said.

“HEY! KIDS! A LITTLE HELP HERE?” Bowser asked, as Zavok began stomping towards the father.

“My time has come!” Screeched a familiar voice. At least, familiar to the Koopas in the vicinity.

A blue-robed, spectacle-wearing Magikoopa warped into the airport, riding a broom. It was Kamek!

“Kamek! Hey! Long time no see!” Ludwig elatedly exclaimed.

Kamek magic wand New Super Mario Bros. Wii Bowser
Kamek spreading his magic around.

Kamek waved his wand, and cast a magic spell on his King. Suddenly, Bowser glowed and grew substantially as well. The fight was once again fair, and on! Kamek himself flew to the plotted plant where the Koopalings and Bowser Jr. were hiding.

“I heard you got the Zika Virus. Well, let me take care of that.” Kamek said to the Koopa children. He waved his wand, and the Koopalings and Bowser Jr. glowed as well. All of Ludwig's Zika symptoms completely disappeared. “There! Cured!”

Wendy crossed her arms. “What took you so long, Kamek?”

“That's a long story, princess! But since I came here to Rio, I was curing some of the locals of Zika in their hospital. They actually thought I was Jesus! Hah!” Kamek laughed.

“What? You were doing altruism for these humans?!” Ludwig pouted.

Kamek shook his head and adjusted his glasses. “I needed to know if my spell worked or not, of course! And I knew it did, because I asked and they were fine.”

“Wait, what?” Ludwig asked.

“Not in those exact words, but...”

“You know Portuguese?!” Ludwig asked, astounded.

Kamek shook his head again. “Well, not exactly, but I know the Romance languages close to it so I got the gist.”

While Ludwig was busy conversing with Kamek, Bowser had already defeated Zavok and smashed him out of the airport. Ludwig wished he had paid attention to that action, because it must've been something really epic and cool.

Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games Wii U Zavok Bowser boxing match
...Something like this.

Kamek shrank Bowser back to regular size, and the Koopas reunited.

Bowser roared. “Kamek! What the hell? Well, good timing for this but terrible timing in general! And it's all Ludwig's fault!”

“What? MINE?” Ludwig whimpered.

“I told Dry Bones to get Kamek to Brazil as soon as possible! But YOU told Kamek last week through your stupid KoopaTV article to work on keeping the site up-to-date!” Bowser grunted.

“I was confused by the conflicting orders, and I guess neither of those mandates got done. I'm sorry, boss!” Kamek bowed towards his royal overlords.

Ludwig was taken aback. “W-Wait, you didn't keep KoopaTV updated? Well, what about Vortexica?!”

“I haven't seen or heard from his all week or before that.” Kamek said.

“So, what, KoopaTV's just been ignored the whole week? That's not good! We're missing hundreds of page views! Thousands!” Ludwig was getting jumpy.

“Who cares.” Roy said. “Get us out of here already.”

Kamek waved his wand to cure the King of any possible Zika Virus, and he warped himself and the Royal Koopa Family out of Brazil...

...And to Dallas Texas, United States.

“Huh? This isn't quite Koopa Kingdom, Kamek. Have you been slipping?” Bowser said.

“Well, m'lord obtained some human currency and possessions while in Rio, did you not? Might as well exchange them for goods.” Kamek responded.

The plan was to shop 'til the Koopas could drop and reconvene in an hour. Ludwig went alone to the Best Buy Prestonwood on 5301 Beltline Road. He looked around and bought a $10 Nintendo eShop card. He also saw a Blue Yarn Yoshi amiibo. It was the third colour in the Yarn Yoshi set! He had to get it!

amiibo Blue Green Pink Yarn Yoshi eShop card $10 ten dollars purchase
Ludwig's Blue Yarn Yoshi amiibo purchase and the $10 eShop card that would be used for the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program for March 2016.

Ludwig also saw a Ganondorf amiibo on display with The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess HD, along with Link and Zelda amiibo. Ludwig took just the Ganondorf amiibo. If he didn't get that, then it'd be weird just buying only Yoshi stuff. The Ganondorf amiibo would make him look cool!

Ganondorf amiibo sealed case Link Legend of Zelda Toon plushie
Ludwig's new Ganondorf amiibo, along with his Link and Zelda amiibo he already had.
Plus, his Toon Link plushie!

Ludwig went to the 3DS demo stand and saw Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games as one of the offered demos. “Huh. It looks like Nintendo made a game based off our training session already. Three week development time? They must've made a ton of stuff up already.”

Ludwig tried playing the demo, but it brought him back to the demo selection screen. He tried again, and the same result happened. It appeared the demo didn't actually exist. He looked around to see if Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games for the 3DS was on the shelves, but it was not. Oh well. He wouldn't be buying it, then!

Ludwig checked out his purchases, exchanging his Real for Dollars. The cashier gave him codes for Mini Mario & Friends: amiibo Challenge for both 3DS and Wii U to be obtained via e-mail. After all of that, Ludwig went and met back up with the other Koopas. He didn't bother to say bye to the human world as Kamek warped them all back to Koopa Kingdom. He was sick of Earth.

Too bad he'd soon have to have a quarterly KoopaTV staff meeting in Sierra Leone. Though he wondered if anyone would bother showing up to it. Either way, by the time Ludwig got back to Koopa Kingdom, it was early Saturday.

That's how Team Koopa finally got out of Rio. A wizard did it. Don't ask what happened to Zazz and Zavok, because Ludwig doesn't know. Same with Mario and Sonic, though it's assumed they left a long time before the Koopas did. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the series! This all really happened.

Read Part 1 of the series here. Probably should've mentioned that before. 
Part 2 is here! 
And... Part 3.
Part 4 is a click here. The part after is in the first paragraph of this article.

If you haven't played Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!!, do yourself a favour and click here to fix that gaping hole in your life.
Ludwig reviews Mini Mario & Friends: amiibo Challenge right here.
Ludwig bought amiibos for bad reasons at Best Buy before, as well.
Technically, after this part is the Table of Contents. Which includes a sort of epilogue.


  1. That was perhaps the most intense series I've ever had the pleasure to read. I hope there will be a sequel in 2020.

    1. I'd love to go to Japan.

      I'd hate to be stranded there against my will, though.

  2. This site needs love. Good one pal~


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