The Correct Choice in the Favourite Taste Sensation Splatfest

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - That tooth in my byline pic is a sweet tooth.

Thanks for the concern from folks in my article earlier this week about testing positive for the CCP Virus, otherwise known as COVID-19. One of the concerns there, among many, was that I might lose my sense of taste. Fortunately, I still have a sense of taste (though it might be weaker than a week ago), and therefore, I am able to participate and commentate on the Splatfest happening next week. (And even if I didn't, I extensively documented my preferences on KoopaTV.)

My favourite taste sensation between sweet, spicy, or sour? Fairly obvious if you know me.
(Though Shiver doesn't name the teams in the same order as presented.)
The screenshot may write “favorite”, but I'm going to sneak a “u” in there anyway.

In the last Splatfest article—which was basically two months ago because Splatoon 3 had a Big Run break during December—I described how my favourite partner Pokémon type is Grass. (Unfortunately, Team Water won.) Team Grass covers all of the spicy, sweet, and sour options, though I don't think Team Sour is actually directly represented as a Pokémon. (The closest is Alcremie's Lemon Cream form, but she's a Fairy type.) Capsakid and Scovillain (if those names aren't familiar to you, they're native to the Paldea region) are Spicy Pepper Pokémon, while there are many fruity Grass types that are sweeties, like Cherubi, Tropius, and Bounsweet. I'm going to talk more about Pokémon to explain my thought process.

Flavour is an important mechanic in the Pokémon series, and the games have had a fairly consistent flavour profile for the past twenty years. The flavours are Spicy, Sweet, Sour, Dry, and Bitter. Those first three are quite familiar, no? Each Pokémon has a flavour preference based on their Nature, and Natures have a stat preference too. If you're familiar with the Super Contest designations, here it is again:

• Spicy-loving Pokémon tend to have a higher physical attack stat and exude coolness.
• Sweet-lovers are faster and are associated with cuteness.
• Pokémon that can tolerate a sour taste are physically more bulky, and they also are seen as tough.
• Pokémon that seek dry sensations (like a wine or pomegranate) possess a slightly higher special attack stat, and are seen as beautiful.
• Lastly, Pokémon that are edgy and love bitter tastes have a higher special defence stat and are seen as smart or clever.

Note that Pokémon Scarlet and Pokémon Violet screwed up by doing away with Dry and replacing it with Salty for their sandwiches. Even Sword and Shield's curries maintained the five flavours.

Anyway, I mentioned in my Team Grass article about Koopy the Turtwig and him being a certified Cuteness Master. That means I fed Koopy lots of sweet-flavoured Poffins:

You see that text at the top, do you not?
Eating sweet food makes you more CUTE!
(Likewise, eating spicy food will make you more cool, and eating sour food makes you more tough.)

I don't know about you, but being cute is a top priority of mine. Koopy benefits, too:

Sure, Koopy can't accomplish any battling feats as an unevolved Pokémon at level 70,
but that just makes him the CUTEST BABY. Maximum cuteness! ...Minimum everything else. The proper max/min distribution for a mascot.

There is no chance that I'd ever join Team Sour (there is nothing redeemable about that flavour, and Big Man didn't really try to advocate for sour food on its merits because it's a pretty bad choice), but what about Team Spicy? I do enjoy edgy—some say spicy—humour. And ShinyGirafarig made a very solid point that spicy food might help me recover from the Chinese Communist Party Virus better. But so would any hot thing, such as a hot soup. I have some rice noodle spring onion soup that is very mild, but since it's heated in the microwave for three minutes, it's pretty hot and it helps clear nasal congestion. My salsa of choice tends to also be mild. When I sided with Team Salsa over Team Guacamole in an earlier Splatfest, the salsa I presented was a mango-flavoured salsa. Mango happens to be quite sweet. I was munching on a lot of dried fruit during The Game Awards 2022 (including dried mango, which I've also been munching on while sick)—that's all sweet.

I sided with Team Treat over Team Trick in a Splatfest—I chose Team Treat TWICE—on the basis that eating sweet, sugary candy is more fun than tricks are. We also shouldn't forget that KoopaTV's yellow-ish colour scheme as of publishing is due to our five-year anniversary devoted to bananas. Bananas are considered a SWEET fruit. That's a powerful dedication. Now, how about more evidence directly from the Splatcast discussion between Shiver, Frye, and Big Man?

Frye's statement about how spicy is associated with pain while sweet is the taste of happy is supposed by prior KoopaTV articles.

You know what makes Samus smile? Round things. And you know where she found those, as depicted in the photos of that article? At the SUPER HAPPY TREE. Full of SWEET-tasting fruit. Frye is right about sweet being the taste of happy. But what about spicy being the taste of hurting? Well, Fort Cobalt had a café in it—and I don't really know about who ran it, since it just showed up one day, but I'm sure that's my minions just taking initiative—and they were selling a Magma Burger there primarily as a weapon. Both so the local Shy Guys could breathe fire and roast Mario (for real HP damage!) or so Mario could eat the burger directly and melt... like a few Shy Guy minions did because they couldn't take the heat. The Magma Burger wasn't actually associated with tasting good, and the café had sweet-tasting drinks for normal refreshments for my minions. I, for one, didn't actually eat a Magma Burger. It's meant for torture. So Frye continues to be correct. I'm not a big fan of food as it is, but if I'm going to eat it, it should be sweet, not scary.

(You'd think Frye would be on Team Spicy due to her name and her siding with Team Fire, but... I'm happy she's correct on this Splatfest so I can side with her again after pre-emptively believing she'd be my favourite of Deep Cut.)

Yes, Team Sweet is my choice!

The popularity vote will be Sweet > Spicy > Sour, so then Sweet just needs to win one other category to have an excellent chance at winning the whole Splatfest, especially if Sour and Spicy each win a category. Ludwig eats more treats and sweets than actual meals, and he should really go back to playing Ring Fit Adventure or something to counter-act his unhealthy sugar consumption. Or perhaps he should start recording everything he eats in a journal and count the calories and sugar grams that way. Still, the fact he needs to think about guilting himself with the sweets he eats and drinks means that he's a lover of sweets, and he can't say the same for spices. (With sours not even in the conversation.) But what about you? Also, be sure to come back to KoopaTV in 2023!


Team Sweet won, so the next Splatfest asks your favourite kind of chocolate.
Team White Chocolate won that Splatfest, and the sweetness involved was too much for even Ludwig.