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Thursday, April 2, 2020

KoopaTV's March 2020 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You humans are so... fragile!

March 2020 was a very eventful month on KoopaTV, and I'll get to why shortly, because many things happened and they deserve their own headings. I do need to write a paragraph or two before the headings start, however.

I'm pleased with how we're doing. We includes both the staff, and we includes you, the readers! (And some of you are even players... in our free loyalty game.) But you are so skittish just because of some deadly pandemic on Earth? Pft. Koopa Kingdom doesn't have to deal with such things, but I'll also discuss that throughout the newsletter.

For now, let's talk about what happened on KoopaTV in March 2020:

KoopaTV's Top Five Recommended Experiences of March 2020


Even if an article is not on this list, we consider it still worth checking out. That said, we have special information to pass on in March, and we did so, and you better catch up if you missed it:
  1. Mega Man Zero/ZX Legacy Collection Music Player ReviewMega Man Zero/ZX Legacy Collection is out and the combined series’ music is still as awesome as it was on the DS. But is the in-game delivery mechanism awesome? It's a review of the music player!
  2. Mario Celebrates MAR10 With Over 10 Simultaneous Mario Forms — KoopaTV has a very severe animosity towards Mario. But what happens when there are over 10 Marios? How did there get to be so many?
  3. What Does the Return of the XFL Mean For Gaming, and What Could Gaming Mean to the XFL? — You may not think that sport monopoly shake-ups can affect the gaming industry, but you would be... incorrect. Best to read this article and get set straight.
  4. On the Ground News: Coronavirus Emergency Edition — A whole slew of news (packing truth and levity) coming your way, all about the coronavirus. Because some people only use KoopaTV as their information source, perhaps it's best to be of...help to you.
  5. Owning and Playing Games (like Animal Crossing) as a Social Status Symbol — Ludwig provides a sob story as an excuse for why he won't be buying and playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons, even as everyone else is doing this and it seems like you won't be considered “in” if you don't.

Quite frankly, there's actually really important stuff that I didn't even get to include in those five articles, so, yeah, March 2020 was a big deal for our future. Your future, too. Speaking about you...

Best Three Comments and One Worst Comment of March 2020


...Don't you want to know the best (and worst) of your contributions to KoopaTV in March 2020? I mean, you could've had greater contributions than just leaving comments (like guest articles; or requests... which are also comments, I guess), but I'll discuss what I got. In chronological order:

  1. “Thanks! There are not a lot of play-throughs on RingFit Trainer out there, and my middle school son is using Ringfit to keep active during the pandemic. The Red Belldogs thing quest was bugging him! ” — Mrs. N
  2. “My copy already gave me buyer's remorse.
    Buying a second would only make it worse.
    Does the remaster have such a change in pace?
    No, if I bought it again, the same issues I'd face.
    My original save is two-thirds of the way through.
    I'd rather start from there than start over anew.” — Samantha Lienhard
  3. “So, apparently from what I've seen it's Bravely Default II because they're copying the Final Fantasy naming convention of having an entirely different story and even world but there will likely be similar core mechanics. So it goes from BD1 to BS as a direct sequel, and then this new game is...a Roman numeral upgrade.

    Oh crud, that means that in terms of the Final Fantasy parallel Bravely Second is now comparable to FINAL FANTASY X-2! (which sucks) Oh NOOOOOOOOOOO!” — Lheticus Videre

What a delightful set of comments this month! First of all, I'm quite happy—overjoyed—that my fitness adventures are not only a way for me to stay motivated as I try to get into better shape, but it's also helping other people, like Mrs. N and Mrs. N's son! I'm not really sure how it helped the middle school son—the Red Belldogs quest is pretty straight-forward (play the game until you find them, and then pwn them)—but it's a great thing nonetheless.

As for Ms. Lienhard's prose, she's truly wonderful. And a great writer. I suppose she missed her chance to buy Ōkami on sale, though it seems like dodging that was intentional. And no, the remaster doesn't have a change in pace, other than the fact that the Switch has a pretty nice controller (not the Joy-Cons) and system-level features.

I just like that Mr. Videre had to specify that FINAL FANTASY X-2 sucks, or else his comment wouldn't make sense. I don't think it's a mainstream opinion that it's poor or anything. Maybe he can elaborate some day. Still, picking on Bravely's bizarre naming conventions is great fodder.

As for the worst comment, it's hard to choose, but this is all from the same person:

  1. “Can i get a 3DS e shop card code im 12 and i really want Lucas,Roy and ryu in smash4 pls im begging you ;-;” — Unknown 

I told Unknown to get off KoopaTV because 12 year olds aren't allowed on KoopaTV (which is why it's good Mrs. N was commenting and not Mrs. N's middle school son), and I'm probably violating the COPPA law just by keeping the comment up AND showcasing it in the newsletter. Anyway, under no circumstances am I just giving this little idiot a free eShop code while everyone else has to work (in a fun and fulfilling manner) for it. If I DID want to give one to them, that would definitely violate the COPPA law, because I would have to actively ask for personal information from them. (Like an email address.)

Too bad for me, but Unknown didn't go away right when I asked them to. You can scroll down starting from this comment to see a series of bizarre comments, including writing like a freak with “Ħσηεςτιγ ī ταικ ιīкε τħīς…ßυτ ιτ ςυιτς мε гīgħτ¿?” But they eventually went away seven minutes later: “ßυτ ī шīłł ğσ αшαγ…νεгу ςσггγ” Based on when they're writing the comments, they probably don't live in the USA, so COPPA wouldn't apply to them. Maybe some scary European law would, though, and they're even more strict about privacy. Let's keep this a secret between us, okay?

KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program Mid-Round Round 31 Leaderboard


After the comment bonuses that go to the three folks who won the best comments of the month, here's what the leaderboard looks like...
  1. Lheticus Videre — 31 points
  2. Samantha Lienhard — 30 points
  3. ShinyGirafarig — 6 points
  4. Mrs. N — 6 points
  5. Matt Ellsworth — 4 points

Reminder that a $10 eShop code (you gotta work for these—I won't just give them to you because your prepubescent ass begs in the comments section) is on the line, AND...

Update on the KoopaTV Loyalty Cruise


I have a solemn update about the status of the KoopaTV Loyalty Cruise Program that we announced to the public just yesterday. Yes, if you manage to dislodge Mr. Videre or Ms. Lienhard from their leaderboard top spots above, you'll get an invite to the cruise ship taking off May 12. However, there is a major snag in the plan.

President Donald John Trump, in conjunction with the United States military and the Coronavirus Task Force, announced a significant military operation in the Eastern Pacific Ocean (off the coast of California is where we were planning on having the KoopaTV Loyalty Cruiser) that would try to disrupt the presence of narcotics operatives and others trying to take advantage of the coronavirus chaos. For whatever reason, Koopa Kingdom's plans to descend upon Earth to give some humans a fun time is seen as activities by nefarious illegal aliens, so we got a cease and desist letter. Hmph, they want illegal? Just wait until they learn about my California arrest record...

We were also warned that similar cruisers have been hotbeds for coronavirus, and apparently the United States State Department advises against attending these. Something about a Grand Princess cruiser. The KoopaTV Loyalty Cruiser has no affiliation with princesses! We wiped off all Princess Daisy-related insignias from it! ...Erm...

We still have a little over a month to figure something out, so I'm not cancelling this yet! Though we do have a very unclear path forward. I certainly don't want to tussle with “Navy destroyers, other combat ships, Air Force surveillance planes and helicopters, and ten Coast Guard cutter ships.”

KoopaTV Has Hired Heavy Lobster!


I didn't mean to have this so low in the newsletter, but this is also a super-important thing to acknowledge from March 2020: KoopaTV has a new staff member, Heavy Lobster. Read that for more information. It wrote that XFL article from the top 5, and we'll see more from Heavy Lobster in the future. Give it a welcome. (You can give it an in-person welcome too, once we're all on a cruise together!)

Corrections Corner; March 2020


I accidentally wrote “liner adventure games” instead of “linear adventure games”, as pointed out by Samantha Lienhard. That's it for corrections in March 2020. That's a much better track record than all of the FAKE NEWS on a lot of other websites right now, especially residing within the mainstream media.

KoopaTV will keep being a better site for its own sake, and your sake too... and that already makes it better than all the others. Hoorah!


Ludwig will try to organise the KoopaTV Loyalty Cruiser so it'll still be able to set sail on May 12, 2020. In the meantime, please wait for an update on that, and maybe even try to secure your spot if it's not already secured! By the way, everyone should share KoopaTV to one person they don't already know. It's a fun conversation starter.


Last month's KoopaTV newsletter (for February 2020) is here.
Next month's KoopaTV newsletter (for April 2020) is here.
Last year's KoopaTV newsletter (for March 2019) is here.
May 12 was KoopaTV's seven-year anniversary. Here's what happened.

2 comments :

  1. Okay, I'm quite certain the whole cruise thing isn't in point of fact going to happen, but at this point I'm looking forward to hearing about what else goes wrong with it. And I didn't actually think I HAD to specify that FFX-2 sucks, I thought this was understood, and said that as a humorous aside. If it's not then perhaps I should indeed correct that situation!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd rather you reply that you're looking forward to attending and meeting us. >.>

      Yeah, go correct it. ♫

      Delete

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