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Monday, February 5, 2018

Mario & Sonic NOT at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The North Koreans are, though, which requires an update from us.

The fact that Where Is Mario & Sonic at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games? is the second-most read KoopaTV article of all time tells me that you all really, really want to know why “Mario & Sonic at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games” does not exist.

The PyeongChang 2018 Olympics start this week, with the Opening Ceremonies this Friday, and you bet KoopaTV will live-react to it like we did for the Rio 2016 Opening Ceremonies. Unless there will be a last minute change, you should now refer to it as “Mario & Sonic NOT at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games.”

Earlier, I had accused Cappy, through Mario, of trying to start a nuclear war on the Korean peninsula and East Asia, by stirring up a lot of bad blood with all of the nations by causing Dennis Rodman to act stupidly in North Korea. Since then, North Korea will be allowed to participate in the PyeongChang 2018 Olympics, and there will even be a unified Team Korea Women's Ice Hockey team. Why is North Korea allowed but not Mario (and Sonic)?

Let's explain this in the most direct way possible: South Korea is actually horrified that North Korea might destroy PyeongChang during the Olympics, with all of the international people in it too. South Korea, which has a tendency to keep believing that their Northern brethren have some good in their hearts, believes that they can reduce the likelihood of North Korea nuking the place if they make an exception and allow them to bring some athletes over. Essentially, while South Korea wishes to maintain their survival, they believe the best strategy for that is appeasement to North Korea.

North Koreans, while constantly training for war, still aren't particularly good at, well, anything, but the South Koreans think they can just carry the North Koreans to some respectable placement. Besides, to the South Koreans, appeasement is more important than winning. ...We cannot confirm what Kim Jong Un will do to the North Korean athletes after they will lose in every Olympic sport they have entered.

If the South Koreans are appealing to their appeasement instinct for the North Koreans, then why are they not appeasing Mario (and Sonic)? Well, the situation with Mario is beyond South Korean control. OBSERVE:

Nintendo eShop Mario & Sonic Olympic Games removed 3DS
You can no longer purchase a Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games game off the Nintendo eShop.

What's this? If you search “Olympic Games” on the Nintendo 3DS eShop, you only get two results. Neither of those are games, but merely videos. Where are the games featuring Mario (and Sonic)?

Well, one of KoopaTV staffer RawkHawk2010's biggest fears is that if he deletes a demo off his 3DS memory, he won't be able to download it and it will be a permanent missable. Well, a long time ago I downloaded the demo for Mario & Sonic at the London 2012 Olympic Games. Let's see what happens if I tap on “View Details for Full Version”.

Mario & Sonic at the London 2012 Olympic Games demo version Nintendo 3DS
I only played the demo for Mario & Sonic at the London 2012 Olympic Games once, since it's crap.

...Well, it opened the eShop... and then...

Nintendo eShop 3DS error code 007-3102 this software is not currently available
Oh. That's nice. Error Code: 007-3102. This software is not currently available.

Nintendo's error code look-up does not have a result for Error Code: 007-3102, but the fact that an error message shows up seems to confirm this simple fact:

The Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games series is no longer available for digital purchase, and probably isn't available for physical purchase either unless you're buying it used, or a store happens to have inventory of one still. I wouldn't anticipate future production runs, either.

Since Nintendo refuses to claim Error Code: 007-3102, we have only one conclusion: The error code comes not from Nintendo, but from the International Olympic Committee. They have banned Mario (and Sonic) from participating, and have retroactively tried to scrub any associations that Mario has had with the Olympics by removing his tie-in from sale.

I wonder what that means for the How Team Koopa Escaped Rio series. Cease & desist coming?

Why did the International Olympic Committee choose to treat Mario (and Sonic) this way? Well, do I really have to explain? Mario, aided by his hat Cappy, is a freaking multi-universal terrorist, as we wrote about just last month. By comparison, North Korea only threatens one planet. Hey, the International Olympic Committee has to draw the line somewhere, and it just happens to be between “threatening to destroy one planet” and “actively taking steps to destroy multiple universes.”

From what it looks like, 2016's Refugee Olympic Team and Independent Olympic Athletes (not counting “Olympic Athletes from Russia”) will not be reappearing in 2018, so Mario (and Sonic) do not actually have nations backing them up. You need a National Olympic Committee to enter the Olympics. Otherwise, you're just a trespasser.

Appeasement won't help you there.

That said, South Korea doesn't consider North Koreans running across the Korean Demilitarized Zone to be trespassers. We ask South Korean security to be cautious of any hats that the North Koreans entering South Korea may be wearing.

Don't underestimate Cappy's cunning and creativity. He's going to ruin the Olympics, believe me. 


Ludwig wonders what will happen by the Tokyo 2020 Olympics. With Cappy firmly controlling Japan's Shinzō Abe, is that event bound to be a disaster? Regardless, KoopaTV will live-react to whatever disaster may or may not happen at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympics, so stay tuned for KoopaTV's coverage! Also, Ludwig doesn't know any particulars of why Sonic is not allowed, but it may have to do with The Resistance that Sonic joined.


As a result of this article, KoopaTV was on Cappy watch during the Opening Ceremony of the PyeongChang 2018 Olympics.
Cappy didn't run the Olympics, but he did show up at another wedding.

8 comments :

  1. I think it's more that Nintendo actually realized how silly and pointless the "at the Olympic Games" games were. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You really think Nintendo would learn a lesson about superfluous releases? Please.

      They just released Mario Party: The Top 100.

      (Besides it's kind of SEGA's control.)

      Delete
    2. I swear, if Mario Party 11 doesn't do to the car what Yooka Laylee did to B&K Nuts and Bolts, it will add a LOT of straw to the metaphorical camel's back between me and Nintendo.

      Delete
    3. Orrrr Party 11 could just never exist? :)

      Delete
    4. I've been hearing that it's actively in development though.

      Delete
  2. I would not put it past Mario to stir havoc in the Olympics even if he is banned. Using Cappy, he could easily control anyone he so desired including Kim Jong-un himself. With one throw of his demonic cap, the entire world can be destroyed. It is very crucial that all hats are removed before entering the parameters of the events to ensure no one is a threat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure if they build a WALL, it'll keep him out.

      Delete

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