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Saturday, December 6, 2014

KoopaTV Live Reacts: The Game Awards SECOND HALF

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Not even Nintendo could save this disaster.

We are immediately continuing off the first half of The Game Awards and our live reactions to it. We're actually more than halfway through it, because the morons running this thing don't know that half of 3 hours is not 1 hour 45 minutes.

Anyway, you can read our live reactions to more generic shooters and also Nintendo's showing of the new Legend of Zelda game on Wii U.

The Legend of Zelda at The Game Awards jumping off Epona
Featuring levitating Link.
Koji Kondo bad camera video angles views The Game Awards piano
Also featuring Koji Kondo being shown through crappy camera angles.


 Nintendork 13 13 10:46 pm
    Well
    a lot of dystopian shooters.

 RawkHawk2010 10:46 pm
    I get Uncharted and Far Cry confused.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:46 pm
    Shooter category is all the same game

 RawkHawk2010 10:47 pm
    Is that Peter Moore beside him?
    guess not

 RawkHawk2010 10:49 pm
    brb
    (have fun!)

 Nintendork 13 13 10:49 pm
    ....
    uggh
    Jet lagged shithead
    He's usually in his bed in Europe
    in his underwear
    eating biscuits
    watching Geoff Keighley.
    Exclusive video of The Witcher.
    Pay close attention.
    ...well I'm not gonna pay attention.
    <_<;

 Nintendork 13 13 10:52 pm
    http://koopatv.blogspot.com/2014/12/koopatv-live-reacts-the-game-awards-first-half.html
    oh hey
    UBISOFT DUDES.
    They are winning a "Games For Change" award.
    "Videogames can talk about serious things."
    Is Choice: Texas nominated?
    "Best narrative" and "Games for change"

 Nintendork 13 13 10:55 pm
    Geoff says there are a lot of indie games that inspire him.
    World premiere about procedures.
    Or something.
    Oh this is No Man's Sky.
    I think.
    The game we first saw last year at VGX.
    If I got my memory right.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:57 pm
    Well that wasn't all too interesting.
    No Man's Sky dev up.
    what
    65 Days of Static is
    right now?
    I thought they were in the first half!
    They're playing a No Man's Sky song or something.
    It's not chiptune they have guitars

 Nintendork 13 13 10:59 pm
    but it sounds like the instruments are crying.
    In pain.
    They have The Sims control diamond in the background.
    I think that's the logo for the game.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:02 pm
    ...
    Well drummer got bored.
    And is now just slamming on cymbals.
    Song is over.
    Now we're having a game about full-scale evacuations.
    (Can we evacuate from this log? Rawk already did!)
    Oh hey
    E10+ game.
    First one.
    Something for my age group!

 RawkHawk2010 11:04 pm
    besides mario laker

 Nintendork 13 13 11:04 pm
    "Professional drivers closed course do not attempt"
    Well you shouldn't sell this game then.
    Especially not to 10 year olds!
    10 year olds have no chance to be professional drivers!

 RawkHawk2010 11:05 pm
    oh

 Nintendork 13 13 11:05 pm
    Forza Horizon 2

 RawkHawk2010 11:05 pm
    i thought Leave Your Limits was the title.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:05 pm
    You missed 65 Days of Static.

 RawkHawk2010 11:06 pm
    Nah

 Nintendork 13 13 11:06 pm
    There is a "Best Indie Game" award?

 RawkHawk2010 11:06 pm
    I heard it.
    I've been back.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:06 pm
    "Got problems with anger management?" - trailer
    Yeah.
    "Urban renewal"
    "Conflict resolution"
    WELL FERGUSON DOES
    Instead of urban renewel they're destroying it.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:06 pm
    Some godzilla game.
    *Renewal

 RawkHawk2010 11:07 pm
    "Wii U even!"

 Nintendork 13 13 11:07 pm
    "Shout-outs to those watching from PS4, PS4... uh... Xbox One... Xbox........yup... Oh! Wii U even!"

 RawkHawk2010 11:07 pm
    yea i'm done.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:08 pm
    but but

 RawkHawk2010 11:08 pm
    dooooooooooooone.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:08 pm
    THIS WAS YOUR IDEA.
    YOU'RE STICKING TO IT.
    YOU GOTTA SUFFER
    And Reggie said he'll be back.
    For the end.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:09 pm
    "Industry Icon Award"
    Lasting impressions.
    This guy learned English
    off of Sierra's adventure games back in the day.
    Here to honour two visionairies.
    Well this is nostalgic.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:11 pm
    Graphical adventure games.
    That guy's wife looks like his daughter.
    Or something.
    Audience loves Leisure Suit Larry the most.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:14 pm
    So wot happened to the Sierra folks now?
    Ken and Roberta Williams.
    Dat aging process.
    They got these younger pictures shown up above
    and these aged folk on the stage.
    Roberta wants to see the award.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:17 pm
    Ken broke the mic.
    "It's been 17 years for me since I went out of business."
    - Roberta
    So wot have they been doing since?
    Retired?
    Selling hot sauce?
    Activision goons are doing the new King's Quest.
    (It's also a male-female team.)

 Nintendork 13 13 11:21 pm
    "How about a tale you haven't heard before?"

 RawkHawk2010 11:21 pm
    My favorite part so far was still the military shooter with "Don't you hold your hands up" being part of the theme song.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:21 pm
    ...Yeah.
    That was Battlefield Hardline.
    Or Battlefront
    or whatever it is.
    Too bad Nintendo can't get King's Quest.
    "Later another world premiere from Nintendo."

 RawkHawk2010 11:23 pm
    Oh?

 Nintendork 13 13 11:24 pm
    That's what they said.

 RawkHawk2010 11:24 pm
    Maybe Zelda.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:24 pm
    More of this download now for early access shit.
    GTAV commercial.
    They have their own Wii Fit Trainer.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:26 pm
    the hell is this
    Elder Scrolls?
    no
    Dragon Age
    Well those were some ugggllyyy characters.
    I like the violin girl.
    She has stage presence.

 RawkHawk2010 11:28 pm
    link me

 Nintendork 13 13 11:28 pm
    Lindsey Sterling
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlLvCLP2h84
    Well violin girl ended.

 RawkHawk2010 11:29 pm
    Peter Diglett?

 Nintendork 13 13 11:29 pm
    wot
    no
    Shawn Layton
    Brother of Professor Layton.
    This guy is intense.
    Or really nervous.
    Indie award time.

 RawkHawk2010 11:30 pm
    "Time to grab the wheel of this shit."

 Nintendork 13 13 11:31 pm
    Heard that too.
    Shovel Knight

 RawkHawk2010 11:31 pm
    Meh Shovel Knight.
    Hope that doesn't win.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:31 pm
    ...wot would you rather have win

 RawkHawk2010 11:31 pm
    Monument Valley.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:31 pm
    Have you heard of it before just now
    Shovel Knight won!

 RawkHawk2010 11:32 pm
    no

 Nintendork 13 13 11:32 pm
    Hey, that's like
    a pseudo-Nintendo win.
    Right?

 RawkHawk2010 11:32 pm
    No?
    Almost everyone played it on PC.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:32 pm
    ...oh.
    Let's see wot these guys say.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:33 pm
    "Thank you so much to Nintendo."
    Looks like you're wrong!

 RawkHawk2010 11:33 pm
    I am?

 Nintendork 13 13 11:33 pm
    Apparently.
    They thanked Nintendo.

 RawkHawk2010 11:33 pm
    How?

 Nintendork 13 13 11:33 pm
    And not Valve or something.
    Bayonetta 2 nominated for GOTY

 RawkHawk2010 11:34 pm
    "Including Kickstarter backers, Shovel Knight sold 180,000 copies within a month of the North American launch. 49,000 copies were sold on Wii U, 59,000 were sold on 3DS, and 66,000 were sold on Steam."

 Nintendork 13 13 11:34 pm
    uh
    How is less than 50% "almost everyone"
    http://yachtclubgames.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/first_week_sales2-630x374.png

 RawkHawk2010 11:35 pm
    This is spoilers.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:35 pm
    http://yachtclubgames.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/first_month_sales2-630x374.png
    Looks like most people have played it on Nintendo.

 RawkHawk2010 11:35 pm
    Robert Bowling.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:35 pm
    Eric Bolling

 RawkHawk2010 11:35 pm
    The best bowling, ever ever ever, at any awards show.
    His shirt.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:36 pm
    Something about zombies and apocalypse.

 RawkHawk2010 11:36 pm
    "PHIL"
    HIS SHIRT SAYS PHIL

 Nintendork 13 13 11:36 pm
    Why do people keep making games like this
    uh
    it needs to zoom out
    NOT THAT FAR OUT
  
  
    So this is Sunset Overdrive on a motorcycle?

 RawkHawk2010 11:37 pm
    is this for wii u

 Nintendork 13 13 11:37 pm
    no
    "PC, Xbox One, and PS4"
    - the guy
    "Human Element"
    From Robotoki
    I think Zelda is coming up.
    Because they said before a Nintendo world premiere.

 RawkHawk2010 11:38 pm
    yea

 Nintendork 13 13 11:38 pm
    And they just said a storied franchise is getting a trailer.
    Unlike The Division
    we know that these are all people talking.
    Players.

 RawkHawk2010 11:39 pm
    ...we think.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:39 pm
    ...Well they said so.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:40 pm
    This looks complicated.

 RawkHawk2010 11:40 pm
    yea I can't learn things like that at this age.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:40 pm
    Yeah.

 RawkHawk2010 11:40 pm
    I can't start new RPG franchises even.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:41 pm
    If they liked those explosions and are giggling at them
    would they like Star Fox 64?

 RawkHawk2010 11:41 pm
    I still haven't fully memorized the Pokemon type matchup chart.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:41 pm
    I have.
    ^.^
    You can quiz me!
    "The time has come."
    Game of the Year with Geoff Keighley.

 RawkHawk2010 11:42 pm
    I used to think if something was super-effective against something then it was also resistant to it defacto.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:42 pm
    ...
    Yeah, no.

 RawkHawk2010 11:42 pm
    So like, Fighting would resist normal.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:42 pm
    5 incredible nominees:
    1. Bayonetta 2
    2. Dark Souls 2
    3. Dragon Age Inquisitiion
    4. Hearthstone
    5. Middle Earth Shadow of Mordor

 RawkHawk2010 11:42 pm
    Go B2.
    We want B2.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:42 pm
    how did Bayonetta 2 get there

 RawkHawk2010 11:43 pm
    Fuck.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:43 pm
    Dragon Age Inquisition
    wot did you expect
    They've treated Reggie like shit

 RawkHawk2010 11:43 pm
    This game was made by SJWs.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:43 pm
    you think they'll just give us Bayonetta 2?
    I just wanna know why Tropical Freeze isn't anywhere.

 RawkHawk2010 11:43 pm
    Metroid fans were on the jury I bet.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:44 pm
    WAIT

 RawkHawk2010 11:44 pm
    That's Keighley afterall.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:44 pm
    THE ADVISORY BOARD
    HAD THE EA GUY
    AND AN EA GAME WON
    GAME OF THE YEAR

 RawkHawk2010 11:44 pm
    Yeah.

 RawkHawk2010 11:44 pm
    Well of course.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:45 pm
    why do they keep calling Reggie

 RawkHawk2010 11:45 pm
    Time for Zelda.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:45 pm
    after Nintendo keeps losing

 RawkHawk2010 11:45 pm
    Lol at the music abruptly ending.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:45 pm
    Yeah.
    Next Zelda game.

 RawkHawk2010 11:45 pm
    zelga

 Nintendork 13 13 11:45 pm
    Who is the guy at the left smiling

 RawkHawk2010 11:45 pm
    please don't look shit.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:45 pm
    wtf we're teleporting to NOA
    erm
    NCL
    World premiere
    They're in the E3 private room
    >_>;

 RawkHawk2010 11:46 pm
    um this isn't a trailer.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:46 pm
    lol
    Link is gonna jump off a cliff.
    Didn't Wolf Link do that in the TP trailer?

 RawkHawk2010 11:46 pm
    this is anti-climatic as shit.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:46 pm
    And Link did that all the time in Skyward Sword.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:46 pm
    *climactic

 RawkHawk2010 11:46 pm
    We can only barely see the screen.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:46 pm
    "Out out and further out"
    Audience clapping about how big the map is.

 RawkHawk2010 11:47 pm
    Not good.
    Deku Leaf.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:47 pm
    Okay good Link isn't on a
    uh
    bird thing
    "Eh-poh-na"
    I thought it was "Ee-poh-na"

 RawkHawk2010 11:47 pm
    This reminds me of Sabreman Stampede.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:47 pm
    "Real horses don't run into trees very often."
    "We're working on details like that."
    Epona auto-rides.
    This is boring

 RawkHawk2010 11:48 pm
    Yeah.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:48 pm
    "This is suspicious. We must be near a dungeon."
    This is literally Elder Scrolls

 Nintendork 13 13 11:48 pm
    But less uglier character models.
    wtf Link was floating
    in the air
    It looks like he's glitching out.
  

 RawkHawk2010 11:49 pm
    Would be cool if you actually landed back on the horse.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:49 pm
    "How about your Star Fox title?"

 RawkHawk2010 11:49 pm
    But if you have to get back on, it just sounds inconvenient.
    ......

 Nintendork 13 13 11:49 pm
    "Wh-WH-WH-WHAT? Star Fox?!"

 RawkHawk2010 11:49 pm
    Star Fox.
    How about they fucking show us?
    Fuck!

 Nintendork 13 13 11:49 pm
    Blabbing about Majora's Mask.
    wtf it's a second horse

 RawkHawk2010 11:50 pm
    That.
    Was.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:50 pm
    You can play Majora's Mask while not looking at the screen?

 RawkHawk2010 11:50 pm
    Horrible.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:50 pm
    That
    SUCKEDS
    dfxfncfgbvh
    what the hell was that garbage
    New Zelda game exclusively at 2015
    Music a pivotal part of Zelda series
    So Imagine Dragons comes on.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:50 pm
    Zelda music.
    With Majora's Mask on the screen.
    Explicit Majora's Mask music.
    Song of Healing.
    Koji Kondo is playing on the piano.
    (Imagine Dragon is just sitting there.)

 RawkHawk2010 11:52 pm
    What does Koji Kondo do the rest of the year?
    He composes like, one or two songs per mainline Mario.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:52 pm
    ...uhh
    He composed for Smash 4 I guess.
    I dunno.

 RawkHawk2010 11:53 pm
    Zelda main theme is crap.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:53 pm
    Yo, why do they keep having this awful video angle?
    I screenshot'd it
    Uh.
    If this is Zelda music
    I don't know what it is

 RawkHawk2010 11:54 pm
    XD

 Nintendork 13 13 11:54 pm
    Now Kondo is just sitting.
    Wondering what happened to the videogame music.
    oh wait no he's playing
    or pretending to

 Nintendork 13 13 11:55 pm
    Rawk this was a waste of 3 hours.
    I guess it wasn't as BAD as last year.
    But the one or two high points of last year weren't there.
    So last year ranged from Absolutely Horrible to Slightly Amusing
    This ranged from Bad to Mediocre

 RawkHawk2010 11:56 pm
    Is it even over?

 Nintendork 13 13 11:56 pm
    Uh...
    We're at...
    ...176 minutes in.
    They said halfway was 105 minutes.
    So maybe they'll plat for another half hour.

 RawkHawk2010 11:57 pm
    yea
    we got a while.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:57 pm
    *play
    Maybe they don't know fractions.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:57 pm
    After all, they aren't playing DK Jr. Math.
    (Or Jessie Go Jr. Remedial Algebra)
    Kondo is grooving.
    Right when he does that
    they end it.

 RawkHawk2010 11:58 pm
    Should we learn how to play piano?
    Or keyboard?

 Nintendork 13 13 11:58 pm
    "That's exactly what this show should be about. Putting smiles on the faces of people like Koji Kondo."
    Keighley is ending it.
    Apparently 105 is half of 180.
    According to Geoff Keighley.
    DUDEBROS CAN'T MATH

 RawkHawk2010 11:59 pm
    What is this font?
    Is that Comic Sans?

 Nintendork 13 13 11:59 pm
    Ola Balola LLC
    (Ebola?)
    Ended.
    Well that was a waste.
    Your Rare dude didn't even show up.
    Rawk, I'll remember this!
    You wasted my time for hours two years in a row now!
    With these shitty Keighley awards shows!
    ...But yeah.
    New Zelda game?
    Iccck.
    All of the stories we've heard up 'til now we thought were maybe bad because of
    you know
    language barrier.
    NOPE.
    PERFECTLY ACCURATE.

 Nintendork 13 13 12:01 am
    Zelda should be innovating, not taking shitty ideas from Skyrim.

 RawkHawk2010 12:01 am
    Well, we know Star Fox is coming soon.

 Nintendork 13 13 12:02 am
    ...We knew that already.

 RawkHawk2010 12:02 am
    We did?

 Nintendork 13 13 12:02 am
    Nintendo said at E3 it was coming out first half 2015.
    With that infrographic they tweeted out.
  
    Of the release schedules.
    Which you said you didn't believe.

 RawkHawk2010 12:02 am
    First half?
    Bullshit.
    http://nintendo247.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/release-620x400.jpg
    "2015"

 Nintendork 13 13 12:03 am
    Yeah
    that one

 RawkHawk2010 12:03 am
    Not "first half"

 Nintendork 13 13 12:03 am
    ...oh.
    Well, it'
    it's first half now!

 RawkHawk2010 12:03 am
    Anyway, Miyamoto was acting like the game didn't even have a developer yet at E3.
    It is?

 Nintendork 13 13 12:03 am
    ...
    uhhh

 Nintendork 13 13 12:03 am
    maybe not.

 RawkHawk2010 12:04 am
    Almost definitely not.
    It'll be at E3.

 Nintendork 13 13 12:04 am
    First three-quarters.
    =-O

 RawkHawk2010 12:04 am
    And then come out in October or something.

 Nintendork 13 13 12:04 am
    They'll say Summer 2015 and release in October.
    Since we all know from Smash Bros. that October is in the summer.
    According to Nintendo.


What will Ludwig do to RawkHawk2010 for wasting his time two years in a row? Stay tuned to KoopaTV for more staff drama!


It turns out that Ludwig put RawkHawk2010 on indefinite unpaid administrative leave.
Ludwig half-subjected himself to The Game Awards 2015.
Rawk then made Ludwig watch The Game Awards 2016 on another promise of more The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild footage.

3 comments :

  1. I'm with you in the tiny percentage who didn't like Zelda's more Elder Scrolls-ish presentation. :/ Nothing there reminded me of a Zelda game. Except Link, I guess.

    Best part for me was Witcher 3.

    I was sad Bayonetta 2 didn't win. I haven't actually played it yet, but people say it's so good it makes Bayonetta look back. And you know how I felt about Bayonetta.
    But at least I'm a Dragon Age fan.

    This show was much better than last year's, not that it had a very high bar to pass to achieve that... It still had some disappointing and surreal moments.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. TGA made me cringe less than VGX, so I guess it's better.
      ...I still consider it a waste of time and that it ruined my night.

      Miiverse trashed me about not liking Elder Scrolls: Zelda, and said it's not actually based off of Skyrim, but it's based off of the Legend of Zelda on NES.

      ...Is that supposed to really be any better? I'm going to write a commentary soon on this subject since I feel obligated to, though it might mean I'll have to break a KoopaTV style guide rule about avoiding the mention of a certain game...

      My, uh, "favourite" part of the night was actually the Sierra tribute.

      Delete

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