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Friday, December 2, 2016

KoopaTV's Live Reactions to The Game Awards 2016!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Spoilers: It's terrible, and we're asleep at the end.

Every year in early December, that thug Geoff Keighley hosts some kind of award show for the videogame industry, and the major gaming companies always sponsor it. It's always awful. Yet, without fail, KoopaTV has been live reacting to it since our own inception. Why? WHY DO WE KEEP DOING THIS TO OURSELVES?

The Game Awards 2016 content warning offensive viewer discretion is advised
The following program DID contain content that some viewers found offensive.
Viewer discretion is highly recommended, and I wish we had some.

This year, the only two staffers masochistic enough to sit around for it were myself, in this live reaction log as Nintendork 13 13, and RawkHawk2010, in this live reaction log as RawkHawk2010. Well, here we go, I guess. Read our reactions below:

 RawkHawk2010 8:06 pm
    1 hour til the awards

 Nintendork 13 13 8:06 pm
    ew
    I better hurry up
    I remember they pulled this Zelda shit off, what, two years ago?

 RawkHawk2010 8:07 pm
    That was two years ago?

 Nintendork 13 13 8:07 pm
    "The Game Awards will have some exclusive Zelda footage!"

 RawkHawk2010 8:07 pm
    Oh wait
    I wasn't here for last year's so probably

 Nintendork 13 13 8:07 pm
    And it was just riding through trees.
    http://www.koopatv.org/2014/12/koopatv-live-reacts-the-game-awards-second-half.html
    RawkHawk2010 11:46 pm
        this is anti-climatic as shit.

 RawkHawk2010 8:07 pm
    I think it was 2013 when Geoff Keighley was sitting in what appeared to be a hotel room

 Nintendork 13 13 8:07 pm
    Nintendork 13 13 11:46 pm
        *climactic

 RawkHawk2010 8:08 pm
    Like, they rented a hotel room for the VGAs.
    And it was hilarious

 Nintendork 13 13 8:08 pm
  
    Nintendork 13 13 11:47 pm
        "Real horses don't run into trees very often."
        "We're working on details like that."
        Epona auto-rides.
        This is boring
   
    RawkHawk201
    Was that
    uh
    Loiter Squad?

 Nintendork 13 13 8:08 pm
    Nintendork 13 13 11:50 pm
        That
        SUCKEDS
        dfxfncfgbvh
        what the hell was that garbage
        New Zelda game exclusively at 2015
        Music a pivotal part of Zelda series

 RawkHawk2010 8:28 pm
    lol
    They said that?
    btw
    I had a dream about Chrom the other night
    he messaged you saying "Long time no see, little Romeo."

 RawkHawk2010 8:30 pm
    And we were trying to figure out what happened.
    And it turns out he was living here and got engaged to an actress from off of the Walking Dead.

 Nintendork 13 13 8:30 pm
    ...wtf
    Did you ever visit that restaurant?

 RawkHawk2010 8:31 pm
    And I asked you "Why does YR change every time he gets a new girlfriend?"
    The Death Stranding one?
    Dead*

 Nintendork 13 13 8:32 pm
    Ya.

 Nintendork 13 13 8:34 pm
    Nintendo of America ‏@NintendoAmerica 4m4 minutes ago
    Watch @thegameawards pre-show to see a new trailer for The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild!
    dude
    Their thing says it starts 8:30 PM

 RawkHawk2010 8:35 pm
    so
    what channel
    where's a stram

 Nintendork 13 13 8:35 pm
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9O7N3GkG_o

 RawkHawk2010 8:36 pm
    so nintendo's wrong

 Nintendork 13 13 8:36 pm
    No there's people talking now.

 RawkHawk2010 8:37 pm
    um
    don't you see the timer in the corner

 Nintendork 13 13 8:37 pm
    But Nintendo said
    pre-show
    "There's two things tonight"

 RawkHawk2010 8:38 pm
    MICHAEL PHELPS

 Nintendork 13 13 8:41 pm
    "Everybody takes the awards really really seriously"
    "People really do care."
    Who are these morons?

 RawkHawk2010 8:42 pm
    we care enough to watch
    where's vortex

 Nintendork 13 13 8:43 pm
    ...Well, it's nice to have staff members that aren't masochists.

 RawkHawk2010 8:43 pm
    this dude sounds like rand paul

 Nintendork 13 13 8:44 pm
    Rand Paul doesn't sound retarded.
    Or gay.
    Or a hipster. >_>

 RawkHawk2010 8:46 pm
    live in China

 Nintendork 13 13 8:46 pm
    Trinen.

 RawkHawk2010 8:47 pm
    1% of the total world map
    We've seen this song and dance before

 Nintendork 13 13 8:47 pm
    ya

 RawkHawk2010 8:48 pm
    well this is new

 Nintendork 13 13 8:48 pm
    Drop
    of BLOOD...into trees.
    Another forest?
    They showed a forest two years ago!

 RawkHawk2010 8:48 pm
    music is good, too bad it won't be in the game

 Nintendork 13 13 8:48 pm
    A DOG?

 RawkHawk2010 8:48 pm
    dog

 Nintendork 13 13 8:48 pm
    ...

 RawkHawk2010 8:48 pm
    was that zelda

 Nintendork 13 13 8:48 pm
    Um...no?

 RawkHawk2010 8:49 pm
    o

 Nintendork 13 13 8:49 pm
    Nintendo Switch | Wii U
    Is that it?

 RawkHawk2010 8:49 pm
    there'll be a part
    2
    Okay well.
    So there's a dog.
    Good reveal.

 Nintendork 13 13 8:49 pm
    As opposed to a wolf?

 RawkHawk2010 8:49 pm
    Wait

 Nintendork 13 13 8:49 pm
    Pokémon GO just won two awards.

 RawkHawk2010 8:49 pm
    If these don't start until 11 minutes from now
    Why have they already started?

 Nintendork 13 13 8:50 pm
    Best mobile/handheld game, and best family game.
    How is Pokémon GO a family game?

The Game Awards Pokémon GO Best Handheld Family Niantic phone smartphone
His speech was actually on his phone. I think. It's a next-generation index card.

 RawkHawk2010 8:50 pm
    Is he playing Go while talking?

 Nintendork 13 13 8:50 pm
    lol

 Nintendork 13 13 8:51 pm
    http://www.koopatv.org/2016/12/koopatvs-november-2016-review-newsletter.html
    Well I published before 9 PM.
    There's a TGA-exclusive eShop sale?

 RawkHawk2010 8:51 pm
    eyah

 Nintendork 13 13 8:51 pm
    www.nintendo.com/tga

 RawkHawk2010 8:51 pm
    Rocket League
    Is that the car game?
    cuz I kind of wanted that

 Nintendork 13 13 8:51 pm
    This is the same sale as the Cyber Deals

 RawkHawk2010 8:52 pm
    This is basically Nuts & Bolts multiplayer but functional.
    Well
    I guess it's functional
    Terrible music tho.

 Nintendork 13 13 8:52 pm
    So what's the difference between the pre-show and the show?

 RawkHawk2010 8:53 pm
    No idea.
    DEVELOPERS

 Nintendork 13 13 8:53 pm
    DEVELOPERS
    DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS
    "So I'm here to announce Bdfbtrbgerbgvrgb
    ...Bufrvcxvgdfbgdf."

 RawkHawk2010 8:54 pm
    lol

 Nintendork 13 13 8:54 pm
    "4K on the PlayStation Pro."
    Who cares about 4K?

 RawkHawk2010 8:54 pm
    I haven't heard about the Playstation Pro since E3.
    And barely know what it is.

 RawkHawk2010 8:55 pm
    Just that it's the PS version of Xbox One Scorpio or whatever.
    Will the Switch have a Switch Pro?

 Nintendork 13 13 8:56 pm
    I want to say no, but... *shrug*

 RawkHawk2010 8:56 pm
    Is this game a parody?

 Nintendork 13 13 8:56 pm
    I like the contrast between the music and the game's activity

 RawkHawk2010 8:56 pm
    It looks like a parody.

 Nintendork 13 13 8:56 pm
    but I wouldn't like this without the music.

 RawkHawk2010 8:56 pm
    yeah

 Nintendork 13 13 8:56 pm
    It seems like a worse Sunset Overdrive.
    Bulletstorm or whatever.

 RawkHawk2010 8:57 pm
    HOW IS THIS A PRE-SHOW

 Nintendork 13 13 8:57 pm
    "Best Fighting Game is won by Street Fighter V"
    Who was competing?

 RawkHawk2010 8:57 pm
    What is the main show even gonna do? >.>

 Nintendork 13 13 8:57 pm
    The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild "most anticipated game". Reggie to come in the Main Show.
    Two hour show.

 RawkHawk2010 8:57 pm
    lol two hours

 Nintendork 13 13 8:58 pm
    Hold them to that.

 RawkHawk2010 8:58 pm
    It really is a worse E3.
    The music of DOOM live?
    I don't want to hear that.

 Nintendork 13 13 8:58 pm
    But with a DOOM rock concert.

 RawkHawk2010 8:58 pm
    Sounds painful.

 Nintendork 13 13 8:59 pm
    Geoff is telling us what to expect.
    "Extended gameplay clips of games."

 RawkHawk2010 8:59 pm
    What does Geoff Keighly do when not doing the game awards?

 Nintendork 13 13 8:59 pm
    Uhhhhhhhhhh
    Eat Doritos?
    Hideo Kojima is "HERE THIS YEAR."
    (Referencing last year where he won an award but Konami didn't let him attend.)
    Nintendo's The Game Awards sale includes Fire Emblem: Awakening.
    "Best games this year" my ass.

 RawkHawk2010 9:01 pm
    What if Shinzo showed back up?

 Nintendork 13 13 9:01 pm
    I took a screenshot of the content warning.

 RawkHawk2010 9:01 pm
    oh
    before I saw Dead Strander I thought this was all one game.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:02 pm
    (Since I did that in a previous year.)
    "Everyone, no matter who you are or what you believe in, starts off in the same place."
    dat ain't generational poverty

 RawkHawk2010 9:02 pm
    LOL
    Link
    Link was just haphazardly thrown into the collage.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:03 pm
    "We gotta beat that wall!"
    Don't undermine our president-elect!

 Nintendork 13 13 9:03 pm
    Was that Nathan Drake or an animated Geoff?

 RawkHawk2010 9:04 pm
    i don't know
    Well, this has a higher budget than the hotel room Geoff rented.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:04 pm
    He's acting like the pre-show never happened.
    Did he mind-blank everyone in the room?

 RawkHawk2010 9:05 pm
    Bernie Sanders
    Oh

 Nintendork 13 13 9:05 pm
    "We had to be back on the same stage as last year."
    (instead of the hotel)

 RawkHawk2010 9:05 pm
    "give one man a moment he was robbed of"

 Nintendork 13 13 9:05 pm
    "KOJIMA! KOJIMA! KOJIMA!"

 RawkHawk2010 9:05 pm
    At least Japan isn't being completely ignored.
    Unlike every other VGA.
    Uh..........
    ...wtf

 Nintendork 13 13 9:06 pm
    "He just sat in an isolated room for months"

 RawkHawk2010 9:06 pm
    So this is a giant fuck you to Konami?

 Nintendork 13 13 9:06 pm
    Yes.

 RawkHawk2010 9:06 pm
    Geoff sounds like he's about to start crying.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:07 pm
    Geoff claims to be a friend with Hideo
    but Hideo wouldn't even give him his address.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:08 pm
    "Hideo is rebuilding his life and his studio with OUR support!"

 RawkHawk2010 9:08 pm
    "You've always been there for me."

 Nintendork 13 13 9:08 pm
    "You've always been there for me."

 RawkHawk2010 9:08 pm
    I didn't even know Keighley and Kojima knew eachother.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:09 pm
    (He lost his train of thought.)

 RawkHawk2010 9:09 pm
    "I LOVE YOU GEOFF"

Hideo Kojima Geoff Keighley hugging The Game Awards 2016 Industry Icon award
It appears that they don't actually have any chairs for the audience.
...Oh, and Geoff and Hideo are awkwardly embracing.


 Nintendork 13 13 9:09 pm
    "I do rove you arr from my heart."
    He brought a .gif?

 RawkHawk2010 9:10 pm
    what if this was just the same trailer from e3

 Nintendork 13 13 9:10 pm
    Are those enemy crabs?
    This dude doesn't look too well.
    .......I wouldn't either, given the circumstances.

 RawkHawk2010 9:11 pm
    what the hell is this game
    the baby

 Nintendork 13 13 9:12 pm
    ...another baby?

 Nintendork 13 13 9:12 pm
    ...glowing baby.
    Is this a commentary on abortion?
    And the sewer is symbolism?
    (Along with the dudes with guns)
    ...And......I dunno now.

 RawkHawk2010 9:13 pm
    Is that Father Balder?
    well
    okay

 Nintendork 13 13 9:14 pm
    ...
    "A Hideo Kojima Game"
    (Game?)

 RawkHawk2010 9:14 pm
    two trailers later and we're more lost than ever

 RawkHawk2010 9:14 pm
    "running in real time"
    um
    ?

 Nintendork 13 13 9:15 pm
    Real-time pre-recorded cutscene?

 RawkHawk2010 9:15 pm
    i guess
    lol

 Nintendork 13 13 9:16 pm
    Rebecca Ford's Warframe started 3 years ago and she's on The Game Awards.
    We started 3 years ago and we're in a Sierra Leone shack.

 RawkHawk2010 9:16 pm
    I don't know what any of these games are.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:17 pm
    ...I think we got the better deal, personally.

 RawkHawk2010 9:17 pm
    Warframe?

 Nintendork 13 13 9:17 pm
    Well here's a trailer.
    So is this running in "real-time" too?

 RawkHawk2010 9:18 pm
    .......
    Is this the same game?

 Nintendork 13 13 9:18 pm
    no
    This is The Last Guardian

 Nintendork 13 13 9:18 pm
    I know because it's in the same temple they showed at E3.
    For all I know, it's the only part of the game.

 RawkHawk2010 9:19 pm
    I forgot about the Assassin's Creed movie.
    Did you ever watch the Prince of Persia movie?
    It sucked.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:20 pm
    That dude looked like he was pissing into the VR terminal.
    Never did.

 RawkHawk2010 9:20 pm
    Is this how the game starts too?

 RawkHawk2010 9:21 pm
    Wait
    Did he say Parappa the Rapper?

 Nintendork 13 13 9:21 pm
    "Run the Jews"?
    I'm getting Loiter Squad vibes.

 RawkHawk2010 9:21 pm
    Did they just rhyme "Satan" with "Spray tan"?

 Nintendork 13 13 9:22 pm
    ...........................................

 RawkHawk2010 9:22 pm
    This is hilarious.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:22 pm
    This is a disaster.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:23 pm
    (And I'm sure they knew that ahead of time.)

 RawkHawk2010 9:23 pm
    I think this is why no one has heard of "Run the Jewels" before tonight.
    "FUCKERS!"

 Nintendork 13 13 9:23 pm
    This is what I imagine a Dwayne and BrandO live concert would be like.

 RawkHawk2010 9:23 pm
    lol

 Nintendork 13 13 9:23 pm
    Or Duane whatever his name is.

 RawkHawk2010 9:24 pm
    Dude's hat reads "RAP FAN"

The Game Awards Run the Jewels rappers RAP FAN hat thugs
Why does Geoff go out of his way to torture us with such uncouth performances?


 Nintendork 13 13 9:24 pm
    I got a screenshot.
    "Dey like supah lit."
    What, they get ANOTHER SONG?

 RawkHawk2010 9:24 pm
    Wasn't Killer Mike the crux of Bernie Sander's black outreach?
    This could be the whole reason he lost the primary.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:25 pm
    But that'd make it look like it's Bernie's fault he lost instead of it being RIGGED.

 RawkHawk2010 9:25 pm
    what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck is this
    IT ONLY GETS WORSE

 Nintendork 13 13 9:26 pm
    So is this what "gaming culture" is like?

 RawkHawk2010 9:26 pm
    LOL

 RawkHawk2010 9:27 pm
    "HEY MIKE, YOU WANNA HEAR A GOOD JOKE"

 Nintendork 13 13 9:27 pm
    "RtJ 3 January 13"

 RawkHawk2010 9:27 pm
    ""HEY AL, YOU WANNA HEAR A GOOD JOKE"
    That was, like, Parappa the Rapper's gameplay exactly.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:27 pm
    This crew reminds me of the cast of Fox & Friends.

 RawkHawk2010 9:28 pm
    Oh god
    ahahahahahahahaha
    You're right.
    That dude on the right
    Is like that one guy.
    And you probably know who I'm talking about

 Nintendork 13 13 9:28 pm
    Kilmeade?

 RawkHawk2010 9:28 pm
    Possibly.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:29 pm
    There's both Overwatch AND Firewatch?

 RawkHawk2010 9:30 pm
    We can name our upcoming contest "koopawatch"

 Nintendork 13 13 9:30 pm
    Oh.
    ...
    Hm.
    That's clever.
    'cause it's video-based.
    http://www.koopatv.org/2016/12/koopatvs-november-2016-review-newsletter.html#MiniCon
    I'll edit.
    oh fuck
    I forgot about my chicken in the oven
    from like an hour ago

 RawkHawk2010 9:31 pm
    WHOPA

 Nintendork 13 13 9:31 pm
    FUCK

 RawkHawk2010 9:31 pm
    JWIUWUwyhuw8yw
    GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY
    I TRIED OUT FOR THE SEQUEL TO THIS
    ...and failed.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:32 pm
    ....apparently I also forgot to put it in the oven.
    And just turned the oven on.
    So the chikin is fine.

 RawkHawk2010 9:33 pm
    what the hell is this
    Gadget Sands?

 Nintendork 13 13 9:33 pm
    Gadgetzan

 RawkHawk2010 9:33 pm
    Oh, something related to Hearthstone.
    I actually played that.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:33 pm
    wtf is this
    Schick Hydro bot?

 RawkHawk2010 9:34 pm
    A giant anthropomorphic razor.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:34 pm
    Is this product placement
    or is it game-related?

 RawkHawk2010 9:34 pm
    LOL
    Amazing.
    Be sure to screen this.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:34 pm
    uhhhhh

 Nintendork 13 13 9:34 pm
    The fighting game or
    I dunno.
    I didn't screen cap it.

The Game Awards Schick Hydro Lube Strip product placement fighting parody winner screen razor
...I screen-capped it later when it re-appeared!


 RawkHawk2010 9:34 pm
    Something relating to it.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:34 pm
    I'm too stunned.

 RawkHawk2010 9:35 pm
    Well.
    That one bit was more than some of the E3 conferences had.
    In terms of entertainment.
    ummmmmmmmmm
    Conan?!

 Nintendork 13 13 9:35 pm
    oh no not this again

 RawkHawk2010 9:35 pm
    What the hell?
    They had him last year?

 Nintendork 13 13 9:36 pm
    Yeah.
    They did.
    And 2014.

 RawkHawk2010 9:36 pm
    >best action game
    >all fpses

 Nintendork 13 13 9:36 pm
    So much for Mighty No. 9.

 RawkHawk2010 9:36 pm
    This whole thing is paid for by the FPS lobby!

 RawkHawk2010 9:36 pm
    Nothing but donors and special interests in the audience.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:37 pm
    lol
    no
    no
    no no no no no no no no no no no no no
    YOUTUBERS

 RawkHawk2010 9:38 pm
    who are these people
    I forgot'

 Nintendork 13 13 9:38 pm
    The Game Theory

 RawkHawk2010 9:38 pm
    I used to know who iJustine is.

 RawkHawk2010 9:39 pm
    I think she was the Apple shill.
    This is Best what?

 Nintendork 13 13 9:39 pm
    Impact.
    For social change.

 RawkHawk2010 9:39 pm
    where's go

 Nintendork 13 13 9:40 pm
    Where's Capture the Confederate Flag?

 RawkHawk2010 9:40 pm
    I refreshed
    And now I dunno who won

 Nintendork 13 13 9:40 pm
    Goes to

 RawkHawk2010 9:40 pm
    But someone's crying

 Nintendork 13 13 9:40 pm
    That Dragon Cancer

 RawkHawk2010 9:40 pm
    Now I'm probably twenty seconds ahead of you
    "Dragon Cancer exists...because my wife, my kids, my..."
    I thought he was gonna say because they all had cancer.
    And that this was a tribute. >.>

 RawkHawk2010 9:42 pm
    Oh wait

 Nintendork 13 13 9:42 pm
    I'll refresh

 RawkHawk2010 9:42 pm
    I think someone still died.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:42 pm
    "and to experience how we loved him"

 RawkHawk2010 9:43 pm
    "that right there is why we do the show, folks"

 Nintendork 13 13 9:43 pm
    "China is the biggest market out there for games"
    No it's not.

 RawkHawk2010 9:43 pm
    after going from Run the Jewels?

 Nintendork 13 13 9:44 pm
    The United States is.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:44 pm
    Oh I thought that was Nigel Farage's voice and got excited.

 RawkHawk2010 9:45 pm
    Oh hey, that soccer game with all the sentimenality.
    Why we do the show, folks.
    What if Nigel crashed the Game Awards?

 Nintendork 13 13 9:45 pm
    Ewwwwwww YouTubeeeeeerrrrss

 RawkHawk2010 9:45 pm
    "WHO ARE YOU?!"

 Nintendork 13 13 9:46 pm
    This studio is off to a bad start.
    Their entire business goal is to make a Game Awards announcement?

 RawkHawk2010 9:46 pm
    "Geoff, you have the charisma of a damp rag and the personality of a low-grade bank clerk."

 Nintendork 13 13 9:46 pm
    lol

 Nintendork 13 13 9:47 pm
    World premiere of "Dauntless" which Geoff says we'll be hearing a lot about in 2017.

 RawkHawk2010 9:47 pm
    We're not even halfway into this.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:47 pm
    dat character design

 RawkHawk2010 9:48 pm
    Looks like Skyward Sword.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:48 pm
    I blame Anita.

 RawkHawk2010 9:48 pm
    Is this the Zelda-killer, like how Knack was the Mario-killer?

 Nintendork 13 13 9:48 pm
    I liked where this was going until characters showed up.
    Uh... no?
    This is a F2P multiplayer PC game.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:49 pm
    "Chief Competition Officer from Electronic Arts, Peter Moore"
    BOOO

 RawkHawk2010 9:49 pm
    lol

 Nintendork 13 13 9:49 pm
    HE'S introducing YouTubers?
    "Trending Gamer, presented by Intel"
    uhhhhh
    AHHH

 RawkHawk2010 9:50 pm
    "YouTubers remind us of what it's like to play with our friends."

 Nintendork 13 13 9:50 pm
    FRANCIS

 RawkHawk2010 9:50 pm
    WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS
    TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF

 Nintendork 13 13 9:50 pm
    THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT
    Jareditton should be there.

 RawkHawk2010 9:51 pm
    lol

The Game Awards Chief Competition Officer Electronic Arts Peter Moor laughing happye
Glad to see that Peter Moore is in much better spirits than we are.


 Nintendork 13 13 9:51 pm
    I got a screencap of Peter Moore laughing.
    AHH

 RawkHawk2010 9:51 pm
    I still remember when Boogie got banned from NeoGAF.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:51 pm
    I'm getting my chikin this is scary

 RawkHawk2010 9:51 pm
    For being a #GamerGate sympthatizer.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:51 pm
    He's gonna get a stroke.

 RawkHawk2010 9:52 pm
    His wife is trying to stay hidden.
    And like, has a hood on.
    Or something.
    Boogie is literally a giant BALL.
    Like Violet after she consumes the gobstopper.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:54 pm
    back
    .........

 RawkHawk2010 9:54 pm
    Is Run the Jewels singing this?

 Nintendork 13 13 9:55 pm
    uh
    It sounds like Mother Brain.
    Sped up.

 RawkHawk2010 9:56 pm
    Is this Linkin Park?
    In the Titanfall 2 trailer?

 RawkHawk2010 9:56 pm
    "featuring innovative single player"

 Nintendork 13 13 9:56 pm
    ...

 RawkHawk2010 9:56 pm
    It's sad that has to be addressed
    Okay
    I remember these things.
    Vaguely.

 Nintendork 13 13 9:57 pm
    I don't.

 RawkHawk2010 9:57 pm
    The Murlocs.
    What is it with this Red Room music?

 Nintendork 13 13 9:57 pm
    "Why are you yelling?"
    Good question.

 RawkHawk2010 9:57 pm
    It makes it feel like this is some weird sex lounge.
    "I get paid to be excited!"

 Nintendork 13 13 9:58 pm
    Reminds of Brawl's Trophy Launcher music.
    ...kinda.
    Vibe-wise.

 RawkHawk2010 9:58 pm
    So they relegate every Japanese winner to the pre-show?

 Nintendork 13 13 9:59 pm
    He's recapping the pre-show.
    lol
    Best RPG is The Witcher 3

 RawkHawk2010 9:59 pm
    "Very excited for this next performance"
    Reggie?
    What if Reggie sang and danced?
    With Run the Jewels?

 Nintendork 13 13 9:59 pm
    Best music goes to DOOM
    (Spoiler alert: DOOM won't be nominated for KoopaTV's Best Music of 2016 award)

 RawkHawk2010 10:01 pm
    The yelling sounds like it was recorded while sky-diving.
    And uh
    Does this count as music?
    That was NOT music.
    Oh.
    That was the pre-show.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:01 pm
    The dude's getting a work out.
    You're ahead of me.
    *refresh*

 RawkHawk2010 10:01 pm
    I guess this is music now.
    Sounds like a Paper Mario Bowser battle.
    For the thirty seconds it lasted.
    DAMMIT
    EPILEPTICS ARE GONNA DIE FROM THIS

 Nintendork 13 13 10:02 pm
    You're gonna die tonight, motherfucker!

 Nintendork 13 13 10:03 pm
    I'm assuming that The Legend of Zelda: Symphony of the Goddesses is better than this.

 RawkHawk2010 10:03 pm
    *cue epileptic having a seizure in the audience and no one knows if he's having a fit or dancing*

 Nintendork 13 13 10:04 pm
    Someone just threw a stick.
    Can we have my voice-acting of Hillary Clinton in Capture the Confederate Flag as best performance?

 RawkHawk2010 10:05 pm
    Was that Abraham Lincoln being choked?
    In the Mafia game?

 Nintendork 13 13 10:05 pm
    I wasn't paying attention.

 RawkHawk2010 10:05 pm
    Nolan North
    I think he voices someone in Dragon Ball but I can't remember
    Wait
    Nah
    Troy Baker does

 Nintendork 13 13 10:06 pm
    dat murderous wife
    #PerformersLivesMatter

 RawkHawk2010 10:09 pm
    Nolan North reminds me of Robert De Niro in manerisms.
    1958
    What happened in 1958?
    Morgan You

 RawkHawk2010 10:11 pm
    "They'll know they exist because of the things WE did."
    That goes completely against the message of the last speech.
    Or maybe completely for it.
    Can't remember.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:12 pm
    I didn't pay attention to that trailer at all.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:13 pm
    I could be using this time to play Pokémon Moon.
    ...stupid VR
    Oh I thought this was the Hands Up music

 RawkHawk2010 10:15 pm
    lol

 Nintendork 13 13 10:15 pm
    Michael Phelps.

 RawkHawk2010 10:15 pm
    Michael Phelps was in the Infinity Warfare trailer?

 Nintendork 13 13 10:15 pm
    He could play as Nathan Drake.

 RawkHawk2010 10:15 pm
    Can we tie this into our Olympics article?

 Nintendork 13 13 10:16 pm
    No we're done with that.
    >_>

 RawkHawk2010 10:16 pm
    Maybe that's not really Michael Phelps.
    You know the rest.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:16 pm
    BTW I'm obligated to hope Hungrybox wins.

 RawkHawk2010 10:16 pm
    Are all these Koreans?

 Nintendork 13 13 10:16 pm
    uhhhhhh
    Well Hungrybox isn't.

 RawkHawk2010 10:17 pm
    Was Hungrybox on NSider?

 Nintendork 13 13 10:17 pm
    Probably.
    BOO

 RawkHawk2010 10:17 pm
    Or am I thinking of HUNGRYMINIBOMBKART?

 Nintendork 13 13 10:17 pm
    That guy isn't Korean either.

 RawkHawk2010 10:17 pm
    Are those the same person?

 Nintendork 13 13 10:17 pm
    no
    they're not

 RawkHawk2010 10:17 pm
    Oh.
    K I dunno who Hungry Box is then.
    Thought I did.
    For years.
    But I guess not.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:18 pm
    wtf deport this guy'

 Nintendork 13 13 10:18 pm
    He might as well be Korean.
    Nandin Lopez ‏@lilfruini 1m1 minute ago
    YEAH!!! YOU GO @LiquidHbox!!! YOU ARE THE MAN!!!!!
    HE LOST DUMBASS

 RawkHawk2010 10:18 pm
    lol

 Nintendork 13 13 10:18 pm
    He deleted the tweet.
    (I SAW IT, NANDIN.)
    Best Sports/Racing game

 RawkHawk2010 10:19 pm
    Sports/Racing?

 Nintendork 13 13 10:19 pm
    "Mayrio Kart"

 RawkHawk2010 10:19 pm
    Merryo

 Nintendork 13 13 10:19 pm
    I thought he'd say Pocket Card Jockey.

 RawkHawk2010 10:19 pm
    I wish that was here.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:19 pm
    Is that even nominated?

 RawkHawk2010 10:19 pm
    That might be my GOTY.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:19 pm
    FORZA
    MLB
    FIFA 17
    NBA 2K17

 Nintendork 13 13 10:20 pm
    PES 2017
    ...wot's dat one

 RawkHawk2010 10:20 pm
    All shit.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:20 pm
    FORZA Horizon 3 won.

 RawkHawk2010 10:20 pm
    Well.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:20 pm
    SORRY ALEX HUNTER.
    YOU LOST.

 RawkHawk2010 10:20 pm
    That's the best thing that could've won, I guess.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:20 pm
    I wanted FIFA 17 to win.

 RawkHawk2010 10:21 pm
    Aaron Greenberg looks like a snake in the grass.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:21 pm
    The president of Nintendo of America?!
    REGGIE FILS-AIME TO MAKE HIS ANNOUNCEMENT

 RawkHawk2010 10:21 pm
    Reggie

 Nintendork 13 13 10:21 pm
    AS TRUMP TEAM MEMBER

 RawkHawk2010 10:22 pm
    "...launched for the Famicom in Japan."
    ".....................................woo!"
    (from one audience member)
    YHUGE
    HE SAID YHUGE

 Nintendork 13 13 10:23 pm
    "Let's take a look."
    Eiji Aonuma's world premiere?
    "I'm sorry I can't be with you in person." He got Kojima'd?
    Bill Trinen and Nate Bihldorf.

 RawkHawk2010 10:24 pm
    A BIRD

 Nintendork 13 13 10:24 pm
    Kass is a minstrel bird.
    Is it bad I haven't thought about this game since E3?
    holy shit Link got rekt

 RawkHawk2010 10:25 pm
    I haven't either
    Link rolls down hills from damage?
    Did we know that?

 Nintendork 13 13 10:25 pm
    Game over.

 RawkHawk2010 10:25 pm
    Nate Bihldorff apparently voices Shy Bandit.
    Which is weird.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:26 pm
    Oooh chameleon enemies.
    Yooka could learn.

 RawkHawk2010 10:26 pm
    Flurry Rush is literally Witch Time.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:26 pm
    The Lizalfos are chameleons.




The Game Awards Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild versus Moblin guard Bill Trinen Nate Bihldorff
Uh... Something's wrong with the Moblin there.


 RawkHawk2010 10:27 pm
    is this a moblin
    this music isn't at all...uh...

 Nintendork 13 13 10:27 pm
    "Spiked Moblin Club"

 RawkHawk2010 10:27 pm
    ...tense.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:27 pm
    ...existing?

 RawkHawk2010 10:27 pm
    There was music when he was fighting a dude.
    And it wasn't appropriate.
    brb

 Nintendork 13 13 10:29 pm
    AHH
    SCHICK HYDRO
    Shovel Knight: Specter of Torment world premiere.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:31 pm
    (Not featuring Shovels)

 RawkHawk2010 10:31 pm
    is this the first sequel
    oh
    this was already announced
    Mark Cerny
    The real-life Stu Pickles

 Nintendork 13 13 10:32 pm
    Best Narrative.
    Is Ace Attorney here?
    ...no.

 RawkHawk2010 10:33 pm
    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Wv_Wqj8KsfE/hqdefault.jpg

 Nintendork 13 13 10:34 pm
    ...hm, yeah.
    So Uncharted 4 won best story and characters.

 RawkHawk2010 10:36 pm
    This is literally the Prince of Persia movie but with a higher budget.

 RawkHawk2010 10:36 pm
    Seriously, I brought this up at E3, but is there going to be a video game tie in with the movie?
    aka Assassin's Creed: The Movie: The Game?

 Nintendork 13 13 10:37 pm
    Should be.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:39 pm
    Digital bias.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:41 pm
    falling asleep

 RawkHawk2010 10:43 pm
    lol

 RawkHawk2010 10:43 pm
    The high points were Hydro Man and Run the Jewels.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:44 pm
    Hydro Man?

 RawkHawk2010 10:44 pm
    The show increasingly lost steam ever since.
    Whoever the razor guy was.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:44 pm
    ...the show never had steam.
    Schick Hydro.

 RawkHawk2010 10:44 pm
    yea

 Nintendork 13 13 10:44 pm
    http://www.schick.com/mens-razor-brands/schick-hydro
    (dat advertisement)

 Nintendork 13 13 10:46 pm
    "keep it out for Harambe, always"
    Get this clan outta here
    *clown
    Oh it's ISIS from E3
    that they showed twice.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:49 pm
    CAPCOM commercial!

The Game Awards Dead Rising 4 santa commercial CAPCOM ExoSuit
The commercial is for Dead Rising 4, and was better than most of the actual content of The Game Awards.


 RawkHawk2010 10:49 pm
    Somebody made a Harambe reference?

 Nintendork 13 13 10:49 pm
    Yes.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:52 pm
    I thought it'd be the Elite Beat Agents.
    wtf is this

 RawkHawk2010 10:53 pm
    I don't have the energy for this.

 Nintendork 13 13 10:53 pm
    JEB!?

 Nintendork 13 13 10:54 pm
    Like literally what are these people
    "Black Beatles"

The Game Awards Black Beatles shirtless singer black thug
I've never heard of The Black Beatles, and don't know who this guy is. He seems like a hoodlum.


 Nintendork 13 13 10:57 pm
    Best Action/Adventure game
    no Color Splash, but Dishonored 2 won.
    dude is filming the other dude with his phone
    sad
    ...
    >_>
    1 minute until the show is over.

 RawkHawk2010 11:01 pm
    .................

 Nintendork 13 13 11:02 pm
    ...

 Nintendork 13 13 11:03 pm
    ...

 RawkHawk2010 11:03 pm
    WHAT THE FUCK

 Nintendork 13 13 11:03 pm
    "The Game Awards aren't done yet."

 RawkHawk2010 11:04 pm
    Okay.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:04 pm
    I knew this'd happen.

 RawkHawk2010 11:04 pm
    So about "Let's hold them to that."
    Do we hold them to that?

 Nintendork 13 13 11:04 pm
    Uh... I know that's my quote
    but in wot way?

 Nintendork 13 13 11:06 pm
    Mass Effect Andromeda gameplay.
    Featuring a narrator.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:09 pm
    dat ain't real-time
    RIP
    Bitch got eaten.

 Nintendork 13 13 11:11 pm
    GOTY
    Overwatch
    can't keep eyes open

 RawkHawk2010 11:14 pm
    lol

 Nintendork 13 13 11:14 pm
    He said it's about diversity
    but his whole team are white dudes.
    bye

 RawkHawk2010 11:15 pm
    see ya



Will KoopaTV's staffers ever wake up from their The Game Awards-induced comas? Will Rawk ever see Ludwig ever again?! Stay tuned to KoopaTV for implicit answers to these questions!


Last year's The Game Awards just had Ludwig, and he was a bit distracted. For good reason. It sucked, too. 
2014's The Game Awards were divided into two halves. Here's the first. 
The second half of 2014's The Game Awards is the part with The Legend of Zelda in it.
And just for completion, here's VGX, or The Game Awards in 2013, with the rented hotel.

4 comments :

  1. Hydro Bot was the best appearance of the night after the Zelda footage. That really says something about just how terrible TGA are. If it wasn't for the Nintendo Treehouse footage, I wouldn't have even watched it to begin with. KoopaTV's That Game of the Year Awards are far superior in every way imaginable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, product placement shouldn't be the best feature.

      Thanks. We'll be looking forward to making our GOTY great again.

      Delete
  2. Well, sounds like it was a good thing that I didn't take time out of my day to watch it. I can catch up with the Zelda trailers on YouTube, and then I should be set.

    "Extended gameplay clips of games."

    Y'know, I wouldn't've known the gameplay clips would have been of games if they hadn't specified. Good job Geoff, helping the common man understand such sophisticated concepts. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To be fair, there was a gameplay clip of a product placement commercial, too!

      Delete

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