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Thursday, December 22, 2016

We're Hiring Roxy, With KoopaTV!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - KoopaTV's very own trained and qualified journalist.

With all of the emphasis that KoopaTV has been putting on bashing the news media, with its ridiculous false-reporting of just about every issue, it's come to our attention that there are people out there who actually believe KoopaTV is a trustworthy source of news.

After all, it's been my policy (and I'm the one that does the vast majority of the writing around here) to only do commentary on things that are actually happening in the news. With the advent of both mainstream media and alternative media sources engaging in so-called “fake news”, people are relying on my judgment not only to know how to think, but what the basic things that are occurring even are.

You guys don't have to rely on me, you know. I want to empower you to be able to decipher things for yourselves, which is why I wrote this comprehensive guide on how to read and interpret news stories as a tool for you to use to develop skills for yourself.

Yet, since the market demands it, KoopaTV has just made another new hire! We'd like to introduce you to Roxy.

Roxy avatar KoopaTV Pokémon Diamond Pearl Platinum interviewer
Roxy's 65x65 avatar.

Roxy brings some much-unneeded diversity to the KoopaTV staff. She is the first human to ever be a KoopaTV staff member, for instance, and she also happens to be female. Roxy has a Bachelor's degree in Journalism with a minor in Philosophy from Fourah Bay College.

In short, she was unemployed and didn't seem to have any prospects. She applied to KoopaTV and flat-out told us that she's willing to supply some content for us, but most of her time will be looking for a “real job” that “actually pays.” I admired her truth & levity, so here she is on our staff.

Roxy will be doing... news stuff. I'm not entirely sure what that will involve, or what her gaming experience actually is. I kinda forgot to ask her in the interview.

Roxy KoopaTV reporting The Wonderful 1237 Pokémon Pearl Platinum Diamond
Roxy reporting in front of the KoopaTV green screen. (Unfortunately, we can only afford a white-painted wall.)

It looks like she's going to drop an absolutely massive news story tomorrow, though. If all goes well, she will go down forever in KoopaTV history. (In a good way.)

Say hello to Roxy. KoopaTV will be sure to relay your greetings or whatever to her. Hopefully, she will only deal with the realest of real news!

If you would like to apply to KoopaTV as well, click here for what that involves! Roxy elected for the “None of these quite fit your skills?” option.
It turns out that Roxy, and that picture of her in front of the white-painted wall, are from KoopaTV's new videogame, The Wonderful 1237!
Eleven months later, Roxy has left the staff.

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