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Monday, August 14, 2017

WE'RE ALIVE! Regent, Sierra Leone MUDSLIDE Kills HUNDREDS!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - KoopaTV's office wasn't directly affected by the mudslide.

It is fairly common knowledge that the staffers at KoopaTV are excellent, kind-hearted people just looking to help our local communities. Princess Wendy O. Koopa and myself (Prince Ludwig Von Koopa) decided to help our neighbours out in the quaint country of Sierra Leone, Africa. (We hope it's also common knowledge that KoopaTV's office and headquarters on Earth is in Freetown, Sierra Leone, selected for its excellent real estate values.) KoopaTV truly loves the Sierra Leonean people — their great hospitality, welcoming royal Koopas in their human land and allowing us to co-exist in harmony (as long as the Ebola is kept under wraps). We had already dedicated today to being community service day, and we headed over to Ma Soupswill's soup kitchen in Freetown. We're just do-gooding, humankind-loving humanitarians.

However, we quickly discovered something was very wrong once we got to Ma Soupswill's soup kitchen. There was an absolutely horrific tragedy that happened today near Freetown, Sierra Leone: In the Sierra Leonean area of Regent, just sort of south of our headquarters, there was a massive mudslide that killed at least over 200 people. If you look at mudslide history, you'll know that these subset of landslides can be absolutely devastating to structures and people, and they have a tendency to wipe things out. That's compounded thanks to Sierra Leone having bad infrastructure in general, along with the non-stop torrential rain and thunderstorms we've been having since before E3 2017 over two months ago. (For years, we've been donating a percentage of KoopaTV's profits to help strengthen Sierra Leone's infrastructure, but those amounts are unfortunately nowhere near enough to solve the problem.)

Sierra Leone Freetown Sugar Loaf Mountain rain cloud mudslide Mario Party Piranha's Pursuit
Here's one explanation for why there's so much rain.
With the heavy rains, the mud has no choice but to roll off Freetown's Sugar Loaf Mountain.

Let me reiterate: Every staff member at KoopaTV is okay, along with our office. ...At least, in terms of the mudslide. 

We rushed in as impromptu aid volunteers to assist the thousands of affected people. Thousands are homeless. Hundreds are dead. The homeless need clean food, water, and shelter. Wendy and I lugged around big crates of supplies and soup (thanks to Ma Soupswill). Kamek, Vortexica, Roxy, and Rawk helped get some people into our office for a place to stay.

All seemed to be going well. Wendy and I used our Koopa Clown Cars for support — after all, if we have vehicles to help transport goods, then obviously we're going to use them. Thanks to everything being covered in mud and bad-quality roads, it was a tough ride, but we kept up the heavy lifting. Anything for the good people of Sierra Leone!

Sierra Leone Regent Freetown mudslide Super Smash Bros. 3DS Distant Planet Ludwig Von Koopa Wendy O. Ma Soupswill humanitarian aid assistance Koopalings
Our beginning, middle, and end to KoopaTV's attempt at humanitarianism for the people of Sierra Leone.

There was one particularly weak-looking boy who needed our help. He was in a white shirt and a straw hat, and had no fashion sense at all. He caught our attention. I couldn't tell if he was covered in mud and barely alive, or if he just looked like that normally. Either way, Wendy and I carried some crates just to him, with Ma Soupswill looking by. Suddenly, the boy tried to grab not only our supply crates, but also our Koopa Clown Cars! Maybe he wanted to escape his crappy living conditions?

I don't exactly know what went through that kid's head, or how what happened next actually happened. (I'm an artist, not a scientist. ...Wendy is an artist too.) I think all of the mud in our cars' exhaust pipes, plus the force and excessive mud from the boy...well, maybe there was something weird in the supply crates too. (I don't know about cars, either. I'm more of a planes fellow.)

Regardless of why or how, there was a big explosion. Our humanitarian efforts were done for the day, and Wendy and I were sent flying off in different directions. ...All while Ma Soupswill continued the aid. IT WAS A TERRIBLE DAY FOR KoopaTV!

We're done being humanitarians. Koopatarians only! ...We're also kicking every Sierra Leonean out of our office starting immediately after publishing. (That's at the crack of sunlight in Sierra Leone's timezone.)

Never fear: KoopaTV still remains committed to Sierra Leone, and KoopaTV won't move its headquarters. Sierra Leone is instrumental towards KoopaTV's goal of sourcing the best talent Earth has to offer. KoopaTV also necessitates a physical presence somewhere on Earth in order to serve KoopaTV's web pages to humans on Earth. From now on, however, KoopaTV will be donating a marginally smaller percentage of profits towards Sierra Leonean development. ...And if a KoopaTV staffer ever see that boy again, he is going to... well, that can't be published here.

Sierra Leone may have a lot of natural disasters, but it's not any more of a bad place than where you're from.


  1. I wrote an essay over the Gorkha Earthquake and its resulting mudslides a few months ago for my Geology class. While researching the incident, I learned that the mudslides ending up being even more devastating than the initial quake. It truly is a tragedy that happened in Sierra Leone. I hope that the citizens will recover and increase their infrastructure.

    1. I blame the Gorkha Earthquake on Sebastian Gorka. The White House should fire him immediately.

      Thanks for your hope!


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