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Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Missile Scares in Hawaii and Japan; Missile Scares Everywhere

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You can playfully relive the missile scares caused by the Soviet Union in Soviet Missile Run.

In the span of a few days, the state of Hawaii's emergency alert system issued a FAKE NEWS “this is not a drill” alert that a ballistic missile was incoming, which wasn't corrected for over half an hour. The nation of Japan's public news network, NHK, sent out a FAKE NEWS alert that North Korea has launched a missile at Japan.

With deadly missiles on everyone's mind, we invite everyone to play KoopaTV's new videogame, Soviet Missile Run. It's the genesis of the missile threats you find now.

If you don't play it, then no one will be able to stop the Soviet Union's missile production, and the world may end a lot sooner than you expect. You might look at these FAKE NEWS alerts and then not take them seriously when there is a real missile incoming.

In the event you can't play Soviet Missile Run because you are using a mobile device, then your only choice is to DUCK AND COVER. That's another aspect of life where Koopas have it WAY better than humans, as Bert demonstrates:

Bert the turtle Duck and Cover film movie hands protect over neck head
Bert is about to withdraw into his shell to save himself from nuclear fallout.
Ducking and covering is actually helpful if you see a flash of light, as opposed to just government propaganda
meant to give you false hope.

If you are going to have a lot more of a personal interaction with missiles, and you're a shell-less human, then once again, I ask you to check out Soviet Missile Run. The protagonist, Varya, is up-close-and-personal with many, MANY missiles. She knows what to do. Learn from her. She has experience with both the CIA and the KGB, back when missiles were flying everywhere.

Soviet Missile Run level 3 Entering the Union Varya missiles
Do you know what you would do if a missile was flying right at you,
and your only shelter was another missile you were standing on?
Watching Duck and Cover won't help you, so you better play Soviet Missile Run!

One more time: Play Soviet Missile Run right here on KoopaTV, for free!

While Ludwig lacks the guts to jump around from missile to missile and using them as platforms, he has his shell. Most people reading this don't have that, so missile-survival training is critical. KoopaTV is not a substitute for proper civil defence training, though it can be used as an unsanctioned supplement.

The game also is educational on history, which explains current events.
Tulsi Gabbard was affected enough by the missile scare to make it her closing statement in a presidential debate.


  1. I’ll tell you want I'm gonna do. I say, I’ll tell you what I’m
    gonna do. You get rid of that freaking MISSILE critter and maybe I’ll
    help you out. Just maybe. Oh, just one more thing, I say, just one more
    thing. You may run into my friend BERT. Just mention my name, RAWK, and
    everything will be just dandy.

  2. It's kinda strange how all of these FAKE NEWS missle crises come out after your game /launched/...

  3. After playing Soviet Missile Run, I am prepared for any missile that comes my way. All this time, I thought seeking cover underground was the best option to survive a nuclear holocaust. In reality, the best way to make out alive is to use the missiles as platforms and ascend into space. Thanks for the tip.


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