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Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Bonds and Stock...ings?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Well, if you wanna get Ludwig excited without getting having to get him into a rant...

Ludwig would like to mention this article has a content warning for mild sexual content. And this exists because of the Requests Section.

So... once upon a time, Ludwig was a young Koopaling growing up. And then he stopped being so young and now he's a crusty old koot. In-between those times in Ludwig's life, he started to have strange feelings within him, which results in videos such as this:

Statements like these get Ludwig totally different than how he usually is.

Sexy Poker Yui cop police officer handcuff and baton treatment strip Wii Ware
Y-Yes ma'am!
Foxy Vigilante squish you under my stilettos Professor Layton vs. Phoenix Wright
Y-Y-Yes ma'am!

It's inexplicable as to why Ludwig gets this sort of reaction, and it only seems to happen from women. Scientists have tried to study the Koopa, but he's completely anti-science so he won't let them near him. (That's why people now know Iggy as the science Koopa instead of Ludwig, like it used to be.)

Anyway, Ludwig thinks it is a positive development that games are getting more and more women like this, and that it's a benefit of the new awareness that more women should be in games. (But not if the women exist for male gratification, then it's sexist and scummy. The women must exist because they want to be in charge, not because guys around them like it that way.)

Palutena's Revolting Dinner Power of Caging Kid Icarus Uprising animation Lady Palutena dominatrix
"Now remember your place, friends. On my dinner plate!"

Women like Lady Palutena, otherwise known as goddess Palutena, is a great example of being her own woman. She's in charge of many men, including the Centurion Guards and Pit. They respect her, and also fear her. They know if they screw up, she'll pluck their wings or something, or subject them to the Power of Caging (see above). This makes Lady Palutena a powerful character, and just because some guys (like Ludwig) like Lady Palutena even more because of that, does not make Lady Palutena a sex object subject to the criticisms from the likes of Anita Sarkeesian.

Lady Palutena chooses to exert her power if necessary, but she prefers to be a real leader, inspiring a vision of justice. And justice includes punishment!

Skyworld never needed jails before Pit Kid Icarus Uprising Chapter 20 Palutena's Temple dialogue quote
Skyworld has never needed jails before because Lady Palutena could make cages spawn out of nowhere.

Some may suggest that there is a familial tie to Ludwig's particular fondness for using one's position of power to prevent someone else from having any power themselves. A distant relative named Doug Bowser used GameCube controllers to tie up the diabolical Mario Bros., and for all we know, they're still tied up. (Unless the controller was needed for something else, like playing Super Mario Sunshine?) Ludwig may have just wanted to know what it feels like.

Mario arrested Super Mario Sunshine jail cell
The Koopa family finds this satisfying. ...Not in a perverted way.

Super Princess Peach intro Mario Luigi Toad captured kidnapped jail
Toad secretly loves it, though.

Ludwig even based one (but only that one) videogame purchase, Mighty Switch Force, off of the idea of the game's flavour. When Mighty Switch Force 2 changed the scenario to fire-fighting from being a police officer, Ludwig didn't pick up the game. Sorry WayForward.

It bears repeating: This is totally inexplicable phenomenon. Why would anyone want to lose their sense of control over their own fate? It makes who we are as resilient folk to want to struggle and keep up the good fight.

The Legend of Zelda The Wind Waker Tetra don't struggle Link barrel
...Yet there's just something about this value proposition that Ludwig can't resist. ...Well, he literally can't anyway.
One way or another, Ludwig clearly likes a bit of force in women. It makes things exciting, like eating a Zess Dynamite from Zess T. Everyone reading this knows that Ludwig has done some really dumb, bone-headed things in the past, and it's up to someone to set him straight by whatever means necessary.

Zero Suit Samus dominatrix Ludwig Von Koopa Plasma Whip Super Smash Bros. For Wii U
Check out more screenshots like the above right here.
...By the way, Pit is clearly full of shit regarding Skyworld's jails. Look right there!

You can set Ludwig straight too, dear KoopaTV commenters. Comment in the comments sections for KoopaTV articles about all the things Ludwig gets wrong in his articles (and outside his articles for his general lack of moral behaviour despite lecturing people on moral behaviour) and you can win a $10 Nintendo eShop card! Remember, giving requests from the Requests page (much like the one that started this article) also can help you win that prize!

Vortexica shares what gets his double entendres going here.
Does Bayonetta have anything to do with this article's theme? Maybe.
Ludwig thinks the cops are bad for society, despite his...personal feelings displayed here.


  1. Good read, good read.
    Could've been more specific, but good read.
    I don't find this fetish peculiar in any way, Luddy.
    In fact, I kind of like it myself.
    There's something about being used by your lover in a diabolical and sadistic, yet romantic and sexy way is just arousing.
    Again, thanks for the read.

    1. Did you notice how the article is entirely written in third-person? That's probably why it wasn't specific and it avoided using certain terms/clear definitions, since it skirted around the issue.

      We hope you were "aroused" by the read. ohohohoh

    2. Yeah, I noticed that, but..
      Oh well.
      And it could've used moar pr0nz.

    3. Then I would've had to bump the content warning higher than "mild sexual content".

    4. *giggles* Something wrong?

    5. Yeah I had to wake up 6-7 hours after.

    6. Why must you disappoint me like this..?

    7. Kumie no like when Luddy no love him.

  2. Yet you still aren't a Bayonetta fan. *shakes head*

    1. sowwy

      Something about Bayonetta rubs me the wrong way.
      (I also really don't like her Bayonetta 2 haircut.)

    2. *sigh* Here I thought this was my chance to pull you in.

    3. You could have a better proposition to pull me that direction than shaking your head. >.>

    4. Hey, I TRIED "it's incredibly fun," "it's one of the best games I played last year and its sequel is better," and similar arguments, but they failed.

    5. Meanwhile, Bayonetta's relevance to this article just seemed obvious.

    6. My QA department (Rawk) said:

      "I thought Bayonetta was too obvious."

      (Bayonetta wasn't discussed or mentioned at all while writing this article.)

      Why didn't I mention Franziska?

      ...(Besides that I don't actually find her attractive.)

    7. I know you're not a Franziska fan, but I swear you once called her a sex goddess.

    8. ...I don't remember calling her a sex goddess. I totally deny that claim!

    9. Oh do you now?

      It took a long time, but I FOUND it. I dug through all our old conversations until I FOUND it. XDDD

    10. ...Well, you earned your Truth point for today.

  3. Are these types of articles prominent on the site lol

    1. No.
      As we stressed, this was from a request. Not our normal article topic ideas. <.<

    2. Alright, well that's a relief:)

  4. Okay so I didn't really read the article cause the video was more than enough <.<
    What I got from this is that
    1. YOU ARE A KINKY ASS MOFO LMAOOOO-good for roses to know
    2. Your voice cracks me up literally every time I hear it lol
    3. If you took parts of the audio out of the video it would definitely fit in a porno
    4. You have a policewoman fetish- also good for roses to know
    5.I didn't at all need to know about you being in underwear that was gross. After that you started moaning which was also disgusting. That was just ew idk why I kept watching after that lol.
    6. This game is ass don't play it please.
    7. Never do something like this again please
    That's all really fam like please never do this again my nigga seriouly.

    1. Hey, the Let's Play was from 2011!
      If you're asking what Kamek does for KoopaTV, well, he Gifted me the Sexy Poker game.

      If my voices cracks you up, check out the voice-acting of KoopaTV's videogames! You can check out just the voice-acting compilations here:

  5. I also want to be squished by stilettos.... Y-yes ma'm! ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ

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