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Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Global Warming and A Good Snowman

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's a conspiracy to raise the price of videogames.

Once upon a time, while we were fighting off fascists, some indie developers in an abandoned coffee shop in the English city of Coventry wanted to make a quick pre-Christmas game. That resulted in A Good Snowman Is Hard To Build on the PC, released now.

We wouldn't be talking about it if not for a very interesting price gimmick: They are (for a limited time until March 10th) pricing the game according to what the temperature is in London on that particular day. In Celsius. (For more on Celsius and the United Kingdom, ask KoopaTV's Vortexica.)

Immediate question: Why are they pricing it based on London when they are based in Coventry? The average temperatures for London are higher than the average temperatures for Coventry, of course! The average highs in Coventry for February and March are 7.2 and 9.9 degrees Celsius, respectively. For London? 8.5 and 11.1. The average lows are 1.0 and 2.9 in Coventry, and in London they are 3.4 and 5.0. Now if I was pricing a game, I'd pick the place with higher numbers. And then cover it up with, "Well, London is the only city in Britain anyway!"

The game is normally $12 (that's USD) on Steam, so judging by the averages, you're better off not buying it off Steam. Yes, the conversion is from Celsius to USD. Doesn't make any sense to me, but whatever. What does make sense is that the price is higher on Steam because, you know, steam is pretty hot!

A Good Snowman Is Hard to Build videogame indie pay what the temperature is
The only good snowman is a melted one.

You think the developers can look in advance what the temperatures will be? Hah! Hardly! Weathermen can't predict anything! WSB Radio meteorologist Kirk Mellish admits,
"Weather forecasts will have a much shorter "shelf life" than usual next 5-10 days. An old mentor of mine used to say, "sometimes there is nothing more perishable than a weather forecast".  Weather is a moving target. It's like the traffic, just wait a minute and it will change and its always different across the Metro even at the same time."
Wanna know the real truth of the matter? The game developers bought into the "global warming" hoax. They really think that the Earth is getting warmer! Here's the logic: "We're going to have this quirky pricing scheme. That will get all the news outlets, even those commentating creeps at KoopaTV, talking. Meanwhile, we're going to charge the game for more money and it will be totally fair to consumers because they think it's based on an independent factor!"

So they get more revenue AND free publicity. (And OF COURSE they know about KoopaTV! ...That's why we hired Vortexica to begin with, so everyone in the United Kingdom would know!)

Of course, little do they realise that global warming is a hoax and they're going to get less money than they thought. For all we know, they're going overtime in putting supposedly-dangerous carbon emissions into the atmosphere trying to warm the planet for more money (or at least $12 on Steam). Get all the cows and feed them the English equivalent of Taco Bell! As a matter of fact, Coventry, England is like the Detroit of England, with many motor companies setting up shop in Coventry. Lots of motors → lots of emissions → higher temperatures → profit! They probably indoctrinate the heck out of you there with guilt-tripping. Extrapolate over the rest of the country (consisting of only London) and then... the world.

Pretty ambitious plan for a random indie project, right? We admire the gall, though question their science.

Ludwig did not consult UK resident Vortexica (or anyone else, for that matter) when writing this article. He's a staunch believer that global warming (now known as "climate change") is a total hoax. He won't actually buy A Good Snowman but thinks it's sort of cute. He questions the science behind global warming, but you're free to question his sanity.

Ludwig wasn't pleased at the Opening Ceremony of Rio 2016 being dedicated to climate change.
Some people believe the hoax so much, they are trying to kill off innocent species.

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