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Monday, August 7, 2017

The Torkoal of West Virginia

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Ending the WAR ON TORKOAL.

Are you wondering about why Torkoal has returned to prominence in the Pokémon world all of a sudden? Could it be that, suddenly, there is a President of the United States of America that is unleashing “fossil fuel” energy? There is a lot of demonisation of coal, especially because of the War on Coal propagated by the former President, President Barack Hussein Obama. That's along with totally failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton — she's the one who vowed to put a lot of coal miners and coal mines out of business.

That's a direct threat to Torkoal's survival. See these Torkoal Pokédex entry excerpts:
You find abandoned coal mines full of them. They dig tirelessly in search of coal.”
Coal is the source of Torkoal’s energy.”
“If the fire burning within its shell goes out, it will die.”

Essentially, under the Democrat Party, Torkoal would become extinct, and we would lose our all-turtle Pokémon lineup. That is a problem for some decent Democrats, such as Jim Webb of Virginia, who wished for an all-of-the-above energy policy. It was also a problem for new governor of West Virginia, Jim Justice, who is a billionaire coal magnate who refused to endorse Hillary Clinton due to her anti-coal stance.

Therefore, Jim Justice switched his party registration from Democrat to Republican on Friday, August 4, 2017. In doing so, he is saving the Torkoal from extinction! We have a picture representation of what this looks like:

West Virginia Jim Justice Torkoal coal mining fusion Drought global warming KoopaTV
The Torkoal of West Virginia, Governor Jim Justice!

We hope Democrats will appreciate that keeping Torkoal alive — they haven't forgotten about their previously strong pro-non-human-living-creatures stance, right? — actually helps in their pro-solar energy stance. After all, the reason that Torkoal is prominent once more is because Torkoal in the Alola region have been spotted with the Drought ability. Drought means more sunlight, which means more solar energy. Supporting the coal industry helps the solar energy industry. Now THAT'S an all-of-the-above energy policy!

Some say (including Al Gore, not that anyone listens to him anymore) the reason Drought is now an ability is because global warming (or “climate change”) has gotten to an extreme and irreversible point. The left-wing blames animals and Pokémon alike, wishing for the genocide of methane-emitting cows and coal-emitting Torkoal. We're happy to have real conservationists like Jim Justice along with us in opposing this leftist agenda. He stands for, well, justice. We at KoopaTV will defend these precious gifts to the universe!


This post was directly influenced by the concurrence of West Virginia governor Jim Justice changing his party from Democrat to Republican, and the serebii.net Pokémon of the Week being Torkoal, around the same time. This article was updated shortly after it was published to replace the picture of the Jim Justice-Torkoal fusion. It originally featured Mr. Justice in his whole suit fused with Torkoal. KoopaTV believes this new picture is better.


Naughty people are very important to the coal industry.
Ludwig thinks global warming is a hoax anyway.

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