We're a twelfth done with the year. It's kind of a disaster, in that I originally typed “January 2016” in the article headline. Yes, I'm STILL having trouble coming to grips with what year this is.
That's not the only problem we're facing, however, so let's start with... BAD NEWS.
KoopaTV Article Production To Be Cut 40%
Horrifying header, isn't it? But it's true. You see, given the recent global conflicts of the world and a certain President of the United States (not President Barack Hussein Obama — we're done with him, finally) trying to make a name for himself, KoopaTV is caught in a precarious position.
Remember: Our Earth headquarters is in Sierra Leone. Sierra Leone is a Muslim-majority country filled with dark-skin people. It's a ripe target for some immigration policy and economic controls, and Sierra Leone itself is fed up. On the Sierra Leone side, they're trying to boycott America. On the American side, they want to restrict immigration and imports from Sierra Leone. We at KoopaTV condemn this behaviour from the man whom we helped elect with our election meddling.
As a result, we must smuggle our articles into the United States (where KoopaTV's servers are located) from Sierra Leone through the Southern border, which is currently under extra scrutiny as work on THE WALL is beginning. Due to the added costs of having to perform this measure, and the fact that we're making no additional revenue (0 + 0 = 0), we are making a Three-Fifths Compromise with you, the reader, to only have three articles a week instead of five.
We plan for articles to be published Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, effective immediately.
That said, if something very important needs to be published on a particular Tuesday or Thursday, we'll try to do our best to smuggle it as soon as we can!
We will try our best to make up for the lost quantity with added quality. We once had a lengthy discussion back in 2015 about what would happen if KoopaTV went to one article a week instead of five. Going to three seems like a balance, doesn't it? (Not that balance is always... good.)
Personally, I was extremely upset that Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma was robbed of a chance to win Best 3DS Game of 2016 on KoopaTV, or be nominated for any other category. As I admitted back in November 2016, I haven't played it even though I've owned it for a while — and I STILL haven't played it. Surely, KoopaTV being a time-suck is somewhat to blame? (So are Pokémon Moon and Paper Mario: Color Splash, though.)
Announcing: Wonderful Wednesdays!
With three KoopaTV articles a week now, and an amazing videogame in The Wonderful 1237 that we've promised to promote the hell out of but kind of haven't, I've decided on a new initiative: Wonderful Wednesdays! Every Wednesday (unless superseded by something very important and timely), we're going to dedicate article space to The Wonderful 1237.
There is a lot of depth and discussion to be had about The Wonderful 1237, and a very large amount of strategy guides that need to be made for it. There are seventeen opposing candidates in The Wonderful 1237, each with their own unique minigame: That means months of articles to go through if we do one a week.
To make this not boring for you, I want to reveal something: For minigame/candidate strategy guides, I'll embed that candidate's minigame into the article. Thanks to The Wonderful 1237's modular programming, I'm pretty sure I can do that... relatively easily. I haven't actually tried to make all of these separate yet, but the required programming work makes sense in my head.
By the way: Production on KoopaTV's 2017 game is not underway or moving at all. In fact, we have no ideas, unless you count non-videogames. We do have ideas for that, though I'm not sure if you'd be disappointed if we released a KoopaTV collectible card game or a KoopaTV board game for our 2017 game. Maybe I should ask in the KoopaTV Feedback Form Part IX... but before that...
Hey, Fill Out KoopaTV Feedback Form Part VIII and Quiz Part VIII!
Before we discuss Part IX, let's turn the attention to the currently-existing Part VIII of our Feedback Form and Quiz series. If you haven't filled them out already... go do that. They're FUN. Plus, you get points in the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program! Speaking of that...
KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Leaderboard Round 12 Update
...You'll see that those that filled out the forms have a big advantage in the standings for the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program. Round 12 ends February 27, and the prize is a $10 eShop code!
Here's what those standings are, specifically the top 5:
- Kody B. — 47 points
- Nandin Lopez — 45 points
- Lheticus Videre — 29 points
- Ray — 24 points
- Charssie God — 22 points
Some more tips: Referring people can be an easy way to get points. Writing guest posts can bring huge benefits, as well. We especially like it when they augment our normal offerings. Speaking of which...
Top 5 Recommended KoopaTV Articles of January 2017
...It's time for some recommendations for articles you should've read. Or maybe you should read them AGAIN. Everything on KoopaTV is worth reading, but we want to highlight these five (in chronological order):
- Is Voice-Acting Overvalued?
- We Received a DMCA Takedown Notice From “Nate Bihldorff”
- The Super Mario Odyssey Nintendo Switch Presentation Trailer
- Nostalgia and Video Games: What's Enticing About the Retro World
- Nintendo Switch Ends Region Locking; President Trump Begins It
KoopaTV hopes that you will support it through these difficult times of Earthly persecution. Please share KoopaTV to your friends and RAISE AWARENESS of the struggles generated by the new administration. ...KoopaTV still doesn't regret its support, given the alternative.
Read KoopaTV's December 2016 newsletter here!
The real January 2016 newsletter is readable here. It was a simpler time.
Next month's February 2017 newsletter is here!
KoopaTV could've always announced a hiatus in February instead.