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Monday, May 27, 2013

A Call for Memorial

By RAWKHAWK2010 - Or why Sticker Star makes me sicker and scarred.

Today we honor the lives of many of our closest friends and allies. They hosted trivia, did archaeology, trained dudes in the Martial Arts, feared Bowser's accounting, and without them the Shadow Queen would have plunged Star World into darkness even darker than Sticker Star's.

And Miyamoto fucking killed them.

Now, some of the more stupid Mario fans may echo Miyamoto's sentiment that Mario didn't need any of these characters since he was able to save the day in Intelligent Systems's Paper Mario: Sticker Star without them. But let's not forget that Sticker Star's main threat was a Bowser that couldn't even talk. Presumably because if Bowser COULD talk, he would have convinced the players that what he was doing wasn't the least bit wrong at all. (Or maybe the entire game was Bowser's cry for help after Miyamoto stole his voice...and probably a bunch of other stuff, too.)

To make things worse, Bowser can't even get help during these dark times. After all, with all the interesting characters now purged from the series forever, what sensible foreign menace would have any fascination with trying to destroy Star World NOW?

...None, because it's already destroyed. And is never coming back.

Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door Don't Forget Memorial TTYD
This is worse than Ash and his Pidgeot.

...to the Kolorado and the Gourmet Guy and the Ninja Koopas...
...to the Doopliss and the Pennington and the Rawk Hawk...
...to the Bleck and the Francis and the Squirp Korogaline Squirpina... 
...to all you dudes...
...I'll remember you. Even if Miyamoto won't.

(R.I.P.)


Want to help memorialize a pre-Sticker Star Star World? Add Rawk on Miiverse (RawkHawk2010) and together we can abuse the sad face emoticon like Miyamoto abused our favorite characters.


For KoopaTV's Memorial Day 2014 article, this time for Super Smash Bros. Brawl, click here!
Miyamoto abused the entire game and its developers. More on that here.
Paper Mario: Color Splash revived the Paper Mario series and fixed what Paper Mario: Sticker Star did wrong.

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