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Thursday, July 30, 2020

Rest in Peace, Herman Cain

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Aw, shucky ducky...

I don't know how to really start this off, so let's who-what-where-when-why it.

Former Republican presidential candidate (2011–2012), businessman, and media personality Herman Cain, 74 (born December 13, 1945), died today (July 30, 2020) from the Chinese Communist Party Virus (COVID-19) in an Atlanta hospital, after being hospitalised and diagnosed at the beginning of July 2020. This was less than two weeks after attending President Donald John Trump's rally in Tulsa, Oklahoma. It's not officially confirmed that rally is where he got the coronavirus, but it did represent a big opportunity to get it.

KoopaTV cares because this website would not exist if it were not for Herman Cain. On a personal level, Herman Cain has been the single most influential figure in my life over the past nine (nine nine) years, serving as a pro-social, pro-human father figure that lifted my life from a direction that would probably end up being in a much darker (or... non-existent by now) place. I don't say that lightly. I'm not one to attach much, if any value, to celebrities or to others in general. Herman Cain was different.

To anyone who knew and witnessed Herman Cain, they'd find him to be an extremely smart but jovial man. Some people underestimated him because of his warm demeanor and propensity for jokes, but he was sharp and in command of the facts. That influenced KoopaTV's truth & levity approach to our content, alongside the fact that KoopaTV is a direct parody of CainTV, Herman Cain's whacky political commentary site established after he dropped out of the race. I still follow and read it to this day, though I don't know what'll happen after its namesake has passed. (Hence archived web links in the second paragraph.)

Herman Cain back in 2011–2012 enamoured me with his personality and genuinely good policy instincts (the 9-9-9 plan and FAIRTax advocacy that I continue to this day)—I actually printed out his 9-9-9 tax plan details and had a kitchen table discussion with my family about it. First time I ever did that for something on politics... or any subject, actually. Herman Cain actually got me pro-actively following American politics.

But it's not just his politics and personality that was appealing. It was also Herman Cain's backstory.

Here is an excerpt of an event with Herman Cain (back in 2011) describing the biggest challenge of his life: being diagnosed with Stage IV colon and liver cancer:

It's a very impactful story, and it also caps off (well, besides COVID-19) many other challenges Mr. Cain has faced in his life. He grew up during the Civil Rights movement in Atlanta, Georgia in poverty. His dad worked three jobs while his mom was a domestic worker. He had to deal with segregation and racism as he focused on getting a good education at Morehouse College and then Perdue University. He got to work as a rocket scientist for the U.S. Navy, and then became a business legend for Pillsbury at Burger King and Godfather's Pizza, turning around the companies from nigh-failure to relative success. (All while encountering bigotry of low expectations due to his skin colour.) (By the way, Herman Cain ultimately ended up on Team Pizza, which is the correct team.)

Not only did it inspire me to want to go into business (my college entrance essay was about why Herman Cain was my hero), but it also gave me some, well, perspective on experiences that black people faced in recent-history America, which previously I was ignorant of due to not really corresponding with any black folks. I guess the only other black person at the time would've been former Nintendo of America executive Reggie Fils-Aime? Quite frankly, I grew up being told some very toxic and racist things about certain groups of humans.

Herman Cain Thanksgiving Family Forum Republican primary 2011 we can do this recounts cancer
We can do this.” - Herman Cain

That's not a future state I wanted to grow up to become. Humourless, hateful, bitter, and miserable. And treating people as members of a superficial group instead of as individuals. So Herman Cain helped me from that state, and I'm thankful for that.

Also, it's pretty cool that we're both born on December 13 (though 1945 is...quite a bit before my time) and we're both big Pokémon fans, and The Power of One is the favourite Pokémon movie between us. I'll always be jealous of former KoopaTV staffer RawkHawk2010 for not only getting to meet Herman Cain in-person, but also shaking his hand (with an extremely firm grip), and interviewing Herman Cain about his favourite Pokémon. And he signed Rawk's copy of Pokémon HeartGold, too.

Herman Cain also gave great warnings about Pokémon GO.

He's even a fan of Super Mario (the game series, I'm sure... not the character):

I figure that in the coming years, it'll be very normal for U.S. politicians to be into gaming things since the whole young generation is into gaming things. (Including Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.) But Herman Cain was an unexpected forerunner on this. He's greatly appreciated.

In the Jewish faith, today was Tisha B'Av, which is known to be a tragic day where really bad things tend to happen, like the First and Second Temples being destroyed. I was already in a sorta sad mood from that (and fasting), but then I heard the news about Herman Cain, and...well... the day being a tragic one hit very very close and personal to me. But now Herman Cain is in a better, higher-elevated place, probably singing his awesome gospel album you should download here (which hits VERY, VERY hard now that he's in Hallelujah Square and not on Earth!), and Imagine There's No Pizza. Rest in peace.

There is so much more KoopaTV can say about Herman Cain and the site's previous interactions with Mr. Cain and Mr. Cain's own staff (it's always great when your source material acknowledges you), but this article can't go on forever. Ludwig knows that KoopaTV definitely has its own identity and isn't tied to CainTV's continued existence, though he'll be paying close attention to that topic. Still, Ludwig is in a state of mourning, so... be kind, alright? Herman Cain was always decent and respectful of other people, avoiding name-calling and denigrating them personally. He was a gentleman. That's what Ludwig would like to be, and the Koopaling surely wasn't always like that if you knew him from his earlier days.

Wash your hands.
Socially distance.
Wear a mask.
There were a number of questions in this article, like what happens next with Herman Cain. Click here for his new site, his memorial service, and that college essay.
The Cain Gang, which was the new website in Herman Cain's name, has disbanded in early 2021.


  1. Replies
    1. Well that's a better comment than "cockroach", thanks.

      Though I would like to hear your thoughts on what I wrote.

    2. That implies that someone who would resort to the comments they have done thus far actually has thoughts.

    3. Oh i thought i wasnt allowed

    4. Uh... What gave you that impression?

    5. Hey lhedicus fuck you trashcan idiot what kinda dogshit name is lhedicus holy shit lmao ur parents were on crack when they made that one mr. Videre yikes embarassing dude !!

    6. This is a poor line of discussion on an article meant to be a tribute to the great life of Herman Cain.

    7. He started it. Dont talk shit without expecting to be clapped back IDIOT !!!

    8. I was rlly bored and still am !

    9. Oh.
      Did you try reading this whole article yet? That'll take a few minutes. It'll be over an hour if you listen to the hyperlinked music.

  2. Seeing the news was really a shock. :(

    1. I didn't expect he would die, but I did expect there would be something STRANGE, since he was in the hospital for nearly a month with little updates. (And it wasn't a surprise that he'd get the CCP Virus to begin with given his...travels.)
      I don't think that's normal that you're in the hospital for a month though.

      The logical rationale doesn't take away from how devastated I feel, however.

  3. After beating stage 4 colon cancer, it is quite amazing that Herman Cain lived for as long as he did. Anything could have possible taken him out, but it just happened to be the CCP virus. At least he stuck to his principles to the very end. RIP.

    1. Yes. So epic �� kody. B. Woo!

    2. He's always been a happy warrior, fighting through adversity!

      If anything, the CCP Virus taking him out is very, very anti-climactic.

  4. wooo herman cain! go herman cain, I love herman cain!

  5. Indeed the CCP using state owned companies to buy up masks from western countries was awful. Trumps refusal to do what Tsai of Taiwan did (the woodward tapes are proof of that) makes me dislike his actions too. The anti mask conspiracy posts on social media are prolonging the severity in the US and EU. Between those...

    What happened to Hermann Cain was a tragedy

    1. I will say, I'd like to think Herman Cain had access to the truthful and correct information (and precautions) about the nature of the CCP Virus.


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