Don't ask me why I'm writing this article. Because I'll tell you why: Ludwig doesn't own a Nintendo Switch and can't investigate this “Splatoon 2” on his own. And so as someone who does, the burden was placed on me.
I have no interest in Splatoons. I have no desire to engage with Splatoons. The character models irk me and Splatooners have a showy sense of self-righteousness of what it means to be a “‘90s kid.” And I may like squids, but that doesn't mean I want to squirm around in the presence of these unctuous squid...kids.
That said, I've participated in both Splatoon testfires. My memory of the first Splatoon Global Testfire has since been distorted by a series of unfortunate brain diseases (blame Sierra Leone), and my memory of the second has been distorted by the fact that most of my fascination with Splatoon 2 involved not actually playing the game. Namely, basking my nihilist squid in the sun was infinitely more rewarding than interacting with squid kids and their trifling reindeer games.
|Every idiot who goes about with “Booyah!” on their lips should be boiled with his own ink.|