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Monday, April 3, 2023

KoopaTV's March 2023 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Will this newsletter end on a good note?

Welcome to KoopaTV's newsletter reviewing the month of March 2023!

A lot happened in that month, and a lot will continue happening in this month and forward. (No, we're not all taken over by artificial intelligence yet.) So let's get into it.

Top Five Recommended Experiences of March 2023

Unlike last year, I'm not going to dedicate this section to a gimmick:
  1. MAR5 Day 2023: Mars, puRUGly (Purbeauty!), and gLAMEow — Purugly gets a lot of undeserved criticism. This article dispels much of the unfair attacks of Team Galactic Commander Mars's signature cat.
  2. American Legislators Would Rather Save Daylight Than Save Americans — KoopaTV shares more of the science provided by the Save Standard Time group on why countries, including the United States of America, ought to be on permanent Standard Time and abolish Daylight Saving Time.
  3. The Koopalings’ Formerly Green Shells — This is a very personal article for me, and one I should've written a long time ago. It's about how my shell used to be green, as was the case for most of my other siblings.
  4. Implications of the Playing for the Planet Alliance 2022 Report (and the Green Game Jam) and its Statistical Falsehoods — If you haven't read this article, you really ought to. Not enough people are talking about this. This affects gamers as many of the top game companies are conspiring with the United Nations to put in environmentalist propaganda into your videogames, and they're justifying it with a fraudulent survey. I go deep into the numbers to demonstrate how they're lying to you and how that's dangerous.
  5. Nessie versus Aliens versus Big Foot: Bad Splatfest Idea, But We Must Pick a Side! — This article is about the worst Splatfest idea of Splatoon 3 so far (and hopefully it doesn't get worse from here). By the way, KoopaTV's pick, Team Nessie, won the Splatfest.

There are several really good articles that I wanted to put into the Top Five but didn't, due to a lack of additional space. March 2023 was a good month for KoopaTV, and every article is worth reading.

Best Three Comments and One Worst Comment of March 2023

Hey, y'all, I wanted more comments from you in March. But here's a sample of what I did receive:
  1. “For someone who is "cautious about everything and optimistic about nothing," you sure are highly optimistic about the Ghost Trick remaster in that same article, even stating you're sure the Switch will be the best place to buy it and telling people to buy it. You're making the same assumption I did with Tales of Symphonia, assuming it will be at least on par with the existing versions.” — Samantha Lienhard
  2. “Bro, even though the two of us don’t usually agree on certain things…I’m completely on board with you here. Honestly I don’t really know why Miyamoto is trying SO HARD to make it seem like we’re not King Dad’s kids in recent years, idk what made him think that us even having the SLIGHTEST relation to him wasn’t a good idea anymore like it makes no sense that all of the sudden we are no longer considered to be “Bowser’s seven children” and are now just referred to as “Bowser’s seven minions” excluding y’know who…makes zero sense to me bruh 💀
    They’re trying to remove certain attributes about us that made us all look like siblings in the past, for example Iggy’s hair like you’ve mentioned used to be a rainbow mohawk just like Lemmy’s that made them look sorta like twins, and they used to roughly be around the same height as well. However they butchered those attributes about Iggy’s old design and changed him so that way there is little to no resemblance to him and Lemmy being twins at all now, leaving the viewer who if they’re not familiar with old Mario lore and us, may believe that we aren’t all even related at all and are all just minions…

    I personally miss my old green shell too buuuut at least my new shell matches my hair kinda ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    Still won’t be able to compare to our classic green Koopa shells though…and bro, you know how much I LOVE green lol 𓁹◡𓁹🍃⚗️🌬️” — Larry Koopa
  3. “This is very creative, it would be fun to see more approaches like this for other mundane things. Edutainment games don't have to be bad, or at the very least they don't have to be bland. This does however raise the question, why is it when companies make video games or video games are made from non-traditional things it always seems to fall under the dating sim genre? Are they easier to make? KFC made one a couple years ago, to similar fanfare.” — Captain Stitch
I must admit that Samantha Lienhard thoroughly pwned me in that comment, and I don't have a comeback on it. I'm willing to showcase that off to everyone in this newsletter. I will reiterate that both of us think that you, reader, should buy Ghost Trick. I mean, they can't possibly screw up Ghost Trick... right?

I'm not a fan of Larry Koopa's drug-induced preference for green, and I'd prefer for him to stick to that being a royal Koopa colour. But for everything else, he's right. (And it's a rare instance of someone saying “bruh” to actually refer to a “brother”... though I still dislike the term.)

Anyway, companies that don't traditionally make videogames or are doing something as a gag either make dating sims or they make visual novels (or they make dating sims in the visual novel format). That's something other people have noticed too, like Samantha Lienhard did for The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog (though she liked it).

Here's the worst comment of March 2023:
  1. “Koffing kentut
    Pantat santa claus” — Anonymous
This is technically two different comments, but they were posted by Anonymous at the exact same timestamp, so I'll count them as one. What's going on here? Well, I found out that kentut and pantat are Indonesian words. Translated to English, they are saying, “Koffing fart, buttocks Santa Claus.” I'm... not really sure what that means. Perhaps this commenter believes that Santa Claus, as a large man, has a large butt, which may result in a larger fart than someone with a smaller butt. This fart will result in a stench akin to a Koffing's.

But what does that have to do with Pokémon Smile, an application about brushing your teeth? Teeth and farts are generally stored in opposite body holes. And if I was really desperate in making sure each article had an image, I'd put up an anatomy diagram here, but I think you can figure that out for yourself. Anyway, it's a stinky comment.

KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program Round 49 Mid-Round Leaderboard

If I only put people with double-digit numbers here, it'd be pretty short. Instead, here's a more complete look:
  1. Samantha Lienhard — 29 points
  2. Captain Stitch — 24 points
  3. ShinyGirafarig — 8 points
  4. TEC-XX — 7 points
  5. Lheticus Videre — 6 points
  6. C.Mechayoshi — 6 points
  7. Larry Koopa — 6 points
  8. YangSearcher — 1 point
Don't let TEC-XX win or beat your point total, because that's embarrassing and weird. You have until the end of April until the final score is decided and you win (or lose) a $10 Nintendo eShop gift card, which can now only be used on the Nintendo Switch and not any other console's eShop. For more information about the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program, click this.

Corrections Corner; March 2023

Due to the lack of corrections provided by you, this month's review newsletter's Corrections Corner is empty. But we don't have to end the article on that note!

Big KoopaTV Staff Meeting April 19–April 23, 2023

Usually, I don't put these staff meeting times in the newsletters. However, this one is big and consequential to the future of, and taking place in our Sierra Leone office on the dates provided in the header. It's arguably not a meeting and more akin to a summit. And KoopaTV's stakeholder above me will be in attendance for part of it. As a result, we won't be publishing anything on April 19, April 20, or April 21, and we probably won't respond to your comments until it's over.

Ah, but that's also not a great note to end the article on, either.

koopatv.eth didn't get renewed

Well, I don't think this is a good note to end the article on either, but some people will like this. But Kamek let koopatv.eth (if you're wondering what that is, see the March 2022 newsletter linked below the footer) expire during March 2023, so you can't donate to us anymore that way. I don't think anyone ever did, anyway. The reason Kamek hasn't written about NFTs yet (will he ever?!) is because he stopped being a cryptobro, which is why this expired and probably won't be renewed.

Share KoopaTV to people you know! That'd be quite nice of you. Did the newsletter end on a good note or not? Let the staff know in the comments section below.

How about last month's February 2023 newsletter? Check that out.
Next month's April 2023 review newsletter is a must-read!
Learn about koopatv.eth and any number of other items in last year's March 2022 newsletter.
What happened in KoopaTV's staff meeting? That is explained in KoopaTV's 10-year anniversary article.
They didn't screw up Ghost Trick.


  1. Since you linked to my post on The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog, I'll reiterate here that one of the things that game does right is that it doesn't feel like the joke is just "we made a visual novel, isn't that FUNNY?" but rather that the premise sounds wild enough for April Fools' while also having effort clearly put into it.

    I think the answer to why gag games are usually visual novels/dating sims has two parts. First, yes, they're relatively easier to make than other types of games. But second, visual novels tend to be looked down on for not being "real" games. Like I said above, those gag games often come across like the joke is just that the developer made a visual novel instead of a "real" game.

    (Alternately, since most of them tend to be dating sims or romance visual novels, you could take it to mean they find the idea of someone enjoying a romance story inherently funny.)

    The KFC game Captain Stitch mentioned is an example of one. It was utterly soulless and felt like the developers were trying to parody a genre they knew nothing about.


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