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Friday, April 14, 2023

Alex Jones Is Wrong About Mario Hallucinating Koopas

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I think it's weird that I just wrote that headline.

Weird stuff starts happening in the culture when things get popular. We're going from a high-production Saturday Night Live skit to... what this article is about. For the past several months, right-wing grifters have been inconsistent (as a block—you should not think that they're producing different thoughts from one another in the same time period) on The Super Mario Bros. Movie. They have gone from bashing the movie as a “woke” and “feminist” Hollywood production due to Princess Peach behaving as a confident “girlboss” after the November trailer (you can tell from my live reactions of that trailer that there were several other things that bothered me—I was more concerned about Donkey Kong) to Mario being “anti-woke” and apparently being something that “infuriates [liberals]”. Uh... somehow this discussion happened on right-wing commentator Steven Crowder's web show, featuring guest star and fascinating character Alex Jones.

Kamek asked me if that clip was out-of-context. So if you really want to sit through the full context, have fun trying to sit through this, I guess. They talk about Hollywood left-wing propaganda and trashing John Leguizamo boycotting The Super Mario Bros. due to its lack of Hispanics on the cast (well, there's nothing wrong with that bit, since John Leguizamo is an imbecile, and Anya Taylor-Joy, voice actress for Princess Peach, happens to have heritage from Argentina which has affected her early life):

They then have MAGA Mario on the set, which has Mario add three letters to his M hat to form a MAGA hat (Make America Great Again), which I theorise was the only red-colour hat that Steven Crowder's production had access to. MAGA Mario claims that he is Italian while the film was made in America, which makes the movie “diverse.” Alex Jones didn't actually remark on the diversity discussion and just chose to attack MAGA Mario with a speech he probably has been waiting for years to deliver at whatever opportunity he could give:
“No, I just think that you're a hero to children everywhere, especially people that are into psychedelics and the mushrooms. [...]
NO, YOU NEED HELP MARIO. YOU DAMN DRUG PUSHER. GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. ...STUPID BITCH! HE'S A DRUG PUSHER. HE'S A LEFT-WING PERVERT! Look, if that ain't a pedo moustache there ain't one. That guy ride around in a white van in your neighborhood... [...]
The mushrooms... [unintelligible mock-Italian accent about mushrooms in the back of the van and children]
Was trying to give kids candy out in the parking lot...”

I have several questions about this. While I have absolutely no issues with attacking Mario for whatever reason, it is totally inaccurate to say that Koopas don't exist and are only a product of psychedelic hallucinations. I'm real. Koopa Kingdom is real. The Mushroom Kingdom (and its inhabitants, not just the mushrooms) are real. Is Alex Jones claiming that everyone around Mario is hallucinated, or only Koopas are? Because Alex Jones also claims that Mario is trying to give kids candy or mushrooms in a parking lot or around the neighbourhood in a van, so clearly those kids are real and not perceived. Why do those kids (and what kind of kids are these? Humans? Little Toads?) get to exist but Koopas are conjured by drugs?

Louder With Crowder Alex Jones MAGA MARIO psychotic break mushroom hallucination
Note that you, the reader, aren't living in a hallucination and that reading KoopaTV isn't a psychotic break.
...Well, unless you ARE on drugs while reading this.

Since that was specifically MAGA Mario on their set and not ordinary Mario, does that mean that Make America Great Again supporters are left-wing pedophile drug dealers and drug takers?

The Louder With Crowder show posts a sources list for each episode. For this episode, there is no source provided relating to Alex Jones's rant, so the show doesn't endorse what Alex Jones claimed. That's on him.

Besides evidence that Mario does in fact target children with anti-social and criminal messaging, there is some evidence that Mario is a drug dealer, but he deals Megavitamins (not mushrooms) while he poses as Dr. Mario (and he is known to involve babies in this scheme). But Mario is known to either harvest Super Mushrooms out of blocks, or he'll just purchase them from stores. He doesn't give them to anyone, and no one has observed any hallucinogenic affects from Super Mushrooms.

More importantly, we do know what Mario dreams about—see Super Mario Bros. 2 (the better one that took place in the dream world Subcon). There aren't Koopas in there (though Koopa shells do make appearances, they don't behave the way you'd expect them to in real life, and there isn't anyone inside), and certainly King Bowser isn't there as Alex Jones claimed. You could say that Super Mario Bros. 2 is a hallucination, but it's very different than what goes on otherwise, which ought to mean everything else isn't a hallucination if it operates by very different rules than the hallucination. So... Alex Jones is just wrong about everything.

Also, while Mario isn't an Italian, the movie had a big development influence from Japan, so that ought to affect the diversity and inclusion scales a bit.

Ludwig made sure he wasn't hallucinating while writing this article.

Mario is all over the political spectrum; he was previously seen at a Hillary Clinton rally.
For more information about what forms Mario's dream worlds, read this article.


  1. A bit off topic, but the movie reminded me of this blog.
    I made a post a year or so ago on a Lego Mario post you did. About the "Boomer Bill" set, and how it seemingly retcons the Bonzai Bills name with no hint that it happened anywhere else.
    I assume you watched the Super Mario movie, (spoilers if for some reason you didnt). Do you remember the wedding scene where Bowser is frozen and calls for a Banzai Bill to destroy the Mushroom Kingdom? I remember in that scene he calls it a Boomer Bill! I think NOA must have changed the name at some point, probably historical reasons, and that the Lego set was just the first instance of it being noticed.

    1. Welcome back to the comments section!
      The theatre I watched the movie at promised it'd have closed captions/sub-titles, but that didn't actually happen, so I didn't clearly get to hear whether it was Banzai Bill or Boomer Bill or Big Bill or what, just a phrase that begins with B and ended with Bill.


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