How Team Koopa Escaped Rio: Table of Contents

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The whole series laid out here for your enjoyment.

For the past two months, I've been releasing weekly installments of KoopaTV's original drama series, How Team Koopa Escaped Rio. It's so dramatic, so epic, so scrumptiously tantalising, that it gets the italicised treatment. I'm pretty happy with it.

So, I want to give the series the treatment it deserves by putting together this article which will function as a Table of Contents for the series. It's done now, so what'll follow should be everything. Read every linked-to article in order to get the full experience. This'll be up as a tab on the site for a while.

Promotional image for How Team Koopa Escaped Rio, a KoopaTV special series.

Just a reminder: The How Team Koopa Escaped Rio series exists in the first place because I felt I needed to let you, the readers/viewers/players of KoopaTV, why we were on hiatus for ten days after April 1st from our normal publishing schedule. It's basically an apology from the KoopaTV staff to you guys for letting you down.

And because I feel so bad (and not because of any skill-related issues), I want to take this time to announce that I will not be participating in Team Koopa's training session in Rio this June 23rd, which will be represented by the Nintendo Wii U game Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games. That means I will not be, to my knowledge, in that game. The events preceding How Team Koopa Escaped Rio are encapsulated in the Nintendo 3DS game, Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games. I definitely am in that game.

...Yes, the names of the games are the same. That wasn't my idea.

I'm working out with Team Koopa management (aka King Dad) about whether or not I'll actually be in the Olympics in August of 2016.

Anyway, here's the Table of Contents. There are links to all of the readings, along with short, non-exhaustive descriptions of each. They may or may not count as spoilers, especially if you read all of the descriptions for each article and then read all of the parts. Don't do that. So, here you go:

Team Koopa Officially Backing Out Of the Rio 2016 Olympics

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's not because we're not good enough, but it is because there are presently epidemics on multiple levels.

Tomorow is the Opening Ceremony for the Rio 2016 Summer Olympics! This is an event we've been waiting for — almost a year now.

However, you will not see any Koopas present in Brazil's Rio de Janeiro tomorrow, or any other time this month.

I am officially announcing on behalf of Team Koopa — Koopa Kingdom's delegation for the Rio 2016 Olympics — that Team Koopa will not be participating in this year's Olympics. King Bowser Koopa, Bowser Jr., Larry Koopa, and Wendy O. Koopa will be leaving Rio after their June training.

King Dad is pondering why he ever thought this was a good idea to begin with.

Rio has not treated us well. I wrote a completely true and accurate story about it, published in six parts, titled How Team Koopa Escaped Rio. You can read it here, and if you haven't read it yet, you should. It's eye-opening on what Rio de Janeiro is like, and how the Koopas were treated. (And it's good prose.) 

Rio has also not treated its own jurisdiction or its own people well. Rio de Janeiro is essentially a failed state, and Koopa Kingdom sees no point in meddling with that. There would actually be negative value added to Koopa Kingdom were we to conquer Rio de Janeiro — or any part of Brazil, for that matter. 

We also expect the other teams from our walk of life — such as Team Mario and Team Sonic — to back out of the Olympics as well.

Allow me to go into greater detail about the problems going on there since my last article on it where I announced I would not be attending. 

The Team Koopa BR-Exit: Brazil Exit

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - After we left, the country turned to a disaster. Now's the opportunity for some to return...

This week, select members of Koopa Kingdom's Olympics team, Team Koopa, are returning to Rio de Janeiro. I won't be among them. I am never, ever, EVER going to step foot in Brazil ever again. Or South America, for that matter.

Hopefully everyone is familiar with How Team Koopa Escaped Rio, KoopaTV's original non-fiction epic drama written over six parts. If you're not, click that hyperlink to read a very well-put-together table of contents. To recap, the gist is that back in March, Koopa Kingdom brought eight representatives to Rio de Janeiro to form Team Koopa, to attempt to win gold medals from teams such as Team Mario and Team Sonic. It was just a training session then, but we got stranded in Rio because I got the Zika Virus. Through fun adventures, we got out.

It's a training session this time, too, since the actual Rio 2016 Olympics don't begin until the start of August. Team Koopa will be training to coincide with Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games for Wii U, coming out June 24.

As I said, I'm not coming. Neither will Roy Koopa. Neither will Dry Bones. Team Koopa is now reduced to five members: King Bowser Koopa (now in every event), Bowser Jr. (now in every event), Larry Koopa (Equestrian only), Wendy O. Koopa (100m Freestyle Swimming only), and Dry Bowser (Javelin Throw only... I still don't know why he's different than actual Bowser). That means that while Wendy, Larry, and King-Dad-who-needs-Vaseline are retaining all of their responsibilities and gaining no more, Bowser Jr. and King Dad will be picking up the slack from everyone else going.

Team Koopa Contracted ZIKA Virus at Rio?!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Um, this is a serious problem, actually.

You know I've been in Brazil for weeks, right? Rio de Janeiro. Team Koopa has been the absolute best team in practicising for the Summer 2016 Olympics. Team Sonic and Team Mario (ew) have nothing on our all-star line-up.

So, time to go to KoopaTV's headquarters in Sierra Leone.

...Or, that's what I tried to do. But the people at Rio de Janeiro International Airport didn't let me, or any other members of Team Koopa. Well, except for the Dry dudes. But that leaves myself, Wendy, King Dad, Bowser Jr., Larry, and Roy behind.

APPARENTLY, we all have the Zika virus and they don't want us leaving Brazil for a bit. The virus is passed by sexual transmission (I didn't have any, and I strongly doubt any of Team Koopa's other members did while in Rio. This is despite the Centers for Disease Control's warning that “[t]he celebratory atmosphere at the Olympics may encourage travelers to engage in risky sex”) or through mosquito bites. Apparently, if a mosquito bites an infected person, it becomes infected and it'll spread Zika to the next dude it bites.

I think it's full of crap. Why?

Where Is Mario & Sonic at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Nowhere to be found. It's possibly Dennis Rodman's fault. Blame Cappy! (Update 2/6/2018: See the follow-up article to this written the week of the Olympics.)

When Ubisoft announced the Steep DLC at Ubisoft's E3 2017 (Steep: Road to the Olympics) featuring the PyeongChang Winter Olympics in South Korea, I thought that Nintendo would announce a “Mario & Sonic at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games” the following day. Didn't happen.

Two months after E3 2017 started, there still isn't any news regarding a new game in the Mario & Sonic series. This is significant, because the 2018 in PyeongChang 2018 is February. By comparison, Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games was announced in a June 2015 Nintendo Direct for a March 2016 release.

Believe me, this stuff matters. Big time. I know this from very personal experience. Remember the How Team Koopa Escaped Rio series? I sure do. (If you don't, click that hyperlink. It was a very big deal last year.) It was a horrible experience, but following Mario on his conquest of Earth was important. By the end, it turns out that Mario, and evil cap, Cappy, had captured the Prime Minister of Japan, Shinzō Abe. Then they promoted the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games. But what about PyeongChang?

When you think about what's going on in the world, it makes sense that South Korea will try to do everything they can to keep Mario out of their country. (If you're wondering what they have against letting Sonic in, you're on the wrong website. Go start EggmanTV or some crap.) I'll clue you in.

How Team Koopa Escaped Rio — Part 1

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And how we staved off the Zika virus. Well, not that part yet.

Hey guys! I'm back! KoopaTV will be returning to our regularly scheduled programmes. Believe me, I missed writing about some of the crap going on surrounding the videogame industry. I also missed sleeping in my own bed, and being in a civilised society.

As everyone hopefully knows, Team Koopa (minus Dry Bones and Dry Bowser) was trapped in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, for the past week or so. We were there before we were considered trapped, but that was with the understanding that we could leave after our Olympics training. Obviously there's more than just Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games.

I'm sure you're all itching to know (though, I bet it's less itching than we did as Zika victims) what happened since you last heard from me. So, I'm going to let you know what happened, in detail, starting right after I published the article on April 1, 2016 saying we'd be stuck in Rio for a bit.

This is only Part 1, because, hey, this is rather lengthy:

How Team Koopa Escaped Rio — Part 5

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - With three groups of Koopas, which group will be the most productive?

Last week, I wrote that the red-hatted plumber and his blue hedgehog friend, Sonic, were goofing off somewhere in the Novotel Rio de Janeiro Santos Dumont hotel, while myself, Wendy O. Koopa, Roy Koopa, Larry Koopa, Bowser Jr., and King Bowser Jr. were sitting like suckers in the Rio de Janeiro–Galeão International Airport. (Did you know that place has, like, several different names?) If you don't know Brazilian locations, they're on totally different sides of Rio de Janeiro, home of the 2016 Summer Olympics.

So, last week's iteration, Part 4, of the How Team Koopa Escaped Rio series, was about how we're going to split up to hunt down the plumber, along with trying to see if the Santos Dumont Airport could get us out of Brazil.

You can click that and see links to Parts 1, 2, and 3 in the intro, or see the bottom of this post. I recommend reading this series in order. Makes sense, doesn't it? Anyway, let's go:

How Team Koopa Escaped Rio — Part 3

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday at Rio de Janeiro.

At the start of April, I wrote that Team Koopa, that is, myself, Wendy O. Koopa, Roy Koopa, Larry Koopa, King Bowser Koopa, and Bowser Jr. were all stranded at Rio de Janeiro International Airport. Dry Bones and Dry Bowser are part of our Olympic competitive team, too, but they're immune to the Zika Virus while the rest of us weren't.

Since that cut into KoopaTV's April article count, I wanted to give you guys the detailed story about what happened at Rio. It started from me making a long trip from the National Library of Brazil to Rio de Janeiro International Airport. King Dad gave us permission to explore the area as we waited for extraction, and Bowser Jr. and I encountered Zazz, one of the members of the Zeti Deadly Six. They're the ones who gave us Zika. We... didn't really defeat Zazz, but got away from him back to the airport. We ran really fast. You wouldn't think guys with shells could do that, but Zazz is that creepy.

Anyway, in the story, it's about to be Monday morning. Roy, Wendy, and Larry have a story to tell, so I'm going to get to telling their story within my own story. I feel hijacked. But, we'll get past that within this same article, so just read it:

KoopaTV's April 2016 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - An awkward April, but WE'RE BACK.

If we still had alliterative titles for review newsletters, it'd be KoopaTV's Awkward April for sure. Our April got hit with a forced hiatus by the folks at Rio de Janeiro. This ruined a lot of things. We had a whole week of articles wiped out, and there was no Loyalty Rewards Program round running during April as a result.

For May, we want to get back on solid ground. After all, KoopaTV is turning three years old in less than two weeks.

But of the three weeks of articles that we had, they were still pretty good. So we can still do a Top Five Recommended Articles List (chronological order):

1. How Team Koopa Escaped Rio — Part 1
2. The Music of the Game & Watch Octopus
3. How Team Koopa Escaped Rio — Part 3 
4. REVIEW: Mini Mario & Friends: amiibo Challenge
5. Nintendo's E3 2016 Might Be Good!
   

That's just my opinion, though. You're welcome to fight me over it, and it's pretty cool if you do because that's a testament to our article quality.

We're re-instituting the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program. Round 8 will run from May 1 (well, guess that passed without anything happening) to June 29, 11:59 PM Eastern. We're still deciding on the prizes, but because this will include E3 and our three-year anniversary, it will be MORE than just one $10 Nintendo eShop code. (As of 5/4/2016, it's going to be some combination of Amazon gift cards and game codes for Nintendo systems.)

Accordingly, there is now a KoopaTV Feedback Form Part IV and a KoopaTV Quiz Part IV. That particular page has also been updated to have clear, different sections for what's current and what is previous. Not that I think it was confusing before or anything.

By the way. If you want to help shape KoopaTV's legacy in a big way, check out ways (positions) you can join our staff, here! If you just want to marginally shape it, we encourage you to submit a guest article. 

KoopaTV turns three years old in ten days. That's sort of a big deal. Help KoopaTV's continued growth by sharing KoopaTV articles to folks you know! Or random people. Just try to keep it topical.

March 2016's newsletter is here.
May 2016's newsletter is here! It's a lot better than this one.
For last year's April newsletter, click here.
For next year's April newsletter, click here. It has headings.

KoopaTV's May 2016 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's the fourth May we've had!

Some say June is Alzheimer's Awareness Month. Others say it's a month for LGBT people. We say it's E3 month!

We're very excited this June to bring you awesome E3 coverage, as we usually do every June, but first thing's first: How was May? Well, May was a-may-zing! So many great articles and opportunities for you! The moments we've made together, between the staff and you, the readers, have been unforgettable. (For a while, anyway.)

Top Five Recommended Articles of May 2016

Let's start with those articles. Every one of 'em is worth reading, but here's my top five written in chronological order that you just gotta read if you haven't already:

How Team Koopa Escaped Rio — Part 6

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Alternatively: Part Final.

The time has finally come to conclude this epic series. Part 5 ended with a really scared Ludwig (y'know, me) on a Thursday night. The whole Team Koopa that isn't Dry Bones or Dry Bowser are at Rio de Janeiro International Airport, waiting to be extracted from being in a Brazilian hellhole for weeks. That's Ludwig, Roy, Wendy, Larry, King Bowser, and Bowser Jr.

The journey started as Team Koopa went to Rio de Janeiro to practise against Team Sonic and Team Mario, but Ludwig (and possibly the other members) got infected with Zika, thanks to a member of the Deadly Six from Sonic Lost World, Zazz. He's a creep.

It's a total coincidence that there's the Deadly Six, there are six Koopas stranded in Rio de Janeiro, and this ends on Part 6. (Don't try to put all those sixes together, either, or you'll get something... demonic.) With that NOT in mind, let's start this part and ultimately conclude the story:

How Team Koopa Escaped Rio — Part 4

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We finally encounter our traditional foe, one way or another.

The epic story last had Larry Koopa looking at the TV monitor in a different part of Rio de Janeiro International Airport (otherwise known as Galeão International Airport) than where Team Koopa was in Parts 1 and 2. I guess all of our activities were suspicious to the humans. You should read all three of those parts (in chronological order), because it's a great read and easier than me explaining all of the zany stuff that's happened in the story so far.

Anyway, Larry seemed excitable but unnecessarily vague. Fortunately, his weird behaviour functioned as a decent cliffhanger for KoopaTV article publishing purposes. Let's continue with the story for Team Koopa's escape from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, after our Olympics training!

KoopaTV's 2016 GOTY Nominations!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And other categories.

These were decided and talked about in our [Koopa Keep] AOL Instant Messenger Blast. Behold!

The déjà vu from years past is intentional. (To be eligible, those running have to start their existence in America from January 1, 2016 to December 31, 2016.)

And just so you remember, that stands for "Game of THAT Year". That's the KoopaTV touch.

But yeah, this isn't just about gaming, but also ourselves. 'cause we're art to be recognised and applauded, too.

This article is such a rehash of the 2015 one that I just drew over the 5 to make it a 6!

How Team Koopa Escaped Rio — Part 2

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - A fight... and intrigue.

I left you guys in a cliffhanger, didn't I? I bet you're wondering what happened next.

If you don't know what I'm referring to, I'm talking about my storytelling regarding what exactly happened to Team Koopa when we were trapped in Rio de Janeiro, after Brazilian officials determined that me, King Dad, Bowser Jr., Larry, Wendy, and Roy all had the Zika virus.

You can and should read Part 1 of that here, or else this might not make sense.

With that bit of introduction out of the way, it's time to dive right into the action! Let's see, where we left off, this was happening:

Bowser puts the Dad in King Dad: Parental Controls!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - King Dad is doing a great job raising his kids. I'd know.

In the absolutely important and news-making presentation that Nintendo had on January 12–13 about the Nintendo Switch (that we have covered, LIVE!, here), Nintendo also let slip a cute little video... featuring my dad, King Bowser Koopa! ...And that pest, Bowser Jr., who is technically my brother. But... I don't like to think in those terms.

It wasn't totally invisible — it has two million views right now on YouTube. But that pales in comparison with the over seven million views that Super Mario Odyssey's trailer has. (Don't worry, folks: We'll have an article just for that. Soon.)

Enough talk: We're obligated to embed and talk about the most Koopa-related thing that came out of last week. Here's the video explaining Parental Controls on the Nintendo Switch:

REVIEW: Mini Mario & Friends: amiibo Challenge

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We should've gotten Donkey Kong: Trooper Challenge instead.

You may recall that in the March 2016 Nintendo Direct, they announced Mini Mario & Friends: amiibo Challenge for the Wii U and 3DS. Anyone who bought an amiibo at participating retailers between March 25 and April 27 got free codes for the Wii U and 3DS versions. I went to one of those and bought some amiibo, and got codes.

If you want more details about that, stay tuned for the conclusion of the “How Team Koopa Escaped Rio” series here on KoopaTV. Whenever that is finished, it'll be linked to at the bottom of this review. I want to focus on this game, Mini Mario & Friends: amiibo Challenge.

Now, the reason that it comes with an amiibo? You need at least one amiibo to actually play. Could be any amiibo. But only a select few amiibo give you special things in the game. I'll talk more about that in the review, but that's just something important to get out of the way.

I don't particularly feel like making particular sections for each part (gameplay, graphics, whatever) of the game like I've done in some previous reviews. I'm feeling holistic right now. All screenshots for this review are from the Wii U version.

KoopaTV's Ubisoft E3 2018 Conference Live Reactions

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Polarising French guys.

We never know quite what to expect when we're watching an Ubisoft E3 conference. They're the most volatile. It's very exciting and dynamic to spectate, and we're going to go through this 92 minute journey with you.

In this log we still have me, we still have Rawk, that Mariosun90 dude who isn't even our staff is here as Ryu, and Wendy took some time from her busy beauty nap to talk as well!

As is a common theme, the KoopaTV E3 Weeks 2018 Schedule is a great page to keep track of the flurry of content.

Mario & Sonic NOT at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The North Koreans are, though, which requires an update from us.

The fact that Where Is Mario & Sonic at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games? is the second-most read KoopaTV article of all time tells me that you all really, really want to know why “Mario & Sonic at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games” does not exist.

The PyeongChang 2018 Olympics start this week, with the Opening Ceremonies this Friday, and you bet KoopaTV will live-react to it like we did for the Rio 2016 Opening Ceremonies. Unless there will be a last minute change, you should now refer to it as “Mario & Sonic NOT at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games.”

Earlier, I had accused Cappy, through Mario, of trying to start a nuclear war on the Korean peninsula and East Asia, by stirring up a lot of bad blood with all of the nations by causing Dennis Rodman to act stupidly in North Korea. Since then, North Korea will be allowed to participate in the PyeongChang 2018 Olympics, and there will even be a unified Team Korea Women's Ice Hockey team. Why is North Korea allowed but not Mario (and Sonic)?

KoopaTV 2016 GOTY Awards!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And other categories.

Some people out there believe that 2016 was nothing but a disaster. KoopaTV, your source of boundless optimism (...lol), would like to disagree with you (if you think that way). And, so, we're going to prove there's lots of good in 2016: Not only from the gaming industry, but also KoopaTV itself... with our AWARDS!

It's not a totally disorganised process, of course. We published our list of Nominations right here. (And this article is structurally the same as the nominations article.)

We will now begin with our videogame-related awards for 2016, which will include the Game of THAT Year 2016... and then move to KoopaTV's own set of awards for our site. It's all very prestigious and official, I promise you. And voted on by the staff members that bothered to participate.

Phoenix Wright vs. E3 2019: Drugs, Detainment, and Discounts

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - How I met Phoenix Wright for the first time, and ruined E3 2019.

If you are a regular reader of KoopaTV, you are probably wondering where I've been during the past several days of E3 Weeks 2019. Don't worry, the other KoopaTV staffers are wondering the same thing.

And if you're an irregular reader, you might be wondering why a gaming site's coverage of the Electronic Entertainment Expo, the biggest gaming event of the year with the most impactful news drop, was so... lacking this year.

It was all foretold before E3 began that KoopaTV's staff would be flying out to Los Angeles to look for Phoenix Wright, former ace attorney and now just a disbarred and struggling man. Coverage of E3 itself was a secondary consideration.

I managed to do it. I found Phoenix Wright. I talked with Phoenix Wright. I acted on behalf of Phoenix Wright. I'll tell you the full story of what happened this week. ...You'll find it quite interesting. I'll write it from a third-person perspective, similar to the How Team Koopa Escaped Rio series.