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Wednesday, March 10, 2021

Four Superior Nintendo Character Day Alternatives to MAR10 Day

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - If KoopaTV is around in March 2022, we'll celebrate these.

I understand that your culture has a common practice of dedicating special days to genocidal evil people—that's why millions of people celebrate April 20 for Adolf Hitler's birthday. (But we won't do that on KoopaTV.) And that's why millions of people are celebrating March 10 in “honour” of Mario. He's done two massive genocides in the span of five weeks (a genocide at the end of January and a genocide at the end of February) at a scale Hitler could only dream of! Yet companies like Nintendo that profit off ethnic cleansing are portraying MAR 10 as something to be widely celebrated, even putting some games on sale for 35% off. (And while Mario Tennis Aces is really fun and has fun tournaments, remember that it also features atrocities like Mario murdering Petey Piranha in a supposedly friendly tennis match.)

The basis of MAR 10 being Mario Day is because, with just a tiny bit of creative reading, you can read MAR10 as MARIO. But why give the Koopa-murdering Mario exclusive glory to that interpretation? Here at KoopaTV, we propose four new celebratory days. ...Since most of them already passed, we'll start acknowledging them in 2022:

March 2022 calendar Mars Marth Marx Mario Marie Day MAR5 MAR7 MAR8 MAR10 MAR13 Nintendo characters
Read below for primers on MARS DAY, MARTH DAY, MARX DAY, and MARIE DAY!
(KoopaTV will try to celebrate these in 2022 even when they occur on weekends.)


Without going into the details (because I gotta have content for 2022!), here are the proposals in text and justifications:

March 5: Mars Day


Mars is a Commander of Team Galactic in the Sinnoh region. While she may have omnicidal tendencies, unlike Mario, she at least looks sexy doing it. Like...I have a big crush on her.

...So she probably wouldn't be on this list if she was a man. But, hey, March also happens to be WOMEN'S HISTORY MONTH, and promoting women is what that's all about, right?

MAR5 can very easily be read as MARS.

March 7: Marth Day


Marth is the prince of the nation of Altea of the Archanean continent. He's known for being a hero, rescuing mankind from meanie dark dragons with a sword of light, the Falchion.

Marth deserves to be celebrated because he... already is, by his people and descendents. He's also really good in the Super Smash Bros. series.

In 1337-speak, 7 is equivalent to T. So MAR7 can be read as... Mart. ...And, uh, if you read it as March 7th (seventh), you get the th at the end, if you're really wondering about the h at the end of Marth. Martth? I'll take it.

March 8: Marx Day


Marx is a famous jester that once wanted to conquer Planet Popstar through an incoherent plan.

I guess Marx also has omnicidal tendencies, but he's been forgiven for them and has a sense of levity. ...And a cool theme. I think that's worth celebrating.

Apparently, there's already a Marx Day, known as May Day, or International Workers’ Day, on May 1. But that's for a different Marx. If you look and compare 8 to X, they look pretty similar, except the X is missing a floor and a ceiling. But you can draw in an x into the number 8 pretty easily. I think you can therefore read MAR8 as MARX.

March 10: Mario Day


I don't need to go into details about Mario Day, since it's already a thing. I will say, however, that KoopaTV will continue to acknowledge it only in the context of exposing Mario for the evil villain he is. See the bottom of this article for a list of our previous MAR10 content.

March 13: Marie Day


Marie is one of the two Squid Sisters and a host of Inkopolis News, broadcast from Inkopolis Plaza.

Marie definitely deserves her own day, since she's not only a celebrity, but also a super heroine. (Even if I'm on Team Callie.)

It's easy to look at MAR13 to get MARIE. 1 and I are 1337 equivalents (...1 and L are also 1337 equivalents), as are 3 and E. Technically, I could do something for Marie in 2021, but... You gotta stay tuned for 2022! (If YOU wanna celebrate Marie Day in 2021 on your own, however, you're welcome to. I'm sure many Splatoon fans will join in.)



All of the characters mentioned in this article—Mars, Marth, Marx, Mario, and Marie—all have a lot of things going for them in the present day, be it Super Smash Bros. Ultimate big appearances, games that will disappear in three weeks, a remaster coming out at the end of the year, or a sequel coming out in 2022. There should be lots of good content for 2022! ...And perhaps beyond, as well.


KoopaTV's first MAR10 article, in 2015, wrote about how Mario is a racist cow oppressor who segregates based on colour.
KoopaTV celebrated the death of a Mario-run competitor, Mario Kart TV, in 2016's MAR10 article.
For MAR10 2017, KoopaTV exposed an assassination plot between Mario and the CIA against Waluigi. ...Though the attempt had already occurred.
In a rare weekend special, MAR10 2019 had KoopaTV reveal that the inspirations for Daylight Saving Time in the United States came from Mario's time machine abuse.
For MAR10 2020, Ludwig wrote about the disturbing number of simultaneous Mario forms, which have been key to carry out his murders in less time.

9 comments :

  1. You only dislike Mario because you know he's right. Stomp 'em, steal their shells. That's the way the plumber does it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...This doesn't even make sense.

      Wot do you think about these other day proposals?

      Delete
    2. I don't like anyone else apart from Mario...

      Delete
    3. Eh!?! What's there to like about HIM?

      ...And not to like about the others? ;-;

      Delete
  2. Very creative. I like these, even if some are a bit of a stretch with how to look at the numbers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think MAR7 is the closest thing to a stretch but that one is perfectly reasonable!

      Can't wait for 2022!

      Delete
  3. Smart! I don't know how you thought of thee in the first place, the only one I might have thought of was Marie day. Although I'm glad Marx has his own day I wouldn't celebrate it, he is a psycho maniac after all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've seen people celebrate Marie Day before on March 12, but the other three I came up with.

      (Mars Day I thought of before Marie Day, actually.)

      Delete

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