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Wednesday, March 3, 2021

NEVER AGAIN... Again. Goomba Genocide in Super Mario Bros. 35 "2nd World Count Challenge"

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The murder goal failed, but that's of little solace to the hundreds of millions of dead Goombas.

We at KoopaTV have taken a hard anti-genocide stance. This shouldn't be a brave, out-of-the-ordinary take, but I guess powerful corporations like Nintendo and hundreds of thousands (or millions) of gamers disagree. Look at this official Nintendo press release headline from last week: Take on Goombas in the Super Mario Bros. 35 World Count Challenge! You may also earn My Nintendo Platinum Points. You should read that as, “Murder Goombas because we'll give you useless virtual currency for doing so!” Which is also the exact behaviour we saw from corporations with other Mario-related things like LEGO Super Mario.

You may remember the 1st World Count Challenge from the end of January 2021. The goal for that was aimed at mass regicide of Lord Bowser, but by KoopaTV's estimates, also resulted in the death of a little over 257 million Goombas. We declared NEVER AGAIN to such senseless genocide... and then Nintendo wanted 350 million MORE Goombas to be slaughtered for no reason just a month later. Literally a hundred times worse than the Holocaust, but in a much shorter period of time.

So... what was the result?



Nintendo considers it an unfortunate failure of the Mario mob that they were a little under 10% off target. That doesn't help the loved ones of the hundreds of millions of dead Goombas. And it's still probably more dead Goombas than the January challenge. I don't know how much more population is left at this point.

Really, what justification is there for an evil Mario mob to literally hunt down hundreds of millions of Goombas and kill them in their living environments? There's no self-defence or anything by Mario (and I wish there was more self-defence on the part of the Goombas). It's non-aggression principle violating behaviour. Nintendo encouraging it just proves that they're fine with genocide, if Nintendo monetarily profiting off ethnic cleansing doesn't already demonstrate that.


Mofaxx Super Mario Bros. 35 Goomba hunts genocide stream
Nintendo is giving “purpose” to unemployed streamer dudes like “Mofaxx” who streams Goomba hunts.
He's personally murdered nearly 28,000 Goombas! It's so much it breaks the Super Mario Bros. 35 chart's scaling.


KoopaTV already declared NEVER AGAIN in the first challenge. Then this second one happened. And Nintendo is already promising a third and supposedly final one for later this month. Will YOU do what's right and say NEVER AGAIN once again... and this time, actually make it not happen again? It's not enough that enough people said NEVER AGAIN that the 350,000,000 goal was not reached. Enough people need to say NEVER AGAIN so not one more Goomba (or Koopa, or Piranha Plant, or...) is murdered by the the Mario superpredator death squads.


Ludwig isn't sure if readers intuitively understand why genocide is a bad thing. If not enough people understand that fundamental concept, does he need to dedicate an article to the topic? Let him know in the comments section. Is Nintendo the worst party here for encouraging genocide events, or are the gamers the worst party here for participating in them?


The third and last World Count Challenge doesn't call for another genocide! Phew! But Nintendo still wants everyone to senselessly murder Goombas.

6 comments :

  1. Ohohoho~ It is intentional. We brought them into this world - so we have the right to take them out of it. We're taking them to the Goomba Gulag and the Koopa Krystal Mines until they expire. If we're going to exterminate an entire race of creatures, then we must profit off of it. The Nintendium must be mined.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We, the entertainment conglomerate known as Nintendo Computer Entertainment Company. NCEC for short. We aim at mining the world's Nintendium before beginning asteroid mining for more refined versions of Nintendium by 2035. Slave labor is essential for this, and Koopas and Goombas are efficient workers who don't require air in order to mine.

      It helps that they are sub-human creatures as well, and deserves nothing but the worst of Kami-sama's wrath - but in due time. They will serve until then.

      Delete
    2. They DO require air to breathe.
      ...That should explain why they keep dying. <.<

      Delete
    3. If they die they die.

      - Shigeru Miyamoto to Bill Triden probably

      Delete
    4. *Trinen

      ...Yeah, Miyamoto WOULD say something like that.

      Delete

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