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Thursday, March 10, 2022

MAR10 may be Mario Day, but I'll remember it as the day I became a LEGO

LEGO Ludwig Von Koopa faceBy LUDWIG VON KOOPA - No one would read this website if THIS was my author avatar on every article.

Today is MAR10. ...Or Mario Day. Or “National Mario Day” if you're Nintendo of America trying to promote a limited-time sale. It's a bad day for everyone, especially for Koopa Kingdom. That's why KoopaTV has been publishing articles this year that are alternatives to MAR10 Day, such as MAR5 for Mars, MAR7 for Marth, and MAR8 for Marx. (Stay tuned for MAR13 for Marie Day.) And while all of Mars, Marth, and Marx are ruthless killers, none of them compare to how ruthless Mario is. I understand that. You should understand that if you're a long-time KoopaTV reader. But even so...

...I was unprepared for today's joint MAR10 announcement from Nintendo and The LEGO Group. It can be summarised in this picture... although I'll go into more text-based detail for sure:

LEGO Lemmy Ludwig Von Koopa Super Mario Peach's Castle Starter Course close-ups Koopalings
Lemmy Koopa and I join Larry Koopa as LEGO victims.
Were we targeted by The LEGO Group because all of our names begin with L?


Today they announced that LEGO Peach is now a thing to join LEGO Mario and LEGO Luigi, and all three can co-operate to wreak havoc on innocent Koopas. (But it's Women's History Month, so apparently it's okay?) And something about eating fruit (presumably not peaches?) and collecting a lot of digital coins (presumably a cryptocurrency scam?) as a reward for violence. The following will be released this year on August 1:


Just like the premise of Larry's set, the sets for Lemmy and Kamek ALSO involve toppling those Koopas off of towers. Not very creative.

LEGO Kamek Cat Peach Suit Frozen Tower Toad Cat Goomba
I share the same disgusted expression as Cat Goomba.
Actually, Kamek already has a LEGO set, though the wand looks different.


But I get something apparently unique. According to the press release, the Peach's Castle Expansion Set “boasts a range of fun challenges, including knocking Ludwig of the cloud[.]” Well... my cloud seems to be, uh, nowhere near as high as a tower is. It's basically at ground level. You'd think a cloud would be in the sky, but no. ...You know, since Lemmy could just as easily be on that cloud, and Mario could just as easily be the local antagonist, this tragic scene portraying senseless anti-Koopa aggression could be recreated:



You just need to get a Fan sticker or Thing. Anyway, I'm sure there will be more marketing and announcements before August 1 for these sets. I'm hoping this doesn't spread to the other Koopalings—but more importantly, that no one actually spends money on these. Especially the Peach's Castle Expansion Set that I'm in. I was lucky enough to never get an amiibo so I wouldn't end up deformed or in a weird pose, but apparently I'm not lucky enough to not become a LEGO, ready to become a victim of those pesky plumbers, the princess, and a bunch of children ages eight and up. Worst of all? My figure looks ugly and terrible. My hair! My claws! My... proportions! (I've been playing Ring Fit Adventure—I don't look that WIDE.) It's hard to tell from the front, but my shell looks off! Though my wand effect is kinda cool. But that's not even me. Lemmy looks even worse.

Ugh. Ew. Yikes. Oof? Bad stuff. I hate it! CURSE THAT PLUMBER. I mean, I know I say or think that every MAR10, but this is unusually personal in 2022!



Ludwig won't keep using that LEGO Ludwig avatar. ...Or will he? WHAT IF HE NEVER TURNS BACK TO NORMAL? He'll never be able to look at himself in the mirror ever again, and that's one of his favourite hobbies! Please offer Ludwig your condolences—or even better, actionable advice—in the comments section.


A month later, Ludwig went and recreated that Hotel Mario cutscene in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.

2 comments :

  1. Between the listed ruthless killers, I prefer Marth. Unlike the others, Marth is handsome. Mario isn't just genocidal, he's ugly. Dat nose...

    (This is what me buttering you up looks like ;) )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. (Thanks for letting me have Mars to myself. ♥)

      Delete

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