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Friday, March 4, 2022

Ring Fit Adventure Fitness Log Week 66: Regularly Scheduled Vore

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I can't handle it.

In these uncertain editorial calendar times, one fortunate KoopaTV “mainstay” (...well, not by the end of this month, actually, since there's four worlds left and four weeks in March) is KoopaTV Fitness Friday. Last week we discovered Dragaux's third wish as a child. This week, we're heading to World 66: Fitness Master Lv. 370. This is based off World 43: Extra Fitness Lv. 263, and the lore of the world is that it's a dark place where Dragaux is constantly exercising even during the night, so no one can sleep. Lack of sleep is a problem I've been having, though it doesn't seem to be a problem right now because Fitness Master doesn't do story, and as a result, there's no constant Dragaux banging noises in the overworld like there originally were. When I entered the world, Ring asked if I've been doing the opening and cooldown stretches, and he expressed that they may be tempting to skip, but I shouldn't skip them, because it's fun to see how my body is getting better at stretching. ...For his information, I don't skip them. Ever.

Ring Fit Adventure warm-up cooldown stretches training dialogue
Yes, and I've done so for every day this week, too.

In fact, it's fairly important to have stretched, because the first two challenges in World 64 are a Fitness Gym and a miniboss fight. Starting with the Fitness Gym... it's the Trapezius Set. And there are SIX Fit Skills involved, which is more than the five for the past several worlds. Here's the list and my thoughts on each. Remember that for the entirety of Fitness Master, I've been on difficulty level 30 (the highest it gets), so the rep counts reflect that:

Ring Fit Adventure certain stretches easier after certain exercises
Shouldn't the goal be certain exercises are easier to do after certain stretches?

  1. Overhead Lunge Twist (x40)—I don't think I've done any Overhead Lunge Twists since I beat Extra Fitness, since I have the Title for it and there are many other one-range Abs Fit Skills to try out. But back in Extra Fitness when the Fit Skills weren't homogenised, Overhead Lunge Twist was the BEST one. Fortunately, it's not tough to do, either. 20 twists per side.
  2. Overhead Bend (x30)—Bow down to your TV! ...As someone who needs to bow to King Bowser Koopa often, this wasn't a problem!
  3. Bow Pull (x40)—Speaking of being better at things the more you do them, Bow Pull has made a pretty drastic redemption arc as a villain and a pain to something I can do fairly competently and without suffering lingering aches.
  4. Back Press (x30)—I had no problems with Back Press. My arms are still benefitting from being well-trained from last week's sparring sessions with Arms-weak opponents.
  5. Warrior III Pose (x28)—Back when I suffered from bursitis, this was impossible. Nowadays, it's totally fine.
  6. Chair Pose (x16)—Chair Pose is trivial! So good that it ends very nicely like this.

The reward was a Rose Quartz, which... I don't need any of now. All I need left for General Store completion are three more Zircon, actually. You can read above how... little trouble I had with the Trapezius Set, so I S ranked it in a little under 13 minutes. I'm more than happy there were a lack of Legs Fit Skills involved, but that's gonna change with... the upcoming activity.

Ring Fit Adventure Guru Andma not asleep deep in concentration

SOMEONE is getting good sleep in this world, and it's Guru Andma. (Alternatively, she was meditating.) We woke her up (or snapped her out of it) and it's time for our miniboss battle. Ring Fit Adventure has had a pattern for the past six worlds where a member of the Four Masters is a world's main boss, and then there's a Dragaux fight in their corresponding colour the world after. In this world, Guru Andma and Dragaux are both in the same world.

Within her Temple of Balance, Guru Andma is hanging out with a large Malachite Sufferfish and a Dark Sufferfish. You could hit all three with a three-range Fit Skill... but why? The mission is to Defeat Guru Andma, and will end upon her health bar going to zero. Ignore the Sufferfishes, I say. The fight will end faster. The problem with Guru Andma is that she has no elemental weaknesses (as a master of balance). ...The other problem with her is that her moveset consists of spamming three SUPER ATTACKS. First is a giant red energy fist that I had to Overhead Press (and hold for 41 seconds) to deflect No big deal. I did it for a whole minute vs. Dragaux last week. To be fair, these two problems kind of counter-act one another, since she IS taking damage from these deflections that make up for the lack of a weakness in terms of damage per turn. On her second turn, she proclaimed that her abs won't quit no matter how old she gets, and then she summoned giant yellow energy abs to crush me with. (Are those really her abs?) I had to Seated Forward Press for another 41 seconds to manage it.

I haven't mentioned this in my whole time playing this game, but if you drink a smoothie to power up a certain Fit Skill colour, like Corn Potage to increase Yellow Fit Skills by ↑↑, the deflection of the Yellow energy Ab attacks are NOT also boosted.

Next, and this is the last action Guru Andma did, was her demanding I put in the legwork to be a balance master... and she tried to kick me with a giant blue energy foot. And thus I had to sustain an Overhead Squat for 41 seconds—the most challenging activity for today and for the whole rest of the world until the boss fight will one-up this. ...Actually it wasn't that bad. Mainly because I could get away with doing a bad job, and still deflect it for the same damage as if I did a GREAT job the whole time. So I finished Guru Andma off with a Revolved Crescent Lunge Pose, and instantly her two Sufferfish were also defeated (and I got EXP credit for beating them). Guru Andma dropped another Rose Quartz, and she said she just wanted to square off with me one more time. (But...there'll be another time after this, too.)

Ring Fit Adventure Revolved Crescent Lunge Pose Guru Andma Temple of Balance finishing blow
Malachite Sufferfish instantly defeated (as is the Dark Sufferfish off-screen) when Guru Andma collapses.

Back in the overworld, I now have access to this map's overworld Treasure Chest, which contained a Black Tea. Behind that is the Squat Goals (Advanced) Game Gym, which provided me a Dragon Fruit for A ranking it. (And for specifics, I was only one token away from getting a perfect score, which is required for an S rank that I already have... so I'm not that tired from squats yet.) And... most of this world actually takes place in a warp zone area. Let's head there now...

In order to get access to the many paths in this warp zone, we first gotta clear the Howling Hollow. And this could've been a very quick and easy affair, but since the enemies here are all Cobalt, I decided to bring Overhead Squat as a normal Fit Skill. ...And that didn't end well. At all. I performed it poorly and to great exhaustion. So now I'm too tired to do anything else. Good night.

I decided to play Ring Fit Adventure late Monday night instead of sleeping... since I'm not publishing anything today (Monday) anyway, I can't totally be lazy and not progress in Ring Fit Adventure with a cleared out evening schedule. First was a gang of four Rare Hoplins from the overworld. Then, Hang-Tough Temple, which is focused on Malachite-coloured enemies, so I cleared the two monster groups with 3 Hinge Poses and 1 Boat Pose. Then I headed to Glowskin Ridge, which has an uncomfortable name given threat of nuclear weapons on Earth lately. ...And the enemies are mostly Ochre-coloured, so the whole thing is probably a Hiroshima/Nagasaki reference. When I wasn't dealing with the victims of atomic bombs, I also picked up a Rose Quartz from a Treasure Chest.

As for something hopefully less referential, there's Bolthole Tunnel. ...Unfortunately, back in World 43's log I already thought this name was rather.. naughty. And that's stuck with me to now. Also unfortunate is the level design with the Overhead Side Bend cart. An enemy group dropped yet another unnecessary Rose Quartz. That gave me access to this warp area's only overworld Treasure Chest, containing 500 coins. And I'm now required to pass through this Battle Gym to keep advancing. Unfortunately, there's no completion bonus reward for getting an A rank or higher through its five waves of monsters. But they did drop a Garnet and a Peridot. Not useful but better than nothing (and sellable for gold that I don't really need). I cleared it in ten turns with a 96% Great! ratio for a meaningless S rank... and that's it for tonight.

The next time I turned on Ring Fit Adventure was Thursday. After a nap. So that's fitting of the world theme. (Or what was the world's theme.) And the first thing I gotta do is run through the course called Marathon Field. You'd think it's just a big open field you gotta run through, but no. There's a flight segment to start and even two tower-climbing parts (Bootstrap Tower). The last enemy group happened to drop yet another Rose Quartz. As for the course after... it's called Swift Spire, and Ring created a him-imposed challenge of me not being able to drink smoothies so I can conserve them for the fight against Dragaux after. Dude, I have more smoothies in my inventory than I can possibly use for the rest of this game.

Ring Fit Adventure smoothie hoarding

As for Swift Spire itself, there's no reason to actually use smoothies during this ordinary and easy course. Ring said absolutely nothing after clearing it. You can see from the screenshot above there's a south path and a north path, both guarded by Gold Hoplin fights. I went south first and beat the three Gold Hoplins there, as well as the Crate Crasher (Advanced) Game Gym behind them for a Strength Drink bonus. To the north, another three Gold Hoplins that guarded the Gluting Gallery (Advanced) Game Gym for an Attack Drink bonus. Back in the main part of this world (the non-warp area where the Temple of Balance and Dragaux Stadium are), a Deep Lime Green Smoothie in an overworld Treasure Chest just appeared outside of the Temple of Balance. Maybe Guru Andma is leaving behind a gift? I left behind Ring Fit Adventure for the night.

It's Friday. That means... the final level. Dragaux Stadium. The one I hoarded all of my smoothies for! (Not really. ...We can talk about that in World 69.) Ring gave... a ridiculous speech at the start of the level that I need to... process (it's nearby), and I had to do about three minutes of heavy jogging up conveyor belts while simultaneously pushing the Ring-Con as fast and often as I can because big push blocks are sliding down the belts and they will push me backwards if I don't stop pushing them forward. It was 356 Ring Presses in about three minutes.

Ring Fit Adventure World 66 Dragaux Stadium dark influence
Ring wants to screw over the locals.

When I did get to Dragaux, he said he's realised he has gotten everything he's wanted, body-wise. Ring thought that Dragaux now desires friendship... but Dragaux shut that down pretty quickly, I guess.

Ring Fit Adventure Dragaux dialogue want a new workout partner

As for the fight itself, Dragaux has three health bars and is fighting by himself (despite the presence of two Matta Rays in his cutscene). While Dragaux began the fight colourless, on his first turn, he turned to red and immediately started up a SUPER ATTACK with a giant red energy arm that I had to Overhead Press to deflect for sixty seconds straight. Dragaux retained his red form (and Arms Fit Skill weakness) until he fell to his second health bar. Then he turned to Yellow Dragaux and shoved his six-pack (in energy form) at me... which I had to Leg Raise for 60 seconds to deflect. But the worst is yet to come. One super-effective Legs Raise Fit Skill later (which requires 33 smaller Leg Raises, not one constant 60-second Leg Raise), Dragaux turned blue to force me to maintain an Overhead Squat for 60 seconds. And I managed to do it with sloppy form without screaming too much. I finished off Dragaux's remaining health bar and... won! (And he dropped a Zircon and 1740 coins. Which is a lot.) Dragaux babbled stuff about how one's center of balance... and then here's everyone's favourite cutscene:

It's...word-for-word the same cutscene as World 43's vore scene. Can Ring REALLY not believe it when the same script happens?

Ring Fit Adventure Week World 66: Fitness Master Lv. 370 Exercise Log
I wouldn't have been able to combine Thursday and Friday.

What will happen next? ...Alternatively, will Worlds 67, 68, and 69 use the exact same cutscenes as Worlds 44, 45, and 46?

World 67 just skipped dialogue sequences altogether.


  1. Replies
    1. I'm super dreading doing the final boss of this game again because of HOW MUCH TIME IT TAKES.


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