Ring Fit Adventure Fitness Log Week 68: New mattress vs. Daylight Saving Time

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Which will impact my sleep quality more? ...Why is this my headline for the second-to-last world?

Time for... a scary week of fitness. I don't mean in a horror sense, but I do mean in terms of the amount of effort I need to exert this week to finish all of World 68: Fitness Master Lv. 383 in time. Very different than last week's filler world. Why? Because this is based on World 45: Extra Fitness Lv. 276, an insanely long world with 17 levels. I've been playing the entirety of Fitness Master mode at the highest difficulty level, 30. That ain't gonna change.

Before starting on Sunday, I went and got a new mattress for my bed. Hopefully I can sleep better and without waking up in back pain. I'll give progress reports. Sleep is particularly important now because Sunday was DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME in the United States. One of the worst days of the year, and a sleep-killer. As for starting Ring Fit Adventure, Ring asked a stupid question and said he's eager to show the Four Masters our progress. (C'mon, we saw them all as recently as the end of World 66, two weeks ago.)

...If the Four Masters DIDN'T make their way back to Hades, WHY WOULD WE BE HERE TO BEGIN WITH?

Location-wise, we're in Hades... or basically the afterlife, because when you have a vore fetish, you end up killing people (or being killed, depending on where you are in that). So the filler world last week was us heading to the afterlife without committing suicide, but instead just... walking up to its entrance. I dunno. We'll similarly walk (or jog) through the world's first course, the Exercise Paradise. Same stage as Marathon Field back in World 66, but with scarier enemies. Like the last monster group has TWO Scuttlebells, and those are the sturdiest common foes around. After that trial, the game forces me to open a Treasure Chest with one EXP-doubling Carrot Soup inside. I'm sure there are many good opportunities I can use it for ahead. (Speaking of EXP, I'm at level 447 after finishing that, so... far above what they're asking for.) After that is the Town with nothing for me to really buy, though there is the old man saying his skeleton would have been better while he was alive if he just had more calcium and Vitamin D. ...And I'm Vitamin D deficient, so... he doesn't want me to turn out like him.

The Town gives me two paths to choose from: north (featuring a course and a Battle Gym) or south (featuring a course and a Fitness Gym). In World 45, I went south first. ......And I intuitively wanted to go south first this time, too. But I guess I'll go north to Uplift Temple. ...And with not much to say about that, I went to the Battle Gym after. In Extra Fitness, Allegra provided some (suggestive) dialogue here. This time... nothing besides the generic Battle Gym Counter welcoming me to the gym. No reward for completing its five waves either. Yellow Fit Skills are quite important, particularly three-range ones. So I did a LOT of Leg Scissors (and Knee-to-Chests for single-range attacks like the Dark Scuttlebell and Dark Stepper in Rounds 1 and 4, respectively). The final wave has every colour of Belldog, plus a Dark Matta Ray in the centre that can drag out the fight if it keeps healing itself. Fortunately, it didn't, and I cleared the Battle Gym in 9 turns. (With 145 Leg Scissors and 127 Knee-to-Chests in the process.) I also used that Carrot Soup and levelled up twice to 449.

I wanted to do something different and head to the east of the map (to the second part), but... I'm unable to until I clear the south path. Oof. I really don't want to do the Fitness Gym tonight because I'm too pooped out to try that... and I need to still write the MAR13 Day article today before the day is over! So I went to the south path and only did its course: one of the best-named courses in the game, the Gunsho Temple. It's a reskin of Pushpull Temple, and all of the enemies (except one) are Garnet (or Dark) so I can use my neglected (for today) Arms Fit Skills and... upper body in general. Both in combat and with pushing/pulling blocks around. Plus some Squats to open the 150-coin-containing Treasure Chaser and the stationary 500-coin-containing Treasure Chest that you need some platforming skills to get. I can't do much else. It's already been over forty minutes of in-game time (and... close to two hours real-time) and I've only done four things. Very long world...

On Monday, I can report that I didn't wake up with my shell in blistering pain, and my back feels fine. And yet... I remain feeling exhausted. Thanks for literally nothing (except bad things), Daylight Saving Time. Anyway, it's time to progress, which means I must storm the Fitness Gym. The Fitness Gym Counter greeted me and proposed... the Aerobic Set. With no reward or bonus. Just complete it to move on. The description says it's “[f]or working up a sweat!”

1. Overhead Hip Shake (x60)—I knocked out all sixty of these in twenty-four seconds. No sweat worked up. Easy 100 points per rep. Delightful.
2. Knee Lift (x60)—It took twice as much time to do these in-game time, but no big deal! I can lift my knees up thirty times per knee. Just fine!
3. Overhead Squat (x30)—...And here is the roadblock. While it only took two minutes and twenty-four seconds in-game, it took about seven minutes for me to muster the stamina to complete thirty Overhead Squats. But at least I did so with good points per repetition.
4. Side Step (x60)—I... do need to regain my breath before doing Side Step after those difficult squats. Because while the first two Fit Skills didn't tire me out, Overhead Squat did, and Side Step is quite aerobic.
5. Mountain Climbers (x60)—This is the next hardest thing here in terms of how energetic you must be for a good score. I know in my sixty reps (and I had to stop near the end to catch my breath) that I wasn't getting perfect 100/100s... but... I-I don't need those to pass.
6. Leg Scissors (x60)—I've been doing a lot of these in this very world (though not today...yet). I know how to do them. And I reserved enough energy for them!

Alright... finally finished. That took six minutes and seven seconds in in-game time, but about triple that in real-time. I scored well enough for a 98 point average, which is an S rank. I don't get anything for that. But I can continue to the right side of the map. From the south path, that put my first course as... Slab Paradise. ...A paradise for slabs? Well, it was a paradise for Fit Skill-powered railcarts, with the three types (Back Press, Squat, and Chair Pose Hold) all showing up. Still a quick level. A bit unlike the next one, Calm Cloister. I wasn't very calm from the Overhead Side Bend-controlled trolley at the beginning and especially the end, with its photo-finish final EXP Token get. And... that's all I'll do for tonight. I plan to finish the world over FIVE days of playing, and I'm too fatigued today with DST and that Aerobic Set to really keep going.

On Tuesday, I STILL feel fatigued and low energy. I have a headache. My bed feels great and my back doesn't hurt, but it feels like I have way less stamina during the day than before and sleeping doesn't rejuvenate me. Still due to Daylight Saving Time? ...Probably! So I went to the first course I would've done at the end of yesterday, Perspiration Paradise. After that ended, I discovered I earned the Boat-Pose Admiral Title, for performing at least 2,000 Boat Pose repetitions throughout my playthroughs. It's an important five-range Yoga Fit Skill, but there are only two of these. (Boat Pose and Warrior II Pose.) Warrior II Pose is... more soothing and easier, but Boat Pose is faster, so I'm not sure which one I'd rather have slotted now that I've maxed out both.

I went to Six-Peak Temple next. It's the same level as Ohwanoh Factory from three worlds ago with the bad level design. After that, I cleared out the overworld Rare Hoplin fight for an instant level up. (There's five of them, and they each give 1000 EXP, so with an EXP-doubling smoothie and an Extra Turn smoothie, you can get a guaranteed 10000 EXP, and the amount needed to level up is... that amount.) There's no course behind the Rare Hoplins, but I am going to the next course, Judgment Pass. It's also the last I did on Tuesday. Despite the really ominous name, there's nothing to really note about the level, since it's not unique. Just like every other level in this world. There's a Treasure Chest with a Zircon if you need one more. I don't.

If I call these Wyrdeer, does that count as much-needed Pokémon Legends: Arceus content?

On Wednesday, I napped for about four hours until it was time for Purim. ...Uh... I kinda was asleep for so long that I didn't have time for Ring Fit Adventure. I'm serious, Daylight Saving Time is really bad.

Time for a more... fit Thursday. I do admit I took a nap earlier, though. First thing is the Bank Balance (Novice) Game Gym offering five Persimmons. ...Why Novice in the second-to-last world of the game? Because it's in FOG. The fog didn't stop me from getting a perfect score and getting the Persimmons (of which you need four to make an EXP-doubling Persimmon Smoothie), because Bank Balance doesn't really require you to look into the background to succeed despite you walking into the background, since you can adapt to what's happening very quick. I then cleared the Bootstrap Tower (Advanced) Game Gym for a Dragon Fruit, and opened up the overworld Treasure Chest next to it containing one Defense Drink. There's a warp portal associated with this area, which took me to the left (original) half of this overworld map. Now for two more Game Gyms: First is Dreadmill (Advanced), offering two Diamonds for completion I don't need. The Dreadmill room is apparently outside and in the rain, but that doesn't impact gameplay. And the last Game Gym is... Core Crushing (Advanced), providing a bonus Zircon for A-ranking it or higher. Core Crushing (Advanced) remains the one minigame I'm unable to S-rank. That didn't change today.

Completing those gave me access to this world's last normal course: Yogana. Despite the name invoking Yoga, there are more enemies weak to Legs Fit Skills (four) than weak to Yoga Fit Skills (zero) here. However, I did need to maintain a Tree Pose for a minute to get some Slinkbugs to leave, and that's a Yoga pose. I was lucky enough for the first enemy group to drop a Rose Quartz. There's also a Treasure Chest drop of five Pink Grapefruit. Three of those can be used to produce a Pink-Grapefruit Smoothie to revive myself if I ever die.

If I call these Stantler, does that count as much-needed Pokémon Legends: Arceus content?

The last course besides the final boss, and the last course for today, is called Li'l Grrr's House. Li'l Grrr is... a miniboss. It is a BIG (names are deceiving) Dark Pitbell, joined by its friends the Dark Megaphauna+ and the Dark Protean Shaker+. These minions require a five-range Fit Skill to hit all of them, and they're a nuisance so you'll want to pwn them. However, for me, they just attacked and didn't use their support abilities in the two turns they had, so... odd. Otherwise the fight is whatever, with Li'l Grrr trying to nom me as its primary attack but without any visible teeth. Li'l Grrr will get mad when it's under half health and do a SUPER ATTACK that requires me to MEGA AB GUARD... for only 22 seconds. That's pitiful compared to what I'll have to do tomorrow. Upon defeat, the monster dropped another Zircon stone. And to continue the rest of the world's and Fitness Master's overall trend... no dialogue whatsoever. Extra Fitness at least gave us a bit revealing how Ring enjoyed breaking and entering the house without knocking (you literally air blast through the door) and then killing the dog. Like he's a cop. None of that here. (I'm realising I also made a police brutality reference in World 45's Fitness Log as well... but for the Core Crushing minigame.)

I just want to let you all know that I'm not a “Karen” and I didn't summon the manager.
Which appears to be Li'l Grrr, AKA the Pitbell we just slaughtered in cop-like fashion.

On Friday, I decided it's time... to end World 68. FINALLY there was dialogue, as it appears that Li'l Grrr, or Sir Grrrus, isn't dead. In fact, he's the branch manager of the Land of Hades Dragaux Stadium. With a catchphrase. ...I don't know why this is a revelation but we never see him again.

Li'l Grrr was turning his life around with the values of friendliness, honesty, and hard work.
And then Ring decided to eliminate him for no provided reason.
That said, Li'l Grrr just kept repeating this phrase over and over with nothing else to say.

As for the Dragaux Stadium itself, the majority of it was dealing with an Overhead Ring Pull pulley. The Four Masters acknowledged this would be the final time I'd fight them in the game, so we'll have to make sure our fight is legendary. Guru Andma opened up with a SUPER ATTACK of the Arms variety that I had to hold an Overhead Press for 51 seconds to deflect. My... snout happened to be itchy, which was the hardest part of that. On her second turn, she made me defend against a giant energy Abs SUPER ATTACK with a 52-second Seated Forward Press. For my part, I just spammed Overhead Hip Shakes until Abdonis was knocked out. However, because I used a Banana Shake to have two turns in a row, I... got into a situation where all four Four Masters used their SUPER ATTACK in the same turn (they'll do so when they're below half health, except for Guru Andma who will just use her three and can't get KO'd until after she's used all three), creating a horrible gauntlet of misery.

Seven consecutive Ab Guards in a row is nothing compared to four consecutive SUPER ATTACKS in a row.
...Of which TWO are >50-second Overhead Squats!

First was Allegra's giant energy leg that I had to Overhead Squat for ~52 seconds straight. Immediately after, Abdonis dared to rip my abs to shreds with his giant yellow energy chest, for yet another Seated Forward Press defence lasting 53 seconds. When I deflected this back to Abdonis, it instantly knocked the rest of his HP out. Guru Andma then copied Allegra's giant energy leg thrust, which I had to Overhead Squat for ANOTHER ~53 seconds. One after the other. But Guru Andma was knocked out, finally. Armando then did his SUPER ATTACK, which like Guru Andma's, involved me Overhead Pressing for about 52 to 53 seconds to deflect.

After all of those in a row, I finally got my turn. With just Armando and Allegra still standing. But with not much HP left... so I finished them off. Guru Andma dropped a Zircon stone. And ever the eloquent speaker (this is not sarcastic), Armando dropped a quote.

That's... a cool quote.
But then I think about how I never consented to having anything etched into my muscles and I'm concerned.

Ah, but that's not all. The Four Masters said my powers are... beyond human (well, I'm a KOOPA!), and that they have one final gift to offer me: The Metallic Neuron outfit. Which I was prompted to switch into, but I was not given the opportunity to actually... see what it looks like. I guess that'll be for next world? Armando and Abdonis have portrayed this last outfit to be beyond comprehension in terms of fashionable fitness. Guru Andma said that I'll continue walk my own path without fearing what others think, which... hasn't been a theme in this game's dialogue.

Now if I'm tired, I'm not sure if it'll be from Daylight Saving Time or from that gauntlet of a workout.

Next week should be the very last KoopaTV Fitness Friday, right? Since World 69 is the last world in Ring Fit Adventure. Find out what the Metallic Neuron looks like and what kind of ability it has... and if Ludwig can survive the final boss. You can also find out if Ludwig finds a way to bash the police one last time. (For Fitness Logs. Surely there'll be more of that in future KoopaTV articles of any category.)


Here it is... the next week. World 69. Go find out what the Metallic Neuron looks like and how the game ends. No cop references.