Ring Fit Adventure Fitness Log Week 58: If you eat me now, you'll get triglycerides!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I went to the doctor, shared my results, and avoided becoming a monster meal.

Hello again. Welcome to the first KoopaTV Fitness Friday of 2022! This log is based about Ring Fit Adventure's World 58: Fitness Master Lv. 328 at difficulty level 30 of 30, which is based on the map for World 35: Extra Fitness Lv. 222. Last week at World 57, we fought Allegra, Abdonis, and Armando after Dragaux got depressed from having monsters steal his chocolate protein shake. This week, it seems like we'll fight the last of the Four Masters, Guru Andma. ...Dragaux is still sad, I guess.

This is all of the exposition for the world that we're going to get until the boss fight with Guru Andma.
I feel like Ring is referencing something, but I don't know what.

To test our... brain, I dunno, the first course is Clever-Trick Temple. Within the first half a minute as the level is reminding us about pushing and pulling blocks around, there's a Treasure Chest with two Mixed Chard drinks that are superfluous. But a valuable Treasure Chest later on had 500 coins. Unlike the level this one is a clone of, Pushpull Temple, there's no Treasure Chaser segment. I won't be accessing World 58's Town/General Store for quite some time, it seems, so let's just go to the next level— Mt. Fearmenot, infamously the first course in this playthrough that uses Ring's Wings, which replaces running for repeated abdominal presses to fly through the air. Not much else to say, besides a Treasure Chest had a Peridot stone and I got triggered by the presence of one Pinwheel Door. (At least it's only one as opposed to dozens from the last level of last world.)

Actually, clearing Mt. Fearmenot gave me access to the Town, as well as many other parts of the world. I went to the Town and went on a shopping spree, using all of the Peridot stones I've accumulated thus far since it seems like we're done with Topaz... and I need four more to clear out the General Store's Peridot-requiring inventory. Hmm. Perhaps I'll find them in the Monster Den. ...No, but I found a Defense Drink in a Treasure Chest and a Topaz from an enemy drop. (By “done with Topaz” I meant story fights and Gyms will drop Peridot now... random chance may still have generic enemy groups drop whatever.) At the end of the course I had acquired the “Righteous Warrior I Poser” and “Threefold-Squat Ascendant” Titles, for doing a total of at least 2000 Warrior I Poses and doing at least 300 Squats, Wide Squats, AND Overhead Squats. Yeah, I brought the Overhead Squat to the Monster Den and wore myself out doing so, but at least I'm physically capable of doing it again. While I've maxed out on Warrior I Pose Titles, the next Title for those squats are doing all of those at least one thousand times each. Not going to happen. ...And I'm done for the day because doing Overhead Squats is exhausting, and I want to take a shower.

I didn't work out on Monday, but I did have a lot of fitness things happen. January 3 was finally my visit with my doctor (primary care provider). In-person. Not remotely! (Remote annual physicals are useless.) I originally scheduled the appointment to address my hip pain problems after those persisted for a month, but by the time it actually happened, I'm really 90 to 95% healed and I'm feeling great. Though it was... a bit unpleasant when he moved my leg across my body.

While my doctor was hesitant to agree that bursitis is necessarily the correct diagnosis (bursitis being what my chiropractor believes it to be), because it could be any number of things, he didn't find any reason to disagree with it. In his medical opinion, if I took 1200 mg of ibuprofen every day for a “couple of weeks”, that would be fine and not overdosing on it because that's the best way to deal with bursitis, which is the inflammation of the bursa (fluid-filled sacs that protect your muscles from your bones) in an area. He recommended I continue to take ibuprofen as needed, and recommended several exercises for trochanteric bursitis. These include the “hamstring wall stretch”, the “straight-leg raises to the outside”, the “clamshell”, the “standing quadriceps stretch”, the “piriformis stretch”, and the “double knee-to-chest” (this one is actually in Ring Fit Adventure as a one-range Abs Fit Skill—though the doctor's exercise notes suggest to hold the knee-to-chest for 15 to 30 seconds and do it three to five times, while on level 30 difficulty of Ring Fit Adventure, you're doing 37 Knee-to-Chests held for about 3–4 seconds each. Not sure what health impact that has).

Also, they did an... unanticipated and unscheduled blood test on me (so I wasn't fasting), and my Vitamin D continues to be below the recommended level. He really urged me to take Vitamin D supplements of 2000 IU, because I'm obviously not getting enough without taking it in vitamin form. Both Vitamin D and Calcium are necessary for bone health, and while no one's tested my Calcium intake, I get the feeling that my Calcium is great. But Vitamin D is needed for bones to actually absorb the Calcium, so if I'm deficient in that, then the Calcium is going to waste.

Also, my cholesterol levels aren't great. My HDL (“good cholesterol”) is far too low, though my LDL (“bad cholesterol”) is at a good place. My triglycerides rating is also higher than the standard range, and my blood pressure is 122/86. While the top number is “elevated”, the bottom number is at stage 1 “hypertension”. Everything really comes down to me needing a better diet and exercising more, plus Vitamin D supplements. Well, let's do some of that exercise on Tuesday...

When it did come to Tuesday, I went to the northeast part of the map and collected the overworld Treasure Chest containing two Ruby stones. I went to Tornado Temple, found behind that chest. Tornado Temple has one of my least favourite level design decisions of the whole game, where in order to get the first EXP Medal, you need to purposefully miss a jump and actually fall down to the lower part of the level in-between your current position and the next platform. There's no scenery that suggests you should do this, and it goes against every normal platformer instinct. Once that level was complete, I beat up the two Rare Hoplins found in that overworld fight, and went to the next course (and on the map, last one guarding the boss stage), Fluttering Heights.

Fluttering Heights is a whatever filler flight stage at night, but the real challenge for today is when I backtracked a little bit to this world's Fitness Gym and its Flexibility Set. With the reward being a mere Strength Drink, I took several deep breathes as I entered and had to do the following exercises almost flawlessly (an A rank or better):

1. Seated Forward Press (x30)—Normally, you'll only encounter the Seated Forward Press in these Fitness Gyms and, rarely, as a defense against Abs-based SUPER ATTACKS from boss fights. As a Fit Skill, it's a healing move, so it's irrelevant. You sit down with your legs stretched outward and put the Ring-Con between your legs, which as you might imagine, makes you need a big thigh gap. Then you press down on the Ring-Con. Pressing down isn't that hard... but keeping your legs like that is.
2. Fan Pose (x28)—Yet another healing Fit Skill, so it's never seen outside of these Fitness Gyms. It's an absurd Yoga pose where you are still sitting, this time with the Ring-Con held above your head, and only one leg is stretched out while the other is folded in. Then you lean to the side while your back is straight. 14 reps on one side and then you flip everything for the other 14 reps. That's, like, impossible, so I'm really just damaging my backside while attempting this on the lean part. (The lean movement is how Ring Fit Adventure is judging you.)
3. Standing Forward Fold (x16)—Yet another healing Fit Skill, and possibly the worst one in the game in terms of how it's implemented. While something like Squats are miserable to go through, Standing Forward Fold just doesn't work on a technical level. The rep ends halfway through the full animation.
4. Revolved Crescent Lunge Pose (x28)—This is fine. One of the four one-range Yoga Fit Skills in this game (alongside Chair Pose, Warrior I Pose, and Tree Pose). This is a normal Fit Skill that I've used many times during my playthroughs, and I plan to use it more because I want its final Title.
5. Warrior I Pose (x28)—Well, I did just get a Title for this. Unlike, say, Fan Pose, I actually can bend to the left and the right normally.

I succeeded in achieving the desired rank for the Flexibility Set, yet I don't feel that much more flexible. I'll take the flexibility to end my training at this point on this day, and save three more levels (which are much more fight-oriented) for another day coming soon.

On Wednesday, I plowed through the four-wave Battle Gym and obtained five Guavas, good for a Guava Smoothie that I won't make. (It's used to revive yourself and prevent a game over.) Then I stormed Upsurge Studio... and went through all of its exercise-powered carts (mostly Ring-Con Rear Press, AKA Back Press, but Squat-powered and Chair Pose Hold-powered showed up too). There was also a brief river rowing segment in the middle with another (but singular) Pinwheel Door to air blast open while on the river rowing platform. Also gave me trauma. The end of the course had a brief Robbins chase-me segment as I was Back Pressing away from them—and much faster than I would have if it was Squat-powered

The last level for Wednesday, and the penultimate level of World 58, is Soleus Gold Mine. This is a miniboss battle. Once upon a time, this battle had storyline significance and was where Ring found his Wing power, but here it's just a Red Megaphauna+ minion, the big miniboss itself, Blue Pitbell, and a Yellow Protean Shaker+ minion. They are positioned in a way where if you want to hit all three enemies in one Fit Skill, you need to use a five-range Fit Skill as opposed to a three-range one. While you may wish to enthusiastically target the main enemy and its blue elemental weakness, if you don't take out Yellow Protean Shaker+ first, it will specifically weaken your Blue Fit Skills. And if you leave Red Megaphauna+ around, it will directly buff the defense power of all the foes. ...It can also buff Blue Pitbell's attack power, but the boost is negligible if you Ab Guard properly anyway. Ah... but writing of proper Ab Guards, Blue Pitbell WILL SUPER ATTACK you when it is below half health, and you must MEGA AB GUARD (squat while holding the Ring-Con against your abs) for about 33 seconds. If your squat stinks, or you lose your Ab Guard grip somehow... you might just get one-shotted. ...Fortunately, that didn't happen, and I buffed my own Blue Fit Skills to decimate Blue Pitbell's remaining HP in an efficient manner.

With a Grape Shake, I can have my non-blue Fit Skills cosplay as blue Fit Skills, letting them be super-effective on Blue Pitbell!
This is how I can Knee-to-Chest super-effectively, and you can also see all of the reps it involves here.
(With the other effect of seeing a big blue energy chest. Normally it's yellow.)

Blue Pitbell dropped a Peridot, and that ends Wednesday's session. Just one boss fight to go and we're done for the week! ...I suppose if I knew I'd take a screenshot of the miniboss battle but nothing else, I would've done the miniboss on Tuesday so the picture would be more strategically placed for maximum reader utility...

Guru Andma then appeared and said, “Sorry she startled you like that!
You didn't come all the way up here to be a snack.”

On Thursday, I found out that Ball is a girl. And apparently she wants to eat me because of my lean muscles. Yikes. Guru Andma asked Ball not to eat her guests. And so I went to the Temple of Balance, scared that I'd be...eaten somewhere in the process. I mean, Guru Andma is already a fan of vore.

The Temple of Balance is just a flight level involving high winds and Dragaux rock carvings. Incidentally, one of those is of Dragaux's head with his mouth open, and we need to fly in there. ...I'm definitely scared of being eaten. When I reached Guru Andma, she said I've helped Armando, Allegra, and Abdonis become stronger, and then she challenged me alongside her Green Sufferfish and Sufferfish (which one is Ball?), positioned in a way I can hit all three with a three-range Fit Skill.

Ball BETTER not want to eat me. I mean, I'm unhealthy!
Did Ball scroll up and look at my blood test results? Yikes!

Fortunately, the two Sufferfish don't have miniboss-esque big health bars, and can even be 2RKO'd (green) or 3RKO'd (colourless). Unfortunately, they are like minibosses in that they have their own SUPER ATTACKS, with both Sufferfishes requiring I do MEGA AB GUARDS for 30 seconds. Guru Andma brings three SUPER ATTACKS of her own, starting with a giant red energy arm I need to Back Press for 36 seconds to defend against, and then I had to defend against her giant yellow energy stomach with a Leg Raise (which... don't really involve my own stomach, does it?) and a giant blue energy leg with a Wide Squat. You can only defend against the Sufferfish SUPER ATTACKS, but you can deflect and return the attacks back on Guru Andma for damage. When she isn't spamming big attacks, Guru Andma can also give you a “righteous look” to make you feel guilty or something, reducing the power of two of your Fit Skill categories. But... I could always use the other two. Guru Andma doesn't have an elemental weakness, so they're rather interchangeable. I defeated her, and she dropped a Peridot and gave the same line about achieving balance that she did in Extra Fitness mode. And then it went to WORLD CLEAR! ...Boring end to an uneventful world.

Not shown on here are doing some domestic duties like vacuum cleaning and snow removal.
This replaced my hip pain with upper back pain. So all is normal now.
(Since my hip feels fine, I'm not actually doing those bursitis-healing exercises my doctor recommended...)

Ludwig didn't actually share his exact numbers for his blood test results. ...He's not sure if doing that in public is actually a good idea. Hopefully, playing Ring Fit Adventure in the next week is a good idea, and Ludwig needs to be consistent about eating his vitamins.


Ludwig by World/Week 59 claims that he's been eating his vitamins, while Ring and Dragaux eat pork.
Ludwig got footage of that bad level design in Tornado Temple.