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Friday, January 14, 2022

Ring Fit Adventure Fitness Log Week 59: A Non-Vegan Cast

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The vast majority of players wouldn't get this far to know this about Ring and Dragaux.

Hello, and welcome to a KoopaTV Fitness Friday! Where I log my fitness adventures for everyone to read. In the name of good wellness.

When I entered World 59: Fitness Master Lv. 331 on Sunday, Dragaux was saying that I look pretty trained right now, and it seems like the Four Masters have done their job in getting me more buff. So he's just going to wait in one of the six Dragaux Stadiums and not tell us which one he's in. While Ring doesn't remember which one Dragaux is in (the bottom left), I do remember (and I pointed it out the last time we were in El Dorago, World 36: Extra Fitness Lv. 225, and I also want to 100% the world anyway, so I'm going to go to all of the wrong Dragaux Stadiums first. Just a note: Each of them are basically a miniboss fight, but with some minor level design (enough to fit three EXP Medals) and standard monster fight music.

Ring Fit Adventure World 59 Fitness Master Lv. 331 Dragaux dialogue sitting around doing nothing
I believe you were actually depressed about your stolen chocolate protein shake.
That's the real reason why you made no appearance in the last world, right?

I first went to the Dragaux Stadium on the far right, which has a level design of two long stairways you need to Knee Lift through into one Mini Dragaux Statue at the end. Even with a ↑↑ power smoothie, I barely miss out on 4RKO-ing the Mini Dragaux Statue, so maybe I need to wear an outfit that further boosts my attack? (Specifically, smoothies last for three turns, and then I did one and a half turns without smoothies to demolish the statue.) I focused on Chair Pose and Revolved Crescent Lunge Pose for that one. For the next course, I went all the way to the Dragaux Stadium on the far left, this time wearing the Volt Contender to boost the attack of my Abs Fit Skills. Of course, this Dragaux Stadium's level design packs all two of the ways Yoga Fit Skills are incorporated into a course: TWO Chair Pose Hold-powered cart segments (for maybe a minute each, depending on how well you hold it), and TWO Slinkbug segments where you must Tree Pose Hold for one minute each—one per leg. The fight at the end is a Mini Dragaux Statue and, surprisingly, two Gold Hoplins positioned in a way where you need to use a five-range Fit Skill to hit everyone at the same turn. I 4RKO'd the Mini Dragaux Statue with two five-range Fit Skills and two one-range Fit Skills (Flutter Kicks) and a rush attack that luckily activated, so... that messes up my damage experiment entirely. As a result, I went south to tackle the Rare Hoplin overworld fight (with two of them). I tried Planking them... too difficult. Apparently, Ring Fit Adventure asks for my butt to be higher than what a plank should actually involve. How Ring Fit Adventure wants you to plank (30 reps on difficulty level 30 for about 5 seconds each) is actually very antithetical to how you're supposed to do planks (a few of them per day but held for about 30 seconds each).

The Rare Hoplins were guarding this world's Fitness Gym and its Posture Set. The following rep counts are, again, for being at difficulty level 30. The reward for going through all of this is a Peridot stone.
  1. Overhead Bend (x30)—I've had Overhead Bend as my go-to one-range Abs Fit Skill throughout Fitness Master, mostly because I want to max out its Title and be done with it. Anyway, it's quite easy to get 100 points for each of these.
  2. Overhead Arm Spin (x60)—Since I got the highest Title for Overhead Arm Spin a long time ago, I've been using Bow Pull for the rare times I need a five-range Arms Fit Skill. Overhead Arm Spin itself is difficult to get 100 points for. A lot of 80s and 90s. Maybe the Ring-Con doesn't appreciate spinning.
  3. Thigh Press (x30)—Thigh Press is still one of my favourite Fit Skills in the game. A sane exercise where you sit down with the Ring-Con between your thighs, and you press them in. You can hold the Ring-Con with your arms, which otherwise would just lay on the ground.
  4. Hip Lift (x30)—In the last world, I said the Standing Forward Fold is bugged on a technical level and one of the worst Fit Skills in the game for how it's implemented. Hip Lift, however, is the worst Fit Skill in terms of being stupidly designed and thought out, because, like Thigh Press, the Ring-Con is between your legs... but unlike Thigh Press, your arms aren't available to support it, so it can and will fly out from your legs and get damaged. The way around this is to put the Ring-Con between your legs as the game asks during the instructions/calibration screen... and then take it out on the floor and do the Hip Lifts. The game only tracks your leg Joy-Con's angle and doesn't care about the Ring-Con, which makes me wonder why it's part of the exercise at all.
  5. Tree Pose (x28)—14 reps per leg. Fine. We just held it for a whole minute per leg anyway.
I got the Miracle Legs Title for doing 300 of every Leg Fit Skill—must have been from Hip Lift getting to its 300th rep. Oh, and of course I passed the Posture Set with an average of 98, more than enough to earn a Peridot. And that was it for Sunday.

I skipped Monday, due to being very busy writing the KoopaTV GOTY Awards for 2021. Read up on those. There's even a special award for the Best KoopaTV Fitness Log of 2021, if you're only on KoopaTV to read those, and other Ring Fit Adventure content was recognised as well. (Content that you'll want to check out.)

Anyway, for World 59, what's left are three Dragaux Stadiums with statues, two Game Gyms, one Battle Gym, and one Dragaux Stadium with... Dragaux himself. For this day and the next, I ought to split up those first six things, with one day having two Dragaux Stadiums and a Game Gym, and the other having a Dragaux Stadium, a Battle Gym, and a Game Gym.

Today, I went to the Dragaux Stadium south of the Town. The gimmick here are constant Air Blasts to push blocks around, including up hills and conveyor belts. And... the miniboss at the end is actually a real miniboss: a full-sized Dragaux Statue! With a Red Matta Ray+ and a Yellow Matta Ray+ at its immediate sides... and surround sound miniboss music. Regardless, the attack plan isn't different than a Mini Dragaux Statue: slay the minions (which can heal) and then just exchange blows with Dragaux Statue while gazing at how cool its lasers are. (That links to a video from this exact same fight, but in Extra Fitness mode back in World 36.) Oh, and unlike some other minibosses, Dragaux Statue lacks a SUPER ATTACK. It has more HP than Mini Dragaux Statue. Anyway, I toppled the statue and got its... core, and went to the bottom right of the map where a Gold Hoplin fight lies, with three of them. Since I took no precautionary smoothies, one of them ran away. Behind those cowards was the Smack Back (Advanced) Game Gym, where I successfully Upper Body Twisted to an A rank and won (and drank) a Defense Drink. Last for today I headed to the northeast corner of the map, opened the overworld Treasure Chest containing a Peridot stone (and this is the last one I need for General Store purchasing—any additional I can sell for 380 coins), and then cleared out the world's four-wave Battle Gym that has a reward of 500 coins. That should make up for the Gold Hoplin that fled. Every enemy in that Battle Gym is colourless, so bring whatever Fit Skills you want. You'll want one-range, three-range, and five-range Fit Skills for it.

Ring Fit Adventure El Dorago Dragaux Stadium squat cart rails down scenery waterfall
Since I don't want to reuse screenshots from previous logs (or take new ones of the same thing),
here's a scenery shot of the Dragaux Stadium north of Town I write about below.

I continued on Wednesday evening by going to the Dragaux Stadium north of Town. This Dragaux Stadium is over two minutes on a Squat-powered cart, so... I had to Squat constantly to progress the thing along. It's JUST that, unlike the Chair Pose-powered cart I described at the start of the world. At the very end is a regular-sized Dragaux Statue miniboss—all alone with no minions. This is very different than the Dragaux Stadium west of that one, where the level design is entirely conveyor-belt-based platforming, and the miniboss Dragaux Statue has a Blue Megaphauna+ minion and a Green Megaphauna+ minion, positioned so I can hit all three with a three-range Fit Skill. (...I did something a bit different, but whatever.) The last thing for today was the overworld Treasure Chest at the northwest corner (containing two Milk Puddings) and the Game Gym behind it, the nefarious Squattery Wheel (Advanced). I did clear it on my first try (somehow?) and win one Dragon Fruit, however! Five of those lets me make a Dragon Drink for an instant 10,000 experience points (instant level up). And that concludes World 59... everything except the main boss fight. We're done with minibosses.

Ring Fit Adventure Squattery Wheel Advanced Game Gym 82 points A rank results complete
I was very convinced when time was up that I'd have to try this Squattery Wheel again.
But somehow 82 points is a passing A grade. Fine with me!

On Friday, it's time to finish our last trek of El Dorago! And I really dislike the last Dragaux Stadium, since it's filled with squat springs that you'll need to use to trampoline up to new heights... including heights that function as temporary footholds and will disappear if you have poor timing, making you do things all over again. As for Dragaux himself, he asked Ring how his hams are. Ring said he likes hams with eggs... to which Dragaux was disappointed that Ring didn't know he was referring to hamstrings. ...Dragaux was asking this whole exchange while balancing on a Blue Puffersquish, which is what he does during the fight as well.

Ring Fit Adventure Dragaux dialogue ham hamstring names of body parts
Ring not having a stomach or a digestive system doesn't stop him from eating ham with eggs.

The Blue Puffersquish is just there for show and to give Dragaux fresher animations (both damaging and damaged) so he's not just a flesh (scales) version of his Dragaux Statues. Strategy-wise, it's still just picking one-range Fit Skills and using them, with the option to drink smoothies to make your damage output higher if you want the fight to end faster. Eventually, Dragaux will fall off his Puffersquish, allowing for you to rush attack him for extra damage. This will enrage Dragaux, and he will do an extra attack of his own where he jumps into the background and throws about four wooden crates at a time at you. This... shouldn't do extra damage to you, because you will easily be able to air blast the wooden boxes before they come in contact with you. Some even contain hearts to restore previously taken damage. Then there's no more Puffersquish, but we continue to exchange single-target attacks until Dragaux fell.

Ring Fit Adventure Dragaux meats tenderloin World 59 dialogue
According to my research (and I had to look this up since I don't have or want personal experience with this),
tenderloin can be either beef or pork.
Regardless, I'm not happy, whatever it is and however they're finding these animals to get meat from.
Surely you can be this buff and muscular without this?

He dropped 1500 coins, one Peridot stone, over 5000 EXP, and I got the “Above-Average Flutter Kicker” Title, for doing over 1000 of those. Dragaux also dropped the fact that he eats tenderloin every day, along with other food to balance his diet. Then he flew away.

Ring Fit Adventure Week World 59 Fitness Master Lv. 331 Exercise Log
For some reason, I decided to spread this out over five days back in Extra Fitness.
Four days makes more sense.

By the way, I've been taking 2000 IU of Vitamin D every day since last week, along with multivitamin gummies, 500 mg of Vitamin C, a Vitamin B capsule, 50 mg of Zinc, and 500 mg of quercetin. This should help my immune system along with my bones and other important parts of my wellness. ...Though I suppose not all of that is... actually backed up by scientific data.

Next world might be very fun. Or maybe it won't. It's very unpredictable what level of effort Fitness Master will put into the dialogue, so stay tuned next week on KoopaTV for what happens next!

World 60 ended up being categorised as not fun and minimal effort.
2022 also had an award for Best Fitness Log... and Week 59 happened to be the winner!


  1. It’s funny to us that ring doesn’t understand the whole hamstring situation, but to be fair if Dragaux started talking about the muscles in his risk or wings we’d be just as confused.

    But as the old saying goes, “How do you know if someone is a vegan? They’ll tell you”.

    1. Muscles in his risk or wings? You're confusin' me.

    2. Gah! Damn autocorrect. In my haste I must have made a typo. I meant TAIL or wing muscles.

    3. Oh, right, Dragaux's wings and tail.
      Well, you'd be confused about both of those. I'd understand the tail. Ring actually does have wings. ...But I don't think there are any muscles associated with them.


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