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Wednesday, August 16, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Scott Walker

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Scott Walker, in the governor's house! Scott Walker transformed into a mouse!

Two more strategy guides left for The Wonderful 1237! If you are just joining us, then you really should go back and start with what The Wonderful 1237 is by clicking there. Basically, The Wonderful 1237 is a browser-based Flash game that is a satire of the 2015–2016 Republican presidential primaries.

Each opposing Republican candidate — 17 in all (you play as yourself) —  has their own minigame, which you can read about in terms of the development process over here. Today's article, as the header delightfully will tell you (it's a reference that you shouldn't get), is about Scott Walker. Scott Walker is the governor of Wisconsin. He won three elections to be governor in four years, which, if you don't know about America's politics, is very abnormal. (One of those was a recall election made by union thugs.) Unfortunately for Scott Walker, no one likes him outside of Wisconsin, and he was considered too ugly and not charismatic for everyone else. I think his stats in The Wonderful 1237 reflect that, having the second lowest stat total in the game. He is of no threat to anyone (except union thugs).

...Which means you should enjoy his minigame demo at the bottom of the page!

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 0 + (0–1)
Cool: 0 + (0–3)
Cute: 0 + (0–1)
Smart: 0 + (0–3)
Tough: 0 + (0–4)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 7
Cool: 21
Cute: 7
Smart: 21
Tough: 28

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Very unlikely. (Scott Walker will have 7 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 Versus Scott Walker endorsement minigame fight screen
“Versus... Scott...WalKER! Fight.”


Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Run Fast From Undertale's PlayStation Port. Mania!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - A tale of two games with bad franchises. Different fates!

Today, Undertale and Sonic Mania came out. The former is notable for being the biggest news from Sony during E3 2017, despite not appearing in Sony's crappy conference. Undertale is also responsible for ruining the end of 2015, both in terms of being voted by freaks as the BEST GAME EVER and for those freaks spreading unfunny “memes” throughout the Internet

They're still trying to do that. That's why Undertale being revived on the PlayStation 4 and the PlayStation Vita is a big part of their agenda. (Well, the PlayStation Vita release isn't contributing to a revival.)

You might conclude that, since I'm still bringing up the GameFAQs Best. Game. Ever contest from 2015, that I'm still holding that against Undertale and that I'm not giving Undertale a fair shot. That's a logical conclusion to make, but I also believe that I can be very fair-minded and logical as well. Let me be objective here.

Monday, August 14, 2017

WE'RE ALIVE! Regent, Sierra Leone MUDSLIDE Kills HUNDREDS!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - KoopaTV's office wasn't directly affected by the mudslide.

It is fairly common knowledge that the staffers at KoopaTV are excellent, kind-hearted people just looking to help our local communities. Princess Wendy O. Koopa and myself (Prince Ludwig Von Koopa) decided to help our neighbours out in the quaint country of Sierra Leone, Africa. (We hope it's also common knowledge that KoopaTV's office and headquarters on Earth is in Freetown, Sierra Leone, selected for its excellent real estate values.) KoopaTV truly loves the Sierra Leonean people — their great hospitality, welcoming royal Koopas in their human land and allowing us to co-exist in harmony (as long as the Ebola is kept under wraps). We had already dedicated today to being community service day, and we headed over to Ma Soupswill's soup kitchen in Freetown. We're just do-gooding, humankind-loving humanitarians.

However, we quickly discovered something was very wrong once we got to Ma Soupswill's soup kitchen. There was an absolutely horrific tragedy that happened today near Freetown, Sierra Leone: In the Sierra Leonean area of Regent, just sort of south of our headquarters, there was a massive mudslide that killed at least over 200 people. If you look at mudslide history, you'll know that these subset of landslides can be absolutely devastating to structures and people, and they have a tendency to wipe things out. That's compounded thanks to Sierra Leone having bad infrastructure in general, along with the non-stop torrential rain and thunderstorms we've been having since before E3 2017 over two months ago. (For years, we've been donating a percentage of KoopaTV's profits to help strengthen Sierra Leone's infrastructure, but those amounts are unfortunately nowhere near enough to solve the problem.)


Sierra Leone Freetown Sugar Loaf Mountain rain cloud mudslide Mario Party Piranha's Pursuit
Here's one explanation for why there's so much rain.
With the heavy rains, the mud has no choice but to roll off Freetown's Sugar Loaf Mountain.

Let me reiterate: Every staff member at KoopaTV is okay, along with our office. ...At least, in terms of the mudslide. 

Friday, August 11, 2017

Where Is Mario & Sonic at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Nowhere to be found. It's possibly Dennis Rodman's fault. Blame Cappy!

When Ubisoft announced the Steep DLC at Ubisoft's E3 2017 (Steep: Road to the Olympics) featuring the PyeongChang Winter Olympics in South Korea, I thought that Nintendo would announce a “Mario & Sonic at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games” the following day. Didn't happen.

Two months after E3 2017 started, there still isn't any news regarding a new game in the Mario & Sonic series. This is significant, because the 2018 in PyeongChang 2018 is February. By comparison, Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games was announced in a June 2015 Nintendo Direct for a March 2016 release.

Believe me, this stuff matters. Big time. I know this from very personal experience. Remember the How Team Koopa Escaped Rio series? I sure do. (If you don't, click that hyperlink. It was a very big deal last year.) It was a horrible experience, but following Mario on his conquest of Earth was important. By the end, it turns out that Mario, and evil cap, Cappy, had captured the Prime Minister of Japan, Shinzō Abe. Then they promoted the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games. But what about PyeongChang?

When you think about what's going on in the world, it makes sense that South Korea will try to do everything they can to keep Mario out of their country. (If you're wondering what they have against letting Sonic in, you're on the wrong website. Go start EggmanTV or some crap.) I'll clue you in.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney Is NOW Coming to Nintendo 3DS!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - After Apollo Justice's stint on mobile trash, he's coming where he belongs.

Remember back in December 2016, when CAPCOM brought Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney to iOS and Android platforms? I made a big stink about how it's bad that the Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney port goes to mobile garbage before it went to the Nintendo 3DS. I even made a tangential point at the end about how Nintendo president Kimishima is doing a bad job fighting for Nintendo's interests.

Well, SOMETHING has now changed, and CAPCOM has announced that Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney will be coming to the Nintendo 3DS family of systems this November 2017. (Nintendo eShop only.) 

Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney will cost $20, compared to the $15 you would pay to buy all four cases in the mobile version. I think that's a worthy price, and you will almost-assuredly get a better user experience when playing on the 3DS than a mobile device.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Lindsey Graham

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - If Lindsey Graham were president, the world would be a much different place today. (That's a bad thing.)

We're running out of opportunities to be publishing Wonderful Wednesday articles. If you don't know what Wonderful Wednesday is by now, you're not an active KoopaTV reader. (There are benefits to being one of those, including a chance of winning the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program.) Wonderful Wednesday is the series of Wednesday-dated articles all about KoopaTV's FREE browser-based Flash game, The Wonderful 1237! The Wonderful 1237 features seventeen unique minigames, all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with should you play the game. (...And you damn well should.)

As explained in the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, I'll be writing these strategy guides — one for each candidate, in a specific order. This one is about the one of the current Senators of the great state of South Carolina: Lindsey Graham. Lindsey Graham is notable for being a total chicken hawk and one of the leading neo-conservatives in the country. For those who don't know what that means, it means that Lindsey Graham is a big supporter in the United States of America constantly getting into more wars (including against North Korea) and trying to shove democracy down the throats of the other nations of the world. Exactly the kind of foreign policy that we don't want. Lindsey Graham was also a very ineffective candidate, and that is reflected in his stats. However, Lindsey Graham has one strength: He is the Cutest candidate in The Wonderful 1237. His mannerisms are adorable. All of his answers during the debate questions related to him wanting to drink beer with his opposition. (And anyone else interested.) He's in favour of more immigration and amnesty, and isn't even a conservative. It's a wonder how South Carolina keeps electing him.

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 0 + (0–2)
Cool: 0 + (0–3)
Cute: 3 + (1–5)
Smart: 0 + (0–2)
Tough: 0 + (0–3)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 14
Cool: 21
Cute: 45
Smart: 14
Tough: 21

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Average likelihood. (Lindsey Graham will have 11 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 versus vs Lindsey Graham endorsement minigame fight screen
“Versus... Lindsey Graham. Fight.”


Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Nintendo World Championships Return For 2017!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's like 2015's, but lamer.

Remember Nintendo's E3 2015, with the Nintendo World Championships 2015? That event could have made E3 2015 one of the best for Nintendo, but then their actual conference happened and that sucked.

What I'm trying to say is that the Nintendo World Championships in 2015 were awesome. The qualifiers for that grand E3 event, though? Well, I was critical on the Nintendo World Championships qualifiers in 2015 for their eight questionably-distributed locations.

WELL, the Nintendo World Championships are BACK for 2017, coming in October! THIS time, the qualifiers (late August and early September) locations are... in pretty much the same exact locations as they were in 2015. Well, some of the cities moved, but the state allocation is the same: Two in California, one in Florida, one in Illinois, one in Minnesota, one in New York, one in Texas, and one in Washington state.

One big change in the rules this year? Non-Quebec Canadians may participate. Previously it was only Americans. Which Best Buy would the Canadians go to? Who knows.

(Reminder that Alberta residents have not been a part of Canada for over one year. You're in a better kingdom now.)

Monday, August 7, 2017

The Torkoal of West Virginia

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Ending the WAR ON TORKOAL.

Are you wondering about why Torkoal has returned to prominence in the Pokémon world all of a sudden? Could it be that, suddenly, there is a President of the United States of America that is unleashing “fossil fuel” energy? There is a lot of demonisation of coal, especially because of the War on Coal propagated by the former President, President Barack Hussein Obama. That's along with totally failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton — she's the one who vowed to put a lot of coal miners and coal mines out of business.

That's a direct threat to Torkoal's survival. See these Torkoal Pokédex entry excerpts:
You find abandoned coal mines full of them. They dig tirelessly in search of coal.”
Coal is the source of Torkoal’s energy.”
“If the fire burning within its shell goes out, it will die.”

Essentially, under the Democrat Party, Torkoal would become extinct, and we would lose our all-turtle Pokémon lineup. That is a problem for some decent Democrats, such as Jim Webb of Virginia, who wished for an all-of-the-above energy policy. It was also a problem for new governor of West Virginia, Jim Justice, who is a billionaire coal magnate who refused to endorse Hillary Clinton due to her anti-coal stance.

Therefore, Jim Justice switched his party registration from Democrat to Republican on Friday, August 4, 2017. In doing so, he is saving the Torkoal from extinction! We have a picture representation of what this looks like:

Friday, August 4, 2017

Condiment Conflict: Mayonnaise vs. Ketchup Splatfest!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - In case you haven't realised from my procrastination on writing this article, this Splatfest is stupid.

Welcome to the first OFFICIAL (as opposed to a demo) Splatfest of Splatoon 2!

Splatoon 2 Team Mayo Mayonnaise Ketchup decision board join better than Splatfest
It's... Mayonnaise vs. Ketchup?

Team Mayonnaise vs. Team Ketchup. Many question why mayonnaise gets a spot here, instead of another condiment such as mustard. Personally, I'm questioning why they brought Splatfests back if the theme is going to be so... lame. Well, I'm going with Team Ketchup. Why? Well, no deep reason. I like the taste of ketchup more. The only condiment to prominently appear in my world is tomato sauce, but ketchup is related to that.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Kirby Series: 25 Years Old! eShop Sale!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Kirby himself isn't 25 years old. Just his franchise.

Did you know that the reason KIRBYBIRTHDAY is a usable password in Team Kirby Clash Deluxe (the ONLY usable password in North America. The other regions get more passwords, a sign of inequality) is because Kirby's Dream Land came out in April/August 1992 (again, depending on your region), and that means 2017 is Kirby's 25th year of being in business? Of course, when you consider the whole year to be a birthday, then every year is a birthday. (Remember: Anniversaries happen more than just numbers ending in 0 or 5.)

...Normally, I wouldn't cover this sort of silly thing as an article, because I don't give a damn about anniversaries. However, Nintendo wants me to give a damn, putting more effort into letting me know Kirby is 25 years old than... well, a lot of other franchises. There's a Wii U push notification. A 3DS push notification. A Nintendo eShop sale (ending August 8th). A Miiverse-wide announcement. (Keep in mind that Miiverse is supposed to be dying out, as seen by Nintendo not having any announcement about E3 2017 — an actual event. Also keep in mind that Miiverse announcements are supposed to be used for updates about Miiverse, like its horrible redesign, rather than marketing pitches.) There's also a press release and special My Nintendo rewards. (Such as spending virtual currency to get a wallpaper that you could download for free from Play Nintendo.)


Kirby 25th Anniversary 25 wallpaper theme
Nintendo chooses to use a trademark symbol instead of a possessive apostrophe.

So... I guess I should detail the sale. You tell me if you want me to get anything from it. (You can also tell me if YOU want anything from it. As in, you'll buy it yourself. Put SOMETHING in the comments section, will ya?)

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Bobby Jindal

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Prove your math skills to the Republican Party's smartest candidate.

We are quickly nearing the end of KoopaTV's very extensive coverage of The Wonderful 1237, best described as KoopaTV's satirical strategy simulation game of the Republican presidential primaries of 2015–2016. You really should play it, which Flash-enabled readers can do here. There's nothing else like it. Each of the candidates in those primaries — 17 in all — serve as your opponents. Each of them have their own minigame, too, as explained here.

This Wonderful Wednesday is dedicated to the man who was the governor of Louisiana, and was a rising star in the Republican Party (and still might be — he's young!): Bobby Jindal. In terms of statistics, Bobby Jindal is very similar to Ted Cruz, but marginally has more Beauty and less Cool. That means that Bobby Jindal is very lopsided, but he is one of the smartest Republicans in both the game and real life. Will he be able to put it to good use? He'll certainly test YOUR smarts!

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 0 + (0–3)
Cool: 0 + (0–4)
Cute: 0 + (0–2)
Smart: 3 + (1–5)
Tough: 2 + (0–5)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 21
Cool: 28
Cute: 14
Smart: 45
Tough: 37

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Fairly likely. (Bobby Jindal will have 13 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 VS Bobby Jindal versus endorsement minigame splash screen
“Versus... Bobbbbbyyyy Jindaaaaaaaaaal. Fight!”


Tuesday, August 1, 2017

KoopaTV's July 2017 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We start off the newsletter with... a tribute to a special person.

Get ready for another great KoopaTV month! Aw yeah!

But first, let's review what happened in July of 2017. Lots of stuff, judging by the number of headers in this article. BY THE WAY, I hope you readers know that if you hover your cursor over a heading, it'll give you the url anchor extension bringing the page directly to that header. Try it.

BUT, before we get to our newsletter's headlines, there's something I gotta explain: All five of last week's articles' sub-titles were quotes by King Koopa from the Super Mario Bros., Super Mario Bros. 3, or Super Mario World cartoons. This was done as a sorta stupid/silly tribute to Harvey Atkin, who voice-acted King Koopa in all three of those cartoons. He died two weeks ago of cancer at the age of 74. King Koopa is a big reason that I'm a fan of those cartoons. His wit, cruelty, fashion sense, and bursts of brilliance continue to be an inspiration to Koopas everywhere.


Now with that out of the way, let's stop talking about Koopas on TV and talk about KoopaTV. Starting with...

Top Five Recommended Articles of July 2017

Here are my top five recommended articles of July 2017. These are presented in chronological order:

Monday, July 31, 2017

Baby, A Super Mario Odyssey Demo Encounter at Nintendo NY!

By SHINYGIRAFARIG - Nintendo NY Again.

Ever since I had my child, it has been much harder for us to go out for leisure time. It’s not so simple to just take a baby and go out. You have to make sure the baby is well-fed to avoid having to have a crying baby while out in commute or to lessen the chance of her crying during inconvenient times. Nintendo NY was having an E3 week special where they had demos including the not-yet-released Super Mario Odyssey. I accumulated enough hours at work to not have to come on Friday of that week, so I thought it would be a great time to go there as it was a weekday. The children who would normally be at the store would still be in school, so there would not be as much of a crowd there, especially since we had to maneuver a stroller around. My husband has off Friday as well, since he works on Sunday instead.

We fed the baby, and she was content and quiet. She likes to travel around in a stroller so that satisfied her too. We traveled to Nintendo NY and we walked around the store. I noticed the Splatoon plushies were back — last time we were there, they removed the plushies and only had Splatoon clothes there. They were obviously getting ready for the release of Splatoon 2.

Nintendo NY New York Splatoon plushies hats shirts Inkling Boy Girl Squid Callie Marie Judd
There were two Callies and two Inkling Girls before and I saw someone bought one of each and now there are one of each.
You can see a part of the stroller here as well.

Nintendo NY has an elevator so we used it to get to the second floor. While in the elevator, two other customers were on it and adored my child, saying that a goal in life for them is to have a family as well. My husband and I smiled, of course, as thanks for them saying that.
 
We got off the elevator and saw the demo section. I asked an employee where the line is and they said they give bands for people to come back at a certain time and the next open slot was for 1:00 PM and we can line up for that slot a bit before that time. It was a bit before 12:00 PM so we agreed and got our bands. The baby did not get a band because she will not be able to handle a Switch controller as told to use by the employee.


Friday, July 28, 2017

The New Nintendo 2DS XL, Hey! Pikmin, and Miitopia... Plus...

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - More! I want more! More! Hahahaha!

There isn't much good about today. Well, it's the two-year anniversary (or, rounded by a weekend) of Miiverse being ruined with its redesign. Miiverse has never been the same. (It got demonstrably worse.)

But I have nothing much to say about that that I haven't been saying for years now, so let's look to the current day. Today, Nintendo has multiple releases for their Nintendo 3DS family: A hardware revision in the New Nintendo 2DS XL is the biggest attraction. I'm not sure how much marketing attention Nintendo is putting on it, but in terms of specifications, the New Nintendo 2DS XL is the best 3DS family handheld they've made yet.

I'm not entirely sure who the target audience is supposed to be. 2DS owners looking for an upgrade? Customers who have never owned a 3DS or 2DS of any sort before who suddenly are interested? (There won't be much of those.)

Meanwhile, Nintendo is releasing Hey! Pikmin (read my impressions of its demo here) and Miitopia (check out its E3 2017 log here) today as well. Those games range from boring to mediocre.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Nintendo's Quality of Life Initiative — Immortal?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Then as the old saying goes, he who Koops and runs away, lives to Koop another day!

The first quarter (Q1) has ended for Nintendo (as of June 30), and so we have some new sales numbers. 4.7 million Nintendo Switch consoles sold (an increase of 2 million in 3 months), and Mario Kart 8 Deluxe has sold 3.54 million copies, compared to The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild only selling a total of 3.92 million copies. Neither the Switch or Zelda numbers include my own post-quarter Nintendo Switch purchase.

We can also now say that it's not FAKE NEWS if you made a story like, “Nintendo Switch has sold more hardware in four months than the Wii U has sold more in five months.” However, that's not this article's headline, since there's something else a bit more interesting.

Two weeks ago, Nintendo released their annual report for the fiscal year ending 2017. In it, they mentioned this in the “Research and development activities” section:

“Moreover, we are working on the development of a new product that improves people’s QOL (Quality of Life) in enjoyable ways. Our aim is to enable consumers to make daily efforts to improve their QOL in a fun manner by making sleep and fatigue status visible and offering various services based on this information.”
The same statement was also included in Nintendo's 2016 report (substituting “we are” with “Nintendo is”). 2015's version was a bit longer:

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: George Pataki

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Find a way across that chasm, and find it now!

Continuing our week's theme for washed up relics of the past, we have a fan-inspired/-salvaged strategy guide on a loser. Why is KoopaTV publishing strategy guides, and what game is the guide for? Why, it's for KoopaTV's browser-based Flash game (play it while you still can!), The Wonderful 1237! The Wonderful 1237 features seventeen unique minigames, all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with should you play the game. (You have until 2020, so get to it.)

As explained in the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, I'll be writing these strategy guides — one for each candidate, in a specific order. This one is about the guy who was the governor of New York from 1995 to 2006: George Pataki. He was also one of the first candidates in real life to drop out of the Republican presidential primaries, and judging from his statistics in The Wonderful 1237, that is likely to happen in the simulation as well. He's the third worst character in this game, and is bad at everything. Still, his minigame is fun, and you can play it at the bottom of this article.

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 0 + (0–4)
Cool: 0 + (0–2)
Cute: 0 + (0–2)
Smart: 0 + (0–3)
Tough: 0 + (0–2)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 28
Cool: 14
Cute: 14
Smart: 21
Tough: 14

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Very unlikely. (George Pataki will have 7 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 VS Versus George Pataki endorsement minigame screen
“VERSUS... George Pataki! Fight.”


Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Adobe Flash's End of Life

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You fixed your last faucet you revolutionary pipesqueak!

You know, this is NOT supposed to be “beloved old things are dying” week, but yesterday we wrote about MS Paint being deprecated.

Today, Adobe announced that Flash, once a bedrock of the Internet, will no longer be supported by 2020, and has set Flash to an end-of-life death journey. Adobe has specified this applies to Adobe Flash Player, and not other things using the Flash runtime, such as Adobe AIR. That's particularly important to us at KoopaTV right now on a game development basis.

RIP Flash tombstone tomb stone grave Adobe Macromedia Shockwave end of life dead
RIP Flash, 1995–2020.
(Image made in Paint. Gotta use it as much as I can!)


Flash is already the butt of the Internet, with HTML5 being the new standard-bearer. Mozilla Firefox regularly puts warning messages about Flash content on the Internet. I'd know. We'd all know that Flash would be killed off pretty soon, making this less sudden and scary than the Paint situation and a lot more like Miiverse's end-of-life. (By the way, as a result of our article last night, Microsoft is making a modification to Paint's fate!)

While 2020 is a long time away, I've recently (before today) been reminiscing about the older times on the Internet, back when Newgrounds content creators were Internet celebrities and YouTube was a much smaller competitor for Internet domination, rather than a mega behemoth. The world was a better place then. George W. Bush was president, and videogame-based music videos like these three have mostly withstood the test of time and are still better than the majority of the garbage on YouTube by content creators today:

Monday, July 24, 2017

Skipping Windows 10: VINDICATED! Paint: DEPRECATED!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - He wants to shut us down, friends! What are you gonna do about it?!

Exactly one year ago, I wrote that I was barely clinging on to an incredibly vulnerable (from a security standpoint) Windows 7 PC just so I could avoid getting automatically upgraded (against my will) to Microsoft's Windows 10 operating system. Many back then questioned what I was thinking and how I could be justified in opposing a FREE upgrade.

Let's just say that I knew the sorts of things that would be happening later on. Take, for example, the Windows 10 Fall Creators update. What's the biggest so-called feature? The deprecation of the beloved program, Microsoft Paint, otherwise known as MS Paint. That means that, like Miiverse, Paint is on its way to being removed in the future and will no longer have any updates. When in the future will it suddenly be obliterated off your computer? We don't know.

What I can tell you is that this ain't possible if you're not on Windows 10. Which I'm not. So I'll be keeping my Paint safe and sound, which is good, since KoopaTV would not be possible — at least, not the way it is today — without Paint.


Microsoft Paint Windows 7 recent pictures saved files
All of these images are KoopaTV-related!
(Consider some of those a sneak peak to future content.)
(Here are those Splatoon 2 articles for images 5 to 9.)

On that note, what the hell is Paint 3D?

Friday, July 21, 2017

Splatoon 2 is Released!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Must-buy game for the Switch, and my gameplay thoughts.

Last Saturday, I actually began playing games on my new Nintendo Switch. I played The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, and then once it was around 6 PM Eastern, I spent my night playing the Splatoon 2 Splatfest demo. According to the Nintendo Switch Parental Controls app (it's substituting for an Activity Log), I played The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild for 3 hours, and then the Splatoon 2 Splatfest World Premiere for 3 hours and 20 minutes. Of the two, I actually enjoyed Splatoon 2 more than I did with Breath of the Wild!

As I wrote yesterday, I played just enough to become an Ice Cream King and not one match more, and I played as the Splat Roller the whole time. Here's how my Splat Roller was at the end.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

The Splatoon 2 Splatfest Scoring System

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Team Division victories?

Last week, we got a very sweet, dessert-esque taste of how Splatoon 2 Splatfests will work. It's especially delicious because Team Ice Cream won. Given how dominating the Popularity score was for Team Ice Cream (76% to 24%), I get the feeling that they actually WON'T re-run this Splatfest.

We also got access to the official rules document for those Splatfests:

Splatfest 2 Splatfest final results three factors manual rules popularity solo division victories team
Three factors: Popularity, Solo Division victories, and Team Division victories.
 

If you remember Splatoon's scoring system, it was a function of Popularity and Wins. First, it was Popularity + (Wins * 2), but then the 2 became a 4, and the 4 became a 6. Regardless, percentages always mattered: The scores were a function of the percentage figures. You could be unpopular and still win.

Splatoon 2 changes that completely. 

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Mike Huckabee

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Soft-spoken, and a lovely guitarist.

Ready for some music appreciation? Rather than write about leitmotifs again, I actually want to write another strategy guide for KoopaTV's amazing browser-based Flash game, The Wonderful 1237. The Wonderful 1237 features seventeen unique minigames, all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with in the game as you try to become the Republican nominee for president. ...This one deals with one of those seventeen.

Y'all are familiar with the Wonderful Wednesday article about the game's endorsement minigames, so you know about the nearly one dozen strategy guides I have written so far for each of those. This one is about the guy who was the former governor of Arkansas, an enemy of the Clintons, and a proponent of the FairTax: Mike Huckabee! I thought, back at the beginning of the primaries, that Mike Huckabee would go really far. He's great at talking. He's cool. He's experienced. He was even a Fox News contributor, so every Republican likes him. His favourable numbers were all high! Unfortunately for Mr. Huckabee, this support never happened. Fortunately for him, at least he's one of the top candidates in The Wonderful 1237.

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 1 + (1–4)
Cool: 2 + (1–5)
Cute: 0 + (1–4)
Smart: 0 + (0–3)
Tough: 0 + (0–2)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 36
Cool: 44
Cute: 35
Smart: 21
Tough: 14

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Quite likely. (Mike Huckabee will have 14 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 Mike Huckabee versus fight minigame endorsement splash
“VERSUS... Mike Huckabee! Fight.”


Tuesday, July 18, 2017

"Miiverse Ended!" Text Datamined: So What?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - What difference, at this point, does it make?

If I asked you a week, month, or months ago, “Do you think Miiverse is going to end eventually?” you would say yes. It's an intuitive, natural answer. All things come to an end, and Nintendo's social network is clearly on its last legs. It's not being supported by the Nintendo Switch. The console it was built for, the Wii U, is no longer being supported. The other system that's piggy-backing on it with a post-development integration that they never bothered to complete, the 3DS, is on its last legs.

It really shouldn't surprise anyone who has put any thought into it: Miiverse won't be around much longer. It served to bolster word-of-mouth and add value to a console that didn't have an obvious value proposition (the Wii U), and as a result, I've logged many thousands of hours into Miiverse. That dwarfs any actual game-playing I've done. Miiverse is what is keeping me using the Wii U at all, and it's actually still doing a pretty good job of that. Nintendo would much rather I spend my fun-time playing The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild on my brand-new Nintendo Switch than screw around on Miiverse on the Wii U. I wonder how their IT administrators feel paying Amazon CloudFront lots of money every month to support shit-posting in the New Super Luigi U Community, and little kids in the Team Kirby Clash Deluxe Community who don't know that the game is LOCAL MULTIPLAYER ONLY. They also gotta pay companies like Emoderation Limited to do moderation work for them...

So why is everyone freaking out about text a dataminer allegedly found in Wii U system update 5.5.2 that indicates Nintendo is planning to end Miiverse? (Note: KoopaTV can't confirm this information, but that's not the point here.)

Monday, July 17, 2017

Good Thing ARMS Wasn't At EVO 2017!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Boy, that would've been a mistake. But there are some consolations.

When I wasn't playing the Splatoon 2 Splatfest demo on Saturday (congratulations to Team Ice Cream!), I spent the weekend watching the EVO 2017 fighting game tournament.

It was a great set of tournaments, and, man, that Super Smash Bros. For Wii U top 8 was intense. Congratulations to Salem on his win over ZeRo (aka Scarf Boy), who subsequently went and deleted his Twitter after being on the winner's side of the bracket. He lost the best of 3 out of 5 to Salem, and then he lost another 3 out of 5 after the bracket reset.


MVG Salem Wins EVO 2017 holding up trophy smile grin Bayonetta Super Smash Bros. For Wii U
Salem giving a big goofy grin as he is crowned the winner, while ZeRo's face is weirdly distorted in the corner.
(...Or he naturally looks disproportional.)

I wrote six months ago about EVO 2017, and how they had a community choice charity-driven Player's Vote. Back then, I advocated for ARMS to be the ninth game to be at EVO. This was before we actually knew anything about ARMS. Well, as a follow-up, here's how ARMS did at raising money:

Friday, July 14, 2017

The Splatoon 2 Demo Splatfest: CAKE vs. ICE CREAM

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It may not be a REAL Splatfest (yet), but is it scrumptious?

Something KoopaTV learned very quickly in the past two weeks: The Internet will eat up anything Splatoon. So, the Splatoon 2 Nintendo Direct exploded in views, and KoopaTV's screenshots from that reaction log were seen all over the Internet, even used in meme pictures. (Without credit, of course.)

And so, I've gotten many requests from you folks to resume KoopaTV's thorough Splatoon Splatfest coverage, the last of which was the Callie vs. Marie Splatfest that set the stage for Splatoon's storyline. With what? The end of that Direct mentioned a Cake vs. Ice Cream Splatfest, playable in a special free demo downloadable from the Nintendo eShop TOMORROW. The demo, by the way, is effectively another Splatoon 2 Global Testfire. I told you guys there would be more.

Splatoon 2 Splatfest demo Cake Ice Cream join this team selection board
Team Cake vs. Team Ice Cream will be tomorrow, July 15, from 6 PM Eastern to 10 PM Eastern. Only four hours!

Since I mentioned story, know that the Cake vs. Ice Cream Splatfest, at least for this demo, is NOT canon. The Squid Research Lab states that nothing will carry over to the actual full game of Splatoon 2, and Super Sea Snails won't even be distributed. Therefore, it is not a real Splatfest, and will have no impact on the story.

Still, y'all want my opinion on these things. I'm pretty sure we'll be seeing the Cake vs. Ice Cream debate later on in Splatoon 2's life, but if y'all want it NOW, then I am happy to say I am firmly on Team Ice Cream. Here's why.

Thursday, July 13, 2017

A New Perspective on Pikmin: Hey! Pikmin! Demo?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Arzest still sucks at game development.

It's Thursday. You know what that means? It's Nintendo eShop day! Today brings us a demo of Hey! Pikmin, a rather dreadful and Jeb!-esque title formerly referred to as “Pikmin 3DS (Working Title)”. It's that dumb Pikmin platforming game on the 3DS, developed by the reliably-mediocre developer, Arzest. (Best-known for running the Yoshi's Island series into the ground.)

At the end of 2016, I wrote an article asking people what happened to that Pikmin 3DS game, since everyone forgot about it. Since then, Nintendo themselves totally forgot about the 2D platformer by not even mentioning it at E3 2017.

At last, today brings a demo AND a SpotPass-generated push notification from Nintendo, referring to the game as “a new perspective” and “his first 2D platformer.” Will there be more? Would we want more? I guess I owe the game to answer that, since I did say not to forget about it.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Rand Paul

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - If it was up to me, Rand Paul would be the president of the United States right now.

There are some very hot topics today: The Electronic Frontier Foundation is holding an Internet-wide campaign with technology sites to try to keep Net Neutrality. Former president Satoru Iwata died two years ago. Instead of tackling these tough topics, I'll instead write something I've been waiting for for many months: Rand Paul's strategy guide article for The Wonderful 1237! (Though, I will say that Rand Paul is cosponsoring the Restoring Internet Freedom Act that is terrifying the scaremongers in the tech community, and good for him.) Don't know what The Wonderful 1237 is? It's KoopaTV's amazing browser-based Flash game that features the 17 Republican presidential hopefuls from 2015 to 2016... and you! It's a great satirical simulation of the process.

Each Republican presidential hopeful, once they drop out of the race, will allow you to try to win over their endorsements and accumulated delegates with a minigame. More about those minigames in this article. This time, it's Rand Paul's turn, as I've been writing strategy guides on each of these minigames for months now.

Rand Paul is known for being THE leading voice for liberty in the United States Senate. I personally endorsed him when he announced his candidacy. In terms of The Wonderful 1237, Rand Paul has one of the highest end-game statistics, with great growths across the board. He also has the highest sum of base stats (at 8), and is the only candidate with 5 or higher base stats in something. As a result, Rand Paul has the highest average single statistic out of anyone in the game (his 47 in Smart). Rand Paul totally deserves his Smart power, since the guy is correct on almost every issue, and even had his own Rand Direct. It should be no surprise that he's incredibly formidable in The Wonderful 1237!

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 1 + (0–4)
Cool: 1 + (0–4)
Cute: 0 + (0–4)
Smart: 5 + (1–5)
Tough: 1 + (0–3)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 29
Cool: 29
Cute: 28
Smart: 47
Tough: 22

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Quite likely. (Template McTemplate will have 14 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 Versus VS Rand Paul Endorsement minigame splash fight screen
“VERSUS... RRRRRRAND PAUL! Fight!


Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Nintendo Switch Amazon Prices, and Prime Day 2017!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Check back daily for another set of prices.

Well then. Yesterday's article had quite the sequel hook: Today I would reveal how I got a Nintendo Switch! Well, I purchased it from Amazon, an all-around great company. KoopaTV gives away Amazon gift card codes twice every year for the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program (and other prizes for the other months of the year, so be engaged all the time!), since you can get pretty much everything off Amazon.

But if you look today at the Amazon-instituted holiday, Prime Day, you won't find Nintendo Switch deals. In fact, you won't really find any in stock. The Nintendo Switch continues to be very elusive unless you are one of the lucky people who happen to look as Amazon gets a few more Nintendo Switch units in stock. I happened to be one of those lucky ones.

Here's the kind of Nintendo deal you can get off of Prime Day today:

New Nintendo 3DS XL Galaxy Style Amazon Prime Day Deal 3 cents off 199.96
PRIME DAY DEAL: Save three cents on a New Nintendo 3DS XL, Galaxy style!
(It's somehow a best seller.)

You can get a lot of gaming headsets for a lot of money off, if you're into those.

You can also get a lot of savings on some competitor console manufacturer products... or wait for Black Friday and/or Cyber Monday. That's in only four months, anyway, and there will be new products out by then anyway.

So. Nintendo Switch. Here you go. I made this and will maintain it... indefinitely:

Monday, July 10, 2017

Ludwig Got a Nintendo Switch! Impressions Inside?!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...KoopaTV is saved! We can be a real Nintendo site now!

It only took four months, but I am now an owner of the Nintendo Switch. To be exact, the grey one, not this neon stuff. More on how I acquired it tomorrow. What's important now are my first impressions.

I got it on Saturday and didn't open it until Saturday night. Rawk and Kamek wanted me to do some lame unboxing video, which a Google representative once told me are the videos that get the most views on YouTube. I think it's weak content, so I'm not going to do it. I took pictures, though:

Nintendo Switch box opening Ludwig Von Koopa plushie Jigglypuff amiibo manual grey
Closed box...

The Nintendo Switch and the Joy-Con feel very delicate. I don't know how they expect us to treat it like a portable system. You can't fit it in your pocket or anything. If you put it in your bag it'll probably snap apart somehow. That said, I have no problems snapping the Joy-Con to the Switch.

Friday, July 7, 2017

CNN is MIFFED at a Donald Trump GIF!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - How MIFFED will CNN get from a KoopaTV GIF? (Plus, KoopaTV PNGs!)

This week, something horrible happened that I simply cannot let pass without writing an article about it. It's the angriest I've gotten all month, even angrier than the indignation I had about no one at E3 giving a damn about the United Kingdom. Like, I'm legitimately pissed off, and not just satirically so. This week, CNN, a FAKE NEWS master, attacked and blackmailed an unsuspecting President Donald John Trump fan and is close to ruining his life. As unsuspecting President Donald John Trump fans ourselves, we take this threat to truth, levity, and free speech very seriously.

Let's start by going to the origin of what we're talking about: This week, President Donald John Trump posted his most retweeted tweet of all time, even more than the one he tweeted after the miracle happened
In this tweet, President Donald John Trump is bodyslamming a guy with a CNN logo for a head. This is based off of President Donald John Trump's actual wrestling experiences, as “actual” a wrestling experience can be. See, that's the whole joke. CNN is FAKE NEWS, and wrestling is a fake sport, and the actual body slam depicted is fake.

Like so many of KoopaTV's enemies, CNN doesn't understand humour. But in this article, my goal is to convince you that CNN is not just OUR enemy, but also YOUR enemy. So, how did CNN react?

Thursday, July 6, 2017

KoopaTV's Live Reaction to the Splatoon 2 Direct!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Sure, it starts off with not much new information, BUT AS YOU KEEP WATCHING...!

Fresh off E3 2017, we have some premium Nintendo Direct content! This one is a Direct focused exclusively on Splatoon 2, as opposed to a Direct that was supposed to be exclusive to one game but then featured Splatoon 2 at the end anyway. (Silly ARMS.)

I guess the article title is a misnomer, since I'm the only staffer who watched this, instead of the whole KoopaTV. That's why I put “live reaction” as singular! Well, I'm the MOST-QUALIFIED to be handling this log, anyway, as the site's Splatoon expert.

Can't wait to be doing Splatfest articles again. And, yes, Splatfest information is in this Direct. If you missed it, watch it here:


Wednesday, July 5, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Rick Perry

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Reminder that this game was made before President Donald John Trump made his Cabinet.

It's time for a particularly USEFUL strategy guide, brought to you by KoopaTV's amazing browser-based Flash game, The Wonderful 1237! The Wonderful 1237 features seventeen unique minigames that test different skills (the skill for this article is particularly important), all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with.

As explained in the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, I'll be writing these strategy guides — one for each candidate, in a specific order. This one is about the guy who was the longest serving governor in Texas history: Rick Perry. Rick Perry ran for president twice: In 2011, and then in 2015. He... failed miserably both times, but he's always have a folksy, very evangelical way about him that many people love or hate, depending on your politics. In terms of his stats, he's similar to another Texan, Ted Cruz, but he traded Cruz's smarts for cuteness and beauty. At the very least, that means he can go pretty far in The Wonderful 1237!

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 0 + (0–4)
Cool: 0 + (1–4)
Cute: 0 + (0–4)
Smart: 0 + (0–2)
Tough: 1 + (0–5)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 28
Cool: 35
Cute: 28
Smart: 14
Tough: 36

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Fairly likely. (Rick Perry will have xx delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 Rick Perry versus endorsement minigame fight
“VERSUS Rick Perry. Fight!”

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Where was the UK Terrorism Victims Tribute at E3 2017?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Pray for London and Manchester!

Last year, right before E3 2016 started, Islamic terrorist Omar Mateen shot up and killed dozens of people at the Pulse gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida. Every E3 conference (besides the one from Electronic Arts) had some kind of Orlando tribute, and almost everyone involved at E3 had rainbow pins on their jackets/shirts.

Fast forward to E3 2017. This year, right before the Electronic Entertainment Expo occurred, Islamic terrorists did a one-two punch on the great country of the United Kingdom, specifically Great Britain: The bombing of the Manchester Arena in Manchester at the end of May, and then the London Bridge terror attack in June. Many people died, and many more people got injured. The terrorist attacks forced KoopaTV's British correspondent, Vortexica, to retreat in a basement away from civilisation during the E3 2017 events. They were quite spooky. Vortexica was even missing and we all thought he might've died.



However... not a single E3 conference this year had a tribute or even a passing reference to the Manchester or London attacks. No UK Union Jack pins on a single person. Why?