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Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Terror in Manchester, UK! ...Hey, Where's Vortexica?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - If only we could talk with him ONE LAST TIME...

Tonight, United Kingdom prime minister Theresa May raised the terrorist threat level of her country to CRITICAL, up from SEVERE. Another attack, not counting the Manchester Arena terrorist attack (done by a guy named Salman Ramadan Abedi — I wonder which church he goes to?) that you'll hear about if you turn on the news (i.e. not KoopaTV), is IMMINENT. Scary. It doesn't get any higher than CRITICAL. Just because critical hits got nerfed in the Pokémon series a few years ago doesn't mean this is any less serious.

At the same time, this doesn't affect KoopaTV happily sitting by at our Sierra Leone headquarters.

Wait, what's that? KoopaTV staffer and British correspondent Vortexica hasn't shown up at our quarterly meetings? Well, WHERE THE HELL IS HE? ...Oh no... Oh no...

Monday, May 22, 2017

GameFAQs Best Year in Gaming: Round 5 — THE FINALS!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The death match between 2001 and 1998.

Throughout this month of May, KoopaTV has been covering the GameFAQs Best Year in Gaming contest. This contest sought to poll the Internet (this year, mostly just GameFAQs users — but in previous years there were rallies have caught Internet-wide popularity and massive vote totals) on which year in the gaming industry was... THE BEST.

After getting through a Wildcard round, Round 1, Round 2, Round 3, and Round 4... we're finally at Round 5. In a 32 + 4 entrant 1v1 tournament, that's the final round.

GameFAQs The Best Year in Gaming Round 5 The Finals KoopaTV
Our gratuitous banner has the propaganda directly put on it!

It's 2001 vs. 1998. Vote for 2001. Please? Right here, today, on Monday.

I'll convince you why.

Friday, May 19, 2017

Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valencia... is Still Fire Emblem: Gaiden

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The same Fire Emblem: Gaiden that is really weird and no one appreciated.

Today, Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valencia came out in North America. (Recall the Fire Emblem Direct.) This game is a pretty faithful remake of Fire Emblem Gaiden, also known as the second game in the Fire Emblem series that came out on the Famicom and was exclusive to Japan. Like many NES-era sequels, it was weird and really different from the first game (think Zelda II: The Adventure of Link), and it was less a sequel and more of literally a side-story. And then the third game in the Fire Emblem series included a remake of the whole first game in it, and it's weird how that whole thing turned out.

Anyway, I've been around many Fire Emblem discussions and message boards prior to the release of Fire Emblem: Awakening. I've come across lots of forum topics along the lines of, “Rank all the games in the Fire Emblem series from best to worst.” Now, random forum-goers can have lots of bad opinions, but Fire Emblem Gaiden tended to be in a lower-tier or some sort of question mark tier.

Many Western Fire Emblem fans, not having access to many of the Fire Emblem games through legal localised channels, played the “missing” games through unapproved methods. Favourites of these included Fire Emblem: The Binding Blade (the one with Roy, and the closest to Fire Emblem 2003 which was in America), Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War, and for the really hardcore, Fire Emblem: Thracia 776.

Not many people sought out Fire Emblem Gaiden. But now, with faithful remake Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valencia? There's revisionist expectations.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Sonic Forces: Custom Hero — Brilliant, or Disaster?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The logical response versus the gut, emotional one.

The world is ending! Oh no!

...Unrelated to that: You can play Sonic Forces (releasing Holiday 2017 for Xbox One, the PlayStation 4, the PC... and even the Nintendo Switch) and create your own custom hero. 

There's a lot to analyse and consider in that 96-second trailer, and also some things not in it to analyse and consider. In summary, leading up to this trailer, people thought the following about Sonic Forces: It would feature, much like Sonic Generations, “modern Sonic” (the thinner, taller one), “classic Sonic” (the chubbier one), and an unknown new hero. It would take place in a darker future, with the Sonics and new dude (the hero the world needs) being part of “the resistance”, which places the game as SEGA's interpretation of a near-future featuring President Donald John Trump as Doctor Eggman, and hedgehogs as Hillary Clinton's resistance.
Hell, Hillary Clinton even speaks of “the resistance” as not just against President Donald John Trump, but also against robotics and artificial intelligence, which are things that Doctor ROBOTnik is known for. (I'll use whatever name of his fits the puns better.)
However, this new dude isn't just Hillary Clinton. It's you (...she's not reading this site, is she?)... or whatever your imagination has (possibly including Hillary Clinton)! And you can put them in seven different species, according to IGN and a bunch of other sites:

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

KoopaTV's Live Reactions to the ARMS Direct!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Featuring North Korea launching nuclear arms on Nintendo's Japanese headquarters. ...Just kidding.

Another Nintendo Direct is here, this one focusing on the new Nintendo Switch game, ARMS! Plus, Splatoon 2 for good measure. I'm Ludwig, and joining me is RawkHawk2010, in our [Koopa Keep] AIM Blast (running in Pidgin).

Follow along with our log here:

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

GameFAQs Best Year in Gaming: Round 3 & Round 4

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Also known as the quarterfinals and the semifinals.

Less than six hours remain in the first match of Round 3 of GameFAQs's Best Year in Gaming contest, and I don't know what year to pick for the first match. I guess we'll get to that discussion after the page break.

It's been a rough Round 2, coming off an easy Round 1. Round 3? Treacherous. So my write-ups will be painstaking.

Based on the...schedule, Round 3, being four matches, will go from Tuesday to the end of Friday — one match a day this time. Round 4 (semi-finals) will take place Saturday and Sunday, with Round 5's FINALS taking place on Monday. In terms of publishing schedule, that means I must attach Round 4 to this article. That makes the gratuitous picture look like this:

GameFAQs Best Year in Gaming Round 3 4 Quarterfinals Semifinals KoopaTV banner
...And then I realised that I saved it without rewriting it to be “Rounds”, so that's why the article title is “Round 3 & Round 4”.

Now you're gonna get write-ups FROM THE HEART for most of these. GameFAQs now has eight pictures for each year for eight games, but in case that ain't enough, here's a Wiki with notable games from each year. Also, as of publishing, we don't know what's in Round 4. This article will be UPDATED when we do know, and Round 4 will get write-ups at that time!

Monday, May 15, 2017

Nintendo's E3 2017 Plans

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Knowing Nintendo, it's better than it sounds.

Last week, Nintendo announced their plans for E3 Week 2017, going from June 13 to June 15. Ever the quick-paced and agile shelled creatures we are at KoopaTV, we're just discussing it today. (Hey, we were celebrating an ANNIVERSARY.)

Here's Nintendo's E3 2017 plot, according to their press release:
  • 12 PM Eastern on June 13, 2017 — Nintendo Spotlight: E3 2017 video presentation
    • This will be available at (and KoopaTV will be on top of the coverage) and deal with Nintendo Switch games, including Super Mario Odyssey, releasing in 2017.
  • Nintendo Treehouse: Live at E3 throughout June 13, June 14, and June 15
    • Subjects will be all sorts of Nintendo Switch and Nintendo 3DS titles, played at depth with your favourite Nintendo Treehouse localisers. KoopaTV will cover this, too!
  • The night of June 13, 2017: The 2017 Splatoon 2 World Inkling Invitational
    • Four teams, representing the four regions of the United States, Japan, Europe, and Oceania, will compete. KoopaTV will cover this with variable effectiveness.
  • The night of June 14, 2017: The 2017 ARMS Open Invitational
    • It being “open” implies something here, but that “invitational” also implies something... KoopaTV will be sure to cover this, though we might be a little bored.

What's the ultimate analysis here?

Friday, May 12, 2017

King Bowser's Cook-Out!!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You're invited to this SCRUMPTIOUS event celebrating KoopaTV's fourth anniversary!

Well, would you look at the date? It's May 12, 2017! Remember when KoopaTV was founded? May 12, 2013. That makes today KoopaTV's fourth anniversary! WOW!

Rather than rehash what happened in the past 365 days — because how many times do you need to hear how incredible we are for influencing the United States presidential election, or for our incredible insightful and foresightful coverage of the Rio 2016 Olympics — we're going to assume you already know all that and just want to celebrate with us.

So, this year, we're holding...

King Bowser's Cook-Out!!

Yes, King Bowser Koopa himself is back for the benefit of KoopaTV, and he will be taking the guise of Chef King Bowser Koopa! Dig in!

King Bowser's Cook-Out!! chef BBQ Koopa KoopaTV barbeque fourth anniversary invitation card
Our invitation card, featuring the most handsome king in the universe.

We have three delectable menu items for today's celebration: 

Thursday, May 11, 2017

GameFAQs Best Year in Gaming: Round 2

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You've unlocked more detailed explanations.

The very fine folks over at GameFAQs are going to be entering Round 2 of their new Best Year in Gaming contest. Which year between 1985 and 2016 was the best, as decided by GameFAQs-browsing gamers (which could be anyone, including me)? Well, turns out it's not 1985 or 2016.

Round 1 got rid of a lot of riff-raff. With three exceptions (RIP 2004, 2010, and 2016), GameFAQs largely voted as I voted in Round 1. This makes this round full of more... difficult decisions on my part. It's still two matches a day.

I bet you can guess for Round 3 we'll just replace the 2 with a 3.

The underlined years are what I'm going to vote for. Reminder that there's a reminder of the notable games released each year here, and this is going by American release dates.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Jeb Bush

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You see that normal-looking title? Everywhere else, he'll be called JEB!.

Today's strategy guide for The Wonderful 1237, KoopaTV's amazing browser-based Flash game, is quite a treat. In case you don't know yet, The Wonderful 1237 features seventeen unique minigames, all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with should you play it.

Right in the middle of the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, this strategy guide is about the man who is part of a now-failed political dynasty, and has been disgraced into a memetic-status: JEB! Bush. In real life, JEB! Bush appeared to be the most formidable candidate in the Republican primaries, having raised the most money of anyone. However, this money advantage isn't represented in The Wonderful 1237, stripping JEB! Bush to his bare essentials: An adorably unlikable loser. Take a look at his abysmal stats:

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 0 + (0–2)
Cool: 0 + (0–2)
Cute: 1 + (0–5)
Smart: 0 + (0–3)
Tough: 1 + (0–2)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 14
Cool: 14
Cute: 36
Smart: 21
Tough: 15

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Not likely. (JEB! Bush will have 9 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 Versus Jeb Bush fight
“Versus... JEB! BUSH! Fight!”

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Finally, The Paper Mario: Color Splash Review

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - In terms of action commands, is this EXCELLENT, GREAT, NICE, or just GOOD? ...Or a failure?

After being informally requested for a long time, on September 23, 2016, it was requested (and seconded) by the readers that when Paper Mario: Color Splash comes out, we would write a review of it. Well, REVIEWS TAKE A LONG TIME, so here we finally are.

We have a very extensive and rich history with Paper Mario: Color Splash. When it was first revealed in a March 3, 2016 Nintendo Direct, Ludwig cursed it. That caused an analysis article looking at the first public trailers of every Paper Mario game, where he again condemned Paper Mario: Color Splash for its striking similarity to Paper Mario: Sticker Star. However, by the time the next round of footage came at E3 2016, the entire KoopaTV staff was stunned at how Paper Mario: Color Splash progressed, which forced Ludwig to write an extremely controversial article defending Paper Mario: Color Splash from people who were still criticising it. From between then and the game's ultimate October 2016 release, KoopaTV covered every Rescue V: Fearless Color Defenders video Nintendo put out, which you can find and read on your own time since this paragraph has enough hyperlinks.

Finally, after having beaten the game and spending quite a number of months thinking about it (to make sure we're not in a honeymoon period), we're ready to review Paper Mario: Color Splash. We'll be reviewing it on what the game is, not what we think it should've been. Also, this review is free of spoilers, or at least, if there are any spoilers, there isn't any context given so you wouldn't know that it's a spoiler.

Monday, May 8, 2017

The Death of Gaming Console Life-cycles (Generations)

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Snide reminder that Vita means “life.”

Since the beginning of the gaming industry in the 1970s with the Magnavox Odyssey, gaming historians and industry people alike have classified gaming eras into generations. These have lasted about five to six years until the next generation began, marked by a new set of hardware releases that generally came out within a year of one another. Some generations still keep going instead of ending when a new generation begins, but most of the attention goes to the new guy because customers like new technology.

But something strange has happened recently. Back in Microsoft's 2016 E3 conference, they basically said they're done with generations and will be moving BEYOND generations. They're saying that Project Scorpio is not a new generation, but part of the perpetual continuation of the existing eighth one.  

Sony, the company famous for proclaiming that their systems have at least a 10-year life-cycle, similarly released/announced the PlayStation 4 Pro and PlayStation 4 Slim. Now, hardware revisions aren't anything new to the industry, but this isn't just a redesign — there is added POWER. Meanwhile, there's no announced plans for a PlayStation 5 to exist... not yet, anyway.

You look at Nintendo and what they just did with the New Nintendo 3DS XL or New Nintendo 2DS XL, and those also have power upgrades within the same system life-cycle. The Nintendo Switch itself demonstrates Nintendo's willingness to move on from the eighth generation's Wii U to a newer one, but the editors at Wikipedia are currently unwilling to say there is a ninth generation just yet. That leaves the Nintendo Switch in some weird, hidden, “other generation” category.

What does this all mean? 

Friday, May 5, 2017

The Optimal Way to Play Team Kirby Clash Deluxe

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - My secrets to unlocking enjoyment from Team Kirby Clash Deluxe. There's spoilers.

It was April 12 when Team Kirby Clash Deluxe was released on the Nintendo 3DS eShop as a free-to-play game. It's an expanded version of the Team Kirby Clash sub-game from Kirby Planet Robobot, similar to how Dedede's Drum Dash Deluxe ($6.99) and Kirby Fighters Deluxe ($6.99) are expanded eShop games of their non-deluxe counterparts from Kirby Triple Deluxe. I guess we finally now have a truly TRIPLE deluxe since there are now three deluxe Kirby games on the eShop? 

Team Kirby Clash Deluxe is a boss rush of 42 different fights where you can pick four different roles for Kirby, each with their own set of weapons and armour: Sword Hero, Hammer Lord, Doctor Healmore, and Beam Mage. You have a team of four Kirby warriors (you play as one, and the other three are either computers or local friends — no online multiplayer), and you can mix-and-match the roles on your team.

The optimal team is composed of four Beam Mages. The Beam Mage is overpowered. Why? Because they can stop time — freezing not only the enemy in place, but literally the timer you're graded by. How fast you defeat enemies determines how much experience points (there's stats and levels in this game) you get, and many special missions are based on how fast you can finish the fight. Why are missions important? Because this is a free-to-play game in the mold of Pokémon Rumble World. Instead of blood diamonds, they have gem apples growing from a tree. Still, same system of a 3,000 purchasable maximum of diamonds/apples, you get a few diamonds/apples from completing missions, and there's “limited” purchasable special deals from the in-game shop. You also need to use the diamonds/apples to progress through the game in progressively larger quantities, but your “income” of them doesn't grow enough to keep up.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

The New Nintendo 2DS XL is What We Should've Had All Along

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's... perfect! But too late.

Last week, Nintendo announced the New Nintendo 2DS XL. It's stunning... and only $150! Coming out July 28, 2017.

Back in the day, I unpopularly defended the Nintendo 2DS when it was first announced. Then we sort of forgot about it, until they announced the New Nintendo 3DS and New Nintendo 3DS XL — which I criticised. ...That is, until I eventually bought one to replace my dying Nintendo 3DS.

This is what the 2DS should've been to begin with. The New Nintendo 3DS took some time to make because of the new face-tracking 3D technology. The New Nintendo 2DS XL doesn't have technology that wasn't available when the 2DS was released.

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Ben Carson

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The patient is in trouble alright... from YOU.

Welcome to another edition of the strategy guides for KoopaTV's amazing browser-based Flash game, The Wonderful 1237! The Wonderful 1237 features seventeen unique minigames, all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with.

As explained in the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, I'll be writing these strategy guides — one for each candidate, in a specific order. This one is about the guy who talks really slowly and doesn't know anything except for surgery: Ben Carson. However, despite being a one-trick dude, the people LOVE Ben Carson — so he actually has the second-highest average stats in the game. He's a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 3 + (1–5)
Cool: 0 + (0–3)
Cute: 1 + (0–4)
Smart: 1 + (1–5)
Tough: 0 + (0–4)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 45
Cool: 21
Cute: 29
Smart: 43
Tough: 28

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Fairly likely. (Ben Carson will have 13 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 Ben Carson versus seek endorsements

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

GameFAQs Best Year in Gaming: Wildcards and Round 1!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - A new GameFAQs contest has begun... what was the best year in gaming?

Before E3 2017 begins, we have an exciting, year-based event to cover: A new GameFAQs contest! I get really excited over these. This time, it's not to figure out the best character or to figure out the best game... but the best... year? This strange format was presumably done to prevent idiotic troll-rallies like what happened for both of the GameFAQs contests that occurred during KoopaTV's existence. (Damn you Draven of League of Legends and damn you Undertale.) It's hard to get excited and rally for a whole year because lots of things happen in 365 or 366 days. ...But I'll try my best, and tell you my thoughts on the bracket for every round.

If you need a reference source for what games came out when — which may be especially confusing if you're not used to American release dates — the contest nerds over at GameFAQs's Board 8 contest board have made a List of Notable Games Released 1985–2016 wiki page.

The underlined years are the ones I'm voting for. If you think my write-ups suck, that's because I'm saving energy and material for the next four rounds.

GameFAQs The Best Year in Gaming banner Wildcard Round 1 KoopaTV contest
GameFAQs didn't put their own logo in their banner, so I put it for them. Along with ours, of course.

Monday, May 1, 2017

KoopaTV's April 2017 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The magic of 100 days.

Fun fact: We have no idea what we're going to do for our fourth anniversary coming up really soon. Maybe we should figure that out.

Anyway, want to know what happened last month? Well, we're here for you.

In fact, we're here for you all of the time, so check by... often! Perhaps even...everyday? Well, with this story, you should:

KoopaTV Article Production To Be Increased 166.66%!

After the unfortunate news from three months ago about KoopaTV's article production being cut 40%, we're pleased to announce that Sierra Leone and President Donald John Trump have made up with one another. This is one of many examples over the past few months about President Donald John Trump changing his mind (or “pivoting”) on something, and for this example, we're glad.

President Donald John Trump is also putting off the construction and funding for THE WALL, meaning it won't be much trouble for KoopaTV to be able to export our articles into the United States (our main audience). That means we're going to return to our 5-articles-per-week format starting immediately! And not a moment too soon — there is so much stuff to talk about.

Friday, April 28, 2017

Nintendo's Fiscal Year 2017: Featuring Nintendo Switch!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - That, and many more factoids (including a FAKE NEWS alert!) with Nintendo's annual financial disclosures!

For a business nerd like I am, this is an exciting time to be had. Yesterday on April 27, 2017, Nintendo released their Fiscal Year 2017 information! (That's the beginning of April 2016 to the end of March 2017, to you.) And it has all sorts of hidden goodie information below big headlining numbers. But I guess we need to get those headlines out of the way:

  • The Nintendo Switch has sold 2.74 million units
    • Nintendo projects to sell 10,000,000 more by the end of March 2018
    • The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild sold 2.76 million units on the Switch, while 2.7 million non-Zelda Switch games have also been sold. That means The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild has an insane attach rate of over 100%.
  • The Nintendo 3DS family sold a combined 7.27 million units
    • Nintendo projects to sell 6 million more 3DS family units by the end of March 2018
    • The Nintendo 2DS sold 2.49 million, while the New Nintendo 3DS XL sold 4.02 million
    • The Nintendo 2DS seems the most popular in Europe/Australia for some reason
    • Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon, combined, are the #2 best-selling 3DS games ever at 15.44 million units, only behind Pokémon X and Pokémon Y at lifelong 16.11 million. Mario Kart 7 drives in third at a lifelong 15.22 million. (Compare to a few months ago.)
    • They announced the New Nintendo 2DS XL, which will get its own KoopaTV article later. 
  • If you want a Wii U, you might have to get one off the second-hand market.
  • Nintendo's operating profit was less than last year (profit relating to business operations), but their net profit was much higher because of that whole Seattle Mariners sale.

Despite that last bullet point, Nintendo beat their own projections. That's always a welcome thing. Clearly, it was advantageous for Nintendo to launch the Switch in March as opposed to arbitrarily delaying it, despite people's claims that the Nintendo Switch launch was somehow “rushed.”

But there's some really interesting numbers regarding said Nintendo Switch launch.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: John Kasich

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Take small bites!

We continue our long line of strategy guides for KoopaTV's amazing browser-based Flash game, The Wonderful 1237! The Wonderful 1237 features seventeen unique minigames, all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with. This is our fourth such guide.

As explained in the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, I'll be writing these strategy guides — one for each candidate, in a specific order. This one is about the guy who is the current governor of Ohio: John Kasich. In real life, John Kasich was the last candidate standing against Donald Trump — he absolutely refused to drop out. He's the real-life version of what happens when candidates refuse to drop out of the race. His poll numbers went up just because he was one of the last people around. Why would anyone drop out if you can do that?

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 1 + (1–4)
Cool: 0 + (0–2)
Cute: 2 + (1–4)
Smart: 1 + (0–4)
Tough: 0 + (0–3)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 36
Cool: 14
Cute: 37
Smart: 29
Tough: 21

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Average likelihood. (John Kasich will have 11 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 versus vs. John Kasich

Monday, April 24, 2017

It's Time For Adventure, Diamond and Pearl!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Before it inevitably happens, let's establish some criteria.

Two days ago on April 22nd, 2017, Pokémon Diamond Version and Pokémon Pearl Version (weird to think that “version” is technically a part of the name) had their tenth anniversary in North America! While I normally don't care about anniversaries, I know you guys do. Plus, KoopaTV's staff are made up of a bunch of Sinnoh supremacists, so hey, might as well take the opportunity to talk.

The Sinnoh-related thing on every Pokémon fan's mind is that we're supposed to be getting Sinnoh remakes soon. Just three years ago at around this time of year, The Pokémon Company International announced Pokémon Omega Ruby and Pokémon Alpha Sapphire to everyone's acclaim except my own. (That was eleven years after Pokémon Ruby Version and Pokémon Sapphire Version were released.) There's a pattern of new generation, third version (or sequels, if you're really tricky), and remake of two–three generations prior (Generation 5 ended too quickly to have the Generation 3 remake). We just began Generation 7 last year when Pokémon Sun Version and Pokémon Moon Version released, and Pokémon is arguably an annual release. What will happen this year?

Plus, there's this new Pokémon movie with Marshadow in it that is a throwback to Ash's original Kanto adventures, but there is a girl with a PIPLUP and a guy with a LUCARIO in it for some reason... Hm... What could they POSSIBLY be doing there...? A promotion of things to come?

Personally, the Sinnoh-related thing that's also still on my mind are all of the Super Contest references in KoopaTV's videogame, The Wonderful 1237, so I'll start off by talking about that and then move to a variety of other concerns.

Friday, April 21, 2017

NES: NES is Done! Will there be a SNES: SNES?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...And would a SNES: SNES be worth buying?

Which do you think caught more of the general public's attention? Nintendo announcing and releasing the Nintendo Entertainment System: NES Classic Edition, or Nintendo announcing and releasing the Nintendo Switch? Even though the latter had a SUPER BOWL commercial, the commoners are more shocked by the lack of supply and subsequent worldwide discontinuation of the Nintendo Entertainment System: NES Classic Edition (NES: NES) than the Nintendo Switch's lack of supply.

GameFAQs poll of the day Nintendo Entertainment System Classic Edition discontinued results feelings
If you read the KoopaTV articles I wrote and just hyperlinked about the NES: NES, you'll see I never gave a crap about it. (I still don't.)
But here's what GameFAQs poll of the day takers think about the discontinuation.

I can't say what the real reasons were for Nintendo discontinuing the NES: NES Classic Edition. Perhaps the Nintendo Switch was very jealous. Perhaps the NES: NES existed just to pad Fiscal Year 2017 during Christmas since the Wii U wasn't helping at all. (We'll see the results of that come next week.)

It's okay if the Wii U was jealous. But the Nintendo Switch? No! 

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Marco Rubio

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Carrying his water.

It has been a brief intermission, but welcome back to Wonderful Wednesdays, the series of articles that all have to do with KoopaTV's amazing browser-based Flash game, The Wonderful 1237! The Wonderful 1237 features seventeen unique minigames, all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with. This will be the THIRD candidate to cover: Marco Rubio!

As explained in the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, I'm writing these strategy guides — one for each candidate, in a specific order. This one is about the man that critics called the “Republican Obama” who only won one real state (Minnesota — he also won Washington D.C. and Puerto Rico) in the actual primaries: Senator Marco Rubio. Marco Rubio is slightly below average in terms of candidate viability in The Wonderful 1237, which has gotta stink for him. He, however, has the most complicated minigame, and definitely has the potential to make it very far — making his minigame able to count for many delegates. He's also the Coolest candidate — which is useful for getting through Iowa, and then the latter half of states if he makes it that far. Marco Rubio is likely to struggle in the states after Iowa and before the latter half, however.

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 0 + (0–4)
Cool: 4 + (1–5)
Cute: 0 + (0–3)
Smart: 0 + (0–3)
Tough: 0 + (0–3)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 28
Cool: 46
Cute: 21
Smart: 21
Tough: 21

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Quite likely. (Marco Rubio will have 14 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 Versus Marco Rubio fight

Monday, April 17, 2017

Gamified Tax Filings? GameStop's Re-Fun Your Refund

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...Don't spend your tax return on GameStop. They suck at math.

For some years now, major gaming retailer GameStop has been talking up a “Re-Fun Your Refund” campaign, introducing sales during this season on the idea that most of its customers get money back from the Internal Revenue Service before or on Tax Day, so they should spend their money on GameStop games and game accessories.

A year ago or so, GameStop conducted a survey about taxes and made a press release about it. The headline is that “Nearly 70 Percent Would Enjoy Doing Taxes If Filing Could Be More Like a Video Game”, but when you look at the survey data they released, you can tell that you shouldn't trust GameStop to run a survey. The leading questions and awful methodology are Republican National Committee fundraising survey-levels of bad, and those are embarrassing to any statistician, believe me.

GameStop Tax Refund Survey Pikachu bling gold chain dollars sunglasses gangster
Speaking of embarrassing...

Friday, April 14, 2017

When Kickstarters Get Kicked In The Ass (Part 4)

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It turns out that Yooka-Laylee is a mess in every way.

This was supposed to be the reliable Kickstarter project with minimal risks and excellent rewards: Take the creative talent that used to work at Rare Ltd., put them in a company of their own creation in Playtonic, and let them loose to make a spiritual sequel of Banjo-Kazooie to bring back 3D platforming!

Funded by an EXTREMELY SUCCESSFUL Kickstarter, Yooka-Laylee was extremely promising. As recently as mid-2016, KoopaTV staffer and Yooka-Laylee backer (he's not writing this article because he's lazy that's a conflict-of-interest) RawkHawk2010 sung Yooka-Laylee's praises based on screenshots and videos:
“Overall, the game looks good. Good gameplay, good graphics, good music, good dudes, good everything. It looks gooder than Banjo-Kazooie. It looks waaaaay gooder than insipid slog Banjo-Tooie.”
Yooka-Laylee was supposed to be at least be good. It has now released on PC, PlayStation 4, and Xbox One on April 11, 2017 to the world. But... according to majority opinion ranging across the reviewing spectrum (critics and users alike), Yooka-Laylee doesn't reach good-status.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

KoopaTV's Nintendo Direct April 12 2017 Live Reactions

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Featuring a change in how these reaction logs are done.

Welcome to another edition of a LIVE KoopaTV live reaction log, featuring your favourite (and least-favourite) KoopaTV staffers chatting in real-time to an event. Today, we present to you the Nintendo Direct that is supposed to be about games for the Nintendo 3DS and Nintendo Switch, mainly focusing on ARMS and Splatoon 2. Not sure where the 3DS comes into play for that.

There is an important process change this time around. Our reliable technological partner, AOL Instant Messenger (AIM), which hasn't changed for, like, a decade, all of a sudden decided yesterday to eliminate the superior AIM version 7.5 and forced the world to use inferior AIM version 8.0. They've existed concurrently for many years, but, hey, let's break what's working.

We're considering joining the modern world and are taking suggestions for what to do. (Skype isn't an option.)

For this reaction log, we're still on AIM, but I've moved to using AIM through Pidgin, which is how Rawk has been using it this whole time. Because of how Pidgin works, I'm no longer in the log as Nintendork 13 13! ...But Kamek and Vortexica are in the log as Ultralink1000 and breezinabout. Oh well.

You can watch the Nintendo Direct on-demand right here:

Monday, April 10, 2017

Was the Nintendo Switch Launch Rushed?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Well, besides the inventory issues, more time wouldn't fix anything. It might even make the problems worse.

The Nintendo Switch has been released worldwide for five weeks now, and people still have to put in a lot of search costs and planning to obtain one.

Nintendo Switch wristbands NYC NY New York store distribution Twitter
The entire Nintendo NY Twitter account is dedicated to talking about how they've run out of wristbands every day.

Million(s) of Nintendo Switch units have been sold, and those fortunate enough to have one are enjoying The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Still, some people who have a Switch, and many people who don't have one but follow things closely, believe that there are some quality issues with the new console and its accessories. They also are wondering why there wasn't much more other than The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild at launch.

To these people, the Nintendo Switch launch was rushed and it should've been delayed for months... even to the end of the year.

I'm inclined to disagree.

Friday, April 7, 2017

The Quest For GTA V Single-Player DLC

By GEOFF BRABANT - Rockstar seemingly forgot about solo players.

Confession time: I really hate playing with other people. Multiplayer-only games are an instant no-buy in my book, and even if a game boasts a significant multiplayer component, I feel that it should be able to stand on its single-player alone. Rockstar GamesGrand Theft Auto V absolutely nails its single-player component, which features one of the most vibrant open worlds in gaming to this day (even though the game is coming up on its fourth year) and some of the most memorable characters of two console generations. I'm not the only one either, as the game has sold more than 75 million copies to date – so here I am scratching my head as to why the heck aren’t they making a single-player expansion for this thing?

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Ted Cruz

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Shooting the finest Canadian bacon.

The article scheduling is going to let you see two very different situations: last week's strategy guide was on the very last minigame I developed for The Wonderful 1237, KoopaTV's awesome videogame pitting you against seventeen other Republican presidential candidates. You'll want to win more delegates than they get (1237 being the magic number), and each candidate's endorsement minigame is an important part of achieving that.

As explained in the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, I'll be writing these strategy guides — one for each candidate, in a specific order. This one is about the guy who came in second place (in terms of delegate count) in real life: Senator Ted Cruz of Texas, a man who has been likened to an Alolan Raticate on KoopaTV. (This should explain his... low Beauty and Cute stats.)

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 0 + (0–2)
Cool: 1 + (0–5)
Cute: 0 + (0–2)
Smart: 0 + (1–5)
Tough: 1 + (0–5)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 14
Cool: 36
Cute: 14
Smart: 42
Tough: 36

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Fairly likely. (Ted Cruz will have 13 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 Ted Cruz versus fight screen

Monday, April 3, 2017

KoopaTV's March 2017 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The Nintendo Switch has only been out for a month?

It seems like the Nintendo Switch has been with us for a long time now, right? But it's only been a month.

Well, it hasn't been with me at all since I don't have one, but at least one dude on the staff does. Regardless of us being the worst Nintendo site in the world for not going into a huge amount of depth of every aspect of Nintendo's new hardware release, we're still a fantastic website if you're not actually looking for that. Here's a few examples why:

Top 3 Recommended Articles of March 2017

Here are my top three recommended articles from the previous month, in chronological order. You'll want to read these... and the other ten articles published in March, because they're all worth reading.
  1. Console Launch? On a School Day? It’s More Likely Than You Think!
  2. The CIA's Assassination Attempt Against Waluigi
  3. JonTron and Yooka-Laylee: The Ends Versus The Means

Saturday, April 1, 2017

BREAKING NEWS: MOTHER 3 Virtual Console Release Imminent!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Coming out next week!

Oh man. Oh man. OH MAN. IT'S ALMOST HERE. IT'S FINALLY COMING. After way over a decade of waiting... MOTHER 3 will officially be arriving out of Japan in the way of Virtual Console releases!

Almost two years after I said the long-awaited cult game that's part of the MOTHER series (aka the EarthBound series), would be releasing “soon”, my very long overstretching of what “soon” means can come to an end. MOTHER 3 will be releasing NEXT WEEK! On your local Nintendo console's designated Nintendo eShop release day. This is according to several sources within Nintendo that KoopaTV has been in contact with. It's also supported by this new ESRB filing:

 MOTHER 3 ESRB rating information Wii U Nintendo Switch 2017 content descriptors
Look! Look! It's on the ESRB's website! It's coming, guys! All those Content Descriptors must've been what took so long.
(ESRB urls are notoriously unusable, so don't think anything of that one. You may need several searches to find it. Very finicky.)

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Donald Trump

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Golfing, anyone?

Welcome to the beginning of a long line of strategy guides for KoopaTV's amazing browser-based Flash game, The Wonderful 1237! The Wonderful 1237 features seventeen unique minigames, all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with.

As explained in last week's Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, I'll be writing these strategy guides — one for each candidate, in a specific order. This one is about the guy who ultimately won the whole thing in real life: Donald Trump. As of the game, he's Candidate Donald Trump — one of many other candidates. However, as you can see below, he's among one of the more formidable candidates — though perhaps that will become more obvious as you compare him to others.

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 0 + (0–4)
Cool: 1 + (0–4)
Cute: 1 + (0–3)
Smart: 0 + (0–4)
Tough: 4 + (1–5)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 28
Cool: 29
Cute: 22
Smart: 28
Tough: 46

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Extremely likely. (Donald Trump will have 17 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 Versus Donald Trump

Monday, March 27, 2017

Rawk's Splatoon 2 Global Testfire Experience

By RAWKHAWK2010 - Splat2n.

Don't ask me why I'm writing this article. Because I'll tell you why: Ludwig doesn't own a Nintendo Switch and can't investigate this “Splatoon 2” on his own. And so as someone who does, the burden was placed on me.

I have no interest in Splatoons. I have no desire to engage with Splatoons. The character models irk me and Splatooners have a showy sense of self-righteousness of what it means to be a “‘90s kid.” And I may like squids, but that doesn't mean I want to squirm around in the presence of these unctuous

That said, I've participated in both Splatoon testfires. My memory of the first Splatoon Global Testfire has since been distorted by a series of unfortunate brain diseases (blame Sierra Leone), and my memory of the second has been distorted by the fact that most of my fascination with Splatoon 2 involved not actually playing the game. Namely, basking my nihilist squid in the sun was infinitely more rewarding than interacting with squid kids and their trifling reindeer games.

Splatoon 2 Global Testfire purple squid sleeping eyes closed ground
Every idiot who goes about with “Booyah!” on their lips should be boiled with his own ink.

Friday, March 24, 2017

JonTron and Yooka-Laylee: The Ends Versus The Means

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - What do we think of this moral dilemma?
[Update 3/25/2017: There's a video version of this article at the bottom.]

And on one corner, we have the forces of JonTron and the “alt-right”! And on the other corner, there is the game developer Playtonic and the radical leftist videogame board, NeoGAF!

The current controversy of the week is this: Popular YouTuber JonTron, who has three million subscribers on YouTube (it's unknown how many of them are actually active), said really dumb/questionable/noble-but-poorly-articulated things in a political debate about culture, immigration, and race, with some left-wing guy. The substance of that issue doesn't matter to this discussion, but the end result is that JonTron, who is a (bad) entertainer, tried pretending like he's some kind of political thinker and it backfired. As a result, it divided his fanbase up.

This article isn't about YouTuber drama, because no one on this site cares about that garbage. What does matter is that KoopaTV's staffers have been warning about how JonTron is bad news in the industry, with particular interest on his voice-actor role for Playtonic (made up of former Rare Ltd. developers)'s Kickstarted game, Yooka-Laylee, which releases this April 11. Here are some prescient quotes from June 2016 from KoopaTV's RawkHawk2010:

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Anatomy of The Wonderful 1237's Minigames!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Some overarching game design stories before I write specifically about each minigame.

I think the most technically awesome thing about The Wonderful 1237, which is a free browser-based Flash game that can and should play right from KoopaTV, is that it has seventeen awesome minigames incorporated in it. They just barely are able to be crammed in this jam-packed game, but they're there, modularly programmed, and self-contained. Those are all good programming principles.

Each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates from the 2015–2016 primaries (with brief introductions to them here) gets their own minigame that you'll have to go through if you wish for their post-campaign-suspension endorsement, and their delegates. In each minigame, they'll give you some kind of instruction, leave you to it, and then tell you your score in the form of how many of their delegates you've won. (Any other delegates for a less-than-perfect score are evenly distributed to the other remaining candidates.)

The Wonderful 1237 screenshot Seek Endorsement drop out candidates selection
The list of dropped-out candidates after Iowa and New Hampshire in a particular playthrough.
If you want their delegates, you'll have to play a minigame.

Where'd I get the idea to make a minigame compilation? (Well, The Wonderful 1237 is a lot more than that, mechanically, but the minigames is where a bunch of the development time went.) Am I going to provide a list of the minigames in here? (Yes.) What design philosophies did I have when making them? All of those will be answered, and more.