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Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Treehouse Live: "Project Guard" and "Giant Robot" E3 2014

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - More live reactions to games that look awful.

Shigeru Miyamoto has taken the stage in Nintendo Treehouse Live. He has three projects to discuss: "Giant Robot", "Project Guard", and a new Star Fox game on Wii U...

We live-react. I'm Nintendork 13 13, Rawk is Rawk, and we have a friend named Mariosun90 as Ryudragon29.

"Please understand, Miyamoto's projects suck."

RawkHawk2010 3:37 pm
    Not ready for this.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:37 pm
    ....

 RawkHawk2010 3:37 pm
    Not ready to see Star Fox rebooted.

 Ryudragon29 3:40 pm
    he's here

 RawkHawk2010 3:40 pm
    And what a fun name "Splatoon". Combining "Splat", "Platoon", and "toon" into one.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:40 pm
    Let's go.

 RawkHawk2010 3:40 pm
    ...

 Nintendork 13 13 3:40 pm
    GIANT ROBOT on screen.

 RawkHawk2010 3:40 pm
    oh fuck me
    Gotta sit through this slog.

 Ryudragon29 3:40 pm
    it's that project robot thing
    not star fox
    just saying

 Nintendork 13 13 3:40 pm
    We know.

 Ryudragon29 3:41 pm
    good

 Nintendork 13 13 3:41 pm
    Rawk just doesn't want this taking twice as long as it should.
    Since Miyamoto has to talk
    and then Trinen.
    They're talking Quick Start.

 RawkHawk2010 3:41 pm
    og
    oh
    i didn't know trinen was translating

 Nintendork 13 13 3:41 pm
    Saying how good of an idea it was.

 RawkHawk2010 3:41 pm
    I thought him and Miyamoto were having a conversation.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:41 pm
    .................
    :|

 RawkHawk2010 3:42 pm
    I thought he was telling Miyamoto about the system update.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:42 pm
    lol

 RawkHawk2010 3:42 pm
    As if he didn't know what it was.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:42 pm
    First project: Giant Robot.
    Project: Giant Robot
    Project: Guard
    Along with another game, Star Fox Wii U.
    Applause.

 RawkHawk2010 3:43 pm
    I'll reserve my applause.
    WE

 Nintendork 13 13 3:43 pm
    Development team member is present.

 RawkHawk2010 3:43 pm
    WE
    ARE
    GIANT ROBOTS

 Ryudragon29 3:43 pm
    he's not letting him sit?

 Nintendork 13 13 3:43 pm
    Team member has to stand and play
    Miyamoto backseat commentates on his chair.
    Jerkass.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:44 pm
    Ryo Tanaka.
    He's bowing to the TV

 RawkHawk2010 3:44 pm
    This looks bad.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:44 pm
    ...yeah

 RawkHawk2010 3:45 pm
    Looks like a Kinect game.
    And...painfully strainuous.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:45 pm
    Stage 1: Mission accomplished

 RawkHawk2010 3:45 pm
    strenuous*
    what the fuck?

 Ryudragon29 3:45 pm
    so it's like that Wii sword mini-game in Wii Sport Resort

 Nintendork 13 13 3:45 pm
    Mission Failed
    I like the Mission Failed music.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:46 pm
    I don't think this is... an actual game.

 RawkHawk2010 3:46 pm
    Miyamoto needs to take a seat somewhere.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:46 pm
    Ryo Tanaka needs to take a seat.
    Miyamoto should stand. =-O
    "You guys aren't cheering enough!"
    *forces audience to cheer*
    well it looks
    uh

 RawkHawk2010 3:47 pm
    You know what this reminds me of?

 Nintendork 13 13 3:47 pm
    ...pretty shitty.
    Wii Play?

 RawkHawk2010 3:47 pm
    That game called "QUOP" or whatever.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:47 pm
    Customization screen.

 RawkHawk2010 3:47 pm
    "QWOP"
    where you have to use those keys to make the guy run.
    wait

 RawkHawk2010 3:48 pm
    how do you walk
    if both sticks are used for arms

 Nintendork 13 13 3:48 pm
    Leaning forward
    Gyrometer

 RawkHawk2010 3:48 pm
    nah
    says R

 Nintendork 13 13 3:49 pm
    ...Why is he bowing then?
    And leaning back?

 RawkHawk2010 3:49 pm
    Makes it harder to fall.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:49 pm
    ...

 RawkHawk2010 3:49 pm
    Miyamoto said that

 Nintendork 13 13 3:49 pm
    GameCube thing on his head
    what the hell is going on
    2 v 1
    With random lasers.
    ...
    It makes me feel better if I think of the robots as Trayvon and Zimmerman.

 Ryudragon29 3:50 pm
    I like the new Custom Robo

 Nintendork 13 13 3:50 pm
    ...Are you saying this is the new Custom Robo?
    I'm not interested one bit. >.>

 RawkHawk2010 3:51 pm
    It looks intentionally bad.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:51 pm
    Females like to design the robots.
    (Emily Rogers?)
    (Marketing to women?)

 RawkHawk2010 3:51 pm
    Well apparently that's the only girl they talk to so probably.
    awkward
    Is Ryo mute?

 Nintendork 13 13 3:52 pm
    No, he was talking.

 RawkHawk2010 3:52 pm
    Miyamoto looks displeased.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:52 pm
    He doesn't have his own mic.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:52 pm
    Yeah this is a Kinect game.

 RawkHawk2010 3:53 pm
    what if rare was doing this
    people would hate it

 Nintendork 13 13 3:53 pm
    Okay I guess it is gonna turn into its own game.

 RawkHawk2010 3:53 pm
    but miyamoto's involvement will make it be seen as "brilliant"

 Nintendork 13 13 3:53 pm
    Next.
    Project Guard.

 RawkHawk2010 3:53 pm
    "one more"
    WHAT THE FUCK
    They're not even gonna show Star Fox?
    Torturous!

 Nintendork 13 13 3:54 pm
    "It's very easy to cheer the person on who is watching."
    (But no one was.)
    (Like an Obama speech.)
    Security room.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:55 pm
    12 different cameras.
    Protect your maze-base.
    Cameras double as lasers.

 Ryudragon29 3:55 pm
    a tower defense game

 RawkHawk2010 3:55 pm
    awful
    miyamoto everybody
    wasting everyone's time

 Nintendork 13 13 3:55 pm
    The enemy robot looks kinda cute.
    Yeah, this is tower defense.
    AHH
    IT'S ROB

 Ryudragon29 3:56 pm
    Are you looking forward Star Fox after this?

 RawkHawk2010 3:56 pm
    Depends if we see Krystal.

 RawkHawk2010 3:57 pm
    If this is a reboot I'm giving Nintendo's E3 an F-.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:57 pm
    :|

 RawkHawk2010 3:57 pm
    Having your third favorite Nintendo series forever ruined would kind of do that.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:57 pm
    Failure

 RawkHawk2010 3:58 pm
    second favorite got ruined a few years back
    (Paper Mario)

 Nintendork 13 13 3:58 pm
    :-(
    Hardest level.

 RawkHawk2010 3:58 pm
    This is a bore.

 Nintendork 13 13 3:58 pm
    Smash in 3 hours.
    ROB has a soccer ball

 RawkHawk2010 3:59 pm
    I hope we can hear the music over all the tourney jugalos yelling.
    What do you think?

 Nintendork 13 13 3:59 pm
    Of Guard?

 RawkHawk2010 3:59 pm
    no

 Nintendork 13 13 3:59 pm
    Not interesting.
    >_>:

 RawkHawk2010 3:59 pm
    of what i said

 Nintendork 13 13 3:59 pm
    Music?

 RawkHawk2010 3:59 pm
    ye

 Nintendork 13 13 3:59 pm
    You can hear the game music when you watch tournament streams.
    Even with commentators.
    Because they use capture cards and stuff.
    For this? I dunno.
    But it won't be the Smash community's fault if you don't hear it.
    It'd be Nintendo's set-up.

 RawkHawk2010 4:01 pm
    please don't show three more rounds of this shit

 RawkHawk2010 4:01 pm
    what if these are modes of Star Fox U?

 Nintendork 13 13 4:01 pm
    Blames the audience for losing at his own demo twice.
    "one more round"
    nooo

 RawkHawk2010 4:01 pm
    In Giant Robot Fox gets drunk after a night on the town?
    And in this he's protecting the Great Fox?

 Nintendork 13 13 4:02 pm
    Why is ROB invading the Great Fox?

 RawkHawk2010 4:02 pm
    did you play command

 Nintendork 13 13 4:02 pm
    no

 RawkHawk2010 4:02 pm
    ROB 64 went evil in one of the endings.
    Guess this ROB could too.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:02 pm
    So is this DKU or...

 RawkHawk2010 4:02 pm
    no
    Only a character introduced in Adventures could make it DKU.
    ...so...
    ...Krystal.

 RawkHawk2010 4:04 pm
    was that robot twerking

 Nintendork 13 13 4:04 pm
    It was waving.
    This is Sakurai's fault.
    If he didn't put ROB in Smash...
    ...He wouldn't be here!
    Miyamoto designed the robots.
    (Well I guess they're cute.)

 Ryudragon29 4:04 pm
    Miyamoto looks so sad

 RawkHawk2010 4:04 pm
    yeah

 Ryudragon29 4:04 pm
    no one want his games

 Nintendork 13 13 4:05 pm
    lol

 RawkHawk2010 4:05 pm
    his eyes are glazed over
    music reminds me of star fox
    um

 Nintendork 13 13 4:06 pm
    ...Hm.

 RawkHawk2010 4:06 pm
    a mom couldn't give a hint about this shit
    It's entirely incomprehensible

 Nintendork 13 13 4:06 pm
    lol

 RawkHawk2010 4:06 pm
    I like how Moto won't look at Ryo when Ryo talks.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:07 pm
    Create your own robot invasion patterns.
    "Should we take a look at another go" - woman Treehouse person
    NO
    NO NO NO NO NO
    Ryo is pointing somewhere.
    They have a unit on the show floor.
    I wonder if anyone will play it.

 RawkHawk2010 4:08 pm
    noooooope

 Nintendork 13 13 4:08 pm
    People are applauding in the background.
    Probably Smash.

 RawkHawk2010 4:08 pm
    yeah
    or something else not bad
    (or anything but this)

 Nintendork 13 13 4:08 pm
    lol

 RawkHawk2010 4:09 pm
    GOOD GOD

 Nintendork 13 13 4:09 pm
    How long are they gonna sit and talk?

 RawkHawk2010 4:09 pm
    How long can they talk about this fuckery?

 Nintendork 13 13 4:09 pm
    They've been working on this shit since N64?

 RawkHawk2010 4:09 pm
    We don't have all day!

 Nintendork 13 13 4:09 pm
    That's like 15 years ago.

 RawkHawk2010 4:09 pm
    Some ideas are best left dead.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:09 pm
    And we get this?
    ...

 RawkHawk2010 4:09 pm
    As I guess they'll find out.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:10 pm
    "New genre"

 RawkHawk2010 4:10 pm
    is this girl related to nate

 Nintendork 13 13 4:10 pm
    no

 RawkHawk2010 4:10 pm
    She has the same beak.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:10 pm
    ...
    Nose?

 RawkHawk2010 4:10 pm
    yes
    there's that menu music

 Nintendork 13 13 4:11 pm
    Smash's?

 RawkHawk2010 4:11 pm
    yes

 Ryudragon29 4:11 pm
    Guard gets a lot of attention compared to Giant Robot

 RawkHawk2010 4:11 pm
    I like that Reggie's Metroid pin didn't mean anything.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:11 pm
    Which one is better?
    Guard or Giant Robot?
    lol
    (Alternatively, which one is worse?)

 Ryudragon29 4:11 pm
    Giant Robot wasn't shown much
    Guard is okay, it's a tower defense, just like all the others lol

 Nintendork 13 13 4:12 pm
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLP_2-iIe6I
    Smash 3DS footage

 RawkHawk2010 4:13 pm
    oh
    ryo's talking
    had no idea

 Nintendork 13 13 4:14 pm
    lol

 RawkHawk2010 4:14 pm
    people are saying this a full-fledged retail game.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:14 pm
    nah

 RawkHawk2010 4:15 pm
    what if it was
    that thing would be in the bargain bin so fast

 Nintendork 13 13 4:15 pm
    lol

 RawkHawk2010 4:15 pm
    It'd be like that trash can full of Ghoulies copies in Nuts & Bolts.

 RawkHawk2010 4:17 pm
    ..........................................

 Nintendork 13 13 4:17 pm
    Star Fox on Wii U
    2015

 RawkHawk2010 4:17 pm
    FUCK OFF YOU COCK HOTEL

 Nintendork 13 13 4:18 pm
    See you soon!



ROB getting shot.

Xenoblade Chronicles: X coming up!


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