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Monday, April 20, 2020

Two Years Later, We Won. You Are Avoiding Cardboard!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Glory to KoopaTV. We killed the Labo and changed your mind.

It was exactly two years ago (April 20, 2018) that the Nintendo Labo made its commercial release and attacked the world. It was also two years ago that KoopaTV declared war on the Nintendo Labo, due to a cardboard TROJAN BOWSER coming in and attempting to conquer and convert KoopaTV into its likeness. We likened it to many other current and then-defeated enemies.

I think now is an appropriate time to declare victory on our Labo war. There hasn't been a new Labo kit in over a year (with the Nintendo Labo VR Kit). The existence of the Labo-incompatible Nintendo Switch Lite has severely degraded the Labo's capabilities to control gamers.

The Labo is completely “sold out” now on Nintendo's store, including replacement parts. Any obliterated Labo won't be able to respawn. They're finite and depleting.

I've discussed before how the shipping industry is allied with the Labo by transporting around cardboard boxes (that are really Labo in disguise, ready to spread their insidiousness). I also wrote last week that spending on the shipping industry is down, and I said I'd talk more about that this week.

Shipping industry spending down coronavirus 2020
Source: The New York Times, citing Earnest Research.

So here we are. Let's go!

There is this thingy called the coronavirus. It's been causing a lot of problems around Earth, and keeping everyone indoors. It's been closing down stores. People have tried to have items delivered to them, by the shipping industry, so they can remain indoors but still get things. These items are stored in cardboard boxes.

Here's the issue: Coronavirus lives on the surface of cardboard boxes. Sources suggest you should leave your cardboard boxes outside for 24 hours before bringing them into your house, obliterate them with cleaning materials, and dispose of them immediately after harvesting their insides.

That has disincentivised shipping as an inefficient method of obtaining goods. I've heard from one KoopaTV reader that she was forced into cancelling her order for the physical version of FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE in favour of the digital version, because if the box comes in contact with a box that's already been waiting outside the door, it will contaminate that box, and reset the 24-hour timer. Now imagine another box comes after that... And imagine you don't trust the 24-hour time period but want some extra time on top of that. Maybe 72 hours.

Coronavirus COVID-19 cardboard boxes outside house shipping 24 hours Nintendo Labo
Artist's depiction of coronavirus-infected cardboard stacking up in front of one's house.
(Which may already be infected by the Nintendo Labo, which is itself a cardboard-based virus.)

If you aren't planning carefully, or shipping services want to impress you by shipping goods earlier than anticipated, you may be waiting a very long time to get the goods in the virus-infected cardboard boxes from outside.

People therefore aren't dealing with this cardboard stuff, and that's what ultimately is what is the last nail in the Nintendo Labo coffin. That coffin, by the way, is made of STEEL. (Coronavirus lasts for longer on steel than cardboard, by the way.)

Still, we all have to give KoopaTV credit for our relentless war against the cardboard and the Labo. Other commentators have been wondering, especially in free-spirited individualist America, how so many citizens are just so easily complying with their government's authoritarian directives?

KoopaTV softened them up to the idea of the anti-cardboard society. Now everyone can see the Labo for the virus that it is.


Just so it's clear, the Labo's evil nature doesn't stem from the coronavirus. It's been evil long before COVID-19, and has since made alliances with the likes of Mario and Cappy. All coronavirus did was help illustrate KoopaTV's point very clearly that cardboard can't be trusted, whether it be a Labo-to-be or a coronavirus carrier. Or both.


The next Paper Mario goes from cardboard to... origami. Due to what this article describes, no doubt.

9 comments :

  1. You know what is another reason I think the Labo is dying? Mario Maker 2 gives plenty of opportunities for creativity without having to deal with cardboard anyway. And a new update got announced--and it's releasing TOMORROW! AND YOU'RE FINALLY IN, LUDWIG! I mean, all the Koopalings are in but I know what y'all at Koopa TV really care about. XD I hope we can expect an article on this one, lol.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Koopa? can I have a Nentendo Eshop card code please? see, im $10 short on my savings so I was wondering if you could but if you can't I understand thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well, your probably like "Why don't you buy a $10 Eshop card?" because in just need these following fighters in sm4sh:Lucas, Roy and Ryu so I just wnt a $20 Eshop card codes so thanks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You don't "need" anything in Smash 4. You don't need to be playing Smash 4.

      Delete
  4. Imwas being nice but fuck off nigga...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Eww your names disgusting and dorky im out bye bitch

    ReplyDelete

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