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Wednesday, November 25, 2020

The Very, Very Limited Time Mario-Branded Amazon Cardboard Box

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - While supplies lasted, which was a very chronologically short period of time. Stay safe this holiday.

Good news: KoopaTV staffer Witch Princess got a new computer! She should be able to actually contribute on KoopaTV again, since lacking capable hardware has been her excuse up until now. It's somewhat of a miracle it reached her in one try, given that UPS was the designated shipper chosen by Amazon, and UPS has a bad history of Thanksgiving-period shipments with KoopaTV staffers.

New Dell laptop shipped from Amazon cardboard box Cyber Monday 2020
I dunno why she got a laptop and not a desktop, but it's better than using a smartphone.

Even better news? The box it was shipped in did NOT look like this:

Super Mario Bros. Amazon cardboard shipment box 35th Anniversary November 2020
...We're gonna talk more about this... monstrosity... for the rest of the article.


Apparently, starting November 1, Nintendo had teamed up with Amazon to create a Super Mario Bros. 35th anniversary landing page on Amazon's site. Nintendo also stated,
If you order from Amazon this November, your package may be delivered in a Super Mario Bros. ™ branded box. Note that the Super Mario Bros. branded Amazon boxes are in limited quantity and will be used randomly, while supplies last. Purchasing Nintendo products will not increase the possibility of receiving a Super Mario Bros. branded box.
However, sometime between November 3 and November 4, the art of the box and the above quote had disappeared from the mission description. The implication is that “this November” only lasted three days, or at least, that's how long the randomly distributed limited quantity lasted. (That's a mere tenth of November.) You'd think that they'd rig the random number generator so it'd last the entire November, but I guess supplies just did not last as they intended. This either means there were only a token amount of these boxes to begin with, or they were wildly popular and Nintendo/Amazon failed to anticipate it. Or it wasn't actually random and everyone who bought something got a box. (Probably not.)

If you've followed many of KoopaTV's earlier Enlightenment Movement articles, you may already know why I'd bother to write an article about Mario-branded cardboard boxes. It fits perfectly with the multiyear narrative where Mario and the Nintendo Labo—which has power over cardboard in general and can turn any cardboard against you—are in cahoots to infiltrate and conquer Earth. By 2020, KoopaTV propa–... information, plus the Chinese Communist Party Virus spooking everyone from going near cardboard lest the virus is living on the surface, doomed the Labo off the shelves and now the Labo is not even on Nintendo's 2020 holiday gift guide. Actually, you can't even navigate to a page about the Nintendo Labo from nintendo.com anymore. We gave it that dramatic a defeat.

However, while the Labo brand is basically annihilated, the evil cardboard forces are still alive, via direct collaboration with the already-established Mario brand. Most recently, Mario Kart Live: Home Circuit and its cardboard components, and now more shamelessly and obviously with these Mario-branded boxes that went out to random people, most likely those that were not making any kind of gaming-related purchase. (Which fits into Nintendo's strategy of getting Nintendo IP out to more people, I guess?)

Still, if they ran out in three days, they couldn't have gone very far, even if Amazon has millions of orders a day. There's probably only, like, ten thousand of these boxes total. That's barely anything given the size of the population they need to infiltrate. Sure, probably more households got a Super Mario Bros. cardboard box that will serve as a platform for world domination if the box isn't immediately destroyed upon receipt than the number of households that, say, read KoopaTV, but... I'm confident this is a fight we can win. Again.



Is Ludwig underestimating how much these boxes have proliferated? Alternatively, could they still be getting distributed out to people despite being removed from the Mario website, which would make it a very stealthy operation that KoopaTV can't track? Alternatively to even that, are you interested in the specs on Witch Princess's new laptop? (Ludwig doesn't know what they are, since he didn't ask. All he got was that one picture.) Express what's on your mind in the comments section! He purposefully waited to write this article until the boxes have appeared to be gone in order to not publicise them and protect KoopaTV's readers. Hopefully, they won't return by the beginning of January, which is when the winners of the current KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program round 35 (lasting November to December) will receive their prizes, which include Amazon gift card codes.

10 comments :

  1. I ordered a Unicorn plus from Build-A-Bear on Monday because they started Black Friday sales then. Got it on Tuesday and keeping it closed inside the cardboard box until Hanukkah as it is a Hanukkah gift for my first daughter. Hope I stay safe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Where, or inside what secure container, are you keeping the cardboard box?

      Delete
    2. You are not going to believe this but I got another cardboard box. It contains a Hannukah gift from my parents for my first born daughter. Now I have two to worry about. Both boxes are left near the front door and not contained in anything.

      After the gifts are open should the boxes be recycled? Recycling means the cardboard lives either as cardboard again or as another entity but destroying them means another tree may die and be converted into cardboard.

      Delete
    3. They're just freely sitting there?! And by the DOOR? That's the perfect place for them to get vantage points into not just your house, but outside, too!

      Destruction has the lower chance of something bad happening than recycling.

      Delete
    4. My daughter finally opened her gifts and we banished the boxes out of our home.

      Delete
    5. Banished them to the SACRED REALM?

      Delete
  2. I hope they do something similar for other Nintendo anniversaries. I know they aren't as big as Mario. But hey, tons of people went to that Kirby Café when it was open.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...Nah, this anniversary feels like the apocalypse is happening on March 31, 2021. That shouldn't be replicated. >.>

      Delete
  3. But the box has guy with mustache on it, so i want it

    ReplyDelete

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