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Friday, November 27, 2020

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Event Tourney: Heading for Battle! Biased Hat Standards

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I can wear a hat! Lemme in!

Starting today, and going through the weekend, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is holding the “Heading for Battle!” event tourney, which is a punny name, and limits your playable fighter selection to “[o]nly fighters with hats, helmets, or other headwear” to fight in Timer-mode free-for-alls with items and Final Smash metre.

Heading for Battle Super Smash Bros. Ultimate event tourney artwork
Here is the official artwork for the tournament. There are a lot of things to note here...
...Including the presence of that rascal, Cappy.
Fortunately, everyone wearing a hat should be protected from Cappy's capturing.

There are a lot of excluded characters due to certain circumstances. Since Link no longer normally wears a hat in The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, he's not playable. (Yet his hat—though you can claim it's Toon Link's or Young Link's, both playable—is in the banner.) Samus is playable due to wearing a helmet, yet Dark Samus is not playable despite also wearing a helmet. Well, unless you argue that Dark Samus's “helmet” is actually part of her head, and therefore, she's not wearing any headwear.

Still, what about Meta Knight? We just had a Spirit Event earlier in the month about wearing masks, and Meta Knight's mask should definitely count as headwear:

Hat-wearing Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Team Rocket Grunt Mii Ludwig Von Koopa Jigglypuff Meta Knight New Donk City
We were observing the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade 2020 from up here, but couldn't make a move on the Pikachu.
Mii Brawler Team Rocket Grunt Ludwig with a snug black Team Rocket cap,
Jigglypuff (wearing Leaf's hat, which is in the Heading for Battle! banner),
and Meta Knight, wearing a face-covering mask that should count as headwear. Marginally covers the scalp, too.

Let's note that all of Jigglypuff's costumes involve hats or headwear. Meanwhile, the entire point of the Mii Fighters is their wide selection of Headgear and Outfits. Nintendo is making millions of dollars off selling these customisable clothing pieces as downloadable content. Like, it's literally labelled Headgear in the game, so surely that should suffice as fighters with hats, helmets, and headwear.

Team Rocket Grunt Ludwig Von Koopa Mii Fighter settings hat outfit Super Smash Bros. Ultimate
And it's really comfy, too.

By the way, despite not actually being invited, I still totally won the event tourney itself by paying off a twerp-looking kid and his shelled-cutie Squirtle and getting the rights to their victory. That said, they struggled a lot from Ness's Final Smash metre PK STARSTORM, which can derail even carefully crafted plans. Especially if there are several Ness kids.

Pokémon Trainer winner champion Super Smash Bros. Ultimate event tourney mode Heading for Battle!
Pokémon Trainer's Pokémon don't wear hats, but they're allowed into the fight.
But Jigglypuff, which has many hats in her closet (including those actually worn by Pokémon Trainers), ain't allowed.

Ludwig wrote this article because he just wanted to complain on a Friday. You should probably ignore his attempt at attention, but if you really want to actually engage with his logic, feel free to comment in the comments section. He'll reply quickly.

Believe it or not, Ludwig hasn't written about an event tourney since the one on regality three months ago.
Ludwig wrote about the next Super Smash Bros. Ultimate tournament, where he is allowed in the NintendoVS Challenge Cup December 2020, but King K. Rool isn't.
The next event tourney is called Dark Reunion, and... it's unclear what the criteria for inclusion was. Ludwig wasn't on the list, though.


  1. Kirby: "Reality can be whatever I want".

    1. Right, all of this is ignoring the fact that "Kirby Hats" exist.


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