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Monday, August 24, 2020

Ludwig Von Koopa Wins "A Most Regal Battle"

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - That's me! I'm a prince! And that comes with responsibilities.

Among several events from the past weekend was Super Smash Bros. Ultimate's A Most Regal Battle online event tourney. Here's a copy-paste of the description:
“This tourney features royal fighters, be they demonic or otherwise, duking it out on castle stages!

The further you advance, the better the spirit you'll win!” 

(Note that the use of the verb “duking” is a pun, since as a noun it means a male member of the nobility, while as a verb it means beating someone up.)

I don't know why they put emphasis on DEMONIC royal fighters, but the limited roster includes Princess Zelda of Hyrule; Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom; Princess Daisy of Sarasara Land; King Bowser Koopa, Prince Bowser Jr., Prince Ludwig Von Koopa, Prince Roy Koopa, Princess Wendy O. Koopa, Prince Lemmy Koopa, Prince Larry Koopa, Prince Iggy Koopa, and Prince Morton Koopa Jr, all of Koopa Kingdom.

A Most Regal Battle Super Smash Bros. Ultimate event tourney Ludwig Von Koopa winner champion
I AM THE MOST REGAL BATTLER.
Well, besides King Dad, of course. He gets a screenshot, too, later in this article.

There's also King K. Rool of... Crocodile Isle, I guess; King Dedede of Dream Land; King Ganondorf of the Gerudo/the whole Dark World; and then Prince Marth of Altea, Princess Lucina and Prince Chrom of Ylisse (at differing times), and Prince(ss) Corrin of Nohr or Hoshido.

There are some omissions, like Donkey Kong not being recognised as the King of Swing, and the tournament inclusion criteria clearly was not taking into account post-game events like Byleth possibly being the ruler of Fódlan. Also, the medley stages Mushroom Kingdom U and Paper Mario are excluded despite having castle areas, which underlines the need for having a real BOWSER'S CASTLE stage. Wily Castle is also excluded because I guess Dr. Wily isn't considered a legitimate royal anything, although Yellow Devil is there, and that thing is a royal pain in the ass. (However, Pharaoh Man might be in the castle, and he's definitely royal. And awesome.)

I mention all that because, to some people out there (such as anyone who listens to Shigeru Miyamoto), it's odd that the Koopalings were included in the regal-only tournament. According to Shigeru Miyamoto's family-meddling and revisionist history, he is Bowser Jr.'s mother, and the Koopalings are just some kind of generic high-ranking members in King Koopa's army. I mean, we are high-ranking, and we have the merits to back that up, but we're also part of the Royal Koopa Family.

King Bowser Koopa A Most Real Battle event tourney Super Smash Bros. Ultimate winner champion
Lord Bowser is a champion regal battler, representing Koopa Kingdom.
As his offspring, that passes on his regal blood to me!

I'm glad that, even if Shigeru Miyamoto thinks otherwise (and his edicts have no impact on my day-to-day life), Masahiro Sakurai is maintaining Koopaling Royal status accuracy. (Sakurai is better than Miyamoto on other matters as well.) This almost makes up for Masahiro Sakurai having no idea when I was born, missing both the 1980s and 1990s and then putting me into a field of 200X Zoomers.

By the way, this is an important topic for me that extends past me wanting to make sure you don't have misimpressions on my family. Being part of the nobility, as some nobles from the aforementioned Fódlan will tell you, carries lots of responsibilities. It extends past military greatness, and goes into making sure your people are doing well and actually governing the area (or having a policy of salutary neglect, which is a good thing). (For a look at what I'm doing with my time specifically through KoopaTV, feel free to read through our Corporate Social Responsibility report. It's now been a year since we first published that!)

Shigeru Miyamoto has a thing for binary black-and-white lore-less, story-less scenarios. A mischaracterisation of the world where anything and everything a lout like Mario does is portrayed as virtuous and justified, and anything done by a member of Koopa Kingdom is evil.

Any look that's more complicated than that might challenge the binary way of thinking that Miyamoto lives by... and you gotta understand that he wants everyone to live the way he lives. Koopa royalty doing nice, considerate things for the people and trying to clean up the destruction caused by the impact of Mario's actions? Nah, that goes against the narrative...!


I realise most of the above commentary has very little to do with Masahiro Sakurai simply acknowledging the truth that royalty is royal. But it all stems from Miyamoto trying to lie and take that away. Thank you, Masahiro Sakurai.


Ludwig also wants to brag not only about his upbringing, but also his excellent Super Smash Bros. Ultimate skills. It'd take some lesser people ages to get the winning screenshots he did, but for Ludwig, it was rather effortless. He totally would've won if his tournament had 32 players in it compared to 16, too, since it's easier to win in 1v1s than it is to win in 1v1v1v1s.



Ludwig so highly treasures what it means to be regal and majestic that he once voted for unicorns over narwhals.
The previous Super Smash Bros. Ultimate event tourney covered on KoopaTV was the Super Smash Bros. 4 tribute.

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