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Monday, June 15, 2020

The Year is 200X: Ludwig Von Koopa Versus ZOOMERS!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - HOW DO YOU DO, FELLOW KIDS?

Alright, you may remember Bringing Back the '80s. You may also remember Hailing from the '90s. These were so-called Event Tourneys in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate that restricted character usage (and stages) and were playable online for a limited time. Unfortunately, a major theme of those was that I, Ludwig Von Koopa, was not available as a playable character, despite me being around back in those days. (Look up Super Mario Bros. 3.)

Well, over the weekend, Nintendo held yet another Event Tourney: The Year is 200X tournament. And... strangely enough, I'm somehow available in this one. It's described as:
“This time-limited tourney is for fighters and stages created between 2000 and 2009!

The further you advance, the better the spirit you'll win!”

But before we get to talking about myself, let's note that the Mii Fighters are also available, and that results in witnessing (and fighting against) disasters such as: 


Super Smash Bros. Ultimate fuck Sans Lucario results screen
Sans ruined 2015. Now he's trying to retroactively ruin the 2000s too? Not on my watch.

I was clearly around before 2000, though it took until 2003 for me to get a normal set of colour-accurate sprites. And then I never got colour-accurate sprites ever again since New Super Mario Bros. Wii changed my shell colour in 2009. Perhaps the Ludwig in that is an imposter and therefore a different character... introduced in 2009, and thus available to play in this event tournament.

If that's the case...then who am I?

...Let's shelve that discussion for another time (or never) and talk about the tournament. It features children born in the new millennium, otherwise known as Generation Z. (Alternatively and derogatorily known as Zoomers.) These kids are inferior to us Millennials. They have horrible taste in memes (which less neutered by YouTube killing off their comments sections than I was anticipating) and have a strange way of communication. Unfortunately, these are civilisation's future leaders.

However, in the present, they're little whelps that need to be pwned. And that's exactly what I did. Now, remember, it's not like I want to be in this tournament. But I'm forced to, since I wasn't allowed in the Millennial ones. So I went out of my way to utterly destroy these kids.

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate The Year Is 200X Event Tourney winner champion final results Ludwig Von Koopa
Bowser Jr. tied for last? And HE wants to run Koopa Kingdom over ME?
(That gold earned amount is only 1000 away from 1337. A reference kids won't get.)
 


If you're wondering what the purpose or punchline of this article is... it's probably along the lines of “Ludwig is a vindictive sadistic jerk” and continues the “Ludwig looks down upon large segments of his own audience due to their demography” trend you might have picked up on lately. If you think Ludwig is a troublemaking Koopaling who beats up little kids because he has to be in the same room as them, consider that and these other reasons for voting for him as the biggest troublemaking Koopaling.


And the next day, Ludwig takes on BOOMERS!
Ludwig writes about event tourneys again with one dedicated to Super Smash Bros. 4.

2 comments :

  1. This was a very well done article that I found really funny and filled with lots of jokes and laughs. I enjoyed this article and will read more and more!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, well, thanks! Looking forward to seeing you around in the comments section!

      Delete

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