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Friday, February 22, 2019

Vote Ludwig Von Koopa For Biggest Troublemaking Koopaling!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - They call it a “fun poll”, I call it a matter of personal pride.

Presumably since around the launch of New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe last month (which I dismissed as a dud in its release day article), everyone's favourite kid-friendly official Nintendo site, Play Nintendo, has been running a poll titled “Koopaling Troublemaker Fun Poll.” Otherwise asking, “Which Koopaling is the biggest troublemaker?”

Here are the results so far of the poll:

Official Play Nintendo Koopalings poll Lemmy Morton Wendy Larry Iggy Ludwig Roy troublemaker
I'm not in first place? What is this?
 

This is an absolutely shameful result so far. There's no definitive end time to the poll, so I think it's up to KoopaTV readers to right the wrongs of the results.

To be explicit, the problem is that I'm only in third place, behind Lemmy Koopa and Roy Koopa. In reality, I am by far the most troublesome of all of the Koopalings! I'll prove it with LOGIC.

Lemmy Koopa
Lemmy is so un-notable that all we've written about Lemmy is about his love for the circus. He wasn't doing any trouble or getting into any trouble for that. It's just his thing. Hardly trouble-making. The guy didn't even join Team Koopa for the Rio 2016 Olympics. (Neither did Iggy or Morton.) Dweeb.  How is he winning this poll?
Roy Koopa
Let's get this straight: Unlike Roy of Pherae, Roy Koopa isn't a sexual deviant. Unfortunately for Roy, in terms of this poll, that means he's innocent of a particular kind of trouble-making. Otherwise, Roy's existence is tied to trying to be a better person than Roy of Pherae, such as in Super Smash Bros. Roy is actually trying to advance himself in legitimate, non-troubling ways, like attending night school. Roy is also notable for, along with myself and Dry Bones, refusing to return to Rio and be a part of Team Koopa after the debacle of our training. (Of course, we all decided against it in the end, but he was out of it before then!)
Iggy Koopa
Iggy's trouble is at least greater than zero, due to his insistence on having a pet Chain Chomp, which I view to be a threat to civilisation. But in the article introducing both Iggy and Kamek's roles in Paper Mario: Color Splash, I go out of my way to write that Kamek is there “to cause some kind of trouble.” Yes, Kamek got the t-word. Iggy didn't. Because Iggy is just hanging out being an arena champion, not really doing anything else. Hard to say Iggy is a big troublemaker, then.
Morton Koopa Jr.
Morton might have the best argument for being the biggest trouble-maker besides me, but he's in 5th place in the poll. I just published Morton's classic, trouble-making “MORTON HAVE NIGHTMARE” speech last month. That caused QUITE a stir among Koopa Kingdom elites when it happened, promoting civil rights for Goombas. Morton's... mental capacity otherwise makes him more of a liability than an asset, which certainly is troublesome. But on that point, I'm not sure how intentional Morton's troubles are. He certainly makes trouble, but I don't think he really means it.
Wendy O. Koopa
Wendy, of course, also works for KoopaTV. That doesn't give her the same trouble-making credentials that I have, though. I'm regularly contributing troublesome content here. Wendy does so rather rarely, and her content isn't even troublesome. It's wholesome stuff about waffles. I was the one who turned waffles into a metaphor for a strict, uncompassionate immigration policy. (Well, Stacey Abrams did that, but I made it to be a desirable thing.) As for Wendy, she might seem bossy, but her leadership style is actually to not cause trouble with people outside her immediate circle of servants.
Larry Koopa
Obviously no one cares about Larry. Not only is he last, but he's far last. You go search Larry in the KoopaTV search bar, and you get mostly stuff about Larry Butz from Ace Attorney. That's because Larry Koopa has no defining or stand-out characteristics. As you might suspect, his trouble-making abilities aren't standing out, either.
If the whole of KoopaTV isn't enough to make it obvious that I should win the poll due to how troublesome I am, I'll give you a trouble-making tip about the poll.

You can open a private browser window of the poll and vote a second time. ...You can do it a third time, too. As far as I know, you can vote even more than that. Play Nintendo just doesn't have any protection against that multiple voting since I guess it's cookies-based and not based on your machine.

So feel free to do election fraud for my victory. Elections are rigged anyway, especially those hosted on Nintendo sites. So don't feel bad. This is making up for years of injustice.

Here's the Play Nintendo poll hyperlink again. Go vote for me through any trouble-making means necessary, and achieve a Ludwig victory!


You could accuse Ludwig of taking a “fun poll” way too seriously that he would make an article encouraging people to fraudulently vote in it, but isn't that itself evidence that he's a troublemaker? If you enjoy seeing trouble, KoopaTV is full of it, so stick around to the site! KoopaTV publishes five days a week, you know. That's a lot of trouble.


You can learn more about Play Nintendo here if you've never heard of it.

12 comments :

  1. Replies
    1. We've now gotten me 500 votes, which is enough for first place!

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. (You got your comment in the first time!)

      Delete
    2. (Well, that was embarrassing. Good thing I'm anonymous)

      Delete
    3. (Bad thing you're anonymous. You'd get a levity point to your name!)

      Delete
  3. Our support has helped, but Lemmy trails by less than 10 votes. It makes sense that he'd be a front-runner, though. That ball of his just SCREAMS "mischief."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perhaps it's also because his artwork literally has Lemmy holding a bomb.

      Meanwhile, Larry is dead last because he's just standing there with his wand, doing nothing interesting with it. Compare to me, where I have a magic blast coming out of my wand with a cool visual effect on my leg.

      Delete
    2. First impressions are definitely important.

      Delete
    3. And I make the best first impression as the best-looking Koopaling!

      It's the second impression where they learn my personality that things fall apart.

      Delete
  4. Usually I am against instances of mass voter fraud, but I will make an exception just this once. If you do not win this poll, this will be one of the greatest travesties of our generation. You can count on my vote, all ten of them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooh, my vote count went up greatly after your comment. Thanks!

      Delete

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