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Monday, February 25, 2019

Frozen II Review: The First Cold Open

By EGYPTIAN KOOPA - I'm not surprised that this exists and neither should you.

Too many people review trailers by watching them again and again. However, many people only see a trailer a few times, and the most lasting impression one leaves on a viewer is from the first time it is seen. As such, I will not review this trailer in the 'normal' way. I'm going to pause after every scene transition and write my feelings on the matter.

With that said...

I have seen Frozen before. It was certainly not as appealing to me as it was to the majority of squealing girls who dressed up as their favorite wintery princess and/or queen that Halloween. Six years later, the trailer for its sequel has arrived, and I have arrived to watch it!

I'll admit that the scenery looks very realistic, as does Ms. Elsa. However, the opening of it, with the water's crashing waves and Elsa's wordless dropping of her gloves, is nothing but edgy. And what's this? As she ties her hair back, she exhales confidently. Ooooh. Such an intent stare, too. And look at that! She's running into the water! Thirty-four seconds, a fourth of the trailer's length, and all we have to show for it is a girl taking off her gloves and shoes and running into the water. I suppose this is the first time she's ever been to the beach.

Oh, but she doesn't just run IN the water...she runs ON it! Not only that, she makes snowflakes of ice underneath her when she walks!

Elsa=Jesus 2.0? Before that question is answered, we're greeted with Disney's name as the scene changes to...Elsa running onto the water again. And now she's on a rock. Doesn't she know that rocks are super effective against Ice-types? She should NOT be climbing on any rocks, and it shows. Three seconds of running and climbing and she's already breathing heavily. She even has to use her ice powers on the water to keep herself from falling off.

She rushes towards a wave and tries to freeze it...but Ice-type moves aren't very effective against the water, and she gets crushed by the wave!

Frozen II official teaser trailer Elsa waves fall
*Elsa fainted!*

Of course, not really. Before we know how many times the water levels up, the scene changes...again. Enough cliffhangers, Disney! We just established that Rock beats Ice!

Oh, Anna's back! She's in the castle...and there isn't enough time for us to see all the icy crystals she sees before Sven (is that the blonde guy's name? Tween girls, please fill me in.) has an entire horde of reindeer at his command. Will this be explained? Probably not. To be honest, "Frozen 2: Reindeer Dude Tames ALL the Reindeer" sounds much more exciting than "Frozen 2: Elsa Doesn't Understand Pokémon Types."

And now there are too many scenes for me to explain each and every one, but the edginess only continues. Anna jumps off another rock, someone jumps out from a pile of leaves (Perhaps Airendale DOES have a Fall season...), the main cast looks out at an edgy sunset, and whooooah! A single leaf blows by! That's never happened in any movie ever, and it definitely doesn't mean that this movie's going to be super ultra edgy.

And just as the audience is watching the main cast trek through that Fall forest again (maybe they're searching for a plot, too...) Anna grabs Sven's sword and slashes the screen black! Wow, is this going to be amazing or what!

Frozen 2 (or Frozen II if the logo is dominant) seems to be an edgy sequel in the veins of Mulan II. And if you've seen those two movies, you are well aware how wonderful and not edgy of a sequel that was. Frozen fans will probably love to see their favorite characters in action again (there are even a few glimpses of Olaf in this trailer, and he'll probably sing about Fall this time), but will there be any story to hold all of this action together? Perhaps so, and perhaps not. Hopefully I won't be frozen by boredom if I do decide to see this movie.

Egyptian Koopa has seen Frozen (mostly out of obligation) and was not wholly displeased. After seeing this trailer, however, he has little hope for its sequel, especially considering how past Disney sequels have gone.

It was very gutsy of Egyptian Koopa to try to impress the KoopaTV staff with an article about Frozen, given Ludwig choosing against Team Snowman because of it.


  1. Sven is the reindeer, Kristoff is the blond and it is spelled Arendelle but I am assuming this does not count for correction points.

    Me being disappointed in Ralph Breaks the Internet after how much i loved Wreck-it Ralph showed me that Disney is not very good with sequels in general.

    AT least this article was not connected any way to a certain fake Disney game.

  2. I think that is time that we let it (Frozen 2) go. Leave the movie behind and shut the door. I don't care what the critics will say. Let the fans rage on. Their comments never bothered me anyway.


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