By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - In ordinary circumstances, they're both useless, but junkies obsess over them.
What group of people have a lot in common with people who spend their days speculating about which characters will be chosen as Super Smash Bros. series downloadable characters? (Or, before a game comes out, who will be added to the base roster?)
Political junkies who have been spending the past several months speculating on whom presumptive Democrat Party nominee Joe Biden will select as his vice presidential running mate, after an exchange in the 1 vs. 1 March 2020 debate performance between him and Senator Bernie Sanders that KoopaTV didn't bother to cover because they excluded Tulsi Gabbard from it. By the way, Joe Biden did terrible in that debate (and denied ever saying what he said on “the YouTube”, as Bernie Sanders put it), but the mainstream media ignored that and dedicated their news coverage to Joe Biden's announcement that his decisions are based on immutable characteristics (someone's sex). In this instance, that his nominee will be a woman.
Anyway, so the speculators have spent the past four and a half months trying to speculate who is on Joe Biden's running mate “short list” and who his ultimate decision would be—often based on who they like most or who has the best set of identity politics, as opposed to anything policy-related. This is just like Super Smash Bros. fans, rather than talk about Super Smash Bros. as a game, spend months on end (or even years) trying to speculate who is on the short list to be next in the game, often based on inane theories. Those theories often line up with who they'd personally want, by the way. Reality itself is shifted to contort to their speculation.
I should note that, traditionally, vice presidential picks are pointless and vice presidents don't have actual defined responsibilities. (This may be different with Joe Biden for reasons we'll discuss in the future.) Similarly, most people play the new Super Smash Bros. Ultimate DLC character for a few weeks and then drop them for whom they were playing as before. Some people with extreme buyer's remorse may keep going, but with the exception of Joker, it's not sustained. (Compare Joker's usage in August 2019 to June 2020.)
For a few hours this morning, speculation (on the political side) went into a fever pitch as the Democratic National Convention (starting next week...which we'll likely cover in a summary article on the 21st) revealed its full speaker list:
(Feel free to scroll past this until you hit a paragraph again)
- Monday: We the People
- Senator Bernie Sanders
- Senator Catherine Cortez Masto
- Governor Andrew Cuomo
- Governor Gretchen Whitmer
- Representative Jim Clyburn
- Convention Chairman Representative Bennie Thompson
- Representative Gwen Moore
- Former Governor John Kasich
- Senator Doug Jones
- Senator Amy Klobuchar
- Former First Lady Michelle Obama
- Tuesday: Leadership Matters
- Former Acting US Attorney General Sally Yates
- Minority Leader Chuck Schumer
- Former Secretary of State John Kerry
- Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
- Representative Lisa Blunt Rochester
- Former President Bill Clinton
- Former Second Lady Dr. Jill Biden
- Wednesday: A More Perfect Union
- Speaker Nancy Pelosi
- Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
- Senator Elizabeth Warren
- Governor Tony Evers
- Governor Michelle Lujan Grisham
- Former Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords
- The Vice Presidential Nominee
- Former President Barack Hussein Obama
- Thursday: America's Promise
- Senator Cory Booker
- Governor Gavin Newsom
- Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms
- Mayor Pete Buttigieg
- Senator Tammy Baldwin
- Senator Tammy Duckworth
- Senator Chris Coons
- Senator Kamala Harris
- The Biden Family
- Vice President Joe Biden
Now, note the bold styling under Wednesday for “The Vice Presidential Nominee” and under Thursday for “Senator Kamala Harris”. That's because some hours after the convention announced their speakers and lots of speculation was made that day, Joe Biden announced he has selected Kamala Harris to be his running mate. That happened to make all of that speculation a bunch of wasted effort and time. We have a LOT to say about Kamala Harris as a KoopaTV staff, and we'll discuss a lot more about her than what we've already expressed in the near future.
...It's actually unclear if Kamala Harris will speak twice. I wouldn't put it past her.
People, today, are already speculating on what a President Joseph Robinette Biden's cabinet would look like. Sort of like how people immediately begin re-speculating on the next Super Smash Bros. character after the new one just gets announced. It's not like the guy has actually won yet, sheesh. (Or the character has actually gotten in yet.) Unfortunately, we're probably more likely to get Tulsi Gabbard as Secretary of State in a President Donald John Trump administration than we are in a President Joseph Robinette Biden administration. Like, none of the people on that long list above—if they represent favourable Democrats (plus never-Trumper Republican John Kasich) nowadays—have any appeal whatsoever. They're all varying degrees of awful. More-or-less emulating how I feel about Super Smash Bros. Ultimate's newcomers.
You should expect KoopaTV articles between now and November 4 (because obviously KoopaTV will talk about the election the day after it) to be a lot more politically-tinged than they have been so far in 2020. Koopa Kingdom strongly believes it should have a say in American politics!
KoopaTV has analysed the Democratic National Convention of 2020 over here! There were even speakers not on the list...
Kamala Harris has a sickening record as a prosecutor in California, and it's very disqualifying for her higher office aspirations.
american politics is so entertaining so funny so jokes lmao hahahah it hilarious to watch from the outside what a shitshow!!!!! so dumb!!!!!!!! idiot country
ReplyDelete...Eh, well, yes.
DeleteThat's why Koopa Kingdom feels there is a lot of opportunity to directly influence the Americans, because even if their decisions are made with idiocy in the brain, they wield greatly disproportionate influence and power.
yeaa pretty sad situation thank koopa condom
DeleteNow you're writing like a spambot, except they'd put a hyperlink for "condom" at the end.
Delete