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Friday, August 21, 2020

The BideCon Experience

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The number one message of the Democratic National Convention of 2020? Empathy...

In the tradition of 2016's ClinCon Experience, KoopaTV will be bringing you fair & balanced impressions of the 2020 Democratic National Convention that just concluded. It didn't really take place in a single location—thanks to the Chinese Communist Party Virus (and the CCP went basically unchallenged throughout the four nights of the convention)—so people spoke widely dispersed across the United States of America. In fact, every state and territory got some representation with the roll call segment.

True to the BideCon nickname, the first two nights were pretty much an irrelevant, painful waste of my time. (With the sole exception of me bring pleasantly surprised at Sally Yates's sweet Southern voice on Tuesday.) The action really picked up on Wednesday night and Thursday night.

Ash's Goodra Bide white beam Moment of Lumiose Truth gym battle Clemont Luxray
Bide: “The user endures attacks for two turns, then strikes back to cause double the damage taken.”
By the way, anticipate several more videogame references throughout this article. This is KoopaTV, after all.

Wednesday was almost entirely dedicated to women, but they weren't just any women. They were some of the worst people in the Democrat Party. Keep this in mind, since there's a particular woman they didn't invite to the convention that I wish to complain about later in this article. (This probably comes across as sexist, but it's not my fault that the Democrats purposefully elevate the worst people of a particular gender, as opposed to the best.)

Included in the set of wicked people are former presidential candidate and videogame censorship crusader Hillary Clinton, Speaker of the House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi, and Fraudulent Elizabeth Warren. The last of those had a really interesting backdrop that was far more memorable than whatever she actually said:

Elizabeth Warren Democratic National Convention 2020 BLM JOE letters background childcare
It takes two camera shots to see it, but to our right there were letters spelling out BLM.
To our left (and this was only in the far-away camera view) there are letters spelling out JOE.
The real question is... did Elizabeth Warren build those letters herself?
Or did somebody else make that happen?

Kamala Harris was the finishing act of Wednesday night, and she tried to portray herself not as an evil, corrupt top cop, but as a normal American success story. But I don't think anyone—especially me—is going to remember what she said (I already don't and it's only two days later), because former President Barack Hussein Obama went before she did, and he absolutely had the best speech of the entire convention.

Like, I found myself nodding in agreement to quite a bit of it (and readers on KoopaTV before 2017 know that's stunningly uncommon), so here it is in full: 

I particularly liked this part of it, which I think applies to people who are wondering why a videogame commentary story like KoopaTV (well, let's face it, there aren't other websites just like KoopaTV out there) is talking about American politics: 

“I understand why a new immigrant might look around this country and wonder whether there’s still a place for him here; why a young person might look at politics right now, the circus of it all, the meanness and the lies and crazy conspiracy theories and think, what’s the point?

Whatever our backgrounds, we’re all the children of Americans who fought the good fight. Great grandparents working in firetraps and sweatshops without rights or representation. Farmers losing their dreams to dust. Irish and Italians and Asians and Latinos told to go back where they came from. Jews and Catholics, Muslims and Sikhs, made to feel suspect for the way they worshipped. Black Americans chained and whipped and hanged. Spit on for trying to sit at lunch counters. Beaten for trying to vote.

If anyone had a right to believe that this democracy did not work, and could not work, it was those Americans. Our ancestors. They were on the receiving end of a democracy that had fallen short all their lives. They knew how far the daily reality of America strayed from the myth. And yet, instead of giving up, they joined together and said somehow, some way, we are going to make this work. We are going to bring those words, in our founding documents, to life.”
The way I interpreted that is that the United States has gotten a lot better over time. In the older days, people had valid claims to America being a hellhole, yet they kept at it, trying to make change and live decent lives. You have it so much better now, and you want to call it quits and be a depressed loser? What a disgrace. ...That's how I interpreted it, anyway.

The next night was hosted by Elaine Benes... erm... Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Andrew Yang—who wasn't even on the initial invite list—joined the very beginning with her and they exchanged strange jokes. You know who else wasn't invited but appeared anyway? Mike Bloomberg. What did he get for his trouble? A fly on the face:

Rumour has it that it's the same fly that landed on Hillary Clinton's face during her second debate versus Donald Trump. In any case, this confirms that Mike Bloomberg isn't actually an amphibian of some kind, such as a toad. I hear they'd stick their tongues out and eat flying insects on-sight (or upon hearing their bzz-ing) for dinner.

Battletoads 2020 Zitz eats flying insect waiter dinner Mis-Treatied cutscene
I can totally see this screenshot being the only coverage that the new Battletoads game is going to receive on KoopaTV.
I gotta say, the Dark Queen is hotter than she appeared at Microsoft's E3 2019, though I guess Shego still beats her out.

And so that left the speech of the Democrat nominee for President of the United States, Joe Biden. Quite frankly, the most notable thing of his speech is that he didn't sound like a lost fool delivering it. He actually read off the teleprompter competently. We had very, very low expectations for Joe Biden, and he passed them.

As for the substance of his speech, he repeatedly framed it as a light vs. darkness argument against President Donald John Trump.

In fact, the entire convention put it this way: President Donald John Trump is somehow trying to eliminate American democracy, and if he gets re-elected, he will succeed in doing this. Why does he want to do that? It'll somehow benefit him personally, and he only cares about himself. The country has been a horrible place for the past three and a half years. Meanwhile, Joe Biden cares about YOU, and he's a very kind and caring fellow who can empathise with your hardships because he's gone through many hardships of his own. He will make the country flourish with love!

What are Joe Biden's policies and how will he actually govern? He didn't mention them. What will he do as president that he couldn't do in the eight years he was vice president with President Barack Hussein Obama or the decades he was a senator of Delaware? Not a word. But at least he'll be sure to listen to you and be a nice person. Maybe he even deserves to have the Kindness Stamp instead of Princess Peach (or instead of KoopaTV)?

Oh, now I remember. Joe Biden said as president, he wouldn't “cozy up” to dictators around the world, but instead vaguely “stand up to” them. Alright, so he'll have a tough foreign policy? Given Joe Biden's voting record, it seems that the Democrat Party has once again nominated a candidate that will be eager to enter armed conflicts and new wars, or escalate existing ones. Joe Biden also said sweet words about treating veterans well, but...

...One very notable missing person from the convention was Hawaiian Congresswoman and veteran Tulsi Gabbard, who says she wasn't even invited to the Democrat National Convention in any way, despite her having a prominent appearance in 2016's, as well as actually winning two delegates during the 2020 race.

While Joe Biden may claim not to hold grudges (and Tulsi Gabbard endorsed Joe Biden after eventually dropping out!), his running mate, Kamala Harris, likely does. Tulsi Gabbard was pretty much responsible for ending Kamala Harris's presidential aspirations (not counting hoping Joe Biden dies) during one of the early debates. Hillary Clinton was also part of the BideCon, and she believes that Tulsi Gabbard is a “Russian asset.”

This is important because, unlike Kamala Harris or Joe Biden, Tulsi Gabbard actually has principled views on some matters of policy, particularly foreign policy. She actually doesn't want the United States to go around toppling foreign regimes, unlike the members of President Barack Hussein Obama's administration (like Vice President Joe Biden and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton). What are Kamala Harris's views on that? We don't really know, since Kamala Harris refused to address it when Tulsi Gabbard asked her. (Though it wouldn't be unreasonable to assume she's a warmonger as well, based on what she said in that clip.)

The fact that the Democrats excluded Tulsi Gabbard probably means her views are no longer welcome in the party, which means no one should vote for the Democrat Party this November, or any other time, until they get rid of their pro-war views. (The Democrats also had one of the architects of the Iraq War, Colin Powell, as a speaker at this convention!) Sweet words about treating the soldiers well mean nothing if the leadership has such poor judgment to send them into wars that are a waste of money and lives, with no real threat to the well-being of the United States of America.

Next week: Find out if the Republican Party under President Donald John Trump is any better!

In case you missed it, Tulsi Gabbard is the particular woman that Ludwig addressed later in the article that was excluded from BideCon, as opposed to the terrible women like the warmongers and frauds Elizabeth Warren, Hillary Clinton, and Kamala Harris. Also, Tulsi Gabbard, Andrew Yang, and Michael Bloomberg all weren't initially invited to BideCon, but the latter two ended up getting to speak anyway. Quite the injustice. Ludwig will likely discuss mean-ness versus kindness in KoopaTV's presidential endorsement article, which will likely come in September.

Not mentioned in this write-up? The presence of Billie Eilish, which would greatly impact a videogame experience one week later.
Next week is DonCon 2020! And that convention was quite different than BideCon's.
That fly returned to harass Mike Pence during a debate.


  1. word the democrat party really dogshit but not as dogshit as the republicans hahahahaha they even more dogshit but wow!!!!!!!!! this election gonna be another disaster!~ 2 more dogshit candidate awesome thank u amercia!!!!!!!!!!! more entertainment for us!!!!!! biden dementia infested lib and ronal d durmubpf is sociopathic fascist racist killer awesome :D . bad country.

  2. I came to submit a correction, but I suppose I’ll stay and give my thoughts.

    “ ...I think applies to people who are wondering why a videogame commentary story like KoopaTV (...) is tal g about American politics:”

    I only saw the last day of this convention and some highlights from the other days, and I didn’t really commit to watching it. I thought it went fine, I suppose, Biden having his speech and not stuttering.

    I noticed, during the former candidates’ teleconference, that there was a hidden cut (Bernie was talking, I believe, and they cut to Pete Buttigieg’s screen), which I guess would make the video faster, but to me, it felt like they wanted to avoid discussion on policies during the convention.

    As for Tulsi Gabbard, that’s actually messed up. She was never able to build the following that Andrew Yang had, nor had the leverage that Bloomberg used to get himself a 10-minute speaking slot in the convention (really, I didn’t ask for him to speak, and I don’t think anyone did). It’s even worse since this would probably make news normally, but the media corporations won’t even talk about it.

    Today, I’m going to watch the RNC’s last day, and I’m not optimistic. From what I heard from others, the convention isn’t focused on bringing new voters, but to motivate its existing base via the fear of a Biden presidency. I do hope to be surprised by one of the speakers, though.

    1. wtf Obama ate my "kin"
      (It's socialist policy to "eat the rich" so maybe that's related.)

      Unlike Yang, Tulsi actually won delegates!

      You've missed some great RNC speakers, but I'll get into that with its dedicated article.


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