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Wednesday, July 28, 2021

Everyone Got Sick Already, so Dr. Mario World is Ending

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Sick FROM the Megavitamins.

Remember when I published a special and exclusive KoopaTV investigation into what Dr. Mario hoped to accomplish with Dr. Mario World? Basically, the so-called Viruses are a false flag alien species, and the Megavitamins he's feeding people that have increased in potency despite being medically unnecessary are making people more sick than the disease that the Viruses supposedly pass on. Sort of like what vaccine skeptics think is happening on Earth right now with the Chinese Communist Party Virus, except my article was written before that was allowed to spread on Earth.

To help hook everyone on these Megavitamins with dangerous effects on the body, Dr. Mario has went on a hiring spree to get anybody (even babies) and call them a doctor. Again, there are no requirements on making decisions that would result in a desirable patient outcome. It's just to spread the drugs around the world. They even hired not just myself and Wendy, but over the past couple of years the rest of the Koopalings and even Kamek, despite our obvious intention to sabotage his plans. That's how little thought is going into checking the qualifications of who he's hiring.

Dr. Mario World Doctor Morton Koopa Jr.
I'd rather trust Baby Wario with my health than Morton Koopa Jr.

And then yesterday/today he announced an end-of-service for November 1, 2021. Additionally, currency purchases (diamonds) are no longer allowed with his staff, so he's ending his supply of Megavitamins. But why would this happen?

Given what we know about Dr. Mario's motives, he must have already achieved his goal, or as close to his goal as he can manage, of getting everyone in what was my world (but it's now his world) to take his Megavitamins. I'm sure there's some people he couldn't reach—or he just decided to outright kill—but he's gotten who he'll get.

I did warn people not to let Dr. Mario succeed, but, ah, you know, Koopa Kingdom had some other priorities over the past year that preoccupied us from stopping him on your behalf, in spite of our position to sabotage his distribution efforts. Between the regicide attempts and the many attempts for Mario to extend his influence to Earth (such as cardboard-powered spyware and unsolicited cardboard; and LEGO-powered Luigi with law-breaking weird multiplayer violence), we've just had other priorities! Not to mention the Olympics, which my family is still at right now as I'm sitting home, done with my own event. And that's not just a glory mission, but also to deny Mario glory, too. ...And so far at least that's working out well, because none of us have won any medals.

So what happens now? About the world and having eaten the Megavitamins? ...I dunno! Something bad. When? Who knows. Maybe we'll find out around November 1, 2021. Keep an eye out if people start acting strange or transform into something they shouldn't be transforming into. This could be a long-term thing. And, hey, maybe some of those Megavitamins will end up being placebos.

Between now and November 1, don't let anyone in shabby doctor's coats offer you wonder-drugs to cure viruses. ...And if they do offer you that, don't accept it. Keep your body safe! By the way, no one on Team Koopa has taken any performance-enhancing drugs for the Olympics. ...If they did, they'd actually go and win a medal. (At the time of writing this, Wendy O. Koopa has just lost her Women's 100m Freestyle in Swimming.)

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